Give Me a Reason (4 page)

She looked unaffected. Normal. Relaxed, and shuffling through
papers while she sipped coffee from an insulated mug, Toni Vaughn could have
been any teacher, in any school, anywhere. But Laura had read her file and knew
she wasn’t just
any
teacher. After her dinner
with John, Laura had rushed home that night and turned her house upside down
until she found the two books by one A. L. Vaughn.

Pulling the dog-eared paperbacks from the shelf, Laura
flipped them over, wondering if there was a photograph of the author, but only
a brief synopsis and some reviewer’s quotes filled the back cover. Most likely
found under the heading of
Education and Reference
in bookstores, one had been written with the student in mind and the other, the
teacher.

Inside, the pages were filled with helpful hints, guiding the
undergraduate and the novice educator through their first years at university.
The author spoke of what to expect, what not to expect and what could be
achieved, and through the words, wit and guidelines they contained, both books
had eventually become bestsellers in the world of academia. As Laura flipped
through the pages, she smiled at the notes she had written in the margins years
before. Pausing to reread a few paragraphs she had highlighted and underlined,
she remembered why she liked the books so much. They had helped her learn, and
they had helped her study, but more importantly, they had helped her teach. As
she stood in the hallway still watching the woman sitting behind the desk,
Laura wondered if a book existed that could possibly help Toni Vaughn.

As minds do, Laura’s continued to wander, and seeing Toni
hunched over her desk, Laura realized that she had yet to see the woman’s eyes.
Were they blue or were they brown? Did she ever wear glasses? Did she ever
smile? Did she have friends? Was there someone special in her life that helped
her, took care of her…loved her? Silently admonishing herself, Laura cleared
the thoughts from her mind. It wasn’t her place to worry or even care about
Toni Vaughn the person. Laura had a job to do, and right now it involved one of
her teachers, simple as that. Taking a deep breath, she walked into the room,
and in a fraction of a second, Toni Vaughn went rigid. Placing her hands palm
down on the desk, she sat like a statue, stiff and mute.

“Hiya, Toni,” Laura said quietly as she moved closer, but when
she saw the woman pale, Laura came to an abrupt stop. Pausing for a moment, she
turned around and took a seat at one of the desks nearest the door. Keeping her
tone low and calm as if she was speaking to a frightened child, Laura said, “I
don’t know if you’ve heard, but John broke his leg last week.” Seeing Toni’s
infinitesimal nod, Laura said, “So he won’t be able to sit in on your classes
for a while.”

Laura didn’t think it was possible, but Toni became even more
rigid. The muscles in her neck grew taut as her spine stretched to its limits,
and Laura felt horrible. This wasn’t what she wanted, but there was no other
way. “Toni, I’m sure John told you that eventually I’d be the one monitoring
all the classes, and due to his accident, it’s going to be sooner than
expected. I came up to let you know that I’ll be sitting in on your one o’clock
reading class today.”

As she sat staring at the top of her desk, Toni tried to
think of a way out. The only things they couldn’t destroy were her mind and her
love of teaching. Even though the option to quit was hers, if she quit, it
meant they had finally won, and she was not yet willing to let that happen.

Quickly, she glanced up to look at the stranger who would
soon be interfering in her world and invading the sanctity of her classroom. By
the sound her thick heels made on the tile floors, Toni had pictured a woman of
John’s age, and although she found the woman’s Scottish accent compelling, it
hadn’t been enough to acknowledge her existence.

A brief glimpse was what she had intended, but when Toni
raised her eyes, they widened at the sight of the woman who, for the moment,
was looking in the other direction. Where she had expected to see gray hair
twisted tightly into a chignon, Toni found hair the color of chestnut.
Shimmering in the brightness of the classroom lights, the finely-textured style
was modern and just long enough to brush the woman’s shoulders. And even though
a quick glance at her footwear confirmed that it was heavy-heeled, Laura
MacLeod could not have been more than thirty years old. Doing her best to
safeguard herself from the ugliness of the world and the pain of memories
etched into her soul, Toni had forgotten the definition of beautiful…until now.

Laura waited in silence, not even looking in Toni’s direction
for fear her stare would only further add to the stress she knew she had just
created. Convinced that she would continue to be ignored, Laura decided to
leave the woman to her thoughts and her anxieties. Rising from her chair, she
headed to the door.

As Laura stood up, Toni cast her eyes down again, startled
that she had allowed herself so much time to be exposed, but when she heard
Laura move toward the door, Toni found it impossible to remain silent any
longer. Looking up, she snapped, “And if I don’t want you here?”

