For the Game (14 page)

“You know he’s just busy with baseball and everything right now.”

“That’s what he says.” Frowning, I played with the tab of my soda.

“C’mon, London, where’s this coming from? Is this about all the shit Madison has been saying? Because you know she’s just a bitch, right? You can’t take anything she says seriously. She’s jealous, plain and simple.”

“It’s not just her.”

“Listen.” Skyler leaned forward. “I agree with you that you need to go where you want to. You should never make any decision based on what someone else wants for you. But you and Cooper belong together, trust me. He loves you, London.”

I nodded, knowing she was right. But then my mind traveled to Dad. “But if I go to Fallbrook what will happen with Dad? He’ll be all alone.”

“Maybe not. Maybe he and Lisa will shack up.”

I threw her a stern look.

“Sorry,” she mumbled. “I’m sure there will be no shacking up of any kind with him. I’m sure they won’t even touch, or kiss, or anything.”

I covered my ears with my hands. “Ugh. You’re making it worse.”

Skyler rolled her eyes. “London, I’m not saying he’ll end up marrying this chick, but he’s dating. He’s going out and having fun…without you. He’s a grown man. He’ll be fine. Besides, if you’re not basing this decision on other people, then that includes your dad.”

“Yeah, I know. I guess I just have a lot of thinking to do. I don’t want to take this lightly.”

“And you shouldn’t.” Skyler brought the soda to her lips and took a sip. “But I have faith in you. I know you’ll make the right decision.”

If only I had the same kind of faith in myself.

Cooper

Damn it. A walk.

I didn’t walk guys. And today sure as hell wasn’t the day to start.

It was my first time pitching in a college game, and I was playing like shit. I was choking like Ace said I would.

What the hell?

Parker called time and ran out to the mound. “Come on, Coop, you’re better than this. Listen, this next batter couldn’t hit sand if he fell off a camel in the desert. Pull your shit together, and let’s strike this guy out.” Parker shot me a grin much like he would when he gave me pep talks during practices.

I couldn’t help but grin back. Nodding, I took a deep breath. If only it were that simple. Glancing up into the bleachers, I scoured the place. If this were a high school game my grandparents and London would be here. But there was no one here for me today. I was on my own.

Usually that wouldn’t be tough, but for some reason today it was rattling me. Of course, I knew this was more than just some first-game jitters or nerves because my family and friends weren’t here. Ace had gotten under my skin at the last practice. It had taken me days to shake off the garbage he spewed at me. And just when I thought I’d gotten my thoughts under control, London threw me one hell of a curveball.

It happened a few hours ago when I called her. I had been hoping that hearing her voice would give me the support I needed today. And maybe it would have if I hadn’t forced information out of her. From the minute I got her on the phone I could tell there was something she was keeping from me. She kept skirting any serious questions, replacing every answer with a joke. It was cute, but I knew London too well. I knew that’s what she did when she was trying to avoid telling me something.

“What’s going on?” I pressed her.

“Nothing. I’m just bummed that I’m not there to cheer you on today.” she replied. “I am wearing my Fallbrook Falcons hat, though, in support. I know you can’t see me, but I have it on.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed in my dorm room, I rested my elbows on my thighs. “Damn, I’d pay money to see that.”

“Money, huh? How much we talkin’?” She teased.

In retrospect, I should have kept us on that line of conversation. Perhaps if we’d continued joking around I wouldn’t be playing like absolute crap right now.

“However much it takes to get you here.”

“You don’t have to pay me to go see you, Coop.”

“I know, but I would if that’s what it took.” I lowered my head into my hands. “I need you here, London.”

“I’ll be there soon. I’m coming with your grandparents to one of your games next month.”

“I’m not talking about a visit. I’m talking about for good.” I lifted my head. “Did you get a letter from Fallbrook yet?” I’d been waiting on pins and needles to hear if she got in. I’d heard that other high school students had gotten their letters already, and I thought it was odd that London hadn’t. And it concerned me. If she hadn’t received one yet, did that mean she didn’t get in?

“Um…yeah. I did, actually.”

My heart stopped. Why didn’t she mention that right away? We’d been on the phone a good ten minutes, and it seemed like that was pretty crucial information. “You did? When?”

Silence. My stomach clenched.

“Earlier this week.”

