God's Gift (18 page)

Lace pulled a chair over, settled into it, adjusted the mirror for Rae. “I bought the baby gift you wanted for Patricia. I had it wrapped for you. I’ll leave it in the second drawer of the chest, with your purse.”

“Thank you, Lace.”

“No problem. It was fun to wander through the baby clothes. They’ve got some cute fashions.”

Rae groaned.

“What?”

“I just had a vision of your children, Lace. Remember kids like to play in the dirt.”

“I’m not planning to have children.”

Rae looked at her; her friend smiled. “Okay, so the thought has crossed my mind a few times. Anything else you need? I’ll swing by on my lunch hour tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Lace. I can’t think of anything else.”

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow,” her friend promised.

“All right, Rae!”

Sweat was dripping from her body. She stood at the far end of the walkway, gripping the handbars to keep herself upright. James could see the muscles in her arms quiver with the excursion.

Her smile told its own story.

The physical therapist helped her turn and carefully sit down in the wheelchair he brought over.

Dave handed her a towel.

“You made it the distance, Rae.”

James pushed himself to his feet, using the cane to steady his weight, relieve the pain in his ankles. “Another couple of days and you’ll be doing stairs.”

Rae grinned. “Of course.”

The session over for the day, Dave pushed her wheelchair back to her room where the nurse kicked them out so Rae could have a shower and change clothes.

James took advantage of the time for a little physical therapy of his own, a walk around the hospital floor. It was hard to walk any distance, and the improvements he could see were scarce—a little less pain, a little more flexibility, but he kept to the daily routine. He was determined to be able to do ten laps in the pool this month.

“How is Rae’s business doing, Dave?”

Dave grimaced. “Not good. I’ve been dreading her questions. Jack can manage for a few more days, maybe a few weeks, but it is becoming apparent how badly Rae needs to be back setting the direction.”

“She can’t.”

Dave looked annoyed. “I know that. I also know she will kill me if the business loses too much ground.”

The question was raised by Rae an hour later, as she sat in the hospital bed, the end raised to let her sit up. She wanted to know how Jack was doing.

Dave told her the truth.

James, sitting on the other side of the bed, reached forward and captured one of her hands, held it, stroked the back, tried to distract her. She stayed focused on Dave.

“Call Gary and ask if he’ll loan us York for four weeks,” she finally requested. “York reviewed our books when we wrote the contract to sell the business. He’s Gary’s right-hand man.”

James froze. She had a contract written to sell the business?

“I’ll call him when I get home,” Dave promised.

James looked at the profusion of flowers sitting on the windowsill, his thoughts in turmoil. She had gotten as far as a contract to sell the business? When had this happened? The thought made him sick. She loved her work. It was followed by a worse thought. Had she done it because of him?

He eased her hand from his. “I’m going to get a soda. Would you two like anything?” He needed to get out of this room.

They both declined.

She had been planning to sell the business. James tried to absorb that fact as he walked the halls to the vending machine.

Her business was more than a career for Rae. It was part of who she was, just as being a builder was an intrinsic part of who he was. She had been planning to walk away from it?

He had come to the point where he was willing to accept that they could have a future together even with the limitations he faced. But he had been thinking about practical sacrifices that could make it possible. A live-in housekeeper.
Limiting the type of activities they planned. He had never envisioned the sacrifice of her career.

Everything in him rebelled at the thought of her sacrificing her career, selling the business, for him.

He slammed his fist against the pop machine when the can refused to drop all the way to the slot. He gasped at the pain that coursed through his wrist, elbow and shoulder.

Reality.

He
hated
this disease.

She was working on her book.

James paused in the doorway to her room, watching her. She was able to be out of bed for longer and longer periods of time now. Sitting in the chair by the window, using the bed as a table to spread out her materials, she was writing on a legal pad of paper, her concentration intense.

He loved her.

He loved seeing her like this, absorbed in her work.

