For the Best (24 page)

Figures,
I thought. We drove across
downtown parking near the social atmosphere of the city’s most
frequented tourist restaurants and clubs. We strolled hand in
hand.

“That smell is atrocious,” she uttered
fanning her nose with her free hand.

Unable to help myself I drifted.

Summer before
Europe

“I love that smell,” Hanna declared with a
smile as she stretched our clasped hands out before us to point up
river to the Maxwell House Coffee plant.

“Me too.”

“The river is really dark here. You think
they are pumping java into it?”

We peered down over the edge of the sidewalk
where the boats moored. Some fish were swimming close waiting for
evening diners to throw bits of rolls their way.

“That one has jittery eyes. He reminds me of
that three eyed fish on the intro to the
Simpsons
cartoon.”

“Better switch to decaf Nemo,” I called
down.

Skylar disrupted my musings. “What are you
laughing about?”

I shook startled at her voice. In my head
had been the sound of Hanna’s soft laughter at my corny joke.
“Because you said it smells atrocious,” I answered. “It smells like
every coffee house there is.”

“It reeks of cheap Arabica beans.”

I shrugged. Apparently, my tastes weren’t as
discerning as hers.

She smiled angelically as if she wasn’t who
she was and continued walking beside me.

Hanna

I called and invited Trevor to the circus.
Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey had come to Jacksonville
over the holidays. Overly excited he said he’d invite Tanner and
before I could stop him he hung up as if the call was pressing.

On the drive, I explained to Ansel, “Trevor
doesn’t understand that Tanner and I are not boyfriend and
girlfriend anymore. So don’t get mad at anything he says.”

“Stop worrying. I’m cool with it. I’ll be
cool with him.”

We barely had gotten off the home’s grounds
when Trevor started. “Have you met Tanner’s new girlfriend-Skylar?”
He didn’t wait for me to say yes or no. “She does not like to share
food from her plate, play games, watch cartoons, or sing.”

Ansel laughed. Probably Trevor professing to
me what he saw as Skylar’s weakest attributes shouldn’t have made
me happy but it did. “I’ve never met her Trev. But you need to give
her a chance.”

“She told me don’t stand so close.” He
sulked.

I didn’t judge her. Skylar hadn’t grown up
with him and probably found his mannerisms and invasion of personal
space awkward.

Ansel proved himself capable of having a
good time with Trevor. Afterwards, as we were driving back Trevor
asked, “Do you still dress up for Halloween?”

Ansel didn’t bat an eye, “All the time.”

“They won’t let me trick or treat
anymore.”

I assumed he meant his parents because the
group home had a trunk or treat celebration. “Maybe we can have a
party next Halloween,” I suggested.

Enthusiastically Trevor piped up, “I could
go as a lion and Ansel could be the tamer, you could be that girl
in the leotard.”

I laughed. “Okay, but what about your
SpongeBob costume?”

He thought for a minute. “Maybe I’ll wear
that for Skylar. She doesn’t know who SpongeBob is.”

The night of New Year’s Day I worked.

“Hanna?” The blonde approached as I was
wiping down tables.

“Yes.” I smiled.

“I’m Skylar.”

“Oh.” My smile vanished and I instantly
searched out Ansel, sitting at the bar with his laptop.

She began, “I wanted to talk to you. I don’t
know what kind of games you are playing but your relationship with
Tanner’s brother has become an embarrassment to the family.”

“How so?” I enquired keeping my voice even
as I squirmed thankful we had less than ten customers at that
hour.

“Pitting brother against brother, Trevor is
retarded so I can’t blame him for letting you manipulate him into
thinking there is romance between you. You on the other hand are
shameless.”

I blanched caught between humiliation and
anger. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, please, I figured from all the stories
Tanner conveyed regarding your relationship you would play naive.”
Clay moved toward me from his place behind the bar.

Stunned I defended myself, “I don’t know
what you are talking about. Trevor is a childhood friend. Tanner
knows that. He knows I would never mislead Trevor.” Ansel came to
my side.

