Forgiving Nancy (Last Hangman MC Series Book 5) (31 page)

“We all change, we all grow up.” I down my whiskey in one gulp, enjoying the burning sensation as it makes its way down my throat.

“Sure, people change with the years, but they don’t become a completely different person. You’re like a stranger to me. I don’t see the man I met or fell in love with anymore. I’m tired of waiting for you to come home or for the next person to threaten or attack me. I want to live a normal life again,” she says clearly upset.

“I know, and I promise things will get better after this case.” I try to reassure her, but to no avail.

“You always say that. You said that after that psycho pretended to be you and came after me but here we are months later and I’m getting notes all over again. I don’t know what you’re working on or when it will be over, but I can’t live like this anymore. I’m moving back in with my parents until I can find a place.” she argues, her face void of any emotion.

I sigh and rub my face. I know what this means, she’s finally leaving me and bizarrely, I’m okay with it, partly because it means she’ll be away from here and safe. I should be angry that I’m losing my wife but I’m not, I’m relieved and that’s what’s pissing me off.

“That’s a good idea, you’ll be safe with them.”

“That’s it? You won’t even put up a fight?” She stands up and starts to pace the room.

“It’s for the best, Jen. You’ll be safer far away from here, from me. Your father will be able to protect you better than I have.”

“That’s for sure. You did a fucking lousy job of it before.” She snarls at me and stalks towards me. She comes to a stop in front of me and slaps me hard across the cheek before rushing towards the stairs. She turns around and points at me with a perfectly manicured finger.

“The Jason I met would have fought and never would let me go. I don’t know what’s happened to you or what you’ve witnessed that has caused this change in you, but I feel sorry for you.” She shakes her head at me before heading upstairs.

If only she knew the reason why I changed so much. I sigh to myself and pour another glass of whiskey before calling one of my men to follow her to her parents’ house.

Twenty minutes and three glasses of whiskey later, Jenny comes back down the stairs with two suitcases and puts them in her car. She comes back in one last time and looks at me with a hopeful expression. I knew she’s hoping that I’ll beg her to stay, but I can’t bring myself to do it.

“Nothing? Really?” She glares at me and puts her hands on her hips looking at me impatiently.

“Drive safely.” I tell her, my voice empty. I can’t even look at her.

She scoffs. “I was a fool for ever loving you, Jason Sanders. You’ve ruined the past six years of my life.” She shouts as she storms out the front door, slamming it shut behind her. I hear her car start and the wheels screech as she speeds away.

I deserved that. I did ruin her life and I never deserved her love. I was never honest about my past, what I do or how I felt about her. She barely knows a damn thing about me. It’s actually a relief that she’s out of my life and away from any danger. She should have left me a long time ago, or I shouldn’t have gone after her at all. I just hope she’ll keep herself safe and that people will stay away from her now that she’s gone from my life.

My only regret is that that was our last proper interaction with each other. We talked on the phone once but that was just to tell her that she had to go into protective custody with Nicole and Viv. Had I have known what was going to happen, I never would have made her leave the security of her home and she would still be alive.

I still can’t believe she’s gone. She didn’t deserve all the shit she’s been through. All the suffering she endured is on me. Her death will haunt me forever. I wish I could have spoken to her one last time to apologize for everything I did wrong. I hate that she never knew the real me, she thought she did, she thought the Jason she met was the real me, but it wasn’t. The more I think about it, the more I wonder if I was ever actually in love with her. As a part of my job I’m so used to lying and keeping up pretenses that it seeps into my personal life. Now, I’m lying to everybody, including the Last Hangman. The bikers might be accepting, but once they know what I’ve been up to, they might not be so forgiving. What a huge fucking mess.

From the little I can remember of my life before I was four, I know it was pretty good. I wasn’t brought up in a rich family, but my parents were incredibly loving and took good care of me. The night they were taken from me is when the real nightmare began. I had to grow up quickly in a life I didn’t want and had no other choice but to embrace the fear that I would be killed if I ever showed any weakness. The scariest part is that I started to enjoy this lifestyle. It changed me for the worse. My parents would be ashamed of the man I’ve become, but there’s no turning back now, this is who I am.

I should have run away as soon as I had the chance, but I stayed with the only people who were there for me. That was my first and most costly mistake. They were the worst people for a young and impressionable boy to be associated with and now I will never get a shot at happiness or love. Being with someone would mean living in constant fear that they will be taken away from me and used against me. Then there’s
her
, she’s been in my life for close to three years. We shouldn’t have done what we did, but neither of us could help it. I don’t regret any of it, I just wish things happened differently.

Life isn’t a fairy tale, not everybody deserves a happy ending. I know I don’t.

