Full Measure [Mastering Holly Oaks] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) (4 page)

“Have you ever heard of BDSM? Dominance and submission?” Well, no wonder he looked nervous. She had never been asked that before.

“Umm…well, I guess so. I mean I’ve read some stuff, not that anything in those romance novels is probably real, but the terms aren’t completely new.” Fuck! Did she just inform her new friend that she read kinky erotica! What the hell? She never told a single soul about her reading preferences. Now she just blurted out a shifty sexual curiosity to this man? Maybe there were too many changes happening for her too fast. She must be losing her mind. She was shocked into silence by her own statement. She just stared at him in horror and hoped like hell she’d imagined that whole exchange.

Nope. That was not the face of someone still awaiting an answer. Jay looked like he was paying dearly for his efforts not to laugh. Double fuck.

“Please don’t look so embarrassed. I’m the one who asked a totally left-field question. Lots of people are curious about the lifestyle. I’m actually really happy to hear you may be as well.” Jay rushed through his words at record pace. How did all this come up? One minute they were discussing the deer trails, and now they were going to talk about whips and chains? She was really lost.

“Why are we now talking about BDSM? I mean, I’m a little out of my element here,” Kat whispered while scoping out the area to see if anyone was listening.

“It’s just that D/s is a part of the lifestyle Mac and I live. I didn’t want to freak you out about it. I realize I was overly blunt just now, but I figure it would better to get it out there instead of having you wonder at the dynamic of our relationship. I really hope that you can be comfortable around us. We both want to get closer to you, kitten.”

Mother Mary
. This man was opening up about a very personal aspect of his life, and he was worried she wouldn’t accept him? There were those damn tears again. She did not want to cry, but how many people ever cared about her feelings or whether
they
would be acceptable to
her
? Before she knew what was happening, Kat had jumped out of her seat and hugged Jay. His shocked laugh was so deep that she could feel the rumble against her breasts. Lord, this should not be getting her hot. Her emotions were all over the place. “I could never have a problem with your lifestyle. Would it be too forward to ask questions if I get confused or curious?”

“Ask all the questions you want, baby. And please feel free to hand out the hugs. You are a delicious armful, kitten.”

Kat’s last thought before they parted ways was that those two men could be very dangerous to her heart, an organ she had all but written off.

The week flew by for Kat. Work was great, and the new apartment was beautiful. Her cat wasn’t convinced yet, but hopefully he would come out of the bedroom sometime this month. She was looking forward to the party Friday and the club Saturday. She was really looking forward to spending more time with Mac and Jay. They had both stopped by to take her to lunch or dinner twice more. Thankfully the whole D/s subject didn’t come up again, but they had a great time getting to know one another.

They made her feel so special. One of them was always pulling out her chair or opening a door for her. They constantly kept her between them. And damn if one of them wasn’t touching her in some innocent way all the time. She didn’t usually like to be touched by people. Sometimes it even triggered a panic attack, but these men just made her feel so good they could touch her all night. She had to remind herself they were just friends. It often felt like a date when they were around. ’Course, she was never treated with such concern on a date before.

She had Friday off, and Kelly had declared a girls’ day out. Kat wasn’t sure what to expect. She’d never even had a massage, but if it was what Kelly wanted, she wouldn’t argue. Kelly picked her up and headed to a little boutique on the outskirts of town.

“Kelly, this place looks really expensive. Isn’t there somewhere else around here where we could shop?” she asked nervously.

“No way, hon. Mac’s footing this bill, and I’m going to make sure his little kitten dazzles on Saturday night. Relax, this is supposed to be fun,” Kelly admonished.

“Right. I’m just not comfortable letting him buy me clothes. And I am not his little anything. Please don’t go overboard here. It’s just drinks and dancing for a group of friends.”

“Kat, you just let me have fun, and I will make this as painless as possible.”

