Halloween Is For Lovers (23 page)

Leroy used brute force to bend Morton into a figure-four headlock and then crunched him into a pile driver. Reapers were trained in the ancient ways of the World Wrestling Federation, but the part about the fighting being fake was intentionally left out. Without his sickle he couldn't kill Morton, but he had several moves that could incapacitate him.

Morton dug his head out of the dirt and tried to shake it straight. Before he could regain his senses, Leroy grabbed him with one hand and with his other hand made his fingers into the shape of a rake. He dragged the stiff claw across Morton's chest while bellowing out in a low, undulating rumble, "Rake!"

Morton's heart arrested and he fell limp to the ground. Still breathing, but barely, he watched as Leroy stood up, brushed himself off and searched for his sickle.

A reaper's sickle was second only in importance to his pegasus. Forged in a molten blast furnace of hate and tempered in tears of torment, the sickle was born of crucified steel and honed so sharp that it could cleave life from the living with just a twitch. There was no way Leroy could return to the Kingdom without it, but finding a sickle in a hayfield was proving frustrating. Bent over, he searched, kicking at the grass, wading out in a frustrated spiral.

The harvester topped a hill and thrashed toward Grisly. She reared up, ejecting Hugh off her back and confronting the mechanical menace. Chrome lightning bolted from her hooves as she spread her wings and roared at the contraption.

Inside the cab of the harvester, filled to the brim with religious fervor, the farmer stamped on the gas pedal and sang out, "I will fear no evil, for thou art with me!"

Morton got to his feet, clutching his chest in agony. Leroy was bent over, searching, cursing the tangle of grass. With a few quick steps and a lurch, Morton was on his back, leveraging his forearm into Leroy's throat in a super-dirtbag choke hold. Leroy spun and twisted, trying to swat the throttling noose off. Like so many big, powerful men, all of Leroy's muscles were built to fight things in front of him. He lacked the core strength and range of motion to eject Morton off his back. He threw elbows back, but Morton dodged them. He tried to pull Morton's arms away from his throat, but he couldn't get a grip on the sweaty skin. Leroy fell to one knee and the corners of his vision began to fade. The anger Morton felt from losing Ana had been kept bottled up for so long it had fermented into rage. The cork had been pulled, and Leroy slumped lifeless to the ground.

The farmer wasn't turning back; he had the spirit of the Lord pushing him forward. Grisly launched into the air in front of the harvester's windshield. Smashing the glass with her electric steel hooves, she thrust her jaws to within an inch of the farmer's face. Slowly her lips quivered up, unsheathing her saber fangs, ready for the lethal bite when ...

Shock sparked in Grisly's eyes. She pulled back fast and hard. She beat a flustered retreat with her wings but it was no use; the reins had been sucked into the mouth of the combine and were slowly pulling her by the head into its gnashing carbide teeth. She squealed and cried, lashing her wings against the steel chassis, bucking and braying, desperate to get free.

Hugh stood up in the tall grass and watched as the terrified creature fought for its life. Her head, captured in a heavy leather bridle, was slowly winched toward the shredding whir of knifed gears. It was almost ironic. Grisly was about to be ingested, pulled apart and shredded, then finally defecated out the back end of the harvester. She was about to share the same fate as the hay her horse half loved so dearly.

Even though this flailing creature was a vicious monster sent to hunt him, Hugh couldn't help but feel sorry for her in her desperate struggle. Without thinking it through, he ran and jumped onto her back, climbing across her withers and pulling himself up her crest.

The primary thresher began to take slices off the tip of her nose. Panicked, she kicked and snorted.

The farmer whooped and hollered, "The Lord's right hand has done mighty things!"

Without a moment to spare, Hugh reached down below her cheek and released the bridle from her head. She recoiled out of the mouth of the harvester, throwing Hugh off her back. She hovered above the farmer, thrusting her wings and snorting black blood from her grated nostrils.

The farmer looked up at the angry beast, as her wings shuttered out the sun. He trembled under his breath, "Son of a b—"

With a roar, Grisly streaked bolts of lightning from her hooves into the harvester, arcing and fusing all of its parts.

