Full Measure [Mastering Holly Oaks] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) (6 page)

As Mac rounded up kitten, and Jay to escort her home, he couldn’t help but notice the sneer Suzy sent their way. What was that all about? He’d have to keep his eye on that one. Suzy was a conniving bitch who had more than once tried to get in their bed. If she caused any trouble with his kitten, he wanted to know immediately. Nobody hurt his subs.

Kat led Mac and Jay into her apartment. As she closed the door, a silent ball of fluff went sailing over the island in the kitchen.

“What the fuck was that?” Jay yelled while looking around like he expected to be attacked.

Rolling her eyes, Kat looked to the far side of the island to make sure Sampson was okay. “That was my cat.” Yup, he was fine. In fact, he was staring at her like she was the one who just made an ass out of herself.

“Sampson has a little problem with balance and judging distance. He has nystagmus, which means his eyes kind of wiggle around all the time. He tends to miss his target when he jumps. You get used to it.” Poor thing was just not graceful like a feline should be. At least he’d ventured out of the bedroom.

“Do not make fun of him, Jay. I mean it.” She would get the Wax Nazi after him if he did.

“We will not make fun of your unfortunate cat, kitten. I promise Jay will behave.” Mac was sternly looking at Jay, but she saw the crinkle around his eyes. Well, let them risk it and take the consequences.

“We need to talk, kitten.” Mac’s playful tone was gone.

Okay, here it was, the serious portion of the evening.

“Kitten, do you understand that we want you to be a part of our D/s relationship? If we are to continue to explore what is between us, you must understand that this is who we are, not just something we do. I’d give you anything you asked of me, but I cannot change who am, nor can I ignore that this is a part of our life.”

She knew this was what they wanted. Part of her hoped to put off this discussion for a while. Maybe just enjoy some time together before she had to worry about what they expected. ’Course, maybe she was just afraid to find out what kind of BDSM they practiced. She had read some serious shit before. She didn’t think she could handle anything too intense. If they wanted her to sleep in a cage or pee in front of them…well, that was a no-go for sure. “So, you want to top me, right?”

“Yes, kitten. I would expect that you submit to Jay in a way as well. When the three of us are together, you are both mine. When I’m not around, Jay will be given a measure of control over you. Mostly, I expect him to take care of you and keep you safe. To that end, I would expect you to obey him and by extension, me.”

Great. He wanted to make decisions for her and order her around. It didn’t seem like he acted that way with Jay, at least not while she was with them this week. She was too independent for that. She should have known they were too good to be true.

“I don’t think I can let anyone control me, Mac. I worked too hard to get my life in order. I can’t just hand it over to you. I can’t change who I am, either, even if it means this won’t work out.” Kat felt sadness well up. She wanted to be with them. She just couldn’t give up everything.

“I think you misunderstand, honey. Our power exchange occurs mostly in sexual situations. I am a dominant man. I tend to try and get my way outside the bedroom, but I don’t expect to always succeed. Jay is my partner, friend, and lover above all else. I don’t want a full-time Master/slave relationship with either of you. I will, however, expect that you listen to an order outside the bedroom if it concerns your safety or happiness.

“D/s relationships require honesty and trust. That extends beyond the bedroom, kitten. I cannot give you what you need as your Dom or your lover if you don’t communicate with me. And I will
always
look to your well-being first. Jay has earned a punishment or two for risking his safety or withholding information from me. If you are sad or stressed, kitten, I expect you to tell me. I want the chance to comfort you or help you. That’s not so much about BDSM, that’s just the hallmark of a good relationship.”

“I was only going eight miles above the speed limit and Mr. You Do Not Risk My Property over there gave me ten with a cane for it. Trust me, babe, he’s serious about the safety thing. You do not want to push on that one,” Jay said.

“Jay’s right. You need to think about this. I can be very strict about some things. There is a difference between punishment, and pain for pleasure’s sake. If I think you have endangered yourself, or if I feel you are intentionally disobeying an order, you will be punished for it.”