The latest MRI had shown the swelling was gone. The paralysis that had been lingering in some of her muscles had finally faded. She had to move slowly, she had to concentrate on her actions, her strength and stamina had a long way to go, but the doctors were now talking about a full recovery being probable. Lace had brought in a cake so they could celebrate the news.

James quietly came into the room, set down the newspaper he had brought in for her.

Rae looked up, smiled. “How’s Patricia doing?”

James took a seat, grateful to get off his feet. “Contractions are now every four minutes.”

Rae set aside the pad of paper and glanced at the clock. “Six hours. But she’s having a wonderful time.”

“She kicked me out of the room,” James replied, ruefully.

Rae laughed. “Poor boy.”

“Emily and Tom are pleading for a chance to see you. Care to take a stroll downstairs?”

“Sure.”

She looked at him, helpless. “Can you do my shoes?” With the brace, shoes were still impossible to do on her own.

James found the tennis shoes, knelt down, smiled at her as he tweaked her socks. “I think I kind of like you just a little bit helpless.”

She swatted his shoulder. “Don’t get used to it. It’s temporary.” She giggled as he tickled her left foot, tried to pull it back. “Behave, James.”

He put on her shoes, tied the laces. He got up, braced his arms on her chair, leaned forward and kissed her. He loved her blush. “Come on, lady. Time to go get smothered by the family.”

Emily and Tom had drawn pictures for her of Justin so that she could see they were taking good care of her dog. Rae gratefully sat down on the sofa James led her to, then turned her attention to the children. Excited about a new baby, they gave Rae a blow-by-blow account of how their mom had gone into labor while making breakfast.

His new niece was born at seven-thirty that evening. James stood beside Rae at the glass to the nursery, his arm around her waist, looking with her at the sleeping infant.

“She’s beautiful.”

James turned and leaned around the brace, softly kissed Rae’s forehead, comforted by the fact she was with him. “Yes.” They would have children of their own someday. He
looked back at the sleeping infant. He wanted to be a dad. He wanted to be Rae’s husband.

Rae settled carefully down on the couch, her muscles trembling at the expense of energy it had cost her to reach this point. Dave had a careful grip on her arm to make sure she didn’t stumble.

She was home.

They had decorated. There were streamers, a cake, a big Welcome Home sign stretched across her entertainment center. Rae had never felt more cherished.

“Okay?”

Rae nodded in reply to the concerned query from James. She was exhausted, but that was to be expected. It was her first substantial trip since the accident. She was still trying to relax muscles that had tensed at the experience of riding in a car again.

James helped Rae off with her jacket. It caught on the neck collar she now wore and he carefully eased her forward, sliding his hands around to free the jacket.

Rae wanted to bury her face against his chest and just be held for a very long time. She missed being in his arms. It was the fatigue as well as the reality that she was finally home that was bringing the tears.

“Hey, what’s wrong, honey?” The soft endearment made her catch back a sob. His hands gently gripped hers.

“I’m okay.”

“Sure you are,” Dave said lightly, tucking a handkerchief in her hands. “We’re glad to have you home.”

She sniffed back the tears. “I’m so glad to be here.”

Lace was the practical one. “Here, this should help. One homemade, chocolate fudge shake.”

Rae laughed and accepted the tall shake Lace had prepared. “Thank you, Lace.”

“Dave, make yourself useful, go rescue the luggage,” Lace told him.

Dave tweaked her hair, but did as she asked.

James settled down on the sofa beside Rae, very conscious of the fact he didn’t want her trying to turn her head and strain her neck. “Come here,” he urged softly, guiding her down to rest against his side. His ribs ached at the pressure and he didn’t care. She was home and she was mobile and he loved her. The limitations they both faced were going to be overcome, somehow, someway.

“James?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m going to fall asleep on you.”

His smile was gentle. “Go right ahead, Rae. I’ll just drink your shake.”

He felt her laughter.

“Rae, what was it like when your parents died?” James asked.