* * * *

Was she serious? No way in hell was she going to put on that dress. Seemed Kelly had a little problem picking out clothes that adequately covered all the necessary body parts. “Kelly, first off, I do not own a halter bra. A halter top dress is out of the question. Second, where is the back of this dress? The fact that there is anything to cover my ass seems an afterthought here. And third, nobody needs to see that much of my thighs. Have you looked at me at all? I didn’t have the body for a dress like this even when I was twenty and everything was supposed to be perky, for fuck’s sake.” Nope. This wasn’t a dress. This was a randomly put-together piece of silk. Kelly needed to start to thinking about the point of material.

“Stop. First off, you are not wearing a bra with this dress because the top will hold you perfectly. Second, your back and ass are both hot, so I want to show as much as possible. Honestly, honey, you have the kind of ass a man just wants to latch onto. And third, your thighs are killer. Muscular with hips like a woman should have. This dress is perfect, and you are going to put it on right this minute,” Kelly barked.

Whoa, was she seriously ordering her around? And why was she walking to the dressing room? Damn. This was getting out of hand. Who went without a bra? And her ass was not latchable, it was just huge. Fine. She would put this dress on to show Kelly how awful it looked. Then they could find something more, well, just more.

Though she had a pout on her face for form’s sake, Kat had to admit she felt sexy walking back out to the store area. The silk felt like a caress on her skin, and the heels lifted her previously mentioned ass. It actually did look pretty good. She had never worn anything like this before. Maybe her curves were a bit more than she wanted, but in this dress she felt like she just oozed sex. Sensual. That was it. That was how she felt. She never before felt sensual. She kind of wanted to run her hands on her own skin. If the look Kelly was giving her was any indication, she was not finding a different dress. Maybe she could just this once pretend to be this person, just for a night.

“Katherine.” Kelly breathed. “You are simply stunning. This is how you were meant to look. You’re even walking differently, honey. If you could just open your mind, you could see what a beautiful woman you are. You would see what I see. We’re going to have to beat the men back with sticks.”

“I don’t want a man, Kelly. I’ll admit I like the dress. I can’t believe I do, but there it is. That doesn’t change anything, though. I don’t want another relationship.” Kat felt like she was pleading for Kelly to understand. She liked how she felt, but it wouldn’t last. No man would, either.

“Don’t. Do not let that asshole determine your future. I know you’re scared of trusting your heart to another’s keeping, Kat. I know you think you’re better off alone. But look at me when I say this…You’re never going to be happy that way. You’re letting him choose your life for you. You will never be the kind of woman to happily grow old alone. You have too much to give. Let your heart open just a bit. Don’t shut off your life because you’re afraid.”

There was a whole lot of emotion in that little speech. Kat wanted to believe it
was
just the fear of betrayal, but she couldn’t even have an orgasm, for Christ’s sake. What kind of man wanted a woman who could not respond to him? Eventually he would seek out someone who made him feel like a man. And her anxiety disorder was just so much fun to add to the mix. Nobody wanted to deal with that, even if they didn’t think she was crazy.

She remembered the last time her ex had to take her to the ER for cardiac monitoring. The doctor was afraid she’d have a heart attack, but she could hear her ex on the phone with his mother, saying, “Kat just got herself worked up again.” He never could believe that she didn’t have control over it, that it wasn’t in her head. Not even when the doctors explained all about the hormone imbalance and heredity factors. She felt like such a failure and an embarrassment that day. He never even held her hand. Fuck that. She didn’t care if it was all about fear. She didn’t think she could risk it again.

* * * *

After the boutique, it was time for the spa. Kelly dropped her off with an impish grin and said she’d meet her for the hair portion of the treatment. She followed a talkative woman down the hall and into what looked like her OB/GYN’s office. What the fuck? With curt orders to strip and “hop up,” she was left alone to stare openmouthed at the stirrups. This was not looking good at all.

