Flawlessly Broken: (Broken Series Book 2) (31 page)

Goddammit, where was Ali when I needed her? She of all people would give me the kick in the ass I needed. She would know how to end this with as little hurt as possible because she had always been better at being brave than I was.

I missed my friend.

So much so that I called her the moment Spencer left for the Hilton to prepare for a lunch meeting.

Her voice was full of concern when she answered, because we generally texted during business hours and only spoke in the evenings after we were both done with work. “Talia? Hey, sweetie. What’s wrong?”

That was all I needed to fall the hell apart. I opened my mouth to answer and nothing came out but a sob.

“Whoa... what the hell?” Ali muttered more to herself than to me. “You don’t do the boo-hooing thing... do I need to come home? Are you okay?” All I could do was blubber and sniffle like an idiot, so she raised her voice to be heard. “You have to tell me what’s wrong or I’m hanging up and jumping in my Jeep right fucking now.”

She meant it. I could hear the sound of her footfalls, pounding the sidewalk like she was headed off to war. I had to stop this shit before she got herself in trouble with the park owners. “No, don’t come,” I got out between shuddering breaths. “I’m being stupid. I don’t know what to do. I love him but I can’t be what he needs and he loves me and it’s not fair to him and I can’t find a way to let him go and I missed you and you asked what was wrong and I lost my shit but please don’t come home and get in trouble because I’m hurting enough people as it is.” It all came out in a shrill scream and when it was over all I heard was dead air. “Ali?”

I heard a soft shuffling, probably her switching ears after I practically melted the first one off. Another moment of silence and then she calmly said, “Holy. Fucking. Shit.”

“Yeah.”

She blew out a breath, processing everything in my harried admission before asking, “It’s Spencer, isn’t it?”

How the hell? I’d been very careful not to mention him when we talked. “What makes you say that?” Riiight... that voice was convincing. I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity. She was my best friend. There was no way she wouldn’t catch that line of bullshit.

There was humor in her voice when she spoke. “Because he enlisted me in a plot to do something really amazing for you and swore to me it was something that he’d thought of the
one
time he went to your apartment to check on you. Apparently, you both think I’m fucking stupid but I’ll let that slide for now.” She paused and dropped her voice. “Why can’t you be what he needs, sweetie? Did he tell you that? Because that doesn’t sound like Spencer.”

I shook my head, not that she could see it, and reached for the box of tissues on the end table dabbing at my wet cheeks. “No, of course not. He would never.”

“Did he tell you he loves you?” She prodded gently.

“Yes.”

“And do you love him?”

“So much it hurts,” I admitted, my voice shaking with the force of my love for him.

She took in a deep breath. “Then that’s all that matters. You can work through everything else as long as you have that. I mean, look at Clay and I. Do you think it’s always been easy? You know what we went through, but we’re still here working on it and planning our future because that’s what we are meant to do. All the rest doesn’t matter. It will be the same for you and Spencer.”

“No, it won’t. The future he wants can’t include me.”

“Why? What is this deal breaker that has you tied in knots?”

“He wants kids.” I said simply, pursing my lips knowingly as I listened to the soft hiss of the open line. She knew what that meant.

“Fuck.”

“Exactly. His first marriage broke up partially because he wanted kids and she didn’t. He still wants them, I know he does. And you know I can’t do that, Ali. Not again.” She was the one person who I knew would back me on this.

Her voice was full of empathy when she said, “No, you
won’t
do that. There’s a difference. And I thought you and I had talked about this. Milly’s cancer wasn’t your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself.” I was still shaking my head in awe of her response when she paused and I heard a heavy swallow. She was the only one who called Amelia ‘Milly’ and got away with it, my daughter—who hated nicknames—adored her that much. I had really thought that Ali of all people would support my decision not to have any future children. Apparently not, judging by what she was saying. “You were there for her through everything. You never left her side, not once, not even when you were shattering into a million pieces. And I know you would have gladly taken her place, died a thousand deaths to spare her a moment of pain. You were and will always be a good mom. You didn’t do anything wrong and you didn’t cause what happened to Milly. Please don’t let misplaced guilt rob you of having the amazing life you deserve. Please, Talia, let him in. Tell him what’s bothering you. I know Spencer. He’s a good man and he may surprise you.” She sniffed softly, clearly crying now. “Or you may just surprise yourself. Give Spencer—and yourself—that chance.”

