Good Greek Girls Don't (33 page)

‘So what? He's with you. He's marrying you. He loves you. She's just an ex.'

‘No, she's not. From the way Chris reacted when we ran into her, I know something big happened. I thought maybe she was the one that screwed up when they broke up but Chris eventually told me that he was the arsehole in that relationship and he won't tell me why. He won't tell me anything – why they broke up, what he did or why he still had that note.'

‘Des, just let it go. It's ancient history.'

‘It's not. You didn't see his reaction to her. What if she's the love of his life and he's settling for me because she's not available to him?' But that note tells me she would make herself available to him. ‘What if he feels trapped because he asked to marry me before he ran into her?'

‘I'm not the one who you should be asking those questions to.'

I know. I just wish I knew how to ask the questions I need to ask. I wish I wasn't terrified of the answers. Ricki and Ari made a hasty departure after dinner. I don't think Ricki really wanted to witness me melting down any further over the whole Danielle thing. I know a part of her thinks I'm crazy, that I'm reading too much into it all. A part of me actually agrees with her. But I know she also understands my fear. Even Ricki feels insecure at times with Ari being so far away, but most of the time the logical part of her brain takes over.

I have to try to talk to Chris again. I'm terrified of knowing but, at the same time, terrified of not knowing. And I have to know tonight.

‘So, Des, are you happy with the tie and shoes I picked?'

They're perfect of course. The plans for the wedding have been flawless, not a single glitch.

‘Yeah, they're fine.'

‘Please, try to tone down your enthusiasm, Des.'

Smart arse.

‘Sarcasm noted, Chris. I'm tired, that's all.' God I'm such a liar.

‘Bullshit. You've been itching to jump down my throat all day. Would you like to tell me what the hell I've done to irritate you so much?'

Just what has he done? That's the problem – I don't know what it was that made him the arsehole in his relationship with Danielle. I don't know if he would do the same thing to me and that is what is irritating me.

‘What's the point when you won't give me a straight answer?' I must be itching for a fight today. ‘You're keeping secrets from me and that's what's irritating me. That's what's making me wonder if this wedding is even going to happen.'

‘Have you lost your mind?'

He's angry with me. Well, too bad. I'm angry with him as well.

‘Tell me what happened between you and Danielle.'

There, I said it. No subtle hints, no beating about the bush. Just a straightforward question that warrants a straightforward answer.

‘I can't believe you're still stuck on that. Let it go. It's ancient history.'

‘You tell me that you fucked up in your relationship with her. You keep notes that she wrote you, not to mention a photo of her. She practically invites you over for a friendly fuck in the middle of the afternoon despite the fact that I'm sitting right there. That is not ancient history. Danielle and her fake boobs are in my fucking face.'

‘They're not fake.'

Wrong answer. Although by the look on his face, Chris knew that as soon as the words came tumbling out of his mouth.

‘You're making a mountain out of a molehill.'

Still the wrong answer.

‘Well, the choice is yours, Chris: you either tell me the truth about Danielle or you seriously consider calling everyone and explaining why there isn't going to be a wedding.'

My cards are on the table. But I can't help but wonder –what have I done?

I'm going insane. I never should have given Chris that ultimatum. I should have just forgotten about Danielle and been thankful that Chris was with me and happy to get married. But no, I had to push, I had to be the one to come out on top. Why do I feel like I'm the one who's going to lose?

I've avoided seeing Chris since our confrontation but that hasn't stopped him calling and trying to see me. Doesn't he realise that I just need to be left alone right now? Who the hell was I fooling when I thought I could do the normal things that women do when they meet a guy and fall in love? Who was I to think that anything would go smoothly?

‘Just go away, Chris.' Which part of ‘I don't want to talk' is he failing to understand? I don't want to talk to Chris, or to my mother or to Ricki or anyone else.

‘You've been avoiding me like the plague all week. You tell me the wedding is off if I don't tell you about Danielle but every time I try to talk to you, you shoot me down and won't give me a chance to speak. What the hell is going on?'

‘I just don't want to see you right now. I want to be left alone.'

‘Des, two months before our wedding is not the time to be freaking out on me. What the hell have I done?'

What hasn't he done? It's all his fault. He's a guy, isn't he? He has a penis, doesn't he?

‘Just leave me alone, Chris.' I think slamming the phone down has got the message across that I don't want to talk to him. I just want to crawl into bed and under my covers and pretend that the outside world doesn't exist for a while. Is that too much to ask?

I hear a knock on my bedroom door.

‘Despina. Get up.'

I don't want to get up. I want to stay in here forever. But that's not going to work. Mum's in here now and I can tell she's got no intention of leaving.

‘Go away, Ma. Leave me alone.' Why the hell is she pulling the covers off me? Jesus, she's opening the curtains, too. I don't want light in here. Leave me in my darkness. Oh, shit. Chris is standing behind her.

