Forgotten Awakenings (Awakenings #2) (21 page)

“I’m sorry, Ivy; I didn’t hear you over the sound of this sweet baby sleeping,” Samuel teased.

Elle rolled her eyes, annoyed with the way he was goading her sister. Ivy and Nick had shown up about five minutes after Samuel and Lydia, with Lucia and Aaron right behind them. As thankful as Elle was for her family, her head was beginning to ache from their relentless arguing. Yes, Samuel was hogging the baby, but it wasn’t like Flora was suddenly going to disappear. Besides, in a few months, they’d have another baby to snuggle with, too.

Nausea rolled over her at the thought of the new baby. They hadn’t had a chance to discuss when they should announce that they were expecting again. Elle still struggled with the idea that there was a baby inside her, and the constant bickering around her did little to help.

“You’re hiding something.” Elle shifted her eyes to Aaron, who was seated on the large couch with Nick and Lucia, but was staring at her.

“What?” she scoffed. “No, I’m not.”

“Yeah, you are,” Aaron accused, shifting so that he was looking back at her. “It’s a big secret, too, isn’t it?”

“I’m not hiding anything,” she groused as the doorbell rang. “I’ll get it!”

Elle gripped her cane and hobbled to the front door as fast as she could, ignoring the peeling laughter erupting around her. Prying the door open, she found herself face to face Kenny. He’d worked in the mail room for the last two summers, and was now a sophomore at UC Berkeley. Derek and Callum teased Elle that the boy had a crush on her, which he did. His ears would turn bright red every time she spoke to him. He was nice, though, and a hard worker.

“Hey, Kenny,” Elle said, smiling at him. “I didn’t know you were working as a courier.”

“Only part time, but I can work around my class schedule, and it gives me some extra cash,” he explained.

“That’s great.” She gestured to the small envelope in his hands. “Is that for me?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry,” he muttered, pulling out his electronic handheld. “Need a signature.”

Elle nodded and took the device from him, scribbling her name across the bottom. Handing it back to him, she took the envelope in return, feeling her shoulders tense when she saw it was from Dr. Kemp’s office. She’d agreed to be discreet when she ran the paternity tests for them.

“Everything okay, Ms. Reid? I mean Mrs. Davis,” he stammered. “Sorry, I forgot that you just got married.”

“Why don’t you just call me Elle?”

He laughed. “Okay, sounds like a deal. But you’re good, right?”

Elle smiled. “Everything’s great, Kenny. Hold on one second.”

Tucking the envelope between her arm and body, she reached into her purse, which sat on the table next to the door, and pulled out a five dollar bill.

“Here,” she said, offering it to him. “A tip for our favorite courier.”

“Oh, I can’t take that.” Kenny took several steps backward. “But thanks, anyway.”

“You’re welcome,” Elle said. “Be careful. A lot of crazy drivers out there.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he laughed as he turned and rushed out to his car.

Once he was out of sight, Elle closed the door and walked back into the living room. Sadie was now sitting on the smaller sofa with Flora in her arms.

Their eyes met and Elle waved the envelope at her, silently letting her know she’d gotten the results of the paternity test. Of course, they’d wait to open it until they were with Derek and Callum, but just knowing that she had information that could potentially change their lives was a bit daunting.

“Do I need to change her before you nurse?” Elle asked, trying to keep her voice even as she joined Sadie on the couch, placing her hand under Flora, who was staring at Sadie with wide, grey eyes. “Look how alert she is.”

“Lydia just changed her,” Sadie explained, sliding the baby into Elle’s arms. “I think she needs some snuggles with you.”

Elle smiled and propped the newborn on her knees. She was in awe of the innocence in her eyes, the ease of her being. She was perfection, love, and everything beautiful in the world, and by some grace of God, she belonged to them.

The sound of a car’s tires on the gravel pulled Elle’s attention away from her daughter. Placing Flora back in Sadie’s arms, she pushed herself to her feet and hurried to the front door, throwing it open just as her mother climbed out of the backseat of Callum’s SUV.