The farmer slumped, smoldering, against the steering wheel. He would live, but the destruction of the leased machine would mean the loss of his farm and his good standing in the community.

Grisly circled the field and landed next to Leroy, who lay unconscious in the grass. She brayed at Morton, who beat a hasty retreat, then she gently nudged Leroy with her bloodied nose. She let out a whimper. Worried, she scraped her front hoof in the dirt and kept vigil by his side.

Wedding Rings and Handcuffs

"The rings?" Reverend Lucky asked.

Steve looked to his best man, who quickly searched his pockets. "Oh crap," he said, exposing his hillbilly novelty teeth. "I left them in my other pants."

The Reverend groaned. "There can't be a unity of the spirit essence without the rings. There can't be, it just cannot be done."

Gilda quietly walked over to the best man and whispered, "Go get them, run." He hustled out the back of the church. Gilda looked at the audience and smiled. She gathered the other groomsmen in a huddle, their faces turned from the pews. "Spit ’em out."

"Come on, it's Halloween," one of them was brave enough to retort.

Gilda struck with silent precision, clamping his beanbags between her fingers. She tersely whispered, "It's the day after Halloween and," she clamped harder for emphasis, "it's Lily's special day." They complied, spitting the teeth out and shoving them into hip pockets.

Gilda floated back to her side of the lineup with a practiced smile.

Outside the church, Morton helped Hugh up onto the ledge beneath a stained glass window depicting Jesus on Palm Sunday. "Can you see her?" Morton whispered.

"Almost." Hugh bobbed back and forth between the milky gray glass of a donkey and the flesh-white glass of Christ's foot. "They're taking a break."

"Hang tight, I'm going to try and steal one of these cars." Morton looked at the luxury vehicles parked around the church. "We'll hit the road, drive like hell."

"We can't outrun them, sooner or later they'll get me." Hugh squinted through Christ's purple robe; Lily had her back to the window. If only he could see her face.

"Yeah, but at least we can give those bastards a run for their money. Who knows, maybe we can stop at a sporting goods store and get some weapons. See how those reapers like a couple rounds of buckshot to the face." Morton spit and wandered off between the parked cars, pulling on their door handles.

Finally, Lily turned. Hugh quickly shifted his squinted eye to Christ's foot and took in her perfect face. He worked extra hard to etch the image of her into the deepest part of his memory. Her graceful nape, soft hair, supple lips. Her gentle eyes that he had so often ...

"No way!" The best man had discovered Hugh on the ledge.

"Whoa, wait, I was just looking." Hugh scurried away but the best man grabbed his ankle chains and reeled him in.

"You're not so tough without your gun, are you, buddy?" He dragged Hugh up the front stairs of the church and through the doors.

"Hey, Steve, look what I found." The room turned and gasped as the best man shoved Hugh down the aisle of the church.

Lily stopped breathing. "You finally came."

It was him, he had finally shown up at the church on her wedding day. It's not a dream, she thought, nodding, it's a dream come true. She waited and waited and he finally came. She didn't know how to rationalize it, she'd save that for her therapist friend. She just knew that she had wished for this from the moment she was jilted at the altar. The church doors would open and Hugh would walk down the aisle. She had closed her eyes and squeezed that wish so hard. Somehow, it had come true and even though it was insane, it somehow made her happy.

"I'm sorry, Lil," Hugh stuttered. "I tried to go."

"It's okay." She smiled.

"You look beautiful."

She started to cry.

"Really?!?" Gilda blurted. "Now this? No, absolutely not. Nope, I'm not having it. Would somebody please be so kind as to remove the zombie ghost from the wedding."

The groomsmen grabbed Hugh and began dragging him out. He didn't fight, he just strained his broken neck to get a last look at her. He inflated his skin bag just a little bit more with a loving breath.

Lily tried to follow but Steve grabbed her, holding her tight. "Come on, Lil, don't embarrass me in front of all these people," he whispered, and he pecked her on the forehead.

