Flash Bang (31 page)

“Your stuff is still in my cabin. You cool with staying there? You’re more than welcome. But, as much as I’m sure you’d like someone to cuddle with, I don’t think having a guy in the cabin is that great of an idea. Lia … well, it’s just not a good idea.”

Ro carefully pulled on jeans and a long-sleeve t-shirt. “How is she doing?”

“Honestly, I think she’s got a long way to go before she’ll be able to be around a guy without looking like she’s going to crawl out of her skin. Except for Cam. He doesn’t seem to make her as nervous as everyone else.”

“Has she … said anything to you?”

Erica shook her head. “Not really. But I’d love to kill the guys who hurt her.”

“You already helped. One of the two guys I came to the farm with … he was one of them.”

“Are you serious? What the hell were you doing with them?”

“Long story …”

“Well, that’s the price you’re going to pay to stay in our cabin again. Because you must have had a hell of a good reason to be with a piece of shit like that.”

“Does it help to know that all of the others are dead, too?”

“Marginally. Now spill.”

So Ro spilled.

The next three days were awkward, to say the least. Graham was firmly back to avoiding her, but the inner compound of the ranch wasn’t so big that he was completely successful at it. Each time she saw him, her heart clenched before she could harden it. He made his choice. And hers. But she still wanted to know why he’d done it. Why he hadn’t even consulted her—or waited thirty seconds—before shutting out the possibility of a future together. She hadn’t yet gathered the courage to demand answers from him.

And then there was Zach. He was attentive as could be, but he was pulling far more than his fair share of fire watch and command post shifts. Ro wasn’t one hundred percent certain, but she assumed it was because he felt guilty about leaving his team short-handed and wanted to contribute as much as he could before they left. It could have been Graham’s revenge, but she didn’t think he’d be that petty. Graham’s actions were more of someone who had systematically cut them out of his life. At least he’d cut Ro out. Zach hadn’t mentioned any encounters with Graham, but Ro assumed they had to have spoken. She hadn’t found the right moment to ask. The rest of the time, Zach picked her up at the door of her cabin and walked her to the mess hall to eat. It was almost like they were dating, middle-school-style. Considering the man had had his dick in her ass, it was a little strange. They’d kiss, they’d cuddle, and they’d share heated looks, but that was it. The one time they’d attacked each other and started to get naked in the bathhouse, Ty had barreled in. His “nice tits” remark had Ro scrambling to throw her shirt back on, and the mood had been ruined. Which was just as well, because Ty had started stripping, intent on taking a shower.

Ro had been disappointed, but a little niggling part of her was concerned about being with Zach without Graham. She told herself that it would be fine. Hell, every sexual encounter she’d had before Graham and Zach, except for the Evelyn-Charles incident—which she didn’t count—had been one-on-one. A few two-on-one experiences and now she was worried about not having them both?
Spoiled, Ro?
She had to believe that if they’d continued on with their ménage, she would have been with each of them separately, probably sooner rather than later, so now shouldn’t be any different.
But it was
.

When Ro wasn’t contemplating that, she was trying to avoid thinking about the possibility of being pregnant. She told herself that it wasn’t likely. Weren’t there only like three days in any given month you could possibly get pregnant? Didn’t lots of women try for years to get pregnant without luck? What were the odds? They couldn’t be
that
good. And then she thought about that show,
16 and Pregnant
. She bet those girls had thought the same damn thing. So, what if she was? The baby could be either Graham’s or Zach’s. It wasn’t like a paternity test was a possibility. She never thought she would ever be in a position where she didn’t know who her baby daddy was. Might as well move into the redneck trailer park in the woods.
Oh wait, they’d firebombed it.

And now, Ro was heading back to the clinic to meet Beau and get his all clear on leaving tomorrow morning. Only one more day at the ranch, and Allison had declared that a farewell dinner was required. She’d already started cooking up the feast. Ro pushed open the door, wondering if Beau would suggest another pregnancy test. Mind drifting, she stumbled when she saw Graham seated on the middle cot, Beau changing his bandages. Her gaze was drawn to the red and angry-looking wound that interrupted Graham’s heavily muscled frame. She could see what Zach meant, another inch and Graham could have died. Ro shivered at the thought. A throat clearing made Ro tear her gaze away from his side.

“I … I’ll come back. Didn’t realize you were busy.”

Beau looked at Graham, eyebrow raised. Ro couldn’t interpret their silent conversation.

“It’s fine. I’m almost done with him. Have a seat. The doctor will be with you shortly.”

Unsure of what else to do, Ro sat at the desk chair Beau had gestured to. The silence was heavy with unspoken words. Graham felt like a stranger. And dammit, it
hurt
not being able to go to him and press into his uninjured side and have him hold her close. She’d thought his words that morning were simply his defense mechanism. Like he’d decided if he didn’t give her the chance to reject him, it wouldn’t hurt. If that had been his plan, did he regret it? Especially after Zach had decided to leave? It was too much to expect that Graham would follow his lead and decide to come with them. This was the only real home he’d ever had. How could she expect him give it up for her? She couldn’t. She would never ask him to.