Laura’s forward progress stopped when she heard Toni speak
for the first time. Her tone was low, almost sultry, and her accent crisp and
educated, but the cultured timbre could not mask the sound of the woman’s
annoyance. Laura heard it loud and clear, and for a split-second, she almost
responded in kind, but then she remembered who she was dealing with.
“Unfortunately, we don’t have a choice,” she said, turning around. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t you mean
I
don’t have
a choice?” Toni growled, her hands now clenched in white-knuckled fists.

“Look, I know this is making you uncomfortable, and like I
said, I’m sorry. I truly am, but there’s no way around it. I’ll just sit at the
back of the room and listen. You won’t even know I’m here. I promise.”

***

By Friday, Laura was ready to scream. Even though she was
filled with compassion for the woman whose soul had been stolen by immoralities
unknown, each afternoon when Laura left Toni’s class, she wanted nothing more
than to return and throttle the hardheaded teacher.

Spying Susan Grant sneaking out the back door to grab a
smoke, Laura quickly followed her into the late afternoon sun. Motioning at the
pack of cigarettes in Susan’s hand, Laura asked, “Do you mind?”

Surprised to find a kink in the woman’s perfection, Susan
raised an eyebrow as she handed Laura the pack. “Rough day?”

“Rough bloody week!”

“What’s going on? I thought you had a handle on everything.”

“Yeah, everything except Toni Vaughn!” Laura said, quickly
lighting the cigarette.

“Toni? What in the world did she do?”

“It’s what she hasn’t done. That’s the problem!”

“Sorry?”

Laura took another drag of her cigarette, exhaling the smoke
as quickly as it went in. “All week long, I’ve sat in her one o’clock reading
class, and every bloody day all she’s had her students do is read.”

“Isn’t that what they’re supposed to do?”

“No, you don’t get it. She’s having them read to
themselves
. No discussions. No talking. No nothing!”

Unable to hide her amusement at Toni Vaughn’s cleverness,
Susan snickered. “Oh my.”

“Susan, if she keeps this up, what am I supposed to do about
the reports?”

“I suppose you could lie and fill them in without actually
seeing her teach. I mean, everyone knows she’s fantastic.”

“I thought about doing just that, but it doesn’t cure the
problem. What happens next time or the time after that?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right. When are the reports due
anyway?”

“Today by five,” Laura said, angrily stubbing out her
cigarette.

“Ouch. Talk about pressure.”

“I know.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

Yanking open the door, Laura said, “The only thing I can do.
Spend the next hour watching as a classroom of women read to themselves, and
after that, who the hell knows!”

Stomping up the stairs, Laura entered the empty classroom,
and glancing at her watch, she was surprised to find out she was early. She was
even more surprised not to find her stubborn English teacher already glued to
her chair as had become her custom. Heading to the back of the room, Laura took
the seat she had occupied the entire week and opened her shoulder bag. Pulling
out the same form she had placed on the desk for the past four days, she sighed
seeing the notes and comments columns still as empty as they were on Monday.
Hearing a noise in the hallway, Laura looked up just as the defiant Toni Vaughn
strode into the room, walked to the blackboard and picked up a piece of chalk.

The scenario being all too familiar, Laura found herself
looking at the teacher instead of the day’s reading assignment. Lanky and
obviously underweight, Toni’s clothes only added to her emaciated appearance.
Bunched around her waist by a belt pulled tight, her trousers were the same
ones she had worn earlier that week. The once dark brown fabric, faded by
washings, had turned to an earthy tan and the cuffs were ragged with threads
dangling. Her oversized Oxford shirt had also morphed into another color, age
bleaching its pastel yellow to cream, and the collar of the black T-shirt she
wore underneath was frayed and stretched. As far as Laura could tell, Toni wore
no makeup and the only jewelry in view was a wristwatch, and to complete her
ensemble, barely visible under her trousers, were trainers, original color
unknown.

As the students began shuffling into the room, Laura couldn’t
help but hear their collective groan as they glanced at the board to read the
order of the day. Wearily dragging themselves to their desks, they slid into
their chairs, making comments back and forth, all of which were loud enough for
both Toni and Laura to hear.

All week Toni had tortured herself and her students with
reading assignments, with no instruction, no discussion and no hands-on
approach. The night before, she had sat in her darkened flat and opened the
bottle to smell the aroma of death. There were other classes, other students
being shown the way through her knowledge, patience and skill, but
this
was the class that kept her alive. This was
what allowed her to sleep at night and rise the next morning. The first time
she had seen the face of one of these adults finally able to read a sentence on
her own, Toni knew
this
was the reason she had
survived.

