For the Best (22 page)

“Is that where you want to sleep?” I asked
quietly.

“You got another suggestion.”

“I was thinking we could share.” I
gestured.

He turned away but I didn’t miss the smile
on his face. “Okay, I promise to be a gentleman.”

I teased, “I can’t promise to be a
lady.”

He laughed it off. “Don’t tempt me.”

I grabbed his pillow and vaulted onto the
bed with a bounce, turned on the TV, and demonstrated my new remote
control activated light switch. When he sat on his side of the bed
and stared at me, I lost my nerve.

“A lot changed in the past year and a half,”
I said.

“Like?”

“Against my better judgment I let Tanner
back in my life.” He stiffened. His body language told me he didn’t
like hearing he might have to compete with Tanner. “At first we
were just friends, then lovers. He ended up cheating on me again,”
I admitted.

“What now?”

“He mentioned going on a break but for me
it’s over.”

He nodded. “You’ve never been with another
guy, have you?”

I shook my head. “Before, in California, I
trusted you. But I never trusted you with my heart.”

He nodded. “I know. I didn’t give you reason
to.”

I picked at the pillowcase. He fell back,
his head resting on my lap. “I’ll wait for you.”

“Wait for me to do what?”

“Trust me again.”

Deep into the night,
I
stirred, started to lift and noticed he was awake. The darkness
didn’t hide what was in his eyes. I reached out to touch his
lips.

My name was a
question.
“Hanna?”

Without resistance I went
into his arms.

Hanna

“Slow ride,” I listened with half an ear as
Ansel sang along with the oldie playing from the grocery store
sound system. Tan and energized, loving life, he was a visual treat
entertaining passing shoppers. Keeping in tune with the song he
improvised the next verse in opposition to the lyrics. “Not really
appropriate for the kiddies.” He winked as he finished.

I laughed as I studied the back of a label.
“Are you editing background music in the grocery store?”

He took me into his arms and sang the
correct lyric as he wagged his eyebrows at the sexual innuendo. He
had a decent voice. He proceeded to dance with me as he
crooned.

I laughed. “You are such a Romeo.”

“I’m trying Hanna. You can’t blame a guy for
trying.”

Quiet, I let him concentrate on shutter
speed, lenses, and the intricacies of photography I knew nothing
about. He smiled as he caught me staring and leaned over for a long
kiss.

With him, I felt unburdened. He made me
happy.

I knew Ansel had turned to alcohol out of
boredom and loneliness. He grew up without lasting friendships and
family due to his father never staying in one location for long. He
once told me he felt relieved when he’d finally been dumped in
boarding school.

“Something on your mind?” he asked.

“When we first met you confessed you had a
nomadic mentality in regard to your relationships.”

He sat back on his heels, stopped what he
was doing. “I’m not like Tanner. I won’t stray. I don’t want you to
worry when I’m not around.”

I felt like crying but my eyes stayed dry.
“Okay.” I drew a line through the sand stopping at a broken sand
dollar uncovered.

He cupped my cheeks and gave me another long
kiss. “I don’t want to leave you.”

“I know.”

He picked up the sand dollar and shook the
remains from inside. “Do you know the legend of the sand
dollar?”

“Something about Jesus,” I said racking my
brain.

“When you break the center open, you release
five white doves and spread good will and peace. I think it is
pretty fitting.”

“Why?”

“Because we were already broken when we
found each other. You spread your wings and left. Now we are
together again. Whole.”

For our last dinner, I included Della. We
ate in her apartment and after Keb was fed I offered to put him to
bed. As I was leaving Keb’s room, I heard my name.

Della was probing. “What exactly did you do
to piss Hanna off back in California? She never really said.”

I stepped back into Keb’s room and leaned
against the wall closing my eyes, listening to Ansel’s version of
our demise.

“Has Hanna told you about how we met?” he
asked. I couldn’t hear her answer but she must have said no.