A MERRY LAST HANGMAN CHRISTMAS (LAST HANGMAN MC #4.1)

Hey lovelies,

Long time no see! How have you been? I’ve been great, despite the fuckedupness that was thrown at us a couple of months ago, once again, but I’m sure you’re all very much aware of that. Like always, we’ve emerged stronger than ever. The compound was destroyed, but walls can be rebuilt and things replaced, some of the good men we lost cannot so the best we can do is rebuild and evolve. The guys rebuilt it with the help of the Bastards and the Fallen, but I digress, that is a story for another time.

Ever wondered how the Last Hangman MC celebrates Christmas? How things get done in their clubhold? Well, this is your chance to find out!

I hope you’ll enjoy this little insight into our lives and enjoy our usual craziness.

I’ll see you very shortly in a couple of pages.

Love your beautiful faces,

Ayden James

(Note the
James
up there? About time we got married. You’ll hear all about it as soon as Muriel gets the chance to write our beautiful wedding…which should be within the next couple of months! Then you can finally see what mine and Ant’s third most beautiful day was like. The two best ones were the birth of our little Cameron who has grown into such an amazing little boy, and our little Princess, Amelia, who joined us a few months ago but again, I digress!)

LOVE AT FIRST GLANCE (LOVE AT FIRSTS #1)

Ugh…Mondays…

I.

Hate.

Mondays.

I hate them with such a passion that you can feel the loathing emanate from me like a little cloud of rage. Honestly, you could use my anger during the day to provide energy for a small town.

They are horrendous.

They are quite literally the worst day of the week. You’ve just spent two days with your family or friends, relaxing or partying and
BOOM
, without warning, Monday rears its ugly head with a vengeance. Everybody goes back to work all grumpy and depressed because the weekend has flown by at the speed of a bullet whilst the working week drags like tortoise. Mondays are always torturous. No matter how busy or full your day is, it’s always depressingly long.

Today should’ve been like any other Monday: slow, back to back meetings and endless tasks, but this Monday wasn’t. Nothing could’ve prepared me for what this Monday would throw at me.

I knew Mondays sucked but, this much? I never thought it’d be possible.

Let me walk you through my morning.

I woke up at seven thirty, as usual. Well, after I snoozed my alarm clock about ten times. I am by no means a morning person. Thank god for Bernard, my saving grace. If I press the snooze button too much, I can count on him to wake me up. He’s the sole reason that I’m not late for work every day and haven’t been fired. I honestly don’t know what I would do without him. Anyway, I digress. I begrudgingly woke up and clambered out of bed, but not without Bernard’s morning petting. Oh yeah, I should probably mention that Bernard is my six month old Siamese kitten.

I stumbled to the kitchen to feed an impatient Bernard before making my way to the bathroom to take a much needed shower in a vain attempt to wake myself up. At this point, there really isn’t much that can do the job properly that doesn’t contain caffeine. I pulled the glass shower door open and let out the loudest scream in the history of the world. I didn’t even know it was possible for me to be so loud and high pitched. I mean it was slasher-movie-scene worthy. You’d think I’d have found a dead body in my shower or even the killer, but no, just an eight legged monster. I’m not talking about a small one; I’m not that big of a wuss. Oh no, I’m talking about a huge ass spider that could eat a person alive. No joke. Needless to say, I skipped my shower. That was the first sign that today would suck balls. I should’ve known better. Finding a spider isn’t that unusual, but I should have realized that it was a sign today wouldn’t be any good.

Upon finding the evil creature, I ran straight to my room, grabbed my hairspray and proceeded to spray the shit out of the spider before running water over it to wash it down the drain. My final arachnid assault consisted of putting a huge pot over the drain so the little bugger couldn’t come back to haunt my ass. I’d get Adam, my boyfriend of three years, check if it’s still there when he gets back from his business trip tonight.

After securing the bathroom, I backed out slowly, keeping an eye on the pot and half ran back to my room to get ready. Perfume and deodorant will have to do today. Not that I’m dirty, I did take a shower last night, but I love showering in the morning and it does help me wake up a little. I got ready quickly and left the apartment, not bothering with breakfast. Luckily, I live close to work and there’s a Starbucks on the way so I can get up as late as humanly possible and not have to worry about food. I stop for a coffee to go and, especially after this morning’s event, indulge in some sugary goodness.

After my much needed coffee fix and a chocolate chip muffin with a liquid caramel center, the left heel of my favorite Louboutin’s broke. I got stuck in a crack in the sidewalk, stumbled and nearly fell face first onto the concrete.
Strike two for this Monday.
Thankfully, a kind gentleman caught me just in time. He helped me regain my balance before kneeling down in front of me. He tapped my right ankle for me to lift my foot and removed my shoe before breaking the other heel, all the while grinning up at me.

“Not really in style but at least you shouldn’t fall over anymore.” He smirked and kept ahold of my ankle for a few seconds too long before he placed my shoe back in on my foot.