She barely glanced at Ansel as she
continued. “I don’t think so. He thinks you are stringing his
brother along with promises of something physical to make him
jealous.”

“If he felt that way he’d say it to my
face.” I could feel my composure slipping, tears were threatening.
Ansel placed his arm around me. “I think you should leave!” I
croaked.

“I’ll escort you out.” Clay gently clasped
her elbow.

“I want to talk to the manager,” Skylar
huffed.

“You just did,” Clay retorted steering her
out.

The few customers we had were staring at me.
In that moment, I hated Tanner. Hated him so much I never wanted to
see his face or hear his name again.

T
anner

After
being smothered by a girlfriend I didn’t want, I shoved Skylar
off shopping with my mom and took Trevor to see the latest Pixar
cartoon. After it was over, I couldn’t force myself to go home,
back to Skylar. I dropped Trev off and drove south.

It felt strange, being in St. Augustine. I
hadn’t set foot in the town since my last days of romance with
Hanna. Christmas garlands and light displays of the season adorned
the wrought-iron gas lamps around the bay. My heart clinched as old
memories of unfinished dreams took hold.

We were on our second picture of beer
watching some overly enthusiastic couple grinding on the dance
floor when a song I loved amplified from the bar’s stereo. I took
her by the hand and surprised her by placing my hands on her hips
as we swayed to the lyrics. The song ended with a heated kiss
between us, but we both left it there.

I told her about this company that was
recruiting at school. That even though I wouldn’t graduate for two
years, I had went to talk with the recruiter. They were
headquartered in Orlando but had an office in Jacksonville so maybe
it would work out that we could live close to home. The company did
rooftop landscape design and architecture.

She said it sounded perfect. She gave me her
full attention. At midnight, we closed the bar, happy and tipsy we
filtered out into the blustery wind. She kept burying her face into
my shoulder. My arm wrapped tight around hers below me. I nuzzled
my face into her long brown hair.

We made love on the beach, and slept there
under a Sherpa blanket to awaken to a bright but foggy sunrise.
Every dawn I witnessed since brought that memory back.

We picked up Trev and took him to breakfast.
I remember how delighted he became when a big buttermilk pancake
with strawberry eyes, a whipped topping nose and a sliced banana
smile was set before him. When we finished and went to the cash
register to pay I saw the mistletoe dangling, and unable to resist
I kissed Hanna. I could still taste her powder sugar coated lips
from the French toast.

Trev chanted, “Hanna and Tanner sittin’ in a
tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then
comes Hanna pushin’ a baby carriage.” We laughed.

“When you two get married can I be your best
man?” he asked.

“Sure,” I agreed.

“We’ll have to really work out logistics
because I want him to walk me down the aisle,” Hanna advised.

I paralleled on the street a few blocks
away. I looked at the building before me. All that remained was our
rooftop memories. Nostalgia for what I’d wasted hit me. I walked
down the revitalized street. Blocks of neglected facades linked
rows of renovated store fronts. An old two story school house
loomed ahead with a neon sign promoting a brewery.

I noticed a couple huddled on the steps
leading upstairs. They were backlit in the glow from the harbor
lights decoratively flanking the old double entry doors of the
school. A woman sat two steps down from a man, her head resting on
his knee as he stroked her hair. I heard a gut wrenching sob break
and the man lifted the woman onto his lap. Their words were quiet.
It was obvious he was attempting to comfort her.

Not wanting to intrude I waited them out.
Finally, the woman stood and I realized she was Hanna. Her hand was
linked with the man’s and as she pulled away he held as if he
didn’t want to see her go. I moved closer, making out what he was
telling her, “Maybe I should have a talk with this guy.”

Hanna shook her head and swiped tears from
her face. “No, it would be a waste of breath.” She clung to his
hand, their threaded fingers lingering.

I left without doing what I came to do.