Still facing the chalkboard, Toni closed her eyes and filled
her lungs to capacity. Dormant for years, emotions were beginning to rise to
the surface, and due to Laura MacLeod’s tenacity, anger was the first to
arrive. Determined, Toni turned to face her class, glaring fiercely in Laura’s
direction for only a second before she began to speak,
and
she began to teach.

For the next hour, Laura sat mesmerized by the talented
teacher, watching as Toni lectured, listened, and guided her students through
their lesson, patiently dealing with each and every question regardless of its
intellect or ignorance. So in awe of what she was witnessing, when Toni
signaled that the hour-long class had come to an end, Laura found herself
saddened that the time had gone by so quickly.

The students left as they had arrived, a group chattering and
teasing amongst themselves, and within a few minutes, the room was empty except
for two. Toni stood to erase the blackboard, praying that Laura wouldn’t feel
it necessary to talk, and when she heard the door close, Toni bowed her head
and sighed in relief. Placing the eraser on the shelf, she turned to gather her
things and her jaw dropped open. In the middle of her desk, sitting atop a
stack of papers, was a shiny red apple.

Chapter Four

“Well, it’s about bloody time!”

Kris glanced at the number on the door and then back at the
woman standing in front of her. It was the right apartment. It was the right
person, but it was the wrong attitude. Loaded down with groceries, she stumbled
into the flat. “I’m...I’m sorry,” she said, tilting her head to the side as she
stared at Toni. “The store...the store was busier than usual.”

“Whatever,” Toni said, disappearing into the lounge.

Confused, surprised and somewhat tickled by Toni’s demeanor,
Kris quickly headed to the kitchen to put away the groceries. Noticing two
empty beer bottles on the counter, she called out, “Are you pissed?”

“Get bloody real!” Toni yelled back. “It takes a hell of a
lot more than three sodding beers to get me drunk. You know that.”

Standing in the kitchen, Kris smiled. It had been years since
she had seen even a glimpse of the woman she used to know, but as she listened
to Toni mumble to herself while she stomped about the lounge, all the wonderful
memories came rushing back. Gathering the bottles, Kris picked up the empty
crate and then stopped. She closed her eyes and whispered, “I don’t know what’s
happening, God, but whatever it is, please let it keep happening.”

A minute later, Kris returned to the lounge, and noticing the
beer crate in her hands, Toni asked, “Do you have time to get some more?”

“Absolutely,” Kris said, walking to the door. Pausing for a
second, she said, “Um...have you eaten? I could always grab us a pizza while
I’m out, if you’d like.”

“No.”

Krista’s shoulders fell. “Oh, okay,”

“No, I mean I
haven’t
eaten,
and a pizza sounds good. That is, unless you need to get home to Robin?”

Krista’s bright blue eyes became even brighter, her cheeks
turning rosy as her face lit up with joy. “I’ll call her and let her know I’ll
be late,” she said, rushing to the door. “Be back in a tick.”

An hour later, Toni had consumed over half the pizza and
another two bottles of beer while Krista watched in stunned silence. After
carrying the empty box into the kitchen, Krista’s curiosity finally won out.
Returning to sit next to Toni on the sofa, she blurted, “Toni, what’s going
on?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well...you seem different tonight. Not a bad different, mind
you, just...just different.”

Thinking for a moment, Toni said, “I’m having a bit of
trouble at work.”

“Trouble? With one of your students?”

“No!” Toni said, jumping off the sofa. Storming into the
kitchen, she grabbed a beer from the fridge. “
With
bloody Laura MacLeod
!”

Kris pursed her lips, tilting her head to one side as she
tried to decipher what Toni had said. Quickly giving up, she waited until Toni
returned and sat down next to her. “So, who’s Laura MacLeod?”

“The new head of the department.”

“And she doesn’t like you?”

“I have no bloody clue if she likes me or not, and frankly, I
couldn’t give a toss either way,” Toni said, slamming her beer down on the
coffee table. “What I
do
mind is the fact that
she spent the entire fucking week in my one o’clock reading class!”

“Why?”

“Because of the fucking monthly reports, and since John is
out,
she
felt the need to fill in for him.”

“And you weren’t comfortable with her being there, were you?”

“You know I wasn’t,” Toni said, looking at Kris for a second.
“But I managed, because until today, all I had the women do was read to
themselves. I didn’t have to teach; all I had to do was just sit there and wait
for the class to end.”

“So what happened today?”

“I taught.”

“What?”

“I taught the bloody class, like I always do.”

“She wasn’t there?”

