Forbidden Broadway: Behind the Mylar Curtain (63 page)

I'll drink to that!

[Blackout.]

"The King Is Her"

[Lights up on fanfare from The King and I. LOUIS
enters, looks out at audience, and speaks.]

LOUIS

Mother, Rodgers and Hammerstein would not have
liked this production of The King and /,would they?
Mother!

[DONNA MURPHY enters, looking like Fosca from
Sondheim's Passion.]

DONNA

No, Louis. Rodgers and Hammerstein would not have
liked this production of The King and 1. Not ever!

LOUIS

Mother, I think you're frightening when you play Anna
like Fosca from Stephen Sondheim's Passion.

DONNA

Yes, Louis, sometimes I frighten myself very much. Very
much indeed.

LOUIS

What do you do?

DONNA

I whistle!

LOUIS

A Richard Rodgers tune?

DONNA

Oh, no, Louis. I whistle something much more
complicated ...

[ANNA grabs LOUIS's face and they badly whistle a
strange melody.!

BOTH

DONNA

Now it's time to meet the new King of Siam: Lou
Diamond Phillips!

[LOUIS exits. KING LOU enters grandly to music. He is
wearing a King and I tunic and has black hair piled
very high on his head.]

KING

What manner of Mrs. An-na is this? This is no Mrs.
Ann-na!

DONNA

Oh, forgive me, Your Majesty. I carry residual fear and
anger from playing Fosca in Sondheim's Passion. It's
like catching a strange sickness.

KING

Sickness? You! Go away!

DONNA

Oh, no, your majesty, please. Let me stay.

[She throws herself at his feet and grovels. ]

I beg you. Please!

[She tugs at his cloak.]

I need you! I love you! Don't spurn me!

KING

You disgust me. Get away! There are no James Lapine
characters in Rodgers and Hammerstein.

DONNA

Please, I know I'm pathetic, but please love me. Love
me or I'll die!

KING

What is this strange passion you bring to this show?

DONNA

It's the subtext, Your Majesty.

KING

Subtext? I know nothing of acting. My big movie was La
Bamba.You teach. Teach, teach, teach!

DONNA

KING

DONNA