Graham broke the silence first. “So you’re leaving tomorrow.”

It wasn’t a question, but Ro answered anyway.

“Yes.”

She thought that not being able to touch him was painful? This
conversation
—if you could even call it that—was painful. Where was the heat and passion he’d radiated when he’d stormed into the mess hall? Where was that Graham? The one who had tossed her over his shoulder and carted her around and ignored her protests?
Oh wait, that Graham only came out when he cared about someone
. Someone he hadn’t ruthlessly shoved out of his life.
Bastard
. Ro could feel her ire building. She dug her fingernails into the padding of the armrests, but couldn’t stop her words.

“Don’t forget your party hat tonight. I’m sure you’ll be first in line to wish us farewell. Hell, I bet I’ll have to watch the bumper of our truck to make sure the gate doesn’t hit it on our way out.”

Beau finished taping up Graham’s dressing and rolled away from the cot.

“How about I give you two some time—”

“No need,” Ro said, cutting him off and standing. “I think we’ve said all there is to say.”

“Oh, look at that, I need more gauze. Better go find some.” Beau rushed to the door and was gone before she could protest.

“How are you feeling?” Graham asked, his words wooden.

Ro lost the flimsy grip she had on her temper. “Seriously, that’s what you have to say to me? After everything, that’s what you’ve got? Jesus, Graham. You—”

“You’re leaving tomorrow morning … with my best friend. What am I supposed to say? You tell me. Because I don’t have the slightest idea of how I’m supposed to feel right now, let alone what I’m supposed to say.”

“I didn’t ask him to go!”

“Trust me, I know all about it. It was his choice. And he picked you.”

“It’s not always a matter of someone not choosing you. You’re a grown man. You make your own goddamn choices. Clearly, because you chose to cut me loose the second things got hard.”

“It wasn’t like that,” he protested.

“No? Then what was it like?”

“I wasn’t going to let you tear yourself apart over this. I was trying to make it easier for you.”

“Don’t do me any favors.”

“Jesus, Ro. No matter what I do, I can’t do right by you.”

“You didn’t even try.”

Head and heart pounding relentlessly, Ro couldn’t handle another minute of this conversation. She didn’t want it to deteriorate into saying hurtful things she didn’t mean. And she would
not
let him see her cry. She pushed away from the chair and didn’t look back when she said, “Have a nice life, Graham.”

Graham clenched his fists and fought the urge to explode. The woman was infuriating. She tossed off words without thought, not realizing they ripped through him like the bullet that had creased his side. What was he supposed to do? Turn his back on the home he’d been given and all of the people who counted on him? The fact that Zach had been able to do it still stunned him. It was inconceivable. Impossible. Out of the question.

She hadn’t even asked him to leave with them.

That was the harshest truth to face. His split second decision to spare her emotional turmoil had spiraled out of control, wreaking havoc on his carefully ordered life. She’d leave, and everything would go back to normal. Except Zach would be gone. And Graham was pretty sure he’d have missed out on his one shot at happiness. After all this, he couldn’t figure any way that he deserved a second shot.

The food Allison prepared for the farewell dinner was excellent, Ro thought, if you could chew through the thick layer of awkwardness that pervaded the whole affair. Even the five year old picked up on the tension. “Mommy, why is everyone so quiet? I thought this was a party?”

Graham was a no-show. He’d volunteered to take a command post shift instead, freeing up Jonah to attend. Ro didn’t hear what Allison said to Grace, but the little girl didn’t ask any more questions that highlighted the too-sober nature of the evening. Ro wanted to hide under the table, or better yet, run away. The self-doubt was beating her down, and she couldn’t manage to do more than push her food around on her plate. The barbecued pulled pork should have smelled delicious, but Ro’s stomach was churning too much to eat more than a few tiny forkfuls. She didn’t even bother picking up the sandwich.

“Babe, aren’t you hungry?” Zach’s expression was concerned. He offered her a homemade French fry from his plate. “Want one?”

Ro smiled weakly and wanted to kick her own ass for being so obviously miserable. But she couldn’t fake happiness. Being disingenuous … wasn’t her forte.

“I’m just tired,” she said, not mentioning that her boobs hurt, and she was starting to freak the fuck out about what that might mean.

Jonah stood, drawing the attention of all in the room. He raised his water glass and said, “I want to propose a toast. To the Callahan family: it’s been a pleasure to know all of you, and I hope you’ll always feel like you have a place here, if you need it. And if you don’t, may your stores be bountiful, your ammo dry and plentiful, and your lives happy. Take care of our boy; he’s one of the best of us.”

Everyone clinked their water glasses and finished dinner without further fanfare. The guys each stopped to slap Zach on the back and give her a hug. None of them said much more than, “Take care of yourselves.” Ro’s guilt grew exponentially.