Jay leaned closer to Kat. “Listen, baby, Mac is very fair about punishment. To tell you the truth, I like knowing that he cares enough about me to notice when I need it. Afterward, I feel so loved. Safe. It’s not something for you to fear, honey.

“If I hurt him or do something stupid, I don’t have to worry that he’ll be mad at me for days. Also, I never get punished without knowing exactly why. Mac has never set me up to fail. He isn’t a sadist. I know that any punishment he gives is stressful for him, but it clears the air for both of us. I would rather take strokes for doing something stupid than be with someone who didn’t care if I was hurt or even feeling guilty. It helps us both remember that we have responsibilities to each other. And he will never, and I mean
never,
push you past your tolerance for pain. He will not physically injure you in any lasting way. Doesn’t mean you won’t sit uncomfortably from time to time, but he will never push you past what you can handle.”

She was starting to feel better about this situation. And even what Jay said about punishment made sense. She could remember times when her ex wouldn’t talk to her for a week because he was pissed over something or other. Half the time she never knew why. And the one time she got a speeding ticket, he was furious over the money. He could have cared less that she was speeding, only that she got caught and he had to foot the bill for the fine.

There seemed to be something so reassuring in knowing that if you screwed up, you would be called on it and forgiven. It was even a comfort to know that your lover cared enough about your safety to drive the point home in a way you were likely to remember. To hear Jay confirm that Mac wasn’t abusive was a relief. It sounded like he really didn’t like to hand out a punishment, and that he’d never cross the line and actually hurt her. “What about when you two disagree about something? Are you allowed to fight about stuff?”

Mac just stared at her for a minute before he started laughing. “Baby, we fight all the time. Just like any other couple. Sometimes it’s over stupid stuff like what to watch on TV, occasionally we see differently about something bigger, but we always try to respect each other when we fight. I want to hear your opinions. As long as you are being respectful to me and Jay, we will talk it out until we can compromise or agree. But kitten, if you get bratty, I
will
spank your ass until you’re ready to discuss your position reasonably.” This last was said with a seductive purr. Lord alive, he could spank away if he talked to her like that.

“So you don’t always get your way?”

“No, honey. Only in the bedroom. Like I said, we are partners. We will treat you equally as well. But I
will
get my way during any sexual scene. You can count on that.”

“Jay, what did you mean when you said you have responsibilities to each other?”

“Well, just like in most relationships, there’s equal give-and-take. During scenes, I trust Mac to take the control. To know what I need. I trust him to love me enough to allow me to let go. I don’t have to worry about anything because I know Mac will take care of it. But the flip side of that is the reality of submission. It isn’t easy to do. You have to be strong enough to let go. You have to be honest with your Dom, open about whom you are and what you need. He can’t read your mind. He trusts me to give him all the information he needs to be able to do his job. He trusts me to take this seriously. I won’t hide from him, because that would just cheat us both. I won’t top from the bottom or undermine his demands. I try my best to avoid any action that shows disrespect. I want him to understand that I trust him to be all the things I need.

“In our daily life, we have the same responsibilities to each other every other couple has. I wouldn’t just up and leave for the weekend without talking with him. I wouldn’t hide things or lie to him just because we aren’t in a scene. I love him. The ultimate responsibility we have to each other is to behave in a manner that honors that love, kitten.” Jay’s eyes were bright. The love she saw shining on his face as he looked at Mac made her physically ache to share.

Well, so far all of this sounded better than she could have hoped. They didn’t want to take over her life. They wanted to be a part of it. Okay, so Mac would go all Dom on her if she wasn’t being cautious with her safety. She could handle that. And they wanted respect. Well, who the hell didn’t? She wanted a relationship like that so badly. And she did want to see what it was like to submit sexually. She always felt she understood the subs in the books she read. She wanted to experience what was described. If it didn’t work, well, there were no guarantees. Better to find out now instead of dating them for months only to have her heart broken if she couldn’t handle the D/s aspect.

“What about safe words…hard limits?” She would do this. She needed some more information to be responsible, but she was so going to do this.

“My, my, kitten. What books have you read?” Jay snickered.