“No, she was there. I just chose to ignore her.”

“Wait. I don’t understand. If you taught today and everything
went okay, what’s got you so wound up?”

Narrowing her eyes, Toni glared at Krista. “You want to know?
Do you
really
want to know?”

“Yes, I really want to know,” Kris said, grinning.

Grabbing her briefcase from the floor, Toni pulled out the
apple. Placing it firmly in Krista’s hand, Toni shouted, “
This
!”

Staring at the fruit, it was all Kris could do not to laugh.
“You’re angry at an apple?” she said, knowing the question was possibly the
stupidest she had ever asked.

“No!” Toni said, grabbing for her beer. After taking a quick
swig, she said, “And I’m not angry, Krista. I’m...I’m...oh, Christ, I don’t
know what I am!”

Placing the fruit on the table, Kris asked, “So...what’s with
the apple?”

“She gave it to me.”

“Who?”

Toni’s frustrations were solely her own, but it didn’t
prevent her from lashing out at Kris. “Are you actually
trying
to act this stupid or are you just yanking my
chain?”

The comment was harsh and uncalled for, but Kris didn’t mind.
This was the feisty and hardheaded Toni Vaughn who she adored. This was the
best friend who had always been there for her, and Kris knew Toni didn’t mean
what she said. She was confused, upset, and in her own way, she was crying out
for help for the first time since her release from prison. Placing her hand
over Toni’s, Kris said, “Honey, just tell me what happened?”

Taking a deep breath, Toni leaned back against the couch and
ran her fingers through her hair. “After class, I heard her leave, and when I
turned around, that was on my desk,” she said, pointing to the apple.

“So
she
gave you that.”

“Yes, and I don’t know why, and it’s turning my bloody head
around.”

“Maybe she was just trying to be nice. An apple for the
teacher and all that.”

“I didn’t ask her to be nice. I don’t trust her. I don’t
trust any of them,” Toni said, and with every syllable, her voice faded as she
slowly retreated back into herself.

Krista let out a sigh. Watching as Toni moved her bottle of
beer to its coaster, and then picked up the papers she needed to grade, her
actions and her silence told Krista that the evening had ended.

Leaning over, Kris kissed her lightly on the cheek. “Good
night, Toni. Call me if you need me, okay?”

Toni nodded and then lit a cigarette, paying no mind as Kris
gathered her belongings and quietly left the flat.

By the time Kris reached the stairs, her smile was wide and
bright. For almost two hours, she had enjoyed the company of someone she never
thought she’d see again. Even though she had no idea how the door to Toni’s
emotions had been unlocked, Kris was positive that a woman called Laura MacLeod
held the key.

***

Hearing a knock on the door, Laura looked up as Irene walked
into her office. “Laura, there’s a woman outside who would like to talk to you,
but she doesn’t have an appointment.”

“How’s my day look?”

“You’ve got that conference call at eleven. Other than that,
you’re clear.”

“Did she say what it’s about?”

“No, just that she needed to see you about something very
important.”

“Well, I have a bit of time,” Laura said, glancing at her
watch. “I’ll talk to her.”

Laura was accustomed to unscheduled visitors. At least once a
week, a parent or sibling of one of the residents would stop by to check on
their loved one’s progress or complain about their curfew, so she waited
patiently for the door to open again. When it did, for a moment Laura simply
stared at the woman smiling back at her. Statuesque and blonde, she was dressed
in an ivory skirt and jacket, and a shimmering pale green silk blouse open at
the collar. Her makeup was flawless. Her jewelry was gold, and she had the
lightest blue eyes Laura had ever seen.

Kris was pleasantly surprised when she walked into Laura
MacLeod’s office, and it showed on her face. The woman sitting behind the desk
was younger than she expected, and it didn’t hurt that she was also easy on the
eyes...very easy. With the sunlight streaming through the window, Kris wasn’t
sure if the woman’s hair was red or brown, but even the glaring rays couldn’t
wash out Laura MacLeod’s finer features. Her complexion was clear and her jaw
strong, and her full lips, enhanced by just a touch of lipstick, screamed soft
and kissable. Remembering she already had a partner whom she loved dearly, Kris
toned down her smile as she held out her hand. “Hi. I’m Krista Nielson.”

Standing, Laura returned the handshake. “Laura MacLeod,” she
said. Motioning for her visitor to take a seat, Laura returned to her own.
“What can I do for you, Miss Nielson?”

“Oh, please call me Kris or Krista.”

“Okay, Kris, what can I help you with?”

Kris quickly glanced toward the door. “Before I answer that,
is there any chance that Toni will be down here this morning?”