‘Can you leave us alone, Mum?'

She's so happy about Chris calling her ‘Mum' that she would do anything he asked her. Even if it meant leaving her beloved daughter to face the music with her estranged husband-to-be. Thanks a lot, Ma.

‘Get up, Des.' Was that an order? Does Chris think that just because there is a diamond ring on my finger he can order me around? I don't even know how long that ring is going to be there anyway.

‘Go away.' I do not have the energy for macho bullshit right now. ‘I told you that I want to be left alone. Which part of that indicates I want visitors right now?'

‘That's it.' He pulls me to my feet. ‘Enough bullshit, Des. What the hell is going on with you?'

‘Nothing.' Lets see how he likes it.

‘Des, cut the crap. You've been avoiding me all week, you don't leave your room and you didn't go to your fitting.'

Shit, I had a fitting for the wedding dress this week. Maybe it's best that I didn't go.

‘You haven't been to work and you haven't even spoken to Ricki this week. This is about more than just my ex, isn't it?'

No one ever said he wasn't bright.

‘So you've been keeping tabs on me?' Great, he's following my every move.

‘Don't you dare turn this around on me, Desi. You're freaking out on me and I'm supposed to just sit back and let you? I'm supposed to be this understanding guy who can put up with all this bullshit and not be given one straight answer? Do you think that the whole world stops because you've decided to take a break from reality?'

Oh, shit. I don't think I have ever seen Chris this angry. Not even when I put a slight scratch in his SAAB.

I'm the one who should be angry! After all, this is happening to me, not to Chris.

‘Desi, have you suddenly decided that you don't want to marry me?'

What? God no.

‘Have you decided that you don't love me any more? And you're looking for any angle to get out of this without it being your fault?'

‘Of course I love you, Chris, and I want to marry you.' I just don't know if he truly wants to marry me –he may just be looking for an out so he can make his way back to Danielle. Well, if I tell him my news I may as well draw him a map back to her.

‘Then what the fuck is going on? How much am I supposed to write-off as pre-wedding nerves?'

I'm going to have to tell him.

‘It's not pre-wedding nerves.' How the hell do I tell him? How the hell do I turn his life upside down and inside out?

‘Then what? I'm not walking out of here till you tell me what is going on.'

Does that mean he'll walk out when I tell him? I guess there's only one way to find out.

‘I'm late.'

Why is there a blank look on his face? Doesn't he understand what this means? Me, being late? Me, who is as regular as clockwork? Hell, I planned my wedding around the date I'd be getting my period.

‘What are you talking about? What are you late for?'

Do I have to spell it out to him? God, is he really that dense?

‘I'm not late for an appointment, Chris.' How do I explain this? ‘I'm
late
. You know, Aunty Flo hasn't visited this month.'

‘Oh …'

I think he gets it now, given how he's just plonked his butt down on my bed. He's starting to realise just what this means.

‘How late are you?'

‘Just over a week.' Which means I could be up to four weeks pregnant. I think I'd better sit down. Just thinking about the word makes me queasy. Must be morning sickness setting in early. Great, I'll probably throw up the main course at our wedding. If there is a wedding. I wonder how long it'll be before he runs back into Danielle's ample and welcoming bosom.

‘Have you been to the doctor yet?'

I shake my head. How could I go to my doctor? He's known me all my life. He knows my parents and even my relatives back in Greece. I can't go to him with this.

‘Have you done one of those home tests?'

‘No. I've been too busy trying to avoid reality.' At least I can still joke.

‘You suck at avoiding reality, babe. It always catches up with you.'

Well, at least I try.

‘I think it's time we find out for sure what's going on, hey?'

Why does Chris always have to make sense? And does he mean finding out about everything?

‘I don't want to find out.' That would make it all too real.

‘Why not, babe?' He's not running away, and he's not running in Danielle's direction – not the way he's holding me right now.

‘I can pretend it's not happening as long as I don't know.' I know that doesn't make sense. But as long as I don't have confirmation, I can just avoid it all together.

‘Come on, we'll go to our place so your Mum doesn't get sus.'

Our place. Boy that sounds good. Chris's place has become our place. But I don't want to be decorating a nursery there when I'm not even sure if I belong there anymore.

‘Do we have to?' Why can't we just avoid reality for a little bit longer?

‘Unless you want your mother to walk in on you while you're peeing on a stick, we're going.'

I want to be like an ostrich and bury my head in the sand. Meanwhile, Chris has become a comedian.

‘Okay, okay.' If Chris is going to force the issue then he can walk into the pharmacy and buy the pregnancy test. No way am I subjecting myself to that.

‘I can't pee on demand. There are biological factors to be considered, you know.' And if he keeps hassling me, I'm going to do such a guy thing and suffer performance anxiety. ‘I'll pee when I need to.'