God, I wanted to believe that Spencer would understand, and maybe he would, but could I ask him to give up his dreams just to be with me? How was that fair to him? My voice was filled with defeat and a heavy dose of my long-time companion—grief—when I told Ali, “We’ll see.” It was my go-to answer when I didn’t want to argue.

Or when my daughter asked if she could go outside later and I knew damn well that the doctors wouldn’t let her. Her tiny body was too weak from her treatments and all she’d wanted was to go outside and watch the butterflies. Instead of explaining why she couldn’t go, or better yet standing up to the doctors until they cleared my baby girl for a ten minute venture outdoors, I’d patted her little hand and smiled my best placating smile telling her ‘we’ll see’ and dying inside when she gave me that hopeful grin and returned to her coloring book to pick out and color every butterfly in it yellow.

I was a coward back then and I was going to be a coward again, no matter how many pep talks Ali threw at me, because I just couldn’t take Spencer’s future away from him like I’d taken away Amelia’s. I wouldn’t.

Ali was obviously frustrated when she huffed. “Yeah, right. I know you better than that.”

I didn’t know what to say so I said nothing, choosing instead to sit there picking at the damp tissue I’d used to wipe my face, turning it into a pile of confetti.

“Fine, I can see that you’re not listening to me right now but at least don’t make any decisions yet. Can you promise me that much? Give me the weekend to make you see the light and, if you still aren’t swayed by Monday, I won’t stop you from making the biggest mistake of your life.”

That last shot would have normally gotten a rise out of me but I was too busy frowning at the rest of the statement. “The weekend? What are you talking about? Do I have an endless string of texts in my future?” Not that it would be much of a bother, Spencer was pretty booked all weekend with his and Clay’s secret project so it wasn’t like I would be busy tearing up the sheets, but still... Ali was usually busy seven days a week.

She chuckled in my ear, her smile practically visible through the line. “Hardly. How are we supposed to have a girl’s night via text? I was thinking we’d grab dinner and check out that new club a couple blocks from the apartment. Think Gina will want to join us?”

Gina? Club? What the hell was she talking about? “Ali, you need to start making sense here because I’m sporting a post-breakdown brain-ache and I don’t have the capacity to process a thing you just said. I thought you had to work straight through until the week before the Denson wedding.” I put a hand to my head, tiny bits of tissue coming loose from my palm and floating in the air like enormous dust motes.

“That’s still true, mostly. Apparently Clay and I really are the perfect team. We were making so much progress so fast that we ended up too far ahead of schedule and now we have to wait for the final pieces of the coaster to be placed before we can resume work. Safety guidelines. We can’t work under the crane while it’s operating and that location is the only one left to tackle, so we basically have the next five days off. Well, Friday through Monday anyway. Still some small shit we can put finishing touches on tomorrow and then we’re free until Tuesday.” She put so much emphasis on the word free I totally pictured her doing a little hop of joy. Not that she didn’t love her work, she thrived on it, but she also got homesick after a while and I knew she was in desperate need of some down time.

“That’s awesome, Ali. I’m so glad you’ll have time to get away but are you sure you want to spend it here? I mean, what about getting alone time with the Groom-To-Be? A weekend getaway?”