“I had just finished college. My dad was on
some location scouting in Europe. My ex-girlfriend had finally
gotten some bit part in an action movie she’d fucked her way into a
script reading for. I wanted to prove I could make my way in the
world. But I couldn’t. I mean I was a photo and film major in
Southern Cali. Guys like me were a dime a dozen. Therefore, I was
doing freelance photography for this TV show and website that
highlighted on celebrity gossip and entertainment news. My job was
nothing short of stalking famous people in order to get a shot,
then the show would make up some sarcastic and humorous story about
what they were really doing instead of whatever mundane act I had
caught them actually doing.”

There was a pause and I imagined Della
nodding at Ansel though I had previously told her what Ansel once
did for a living.

“I was a little out of control with revenge
and planned on exacting some break-up justice. The ex had been
bragging about going to this posh ski resort with the movie
producer. I didn’t consider the guy’s wife and kids, figured I’d
publicly embarrass him, her and the studio with shots of their
PDAs. While I was there I ran into a friend of mine from boarding
school and Hanna was that girl’s roommate. Instantly, all thoughts
of my previous girlfriend flew out the window. Every opportunity -
every excuse I found to go there I did.”

He sighed like he was finished.

“Still didn’t answer my question what did
you do to piss her off in California?” Della prodded.

“I lucked out when she decided to move to
California. I showed her what there was to love, unfortunately my
job showed her what there was to hate. She saw the shallowness of
it all - mostly by accompanying me on some assignments, clubs in
particular. She started being my male celeb bait. She really didn’t
do anything but sit at the bar looking bored and pretty but she
still hooked them. All the while I’d be hidden snapping off endless
frames unbeknownst to whatever jerk was making a play. I was
cutting her in on all the paychecks I was collecting so I figured
she was cool with it. I had no idea what she really felt until it
all blew up in my face one night.”

“One night?” Della asked.

“Her dog, Gator, just died. I was callous
thinking a few words of sympathy from me and she’d be right again.
We went to dinner, then a club. I ditched her to get some shots and
the latest WB dude came in and swept my girl away.”

“Huh? Wait...that doesn’t sound like
Hanna.”

“It doesn’t because it wasn’t. I drove to
the actor’s home only to camp outside his entry gate with about
five other paparazzi. The night was long and my fuse was ignited.
Near dawn his front door opened and all these flashes started
bursting. Stunned she looked to the gate and saw me with my hands
death gripping the rails. She said something to this guy and
pointed at me. My jealousy reached a boiling point when he kissed
her. When the gates opened Hanna practically skipped down the drive
to reach me. She smiled like she was the happiest girl in the world
and I thought to myself she is the most beautiful day after one
night stand I have ever seen.”

“Nice,” Della said sarcastically.

“It gets better,” he advised. “After she
reaches me she says, ‘Want to grab breakfast? I’m starving.’”

They both laughed.

“I didn’t laugh at that moment. Instead I
practically drag her to my car all the while my competition kept
taking shots wondering who she was. I drove her back to my place
ranting without letting her get in a word. I barely parked the car
before she was out. I let her walk away and didn’t even have a clue
I’d not see her face or hear her voice for a year and a half.”

There was silence. I looked over and found
Keb curled up asleep. Pulling up his bed covers, I flipped the
switch on his night light and turned off the lamp placing my foot
gently out into the hallway.

I walked into the room and Ansel smiled.
Sarcastically he muttered, “You let me suffer.”

I moved up beside him, bending down to
inches from his face as he sat on the couch. “Did you really think
I slept with him?” I asked.

“At the time yes,” he whispered staring into
my eyes.

I studied him closely. “We talked all night.
Watched his show. He just needed someone to listen. Someone who
wouldn’t judge.”

“He never left a bar without a woman on his
arm.”

I nodded. “I know. His publicist advised him
if he wanted to get voted sexiest man alive for a second year he
had to keep up an image.”

“He came out last year.” He pulled me down
onto his lap and squeezed me tight. “I was such an ass.”