Blowing out a frustrated breath, I stood up and started pacing. London only kept things from me when it was bad news. “You didn’t get in?”

“No, I did,” she spoke slowly, deliberately.

“You did?” I wanted to be excited, to pump my fist in the air, to congratulate her. But her odd behavior stopped me. Why wasn’t she excited?

“Yeah,” she mumbled.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I guess because I haven’t really made a decision.”

“What do you mean? Like you might not come here? But I thought that was the plan.” I paused, fear grabbing hold of me. There was only one reason London wouldn’t come here. Whenever we’d discussed her future plans, they always hinged on one thing. “Are you sick again?” Oh, god, I didn’t think I could take it if she was.

“No, I’m not sick, Coop. My last appointment went well, remember? And I feel great.”

Her words should have made me feel better, but they didn’t. Not at all. Instead, I felt sick. “Then what is there to think about?”

“Everything,” she answered simply. “This is my entire future we’re talking about, Cooper.”

Cooper. Not Coop.

This whole conversation was a damn joke. Nothing about it felt right. “Yeah, I get it. I guess I thought I was a part of that future. Apparently I’d been wrong.” Angry, I ended the call and tossed the phone on the bed. Taking deep breaths, I had to steady myself in order to stay calm. What I wanted to do was punch a hole in the freaking wall. I felt like my whole life was breaking apart. Like someone had set off a goddamn bomb and blew everything to bits.

When the next batter stepped up to the plate, I shook my head in an attempt to force the thoughts away. Only it was a losing battle. London’s words kept ringing through my ears.

This is my entire future we’re talking about, Cooper.

My future was on the line too. And if I didn’t get my shit together, I wasn’t going to have much of one left.

It was no surprise when Coach pulled me in the next inning. I couldn’t strike out one goddamn batter. This wasn’t me. I knew that. Hell, anyone who had ever seen me play knew that. But no one here had seen what I was capable of. And so far I wasn’t making much of an impression.

When I slumped away from the field after the game, I saw that I’d had several missed calls from London. For the first time in our relationship I had no desire to talk to her. Frustrated, I threw the phone back into my bag and kept walking.

London

I never thought that ending a call on a cell phone could be loud. It’s not like you could slam it down on the receiver like you could with a house phone. But when Cooper hung up on me it was loud. It pierced my ears, shot down my spine, reverberated through my body. It was a shock to my system, sharp, like a slap to the face.

Knees buckling, I lowered into a nearby chair, holding my cell phone in my sweaty palm.

The last words Cooper had said to me rang inside my head.
I guess I thought I was a part of that future. Apparently I’d been wrong.

He hadn’t been wrong, and I felt horrible for making him think he had been. Of course I wanted him to be a part of my future. I loved him. I was only struggling because I wanted to be sure I was making the right choice. I’d always been the type of person to weigh my options. As a child I would make pros and cons lists for the simplest things, like what I wanted to spend my Christmas money on. I’ve never been an impulsive person. Never one to let my heart win out over my head.

Until Cooper.

He was the one exception to that rule. Falling for him wasn’t part of my plan, and it didn’t seem to be the wisest thing to do. Still, when it came to him I wanted to throw caution to the wind. For once I wanted to take a risk. And it had paid off.

However, this was different. This wasn’t as simple as going on a date or falling in love. This was deciding on where I would live for the next four years. And Fallbrook had never even been on my radar before meeting Cooper. The truth was that I always kind of assumed I would stay close to Dad. Attend Sac State or UC Davis. And when I got sick, that seemed the most likely scenario.

Now everything had changed. And I guess….no, I know….I was scared.

But I wished I’d handled it differently. I should have told him about the acceptance letter the day I got it, not wait until today right before his first game. Not like that’s what I had planned to do. In fact, I didn’t want to tell him about the letter at all until I’d made a decision. But when he asked, I couldn’t lie. But now I sort of wish I had.

Hanging my head, remorse filled me. With shaky fingers, I dialed Cooper’s number, praying he’d pick up. He didn’t. When voicemail clicked on, I grunted in frustration. There was no point in leaving a message, so I clicked off. Clearly he was avoiding my call.

Damn it.

My stomach churned thinking of him pitching in a game for the first time today. Earlier it had killed me knowing I wouldn’t be there to support him. Now it was killing me knowing that I’d upset him. Pinching the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger, I breathed deeply. I racked my brain trying to figure out how to fix this. But it was no use. I’d messed up. And if he wouldn’t talk to me, there wasn’t much I could do. Perhaps leaving him alone was the best option. Then he could get his head on straight.