“Pfft. He wants to spend the weekend in D.C. helping Spencer with whatever they’ve been plotting. He’s practically giddy at the idea of being able to attend the business meetings Spencer has set up, which means I am all yours for the most part. And I do believe I owe you a glass or two of that expensive Italian wine you like as payment for making that vein in my mom’s forehead bulge. I’m betting dollars to donuts that she needed a Botox booster because of you,” she giggled, suddenly buoyant at the thought of her mother’s displeasure.

“Well then, sounds to me like you owe me a whole damn bottle.” I smiled, the idea of a night out with my best friend having momentarily wiped every worry from my mind. I’d give her the weekend to try and dissuade me, just like she asked.

And on Monday, I’d do what I knew had to be done.

Spencer

THURSDAY MORNING FOUND
me laying quietly in Talia’s bed, listening to her soft breathing and running my fingers through her long blond curls in a way that caused her to sigh in her sleep. It was something I did often, having learned early on that she adored having me toy with her hair. Each time I did it, she practically melted into a puddle. It was amusing and arousing at the same time. Like Talia herself.

She managed to keep me in a near-constant state of arousal, had me laughing more deeply than I had in years, and continually found ways to endear herself to me without even trying. She dazzled me at every turn. I was so lost to her that I had no hope of ever finding my way without her.

And no intention of trying.

I’d never fallen so fast in my life. Not with anyone, not even the woman I’d eventually married.

My fingers paused briefly as they slipped through Talia’s silky strands, the inadvertent conjuring of Ivey’s face making me grimace. I didn’t want her here in this place with us, even if only in my mind. She tainted everything she touched and I wouldn’t let thoughts of her ruin the deep feeling of contentment I’d awakened with this morning.

I returned to stroking Talia’s hair and rerouted my train of thought to avoid the particularly wide chasm known as my marriage. Instead, I focused on the flutter of breath across my bare chest, the rise and fall of her shoulders, the smell of her shampoo. It took all my willpower not to crush her to me, and I’d never been much of a hugger. I couldn’t help myself with her, though. Even with her wrapped around me like a cat, I wanted her closer.

Yep, I was a goner.

I tried not to think about what would happen once I had to return to Richmond full time. It would be a challenge but I knew we could work it out somehow. We had to, even if it meant fewer mornings like this one and a lot more driving. I’d put a million miles on the Chevelle to get to her, and a million more on my truck. Fuck, I’d buy myself a helicopter and fly here to her every night, whatever it took to get back to this spot.

Aside from the two surprise projects I was already working on, I’d been digging into available spots in Richmond where Talia could open another location of Canary. She’d already mentioned wanting to expand, so I figured why not look into possibilities that were a little closer to me? And if she decided not to open a Richmond location, no big deal.

We would make it work, no matter what.

Talia stirred against my chest and snuggled in closer, the arm draped across my waist pulling tight as she mumbled, “Morning, love.”

Two words was all it took to make my heart race, just two sleepily spoken words. “Good morning, sweetheart.” I kissed the top of her head and stroked my hand up and down her bare back. “Sleep well?”

“Mmm...” she muttered, throwing her leg across my hips and using her thigh to graze my erection. “Sure did. Maybe too well, because I seem to be having some trouble waking up.” She rolled her leg up and down my cock. “Do you know of anything that might get me going this morning?”

“Coffee, perhaps?” I teased in a husky voice.

She shook her head against my chest before her hand took the place her thigh had just vacated. She stroked me once and gave the head a firm squeeze, making my hips buck involuntarily. “No, I think I’m still too drowsy to walk to the kitchen. Whatever it is, it has to happen right here, right now. Any other suggestions?” Her hand moved to cup my balls.

I wound her hair around my hand and pulled her head back so that she met my eye. “How about if I pin you to this bed and bury my face between your legs? Huh? Would you like me to eat you until you come all over my face and then flip you over and grind my cock into you until you beg for mercy? How would that be? Would that wake you up or should I start by filling that hot mouth of yours with my cum? Whatever you think would do the trick, baby. I’m all about giving you what you want.” I smirked at the lust in her honey-brown eyes.