Flawlessly Broken: (Broken Series Book 2) (34 page)

He was all smiles as he waved his favorite toy at me and made bubbly noises with his mouth. He was the cutest little guy and I was helpless to fight it, I smiled despite the gaping hole in my chest. It occurred to me then that one day he would be in my shoes. Someone somewhere would capture his heart, make him happier than he ever thought possible. They’d give him reason to hope, to love, to dream of being one half of something that would stand the test of time and defy the odds... then shatter him into a billion jagged fucking pieces and leave him in a broken heap on the cold pavement.

Looking at his sweet, chubby face I wanted to do something, say something; shield him somehow. But I wasn’t even able to keep my own heart out of the meat grinder. What good could I possibly be to him?

As for Talia, who I was watching from the corner of my eye, she watched me for a moment with an unreadable expression before giving me her back as she hurriedly spoke to her companion.

I absently chatted for a moment longer with Caleb’s mom and excused myself resuming my trek toward heartbreak, the sense of foreboding pulling me down like quicksand, making my steps labored and slow.

They spoke quietly as I approached, as if being caught in each other’s arms was uninteresting enough that they set it aside to finish their conversation. Making plans for later? Harried ‘I love yous’?

I couldn’t be sure.

Derek’s gaze kept flitting from her face to mine as he spoke to her, looking slightly nervous but not the least bit ashamed.

The wind at my back cut through my t-shirt, chilling me to the bone though it was a comparatively warm day given the unseasonably wintry weather we’d seen in recent weeks. Silly me, I hadn’t worn a jacket because I thought this would be a quick stop that wouldn’t require extended time outdoors.

On the sidewalk.

Watching my world fall apart.

Maybe it wasn’t the wind that left me so cold, maybe it had less to do with the temperature and more to do with the resigned look on Talia’s face when she turned to once again face me. When I was within a few feet, she stepped back and positioned herself at his side, as one might do when trying to present a united front.

United.

With
him.

Her eyes held none of the warmth they’d shown just hours before, when she’d been riding me with abandon and professing her love. My Talia, the one I so fervently loved, was nowhere in the expression she showed me on that cold sidewalk. One look into those dispassionate eyes told me what was coming.

It was over.

Just like that I knew. I knew she wasn’t mine anymore, may never have been in the first place, and that thought... that one soul-shattering realization was all it took to level me. I was destroyed before she ever opened her mouth, before she took my fears and brought them to brilliant life with just a few hastily spoken words.

“I’m sorry Spencer. I should have told you the truth before now.”

I managed to tear my gaze from the pavement at her feet, where I fully expected to see my beaten and bloodied heart seeping from beneath her designer shoes, and met her eye. “So, tell me now.” My voice was steady and cold, not nearly as cold as I felt inside but with enough edge to let her know I meant to force her to say the words. There would be no easy way out for her with me.

She swallowed thickly and snaked an arm around Derek’s waist, out of affection or to hold herself up, maybe both. He kept his arms at his sides, probably expecting a fight, one he might just fucking get.

My stare was intimidating as hell when I wanted it to be, and although I never imagined I’d be wielding it at Talia, I found myself unable to contain the dark look I gave her. She swayed for a moment under the heat of my gaze but quickly recovered, using the hand not clutching her ex to nervously smooth her dress. “I didn’t intend to hurt you, I hope you can believe that. But the truth is I never stopped having feelings for Derek. He and I talked things through and I’ve decided to give him another chance.”

For his part, Derek was silent beside her, focusing his stare on her profile as she spoke and pointedly avoiding my gaze.

My voice could have frozen the Potomac when I said, “So you used me to make him jealous after all.”

She nodded and averted her eyes.

“Well, sweetheart, you should have planned better,” I bit out, pushing the rage down low in my belly to be dealt with later. “Or aren’t you smart enough to know that you should always use a
lesser
man to taunt your ex? Someone sub-par, weaker, dispensable. Instead, you chose a stronger man, a better man, a real man.” I took a step closer and Derek met my eye, though there was no challenge in his gaze. Why would there be? He’d already won. I stared him down as I continued, daring him to gloat even the tiniest bit as I spoke to her. “And we both know I am all of those things, both in and out of the bedroom.”

Her voice was muted, thick when she said, “Spencer, please. Don’t be crude.”

I barked out a humorless laugh, though I was far from amused. “A little late for that, don’t you think, sweetheart? I thought you loved it when I was crude, graphic, and illicit. You practically swooned when I was forceful in bed, didn’t you precious? You may have faked everything else but there is no way I know of to fake getting that goddamn wet.” I leaned in a little closer, waiting for her to look at me. “You wanted me as much as I wanted you and I would have bet my life that you weren’t faking it when you said you loved me. So, bravo on the acting job. Maybe I should give you Ivey’s number. The two of you could start a training course or something, spread your gift around.”

That one hit the mark and the flare of defiance that turned me on so fucking much flickered across her features. Before I knew it my mouth was on hers, forcefully and greedily reminding her of what she was losing. She was too shocked to respond at first, then gave in and kissed me back for a fleeting moment before feebly pushing at my shoulders until I broke our kiss.

We were both breathless when I stepped away. I took the opportunity to push the gift bag at her and watched as she started to shake her head. Wordlessly, I placed the thin, string handles over her palm and tucked it against her fingers, not taking no for an answer and memorizing the feel of her smooth skin—her hand in mine—one last time.

After taking a moment to gather myself, I got right up in Derek’s miserable face. It was all I could manage not to bash his worthless skull in but I refused to add a trip to jail to the list of the day’s humiliations. His eyes widened so much he looked remarkably like a cartoon character but to his credit, he stood his ground. His gray eyes held an apology I was never going to accept and his stance was anything but defensive. I found it odd but didn’t let it slow me down.