“Mom!” Elle cried out, hobbling down the steps and meeting Helina halfway. She threw her arms around her mother, unable to keep her tears from falling. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, sweetheart,” Helina soothed, rubbing her back gently.

She was vaguely aware of Derek, James, Carlos, Felicia, Claudia, and Bruce surrounding them. There was so much she wanted to tell her mother, but instead of being able to speak, she found herself in hysterics.

“Elle, honey, calm down,” Helina soothed.

“I . . . I . . . You . . . I . . .” Elle’s sobs made no sense, and a moment later, she found herself being pulled into Callum’s arms. She gripped the front of his T-shirt.

“Go on inside; I’ve got her,” Callum told everyone. Murmured agreement filled the air and a minute later, Elle heard the front door close. “What’s going on, honey?”

“I don’t know,” Elle wept, leaning away from him, unsurprised to see Derek standing next to Callum. She reached for his hand, which he took. “Just felt really overwhelmed, and seeing my mom, I just . . . I really miss her when she’s not here.”

The confession fell off Elle’s lips like acid, the truth in her words shocking even her. As much conflict as she’d had with her mother, Elle had reveled in the way they’d been able to tease and joke without worry.

“This might have had something to do with it.” And when Elle turned toward the porch, she saw Sadie holding the envelope with the paternity tests in her hand. “It arrived about five minutes before you did.”

“And?” Callum asked, his voice shaking with nerves. “Did you open it yet?”

“Not yet.” Sadie walked down the front walk, sliding her arm around Elle as she held the envelope out to Callum. “You want the honor?”

“Um, not really.” But he took the envelope from her anyway. He toyed with the flap as he looked up at Derek. “No matter what it says in here, Flora belongs to both of us, right?”

“That’s right, babe,” Derek said, sliding his arm around Callum’s waist. “She’s our daughter.”

Callum nodded and ripped open the envelope and slipped out the letter.  Taking a deep breath, he unfolded it, his shoulders relaxing as he sighed. “I’m Flora’s biological father.”

“Congratulations.” Derek leaned in and kissed him.

“I love you,” Callum murmured, bringing his hand up to cup Derek’s face.

He smiled. “I love you, too.”

“You know,” Sadie said, drawing everyone’s attention to her. “We should have bet on this.”

“What? Why?” Elle asked, laughing. She felt silly for having been so worried about getting these results. Nothing had changed between the four of them.

“Just think about it. If we’d bet, say winner gets to control the losers, we could have really had some fun,” Sadie explained, wiggling her eyebrows. “In six weeks, anyway.”

“You’re a sex addict,” Elle snickered, her attention drawn to the front window as the curtain got pulled back. “We’d better get inside. I don’t think Samuel’s going to wait much longer to learn the name of his granddaughter.”

“The man has no patience,” Sadie scoffed, wrapping her fingers around Elle’s as the four of them headed toward the front door. “I thought he was going to tackle my mom to the ground when I let her hold Flora.”

Derek and Callum laughed with them. When they walked into the house, they found Helina and Felicia gathered around Claudia, who held a fussing Flora It was the first time Elle had heard her really cry, and wondered if she, too, felt overwhelmed with all the attention.

“She’s probably hungry.” Sadie pulled away from Elle and walked toward her mother, but Samuel stepped in the way. “Uh, you want to move out of my way?”

“No,” he said, defiantly. “Not until you tell me her name.”

“You’re refusing to allow me to feed my daughter, your granddaughter, until I tell you her name?” Sadie asked, folding her arms in front of her. “Kind of immature, don’t you think?”

“Yes,” he whined, lettings his hands fall to his side. “Look, I’ve tried to be patient —”

Callum, Derek, Lydia, and Lucia laughed.

“I have!” Samuel exclaimed. “Please, tell me her name. Make an old man happy.”

Sadie laughed as she side-stepped Samuel and lifted the baby into her arms, nestling her against her chest. “You want to know her name?”

“Yes!” Samuel pleaded, and though they’d had a good time mocking him over the last handful of weeks, everyone was waiting in haste for the reveal.