“Oh, come on, Jay! I know enough to know about safe words, and that knife play is definitely a hard fucking limit for me.”

“She’s right, Jay, lay off. Sweetheart, we follow safe, sane, and consensual play…always. You say ‘yellow’ if you feel you need to slow down and talk for whatever reason. You say ‘red,’ and everything stops immediately. I honor those words at all times. Most of the things I imagine would be on your hard limit list are also on ours, honey. We’re into the aspects of power exchange, bondage, and sensation play. I will not humiliate you or permanently mark you. I’m not interested in animal play, and I absolutely will not share you with anyone but Jay. I consider my lovers to be mine. No one touches what belongs to me, kitten.

“As for anything you’re unsure of, all you need to do is ask. I will honor your limits, provided there is a valid reason for them. For example, if anal play is a limit, I would suggest we try it first. If it’s too painful for you, or you just flat out hate it, then it will be off limits. If there is something I want to try and it’s physically safe, then fear is not a valid reason to avoid it. But, kitten, keep in mind this is supposed to be for our mutual pleasure. I’m doing something wrong if you’re not enjoying yourself, honey.”

Wow. They made everything sound so reasonable. So amazing. She knew that if she got scared or uncomfortable that they would talk it out with her. Reassure her. Though she never believed any of this would happen to her, it seemed the kind of life she fantasized about was right here in her face. All she had to do was take it.

“Okay. I want to try this. I can’t promise I’ll be okay with it, but I guess that goes with any new relationship. I can promise to give it my honest best effort. Am I supposed to call you Master now? How does that part work? I read about protocols and some etiquette, but I really have no clue how to do this.” God, what if he wanted her to walk around naked all the time or never speak? She really liked to talk. That could be a toughie.

The twinkle in Mac’s eyes was only overshadowed by the relief and happiness she saw on both their faces. “No, kitten. When we’re in a scene, you will call me Sir for now. I haven’t earned the right to be your Master. At all other times, you call me what you’re comfortable with. In private Jay occasionally calls me Master, never in public. As far as protocol and etiquette, I’ll teach you what I like. I’m not real strict with high protocol. I like my sub’s eyes on mine, I want to see what’s going on in that head of yours. As long as you’re respectful, you may talk all you like unless I order silence. There are some positions I favor which Jay will go over with you, but I’ve altered some from the standard for comfort’s sake.

“Every single person who practices BDSM does so in a unique way. You will never be called out for not doing something I didn’t teach you. As Jay said, I won’t set you up to fail. I’m not interested in tricking my subs. I think that kind of behavior undermines what is central in all of this for me, a loving relationship.”

Everything this man said just made her feel better about moving forward. There was definitely a voice in her head pitching a fit over the risk of heartbreak involved. And she had a feeling that Mac would consider her anxiety disorder as important information to be shared. She really didn’t want to talk about that. Was it fair to keep it to herself? Yeah, she knew it wasn’t. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to tell him. Maybe at some point in the future she would be able to confide in them. Right now she just couldn’t handle it.

Jay smiled at her. “Relax, baby, you look like you’re working on string theory over there. I know we gave you a whole lot of information, but honestly, this isn’t supposed to be awful for you. We can only alleviate some of your fears with experience. You let us worry about how this will go, okay? Just remember that if anything becomes too much for you physically or emotionally, you have the power to stop us. The sub always has that power. It’s our dirty little secret. We actually retain the ultimate control by being able to call a stop to the scene or relationship if necessary.” Leave it to Jay to lighten the mood and put things in perspective for her. He was right, she didn’t need to stress over this right now. She’d just let it unfold and let Mac drive.

“So, when Mac’s not around, are you going to top me? I don’t want to get confused.”

“No, mostly I’ll just fuck you silly. Well, unless Master restricts my orgasms. In that case you’ll have to walk around in a snow suit, because seriously, babe, I’ve been hard as a fucking rock all night. I love your body. Too many nights like this could cause some serious damage to my manly bits.” Now that he mentioned it, Jay did look rather uncomfortable.