The question surprised Rae and she turned slightly. They were sitting on the couch in her living room watching the credits of a movie go by. She was almost asleep, resting comfortably against his shoulder, his arm around her waist, an afghan thrown across her legs. “Scary. Why do you want to know?”

“Curious, I guess. You never talk about them.”

Rae let her eyes close again, too tired to fight the pull of sleep. “I remember my mom’s friend Gloria came and got me from school. I remember wanting to go to my bedroom and find my doll, the one Mom had made for me. It’s kind of a blur.”

“What do you remember about them?”

“I remember them as being nice, loving, fun. When I got home from school, Mom would take a break from working on her book to join me in the kitchen and share a snack, normally cookies she had baked that morning. She wore perfume I really liked and used to braid my hair for me. Dad I remember as this big guy who used to pick me up and make me laugh. He liked to play checkers and read me stories.”

James squeezed her hand. “Thanks.”

She reluctantly pushed herself up, her hand going to protect her ribs.

“I’m sorry the ribs still hurt so bad,” James said, his hands helping support her movements.

“So am I. I miss getting a hug,” Rae said ruefully.

Justin was asleep on the floor in front of the couch. Rae eased over so she could get up without disturbing him. “Thanks for coming over tonight.”

She sensed rather than saw James disappointment with her remark. He didn’t say anything. She knew her decision to keep some distance between them was bothering him. She didn’t have the luxury right now of giving him the commitment he wanted.

“Lace said she was bringing you over dinner tomorrow night?”

Rae nodded.

“Then I guess I’ll see you Thursday to give you a ride to the hospital. Noon okay?”

“I can call a cab, James.”

“Physical therapy is tough enough without worrying about transportation, too. I can work at a table there just as well as I can at home.”

There was no way she was going to win the discussion. Rae nodded. “Noon will be fine. Thank you.”

He kissed her at the door, a lingering kiss that was touched with regret. “Sleep well tonight, Rae.”

“You too,” she said softly.

She turned off the porch light after his car pulled out of the driveway, walked carefully upstairs. Her muscles still quivered when the fatigue was bad, threatening her balance.

God, please help James understand. I don’t want to get hurt again. I’m too beat up to be able to handle a marriage. I don’t know what I’m going to do about work. Please, help James understand. I can’t be what he wants, not right now. I regret that, but it is the reality.

“Rae, you’re keeping your distance and you really don’t need to. James isn’t looking for a hostess, housekeeper and cook.”

Lace was over, helping Rae clean house.

Rae could do some of the picking up, load the dishwasher, but doing the laundry, mopping the floor, cleaning the bathroom, vacuuming—they were all still beyond her stamina.

They were working together on the kitchen, having finished the upstairs earlier. Rae lifted the corner of a Tupper-wear lid, suspicious of what might be lurking inside. She was cleaning out the refrigerator. “Lace, I know that. But just the logistics of planning a wedding, setting up house together, creating a workable routine are beyond me right now.”

“So have a long engagement. Rae, he’s miserable.”

Rae set yet another container of spoiled food to discard in the sink. She had to lean heavily against the counter to wait for the pain in her back to subside. The accident had left her with a whole new appreciation for how much she had taken her body for granted. “He wants me at his place so he can take care of me.” She breathed out in relief as the
pain subsided, carefully reached for the next item on the refrigerator shelf.

“Is that so bad?”

Rae wrinkled her nose at something that was now green. “Yeah.”

Kevin hesitated, holding the sledgehammer. “James, are you sure you want to do this?”

James closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose, thought about it, reconsidered for about the ninth time. He nodded. “I’m sure.”

Rae was going to need a walk-in closet. It was a minor detail, but it was important. He wanted her to feel at home here…if, no,
when
they had a future together.

He had to keep that hope alive.

He was incredibly worried that she was going to continue to keep her distance, not allow the relationship to go forward. She was not willing to let him get close while she was less than fully recovered. She fought the muscles that refused to do her bidding. She fought a body that ached with pain. How well he understood her motivations—a misplaced belief that love would not knowingly place her burden on him. It was the same thing he had done to her.