I need you, London.

Did he need me? It seemed that lately I’d done more damage than good.

Cooper and I had both been on different paths when we met. Neither of us were interested in a serious relationship. All he wanted was to become a professional pitcher, and all I wanted was to become a writer. When we fell for each other, our priorities shifted. Cooper was even willing to abandon his dream of attending Fallbrook for me. Thank god he didn’t. It’s where Cooper was meant to be. Baseball was his future.

And the last thing he needed was for me to get in the way of that.

The garage door sprung to life, and I heard Dad’s car pull in. It was Sunday, and Dad had gone to breakfast with Lisa. Their first date earlier this week had apparently went well if they were already going out again.

“Hey, pumpkin,” Dad greeted me when he stepped inside. He hadn’t dressed nearly as fancy as last time. Still he looked nice in jeans and a collared shirt.

“Hey.” Smoothing down my messy hair, I stood up from the kitchen chair. I was wearing my pajamas and hadn’t bothered to shower yet.

“You okay?” His eyebrows knit together.

I hated how well he could read me. He was as bad as Cooper. “Fine.” I forced a smile. “How was your date?”

“It went well.” Even though he tried to temper it, I saw the excitement in his eyes. He really liked this woman, I could tell.

“That’s great, Dad.”
At least one thing was going right today.

His gaze dropped to the phone in my hand. “Have you talked to Cooper?” He smiled, rubbing his palms together. “It’s his big day.”

My stomach knotted. “Yeah, I did.”

“How’s he feeling? Is he ready?”

He probably was before he talked to me
. Shame lodged in my throat, burned my mouth. I swallowed it down. “Um…yeah. You know Cooper. He’s a pro.” It was what I needed to believe. I had to tell myself that our conversation hadn’t rattled him. That he would rise above it and focus on the game.

Dad nodded in response.

Unable to take his knowing stare any longer, I slid around him. “I’m gonna go take a shower.” With my head down, I hurried down the hallway and slipped into the bathroom. Once inside, I closed my eyes and prayed like crazy that Cooper would play well today.

He still wasn’t answering his phone. I’d been calling all day. The game had to have ended hours ago, and still nothing. Panic rose in me, strangling me. Every breath was difficult, like chards of glass lined my esophagus. Cooper had never frozen me out before. Normally I’d be the first person he’d contact after a game. My mind swirled with dozens of possibilities. I thought of all the stories he told me about Ace; about how horrible he had treated him. And I started thinking that maybe they’d had an altercation. I imagined Cooper bloody and bruised, lying helpless somewhere. Pulse quickening, I had to fight the urge to get on a plane and race out to him.

But when I really thought about it, I knew that wasn’t what happened. I’d never heard Cooper so angry with me before. That’s why he wasn’t calling. It had nothing to do with Ace.

It had everything to do with me.

Crawling to the end of my bed, I reached for my laptop. Lying on my stomach, I opened it and connected to the wifi. Then I opened up my internet browser and pulled up the Fallbrook website. Scrolling with my mouse, I clicked on the Falcons Baseball Team page, and searched for today’s score. My heart sank when I found it.
Shit.
They lost.

Rolling over, I grappled around trying to locate my phone. When I found it I held it up and shot off a text to Cooper.

Me: Call me. I’m worried.

After sending it, I bit my lip and waited. When there was no response after several minutes, I sent another one.

Me: I’m sorry about today. I love u.

Holding my breath, I stared at the phone. Finally it vibrated, words popping up on the screen.

Cooper: I’m fine. No need to worry.

It wasn’t what I wanted to hear. Where was the “I love you?” Where was the “I accept your apology?”
God, I really screwed up this time
.

Me: Coop, talk to me, please.

Cooper: I’m sorry, but I need time to think.

He was using my words against me. And I guess I deserved it. Still it hurt. It hurt so much I felt a tear trickle down my face. What was happening to Cooper and me? Since when did we do this to one another?

Once again I thought about the first night Cooper declared his feelings for me. I’d messed with his mind that night; upset his focus. Perhaps I’d never been good for him. I wondered if this was why so many relationships failed after high school. Maybe they broke up when they realized that they were holding the other person back.