I lifted an arm to point at Talia, eyes never leaving his face. “You don’t deserve her. You didn’t back then and you damn sure don’t now but it’s not my choice to make. I do have a question for you, though, you little prick. How does it feel to know that even if she spends the next thirty years with you she’ll always compare it to the last thirty days with me? Huh? Good fucking luck trying to live up to the standard I set because you
will
never,
can
never love her the way I did.” The way I
do
my mind corrected, but I ignored it. “Every time she closes her eyes, it will be my face she sees. Every dream, every kiss, every slow blink as she awakens in the morning, she’ll be seeing me... wishing for me, because I was the one who loved her like she deserved.”

I looked at her then, backing away from them both and saying a goodbye meant only for her. “And I’ll be waiting for you there in your memory. That’s all that’s left of the man who loved you, memories. And they’ll be waiting to remind you what real love is. What you threw away.”

She stared somewhere in the vicinity of my chest and whispered, “I’m sorry you wasted your love on me.”

I wanted to say something, yell at the top of my lungs that it didn’t have to be a waste, but watching the two of them there, Derek finally slipping his arm around her shoulders to shield her from the cold, all I could do was swallow hard and square my jaw against the tremble that threatened to betray my angry facade.

Instead, I turned away from her, away from the love of my fucking life, and didn’t look back. I crossed the street to the parking garage, where I sat in the Chevelle for half an hour trying to fight back the barrage of memories and tears that burned like acid in my eyes.

And all the way down my face.

Goddamn it, I missed her already.

SOMETIME LATER, I
realized my phone was vibrating in my pocket. The sound was on but it fell on deaf ears. If not for the movement of the device against my thigh, I might not have noticed at all. I’d managed to make it back to the hotel but found myself unable to get out of the car. It hadn’t occurred to me to turn on the heat so I sat shivering and wondering absently how I’d gotten there without incident. I remembered absolutely nothing of the journey.

But I remembered everything else.

Everything.

I remembered her soft voice from that first night as she haltingly confided in me, and how the smell of her hair stuck with me as I drove her to the hospital after her collapse the following day. I remembered laughing with her as she gleefully drove my car at breakneck speed, and sitting quietly together while we sipped our coffee. I remembered the slight widening of her eyes and the sharp inhale that had accompanied the first thrust of my body into hers. The way she slept wrapped around me like a cat, like she couldn’t get close enough no matter how hard she tried.

How could she have faked it all?

It didn’t make sense.

I would have known, wouldn’t I?

I had a fuckload of experience with deceptive women and she’d never struck me as the type. Everything she showed me stood counter-point to everything I’d gone through with Ivey.

Was I so blinded by my affection for her that I let myself be duped
again?
I just couldn’t wrap my head around that, couldn’t picture her in that role.

My phone started ringing again and I blew out an annoyed breath, pulling it from my pocket. I was already glaring at the damn thing, half expecting it to be her, but it was Brant’s name flashing on the screen. I thumbed the accept button and put it on speaker but couldn’t find my voice through the thick feeling in my throat.

“Spencer?” Brant called out. “Hey, man, you there?”

I cleared my throat as best I could. “Yeah, I’m here. What’s up?” I sounded like I felt. Pathetic.

“You okay?” His voice was laced with concern.

“Yeah, why?”

“Because I’ve been sitting two spaces over from you in this garage for ten minutes and you haven’t made any attempt to get out of your car.”

My head whipped around and I scanned the area, noticing my surroundings for the first time. “Shit.” There he was, sitting in his car and looking over at me like I was an exhibit at the Ripley’s museum. “Sorry. I must have spaced out. Come on, let’s hit the bar while we wait for Clay.”

We both climbed from our cars and I waited for Brant to join me near the rear of the Chevelle, since I was parked closer to the parking garage exit.

Brant watched me thoughtfully as he said, “Clay called, said he tried to call you earlier and you didn’t answer. Anyway, he’s dropping Ali off at Talia’s first—some big ‘girl emergency’—and then he’ll meet us at the hotel.”

My chest squeezed painfully but I ignored the impulse to ask about Talia’s emergency. Probably doing damage control, hoping to get Ali on ‘Team Derek’ before the shit hit the fan.

Whatever.

I wouldn’t kick up a fuss. It wouldn’t be fair to our friends.

If anything, I intended to play it off as no big deal and let them all think it was just a fling. It meant nothing.

Yeah, right. That’s why I felt like I was fucking dying. Like the blood in my veins had turned to acid and was slowly burning me alive.

I shrugged noncommittally and started off in the direction of the hotel. “Well, he better hurry his ass up. I’m ready for a little pre-gaming and I’m not waiting for him.”

I could feel Brant’s eyes on me but I just kept moving, entering the hotel ahead of him and waiting patiently while he booked his room and then procured one for Clay and Ali. We were all on the same floor, which may or may not have been a good thing, depending on how Ali felt about the breakup. I didn’t want her in the middle but I knew she was probably going to back Talia’s decision no matter what, that’s just how their friendship worked. Unconditional loyalty.

I snorted softly at the word and Brant looked over at me. We were in the elevator, quietly waiting for it to reach our floor.

“Dude, what the fuck is going on with you? You look kinda like I did the time I got kicked in the nuts by that drunk chick who mistook me for her ex-boyfriend.”

“Please don’t say ex-boyfriend right now. Okay?” I growled, stepping from the elevator and waiting for him to open his door so he could drop his shit off and we could go get drunk.

Brant reached out and grabbed my forearm as I was pushing my hands through my hair for the fifteenth time. “You’re the talker here, so fucking talk. What’s got you so torn up?”