Della murmured, “Why doesn’t anything like
that ever happen to me?”

We
stood together in
line for check-in at the airport unable to let go. I didn’t know
how to say goodbye.

He printed his boarding pass and walked us
closer to security, rolling his carry-on behind him. He clutched my
hand and pulled me aside, brushed my hair back in a gentle caress.
He kissed me soundly.

“Any chance you would come with me?” he
asked breathlessly as he unlocked from my lips.

I wrapped my arms round his neck and shook
my head. “I can’t.” He took my face and raised my downcast eyes to
meet his.

With a hoarse throat he managed to whisper,
“I finally understand what miss and need mean.”

Hanna

I was playing around on the internet when
Skype popped up and blipped on my speakers. A message, I still only
had one contact on Skype.

3:44:49 PM
Tanner: Hey, long time no hear. How you
been?

Why was he contacting me?
I was not
angry anymore. I really wasn’t anything.

3:46:00 PM
Hanna: Well, and you?

3:46:28 PM
Tanner: Ok. Thanks. It’s been cold here. Rain.
Dreary. I miss sunshine. Looking forward to coming home.

3:47:04 PM
Hanna: what's the temp?

3:47:49 PM
Tanner: I think it's up to 30 now. They give it
in Celsius.

3:48:06 PM
Hanna: I don’t know if that is frostbitey. I
forgot how to do the conversion. It’s 60° here.

3:49:16 PM
Tanner: I’m jealous. 60° makes me nostalgic for
my board, wetsuit, and some killer waves. Every time I go out I
feel like a drowned rat. What’s been going on?

3:50:19 PM
Trev
wants you to call.
For Christmas, he asked if we could go to Harry Potter World at
Islands of Adventure

3:51:32 PM
Tanner: Sounds like fun, I’m in. I return two
weeks prior to Christmas. Schedule it.

Then he was gone.
So odd,
I thought.
Then I didn’t anymore.

Tanner

I ended my last week abroad by making a trip
with Skylar to meet her father and stepmother in France. Though I
found her father rigid and cold, I did enjoy the luxury hotel room
he paid for and the fact that he didn’t bat an eye that I was
sharing it with his daughter.

Skylar kept talking about what would happen
when we returned. She went to Northwestern in Chicago and was
graduating a year away in December. It was a semester beyond that
for me. I thought since we lived in different parts of the country
we’d just go our separate ways once we were stateside but she was
trying to convince me to see her still.

“You and I have had the times of our lives.
Our relationship is utter bliss we are so completely balanced.
Don’t ruin our future together by keeping up some worn out
relationship with an old girlfriend from high school.”

Hanna would never be an old girlfriend from
high school. She would always be everything.

“Okay,” I agreed, thinking about the birth
announcement, picture and note tucked away in my suitcase.

Tanner,

So much has changed for me in such a short
time. My life is different, more whole and full in unexpected ways.
I’m not angry that you wanted to see other people. It was probably
for the best for both of us.

Hanna

The picture showed her holding an infant.
Her expression was gentle, and loving. She could have been the new
mother instead of Della.

Hanna

Tanner and I had made arrangements to meet
outside of the amusement park via texting. He’d asked me to pick up
Trev. I didn’t question why he didn’t, I just did it.

The whole drive Trevor had been in
stimulation overload and when he saw Tanner he overwhelmed his
little brother with questions. Tanner looked at me with a smile. I
didn’t return it. He got the message, a hug hello didn’t
follow.

We entered the theme park, the chaotic
grounds competing for wandering attention spans at every fork in
the road. We went to Dr. Seuss world first bypassing most rides
that were more adult in nature.

The hallucinogenic quality of the vibrant
colors and set made you feel drugged. We spun and swerved as the
Cat in the Hat and Thing One and Thing two wreaked havoc on a
cartoonist house.

Then we took the train high above watching
all the colorful rides and attractions of Seuss Landing. Trevor
rode in the front car with Tanner and me following in the car
behind quietly non-engaged.