"When they throw me down the vent you'll forget everything about me. You'll forget I existed." Hugh's voice stretched to reach her.

"No I won't, I'll never forget you." Lily wrestled with Steve.

"No, it's okay," Hugh yelled. "I want you to forget me, so you can be free, so you can love somebody again as much as I loved you."

"I can't," she yelled.

"Please, Lily, for me. Even if it's this guy, who is totally crazy, please ... love somebody again."

Steve huffed, "Calling the groom crazy at his wedding, real classy, buddy. I'm not that crazy!"

"Hugh!" Lily broke away from Steve, her heart about to burst. She reached for him. "I ..."

A darkness descended outside the front doors of the church and the bray of a bloodthirsty pegasus hushed the church’s congregants quiet in trembling terror.

With a thundering crash, the front doors splintered and the armored head of Chuck's pegasus thrust into the church and trumpeted a roar. The wedding guests scurried for the exits but stopped with a scream. Through the stained glass windows the silhouettes of twenty-five, maybe fifty reapers circled the church. The guests retreated to the pews, whispering desperate prayers and cowering.

Chuck ducked down as he slowly rode his pegasus through the door. They made a slow, steady march down the aisle, the creak of oiled leather interrupted by bursts of scalding smoke jetting from the nostrils of the pegasus.

An old man grabbed his chest in pain. Chuck pulled back on the reins. "Whoa." His pegasus came to an agitated halt. He watched as the old man wheezed, loosening his tie, gasping for air. He unsheathed his sickle with his remaining hand and slowly taunted the old man with it. "Not yet, old timer." He gave his ride a little kick and she continued her march.

Chuck looked back at the old man with a nod. "But soon, very soon." He turned and focused on Hugh, his eyes swelling with evil glee. "You've got a date with the horrible vent, my friend." He pointed the sickle at Hugh and continued his march.

Lily broke out of her frozen shock. "Run, Hugh, run!"

Hugh jumped from his spot but came lurching back. His wrist chains had been secretly handcuffed to a railing.

Steve nodded to his dad. "You're right, those things are totally handy."

George gave him the thumbs-up and pulled open his coat to show several pairs of handcuffs holstered to his belt. "I was going to bring a gun, but you know who," he gestured to his wife, "wouldn't let me. Hey, Carol, don't you wish I had a gun or two right about now?"

Hugh tugged at the chains. It was no use. He was a goner.

Chuck raised his sickle, ready to swipe, when suddenly Reverend Lucky blocked his advance. Arms outstretched, his sleeves shimmering purple, he raised a Native American spirit willow in one hand, a Nepalese prayer dagger in the other. "This is a house of spiritual peace. I command you to ..."

The pegasus bared her fangs and hissed, the translucent tangle of sabers an inch from the Reverend's face. He slowly backed away and gathered up his robe so he could run. "If anyone wants me I'll be in the rectory." He tucked tail and beat a hasty retreat.

"Fetch, girl, fetch," Chuck commanded his pegasus, who snapped her jaws down on the back of Hugh's collar. He went limp; it was time for him to finally give up. He met Lily's eyes with a shrug of his shoulders and a sigh. She mouthed the words,
I love you
.

Chuck swiped with his sickle, cutting the handcuff chain with a spark. "Hee-yeah!" He kicked his spurs into his mount and she thundered up the aisle, crashing up through the cascaded flowers and leaping through the giant stained glass window above the altar. The colored glass smashed and showered down on the wedding party.

The pegasus took to the air with Hugh in her fangs. The congregation watched through the gaping hole as the swarm of reapers fell in behind Chuck and flew off into the horizon.

"Wow, that was crazy." Steve smiled. He held his hand out to Lily. "I'm glad that's over. Come on, let's get this over with."

Lily gazed out the hole at the fading sight of Hugh, hanging lifeless from the pegasus’s jaw. Then she looked at her hand, at the giant diamond, bigger than a peanut M&M and prone to snagging on anything and everything. She slid it off and handed it to Steve. "I'm sorry ... I love somebody else."