An agonizing hour later, Kat felt like she’d been skinned raw. “Son of a bitch!” Her scream could probably be heard three states over. Yup, someone somewhere was calling 911 to report a brutal murder. Who the hell needs to have their ass waxed? She didn’t even know she had hair on her ass, much less enough to merit ripping it off. And sweet Jesus, her pussy felt like it was on fire. It would simply never be the same. She might have to get medical attention after this. Little Miss Thorough even got out the goddamn tweezers to pluck any missed hairs. Kat was sure if this torture didn’t end soon, she was going to be in the county lockup for murder. Check that, once she found Kelly, she was definitely going to go to jail. That sadistic little bitch was going to die.

“Hey! Hair Removal Queen of the Underworld…what the hell? I said I didn’t want a man. Therefore, there was absolutely no reason to let the Wax Nazi have at it with my hoo-ha! I can barely even walk!” Kat was furious, and her little screeching whisper was just adding to what Kelly apparently thought was the funniest damn thing ever. “Why would you do this to me? And stop your snickering right now!”

“I’m sorry!” Kelly squealed. “You should see your face! I haven’t laughed this hard in years. I think I just peed a little!”

“Glad to provide entertainment, but you still haven’t explained the point to this, Kelly.” It was getting harder to stay mad when Kelly was doubled over. Why was laughing contagious? It never made sense to Kat.

“I thought you should get the full package. Plus, you may find you want someone to soothe your poor abused ass later, and we wouldn’t want it to be less than baby soft.” Kelly almost couldn’t even get that last bit out, she was laughing so hard.

“You’re just a bitch, and you know it. Let’s get our friggin’ hair done. I am in desperate need of some wine. You better have it here, or I’m going to smack you right in the face.” God, she hated that she was laughing now, too. Her girly parts really did hurt.

Mac stared down at Jay with a frown. He never did understand why anyone would willingly let their ass hang out of their pants unless they were wearing leathers designed for play. Normally his heart was filled with pride and devotion when he saw Jay kneel before him. Tonight he just fought to keep a serious face. Apparently Jay went through a “skater” phase in college. No self-respecting thirty-six-year-old should show off his boxers. God, he loved this man.

Mac got down to business with a ruthless grasp on Jay’s soft hair. “Slave, you understand that tonight we take the next step with kitten. We need her to understand that she can rely on us to keep her safe in all ways. She is to expect our devotion to her needs. You are not to let her out of your sight. You are not to let another touch what is ours. Am I clear?” They already discussed that one or both of them would be at her side at all times. They didn’t seek to take away her independence, but she needed to know that she was desired. That there was no one they would rather be with.

“Yes, Master.”

“Then let’s go join our woman, love.”

* * * *

Kat walked across the field between the clinic and James’s house feeling lighter than air. It had been forever since she’d broken out her patchwork skirts and patchouli. With an inelegant snort, she realized she could feel every glide of the well-worn fabric on her skin. After her awful hair-removal experience, she was scrubbed and rubbed with exfoliants and lotions until even she had admitted she felt good. The pain was gone, and now she felt every wisp of air as a caress. Jeez. Her whole body felt alive and tingly. Maybe Kelly knew what she was doing. If her goal was to make Kat rub on everything like the kitten her boys called her, it seemed to be working. She almost shamed herself getting dressed.

Wait…her boys? They weren’t her boys. Damn. She needed to start thinking clearly here. She knew they were bi, but that was still a far cry from wanting her. They were committed to each other, and that was perfect for her because she didn’t want one, much less two men. But if they wanted to flirt a bit, maybe she could do that.

Ryan opened the door, took one look at Kat, and started a full-belly laugh. She just smirked at his obvious frat-boy attire. “Guess we’re going to have to be enemies tonight. However, if you feel the need to prove your masculinity with a round of beer pong, you can count me in. I’m going to kick your ass.” She tried to come off as derisive as possible. In college she did not have the best experience with fraternities.

James came to the door in what appeared to be golf attire. “Just be careful, sweetheart, I have plans for that ass later, and he sucks at beer pong.”

“Why do you look like you’re ready for the Masters?”

“I happen to love golf! And I’ll have you know that these polo shirts got all the ladies back in the day,” James said with feigned affront.

“Yes, well, you look just lovely in a checkered vest, boss. My heart is fluttering as we speak.”