Tanner

Back on campus, I returned feeling much like
I had my first semester of college - lost, forlorn, and bereft of
Hanna. I couldn’t sleep. When I tried, all I could see was her in
someone else’s arms. I wanted off the emotional rollercoaster I
found myself riding. Hanna, the baggage of my youth, what could
have been nagged me.

Somehow I endured, kept pretending I was in
love with Skylar. January passed, then February, March arrived and
I committed myself to spend spring break with her family on the
slopes of Aspen. One of her brothers was recently engaged.

Slightly drunk and dizzy in the wet heat of
a Jacuzzi, I overheard talk of a bachelor party. While sitting in
the hot tub letting the jets inflate my board shorts with air, I
heard them utter that overused cliché, ‘What happens in Vegas stays
in Vegas’.

The question posed was this, “What is the
worst thing you’ve ever done to a girl?”

I drifted. My thoughts turned to Hanna. I
made a list:

1) May have raped her our first time
together

2) Cheated on her numerous occasions

3) Hurt her physically and mentally
repeatedly

4) Got her kicked out of high school three
months shy of graduating more than likely stealing her chance for
college

5) Leaving her for someone like Skylar

I looked around at the twenty-something guys
surrounding me, seriously chewing and spitting out what smidgeon of
dirt they could or would be willing to share. I wouldn’t be
sharing.

The question changed. “When was the first
time you told a girl you loved her?”

I shook my head thinking these guys were
like a bunch of chicks. I started to feel nauseous. Not from the
booze or overheating too long but because I couldn’t remember. I
was drawing a blank.
When was the first time I told Hanna I
loved her?

Frustrated, I pushed out to sit on the lip.
I hated the guy I was now almost more than that drugged asshole who
I overcame after high school.

January

February

March

April

Hanna

“So how does this work? You get a key?” I
asked after flying to meet Ansel for our first vacation together.
He had finagled us free lodging at a cabin in
Bangor, Maine
close to
Acadia
National Park. Early spring, melting snow was still plowed into
mounds in commercial parking lots. The temp was fairly warm.
Tourists just hadn’t flocked to the destination yet.

“No, my dad’s friend gave me a code to a
keypad on the door. I call dibs on the bunk beds.”

“There are bunk beds?”

“It’s a three bedroom vacation rental. There
have to be bunk beds in one of those rooms,” he teased.

The coast was rugged. Its beauty wasn’t in
the grandeur of mountains like the Rockies of Glacier but the
diversity of the lighthouses, the cliffs, and the beaches.

After dropping off our luggage and getting
lunch, we napped under a blanket on the granite boulders at Ship
Harbor Wave, a rough spouting of water rising volcanically from the
weathered rock pools the rushing surf had eroded. We watched
sporadic tourists rush down the rail encompassed staircase to be
soaked by a spout.

“We need to hike the
Bar
Harbor Shore Path so I can
capture the exact lighting at
sunrise.”

“Please tell me you aren’t going to make me
get up at four a.m.”

“Sorry, it will be worth it. You can help me
set up the equipment. The trail is right outside the bungalow. I’ll
treat you to breakfast after.”

We took a sunset cruise around Frenchman
Bay. While most passengers ran back and forth from the exterior to
the interior of the cabin, we stayed seated on the rim watching the
fog and mists steal our views of lighthouses and the occasional
eagle or porpoise. We followed the cruise with a moonlit stroll
scouting out the perfect spot that evening. Taking in the view
along the paved and graveled trail was full of surprises, studded
with islands dotting the Atlantic, mansions, and granite
beaches.

On the way back, we passed a city park,
complete with a look-out tower. I climbed up the kiddy rock wall,
bent through the tunnel and stood up. Ansel helped hoist me through
the hole in the top. The view was of the entire park, the giant
gong type xylophones with the colored keys, the swinging tires, and
the open grass area. He pulled me close and began kissing me as we
made out hidden in the dark.

“The distance between us is becoming
unbearable. I didn’t know it was possible to miss someone so much,”
he whispered against my mouth.

“I know. I miss you too.”