“Toni? Toni Vaughn?”

“Yes. If she knew I was here, she’d probably get a bit upset,
and I wouldn’t want that to happen.”

Cocking her head to the side, Laura sat back in her chair.
“No, Toni doesn’t come down here,” she said, carefully watching for the woman’s
reaction. When she saw Krista’s posture relax, Laura leaned forward and said,
“Now, since I just answered your question, you can answer mine. Who are you and
what’s this all about?”

Taking a minute to get her thoughts organized, Kris sat back
and crossed her legs. “I’ve been Toni’s best friend since we were kids, and
since she got out of...out of Thornbridge, I’ve been taking care of her.”

“In what way?”

“I get her groceries, take her car to get repaired, pick up
medications if she needs them, and make sure she’s eating. Things like that.”

“Is it that bad? I mean, I know she’s quite the loner here,
but I didn’t think—”

“She goes from work to her flat and back again. Nowhere
else...ever.”

Laura’s mouth fell open as she stared at Kris, and several
seconds passed before she found her voice. “I...I had no idea.”

“That’s because you don’t know her like I do, or rather...I
did.”

“Did?”

“That woman upstairs looks like Toni and sounds like Toni,
but since Thornbridge, she’s become a stranger to me. I forgot what it was like
to hear her laugh or joke, or even get angry. Christ, did she have a temper,”
Kris said with a snort. “But on Friday night, for the first time in over two
years, I saw a glimpse of my old friend. It made me miss her even more, and I
want my friend back. I want her back more than words can say.”

“I’m sure you do, but I’m not sure why you’re telling me
this.”

“Because I think you can help. That is, if you want to.”

Since the day she first met the withdrawn teacher, Laura had
found it difficult, if not impossible,
not
to
think about the enigma called Toni Vaughn. There was something about the
scrawny woman with lifeless eyes that piqued her interest, and although Susan
Grant had given up, Laura was a wee bit more stubborn. After watching Toni
teach, and seeing the enthusiasm in both the students
and
the teacher, Laura had made up her mind. If
there was any way she could help Toni Vaughn, she would.

Leaning back in her chair, she asked, “What do you think I
can do?”

“I’m not exactly sure, but Friday night, when I got to her
place, she was absolutely livid, and it was because of
you
.”

“Oh, God, this is because I monitored her class, isn’t it?
Kris, I apologize if I upset her. That wasn’t my intention, and I’ll tell her
that myself if you think—”

“No!” Kris shouted, sitting up in her chair. “Miss MacLeod—”

“Call me Laura, please.”

“Fine...Laura,” Kris said, getting to her feet. “Look, I
don’t want you to apologize. The only emotion that Toni has shown since she got
out of that place is fear. She doesn’t smile. She doesn’t cry. She doesn’t get
happy when things go her way or sad when they don’t, and she certainly doesn’t
get angry...at least she didn’t until Friday night.”

“I still don’t understand what you want me to do.”

“Keep going to her class.”

“What?”

“You heard. Keep going to her class.”

“Kris, I did that because a report had to be filed. If I show
up for no reason, Toni is going to get...” The rest of the sentence died in
Laura’s throat. Staring back at Kris, she said, “You
want
me to get her angry?”

“It’s an emotion, isn’t it?”

***

Reluctant to go along with Krista’s idea for fear that
playing amateur psychologist would do more harm than good, Laura agreed to meet
Kris later that night to discuss it further. Parking her car, Laura walked two
blocks and then rounded the corner which would lead her to a club called
Exes
. Seeing the long queue waiting to get in, she
took a deep breath and continued on. Reaching the door, she was promptly
stopped by a sequoia masquerading as a man. “Sorry, love,” he said, holding out
his arm. “You’ve got to wait like the rest of them.”

“I’m here to see Kris Nielson,” Laura said, handing him one
of Krista’s business cards. “I believe she’s expecting me.”

Recognizing his employer’s handwriting on the back of the
card, he opened the door. “There you go, love. Enjoy your night.”

It took a minute for Laura to get her bearings when she
entered the crowded club, mostly due to the fact that it was much larger than
she expected. On two levels, the upper tier was just broad enough for a walkway
and tables meant for two, while the lower held the dance floor and more
seating. A standing-room-only bar ran along almost the entire back wall of the
club, and there were people jammed three deep in front of it, shouting orders
for lager, cocktails and wine. A little surprised that she saw very few men in
the club, the observation left her mind as quickly as it had entered, and
maneuvering through the throng, Laura reached the bar and grinned when she saw
Kris smiling back at her.