“Shouldn’t being the key word. Thank you.” I smiled at him, grateful that he literally saved my life.

“You’re more than welcome. Have a nice day and keep smiling.” He winked at me and started to walk down the street.

“You too.” I watched him disappear in the sea of people. Looking down at my broken shoes, I cursed Adam.
Real Louboutin’s? Real my ass!

I walked the rest of the way to work like an idiot, but I guess it was better than walking with a broken heel and falling over again. I greeted Barry, the security guard, with a slice of carrot cake like I do every Monday before making my way to my office. Sighing, I sat down already exhausted despite it being only eight thirty.

“It’s going to be a long day,” I muttered to myself.

I barely had time to turn on my computer and log in when my boss called me into his office.
I just can’t catch a break this morning!
It’s not unusual, but we have a meeting at ten and we had already discussed the details for it on Friday. I’ve been the assistant to one of the best publicists in Colorado for the past four years, and while I love my job, it’s not my dream job. My dream job is to work for a magazine. I don’t mind which one, just getting the chance to get my words and opinions read by people would mean the world to me, but until the opportunity presents itself, I’ll stay here as an assistant. I don’t mind working here, it’s just not rewarding.

“Mr. Winston, you wanted to see me?” I asked as I poked my head round his door. He motioned for me to come in and sit down as he finished a phone call. He hung up quickly and looked at me nervously.

“Miss Lee.”

“Is everything okay, Mr. Winston?” I looked at him confused by his behavior.

“Ah. This isn’t easy for me to do.” He sighed.

“What isn’t easy? What are you talking about?”

“You’ve been with us for the past four years now, and whilst it’s been an absolute pleasure to have you with us, the economy isn’t what it used to be. We’ve had to make some cuts and, unfortunately, your position is no longer available,” he said sadly, crushing me with every single word.

“You’re firing me?” I screeched.

“I’m sorry, Miss Lee, it wasn’t an easy decision.”

“Not an easy decision, my ass! We both know you’re going to hire someone straight out of college so it’s cheaper for you,” I said, seething at his decision.

“Now, there’s no need to get this upset.” The fucking cheek of it!

“No need? You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me! You’re firing me, and on a Monday to top it all off, for someone you’ll pay half my salary. This is how I’m thanked after I helped you finalize the car campaign on Friday! You’re not the one who needs this ridiculously underpaid job to pay the bills.”

“Miss Lee, calm down. I have a recommendation letter for you and a magazine that is interested in hiring you. You’re a hard worker and whilst I know it’s unfair to you, we really had to make cutbacks. I’m sorry you were one of them, you’ll be greatly missed.”

“This is fucking bullshit.” I sighed. Feeling defeated, I took the recommendation letter and the letter of dismissal. I know I should’ve thanked him for his recommendation and the lead at a magazine, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

After leaving his office I walked into mine, well my now old office, and started to pack my things. It didn’t take too long and all too soon I was leaving the office for the last time. I successfully managed to avoid everyone, unable to deal with the looks of pity, and headed home with my box.

Strike three for this Monday morning
. At least I’ll be able to go back to bed and sleep the day away. Bad things come in three, right?

Or so I thought…

As I set my box on the kitchen counter I could hear noises coming from the bedroom. At first, I thought it was Bernard tearing something apart but, as far as I know, cats do
not
giggle. I tiptoed to the bedroom and opened the door to see Adam sitting on our bed with Cassidy, my so-called friend, in between his legs with her face in his crotch.

“Babe?” Adam yelled, clearly surprised to see me, as Cassidy continued to suck him off.

“Oh this is just fucking perfect! As if today wasn’t shit enough already! I can’t believe you two could do this to me,” I yelled at the both of them with Bernard hissing at them in apparent agreement.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to happen.” Adam tried to rationalize as he covered himself up with the sheets.

“Oh right! So she just ended up falling face first onto your dick while you were naked in our bed, when she’s supposed to be at work and you’re supposed to be in Florida until tonight?” I looked at the both of them in disbelief, daring them to come up with an excuse for their actions.

“Look, you weren’t supposed to find out, it’s not like you’ve been really into sex since you gained weight,” Adam explained and I completely lost it.

“How dare you?!” I screeched and hauled whatever I could get my hands on at his face. Cassidy, the thundercunt, giggled next to him, clearly enjoying my ego taking a huge fucking hit. “You two disgust me. I’ll be back tomorrow to get my stuff and I’ll know if something is missing. Don’t be here when I come over. I don’t want to see either of you ever again.” I picked up Bernard and as I was leaving the room, I turned around, looking at them both one last time as I spoke.

“I wish you two get what you both deserve,” I spat and left the room. I grabbed my bag, my keys and hurried down the stairs to the parking garage. I set Bernard on the seat next to me and drove out of the garage like a bat out of hell.