“Okay.” Sadie smiled as she said, “I’d like you to meet Flora Hope Davis, soon to be a big sister.”

With surprised gasps, their parents shifted their shock-filled eyes from Sadie to Elle, who smiled. “Yeah, I’m pregnant.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding!” Ivy snarled, surprising Elle. The hate and venom in her voice was shocking. “Just fucking great.”

And without giving Elle a chance to say anything, Ivy stormed out of the house with Nick following.

Twenty

Elle’s heart raced as she stood in the middle of the living room with a dozen pairs of eyes locked on her. Each silently asked the same question: what in the hell had just happened?

Ivy had been the last person Elle would have expected to be upset to hear that she was pregnant. Her sister had always been her biggest supporter in life, encouraging to her be true to herself. So why was she so upset that Elle was pregnant?

“Excuse me,” Elle murmured, unable to keep her tears from falling as she chased after her sister.

She didn’t have to look far. Ivy and Nick were standing next to their car, arguing softly. At the sound of the front door closing behind Elle, the two turned and looked at her. Ivy’s face crumbled in agony, while Nick looked sympathetic.

“Talk to her,” Nick told Ivy before kissing her. He turned and walked up the front walk, pausing next to Elle. “Give her a chance to explain, okay?”

Elle nodded and waited until he was inside before she settled in one of the wicker chairs she and Sadie had bought for the small porch. She leaned her cane against the edge of the chair, dropping her hand onto the sore muscle.

“Remember when we were little girls,” Elle said, loud enough for Ivy to hear, “and we’d put pillows under our shirts and pretend to be pregnant?”

“Yeah.” Ivy sighed as she sat next to her. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be mad. Especially at you.”

“But you are.” Elle looked up at her. “Aren’t you?”

“Yes,” Ivy admitted, shame filling her delicate features. “It’s not you, Elle. It’s me.”

“Oh, well, that makes sense,” Elle quipped.

Ivy sighed. “A couple days before you got shot, I found out I was pregnant.”

“What?” Elle asked.

Ivy nodded softly. “Nick and I had always talked about trying for a baby as soon as we got married. We want a big family, and . . .” She paused, blowing out a deep breath. “Well, we planned to tell you that night, but then you were shot, and all I cared about was you being okay. A couple days later, I . . . I started bleeding, and . . .”

Ivy blew out a heavy breath. “I lost the baby, had to have a D and C. The doctor said I have too much scarring in my uterus, he doesn’t think I’ll ever be able to conceive and carry to term.”

“Oh, sis, I’m so sorry,” Elle whimpered. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because you were already dealing with so much, and I didn’t want to be a bother.”

“Do Mom and Dad know?”

Ivy looked away as she shook her head.

“Why didn’t you tell them?” Elle asked. “Mom would have done everything she could for you.”

She sighed. “Because for once in your life, they were more concerned about you than me, and I didn’t want to take that away from you. So Nick and I didn’t tell anyone, not even Regina. Nobody knew we were expecting, or that we were even trying, so we figured that was the best way to handle it. It was hard on us. We . . .  Well, for a while I wasn’t sure we’d make it.”

“You and Nick almost broke up?” Elle shrieked.

“We were both hurting, and instead of talking to each other, we tried to pretend that everything was okay. Then one night, a few months later, he came home late from a rehearsal with Taj and I’d made dinner, which had turned cold. The minute he walked into our apartment, I lit into him. Screaming and yelling, calling him every four letter word I could think of, and then making up a few. And the entire time I was screaming at him, he never said a word. Just stood there and took it. I was so angry, I was crying, and you know I don’t cry easily.”

Elle reached over and took hold of Ivy’s hand. “You never did.”

“After several minutes of me lashing out at him, he wrapped his arms around me and said, ‘I’m mad, too.’ I didn’t understand what he was talking about, but then he said, ‘I would have been a good dad.’ And just like that, months of hurt and pain and anger just poured from both of us. We sunk to the floor and cried together. Once we were done crying, we drank an entire bottle of wine and talked. A lot. About the baby we’d never have, the feelings we were bottling up. He told me he didn’t feel he had a right to grieve for our baby because he wasn’t the one who had been pregnant, and that he wanted to be here for me, but felt like I had pushed him away. And looking back, I see that I did. I didn’t mean to, but I did push him away because I was so angry.”

An awkward silence settled over the two women. Elle watched as a bird landed in the middle of the yard, pecking at the ground in search of worms.

“And now, instead of being angry with Nick, you’re mad at me,” Elle finally said, sighing.

“I am,” she admitted. “What can I say? I’m a selfish bitch.”

Elle snorted. “You’ve never been selfish, Ivy. Least of all toward me.” She shifted in her chair. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me.”

“You didn’t need my baggage on top of everything you were going through,” she grumbled. “And I am happy for you, Elle, but I look at Flora, and I think about the baby I lost, and it’s hard not to get emotional.”

“Nobody expects you not to be emotional,” Elle insisted. “Have you and Nick considered all your options?”

Ivy shrugged her shoulders. “Not really.”

“There’s adoption, or surrogacy,” Elle suggested. “And you got pregnant once, right? So maybe you still can.”

“My doctor is recommending that I have a hysterectomy,” she said. “Says the damage is severe and that’s why my periods are so heavy and painful.”

Elle frowned. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” she mumbled.

“I don’t know what to say to make this better,” Elle confessed.

“You can’t,” Ivy whimpered, pulling her hand away as she stood up. “I’m sorry. I just need some time.”

“Yeah, okay.” Elle grabbed her cane and stood up, wrapping her free arm around her sister. “I’m here anytime you want to talk, all right? Day or night?”

“I know,” Ivy cried, ripping herself out of Elle’s arm and rushing down the front walk and climbing into her car.

Elle sighed as she turned and walked into the house, unsurprised to find Nick sitting on the bottom stair. He looked up at her, his eyes shifting to the empty doorway, and he frowned.

“She’s in the car,” Elle told him. “She told me everything.”

Nick nodded as he stood up and walked over to her. “Give her some time. She’ll come around.”

“I know.” Elle leaned up and kissed his cheek. “Take care of her, okay? She needs you.”

He smiled. “I always do.” Pausing, he added, “Congratulations.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Elle stood in the doorway and watched as Nick climbed into the car and they drove away.

Closing the door, Elle walked back into the living room. Helina was cuddling with Flora, James perched next to her. Lydia had turned their attention to the laundry Elle had abandoned, and Samuel, Carlos, and Bruce were talking, but not really listening to each other. It was clear that Sadie, Derek, and Callum were worried about Elle, and that meant everyone else was worried about them.

“I’m going to make some coffee. Anybody want some?” Elle asked, gesturing toward the kitchen.

“No coffee for you,” Sadie said, looking over the back of the couch. “You’re pregnant, remember?”

“How could I forget; you keep reminding me,” Elle muttered before turning and walking into the kitchen.

However, instead of making any coffee, she sat at the table and buried her face in her hands, sobbing. Ivy should have been able to come to Elle when she lost her baby, instead of keeping her feeling locked away inside. Just one more way Elle had made life difficult for her family. If anyone had been selfish, it had been her.

Elle looked up when she heard the door to the kitchen open, unsurprised to see Sadie, Callum, and Derek standing in the doorway.

“She needed me, and I wasn’t there for her,” Elle cried. Instead of replying, the three of them sat at the table, waiting for her to explain. She sighed, dragging her fingers through her hair. “I wasn’t ready to tell everyone that I’m pregnant. For once, I didn’t want the focus to be on me.”

“What are you talking about?” Derek asked, confusion marring his features.

“From the moment we started dating, it’s about me and my fears of commitment, Leo, my parents.” She paused. “I got shot, I almost died, and instead of being there when Sadie needed me, I was in the hospital. Instead of being there when Ivy needed me, I was in the hospital. And even after I got out, after the wounds healed, I let my anger and fear of Trixie coming after us keep me from living. Really living.”

Tears saturated Elle’s face, but she made no attempt to wipe them away.

“I suspected I was pregnant a week ago,” she told them. “My period was late, and two home pregnancy tests confirmed my suspicions. But instead of telling you, I made an appointment with Dr. Kemp. That’s where I was when Sadie’s water broke.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Callum asked, his voice tight and firm, like he was struggling to keep from screaming at her. “At least one of us. You lied to us, Elle.”

“I didn’t lie, I just didn’t share everything,” she argued, defending herself. “I was scared of how you’d react,” she confessed, her secrets pouring out of her like water. “We’ve been married three months. Flora was due any day, and I didn’t want to add any more stress onto Sadie than needed. And I was scared of how you’d react.”

“I don’t understand,” Derek said, frowning. “Did you really think we’d be pissed?”

Elle shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. We were literally hours away from having our first child. Don’t you think it’s kind of quick to be adding another child to our family?”

“No,” Callum scoffed. “Are you saying that you don’t want to have the baby?”

“Of course that’s not what I’m saying!” she yelled.

“Everyone calm down,” Derek ordered, putting a hand up.

Elle leaned back in her seat. “Of course I want the baby, but this was Sadie’s turn to be in the spotlight, not mine.”

“So what? You’re upset because I told them you were pregnant?” Sadie asked, her lips trembling.

“No,” Elle insisted. “I just wish you’d talked to me about it first.”

“Well, I’m sorry for being excited,” she quipped.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Elle asked.

“It means that instead of sitting here whining about how the attention is always on you, you should be thankful that we love you so much that we want to share everything about you.”

Sadie placed her hands on the table as she stood up. “I’m not going to apologize for wanting to tell our parents, the people we’ve been longing to accept us for years, how happy we are. Now, I have a baby to take care of. When you’re done throwing your fit, feel free to join us.”

And with that said, Sadie turned and walked out of the kitchen, leaving just Elle, Derek, and Callum.

“She’s just emotional,” Callum said, drawing her attention to him. “Post-baby, you know.”

Elle nodded and stood up. “Yeah, I know.”

This time, Elle was the one who left them sitting in the kitchen. She hobbled into her studio and blocked out the outside world. As she settled on her stool, leaning her cane against the front of her easel, Elle wept for the pain and anger filling her sister, the loss she and Nick had experience, and tried to paint away the guilt for hurting those she loved the most. Why couldn’t she just be happy? She was in love, she had a wonderful career, an amazing family, and now a beautiful baby, with another on the way. She had everything a woman could ever want and great sex.

—FA—

“Elle, sweetheart,” Helina called through the closed her, the sound of her knuckles thwacking against the wood reverberating around the small room. “Dinner’s ready.”

Sighing, Elle dropped her paint brush on the tray of her easel, grabbed her cane, and hobbled to the door. She pulled it open, finding her mother worrying her bottom lip.

“I’m not hungry,” Elle told her, but when she attempted to close the door, Helina threw her hand out. “I’m not hungry, Mom.”

“So you said.” Helina pushed her way into the room. “But I came to visit my daughter, and you’ve been locked away all afternoon.”

Elle shook her head, closing her eyes for a moment before turning her attention to her mother. “Ivy could your attention.”

“And if she hadn’t left so upset, she would have gotten it,” Helina chirped.

“But she needs you!” Elle snarled, surprising herself by how much anger laced her words. “Why are you so stupid? Why can’t you see how much she’s hurting?”

“Elle!” Helina gasped and took a step back, knocking the wet canvas to the floor.

“Now, look what you’ve did!” Elle shrieked, dropping to the floor and yanking the painting up. The picture was smeared, the paint bled into each other. “You ruined it. You fucking ruined it, like you’ve ruined everything!”

“I’m sorry,” Helina whimpered, reaching for Elle’s arm, but she pulled away from her mother, throwing the canvas against the wall.

“Go away!” she screamed. “Get away from me!”

But instead of waiting for her mother to leave, Elle pushed herself to her feet and rushed out of her studio, unsurprised to see everyone in the kitchen, staring at her like she was a freak. It was a look she was used to getting, one that she’d always hated.