Hamish X and the Cheese Pirates (23 page)

In the centre of the crater was a lake that bubbled and smoked, fed by a hot spring deep in the earth. Huts and rude shelters dotted the floor of the crater around the lake, but two large buildings dominated the scene. One was a rough, square structure built from mismatched slabs of aluminum siding and planks, making it look like a patchwork barn. It was a warehouse of some kind, guarded by two bored pirates squatting by a fire in front of its two mammoth swinging doors. Its peaked roof had a flat platform built onto the apex, evidently reached through a trap door. And hovering just above the warehouse was the pirate airship, attached to the ground by long mooring ropes threaded through blocks of stone. The massive vessel, shielded from the wind on all sides by the crater's high walls, barely shifted.

Every so often, drunken laughter and shouts erupted from within the other large structure, a long rectangle of stone with a peaked wooden roof. Double wooden doors offered the only entrance or exit as far as Mimi and Parveen could see. A nearby hole in the ground yawned.
Wooden stairs had been built leading down into the cave below.

They ducked down behind the barrels to make their plans. Parveen sketched out a rough map of the compound with the nub of his pencil. Mimi watched his hands, but kept thinking about Hamish X tumbling over the ledge into space. She could not get the image out of her mind.

“I assume this is where they store their booty.” Parveen pointed to the patchwork warehouse he'd drawn. “They unload their cargo directly from the airship through the hole in the roof. There doesn't seem to be any other way onto the airship, which will work to our advantage.” He circled the long rectangular building with his pencil. “This is some kind of meeting hall. All the rest are probably places for the pirates to sleep. The stairs here must lead to natural caverns in the rock.” He tapped the cave outline with a finger. “I would bet the prisoners are down in that hole.”

As if in answer, the noise from the meeting hall swelled as the double doors swung open and Mrs. Francis marched out. The two children felt their hearts leap. Mrs. Francis looked to be healthy, although her bathrobe was a little bit the worse for wear. The tall, thin pirate called Mr. Kipling followed the little housekeeper. Next came a group of people who were chained together and who the children didn't recognize. Two pirates brought up the rear, prodding the prisoners towards the stairs and then down into the cave.

A little way off, the tall pirate grabbed Mrs. Francis's arm and she whirled to face him. Even though they couldn't hear them, Parveen and Mimi could see they were having a heated argument.

MRS. FRANCIS WAS FURIOUS
. “Those children are my responsibility. I demand to see them immediately!”

“Mrs. Francis, I am under orders not to allow it. Surely, you understand …”

“No, I don't understand. I don't understand how anyone could treat children so badly and I won't be a party to it.”

“But the Windcity Orphanage and Cheese Factory is hardly an orphan's paradise, Mrs. Francis. You didn't seem to mind working for Viggo regardless of his poor treatment of the children.”

Mrs. Francis opened her mouth to make a retort, but instead she hung her head. “You're right, Mr. Kipling. I see that now. I would do anything to change the way things were, but that is in the past.” She suddenly stepped close to Mr. Kipling, clutching his hand. Tears stood in her eyes.. “You're just like me, you know. You pretend to be one of these horrible, ruthless pirates but you aren't, are you?”

“Please, Mrs. Francis, I …”

“There's kindness in you. I can see it, Mr. Kipling. Help me help these children. For your daughter. For yourself.”

They stood looking into each other's eyes for a long, long moment. Mr. Kipling finally dropped his gaze and stepped away.

“I must take you back to your cell, ma'am.”

Crestfallen, Mrs. Francis turned to go. But out of the corner of her eye she saw a flicker of movement high up on the crater wall. Stacks of barrels lined the walkway, presumably to collect snow for drinking water. Her eyesight had always been excellent, and she trained it on one group of barrels in particular. For an instant, she saw a flash of frizzy black hair and a reflection of sunlight
off a pair of eyeglasses. She stared in wonder for a moment, but forced her face to be calm.

Mr. Kipling noticed her hesitation and followed her gaze. “What is it?”

“Hmm? Oh, I thought I saw a duck.” It was all her panicked brain could think of.

“A duck?” Mr. Kipling repeated, thoughtfully. He scanned the area carefully. “Unlikely.
⁶⁶
Shall we go, ma'am?” He took her arm and steered her to the cave entrance. They disappeared down the stairs.

MIMI COULD BARELY CONCEAL HER DELIGHT
. She hugged a startled Parveen with such ferocity that all the air came out of him in a sharp bleat. She grabbed his shoulders and shook him.

“Mrs. Francis is alive! And she knows we're here! Oh, I could just bust a gut, I'm so happy!”

“I share your excitement, but please refrain from injuring me!”

“Sorry,” she said, letting go of him and hugging herself instead. “We made it! I can't believe it.” She stopped suddenly, tears filling her eyes as she remembered. “I just wish Hamish X was here to see it.”

“He would not want us to be crying and wasting time. We are lucky these pirates believe they are completely safe and so are spending no effort on keeping watch. We must
get right to work and get out before they know what is happening.”

Mimi nodded and wiped her eyes. She poked her head up and took another look at the compound. After a moment, she ducked back down and held up the map so that both could see it. “We gotta do two things. One: free the prisoners. Two: steal the blimp …”

“Zeppelin. There's a difference.”
⁶⁷

“Whatever!” She pointed at the warehouse on the map. “Here's the deal. You go git the thing ready to go. Warm up the engines 'n such. I go git the prisoners and bring 'em to ya and then we hightail it.”

“A simple plan.” Parveen chewed his pencil.

“Simple's best. We wait till it's dark, then we go.”

“We could both be caught and imprisoned ourselves.”

They sat for a moment in silence.

Mimi spoke. “Are you scared?”

“Indeed.”

“That's okay.” Mimi smiled and squeezed his hand. “When you're doing something good and important, you're supposed to be scared.”

“If you say so,” Parveen shrugged. He pushed up his glasses and looked at the weak sun low in the sky. “It'll be dark in a few hours. We'd better get some sleep.”

Huddled together for warmth in their hiding place, they took turns watching and dozing fitfully.

Finally, the two infiltrators deemed the darkness deep enough to cover their assault. They finalized their sketchy plan, checked their gear, and prepared themselves for what was to come.

The escape from Snow Monkey Island had begun.

Part 3

ESCAPE FROM SNOW MONKEY ISLAND
⁶⁸

Me again. We're on to Part 3 and I think things are going very well. Parveen and Mimi have seemingly hopeless tasks ahead of them and Hamish X is dead after a long fall down a nasty cliff.

What? That doesn't sit well with you? How dare you question my authority as narrator of this story? I was appointed by the Guild and you have no right to insinuate that I don't know what I'm doing. In fact, I know exactly what I'm doing. It's you who don't know how these things are supposed to work. Have faith! I wouldn't let the story go so horribly wrong and kill off the main character! That would be negligent! Criminal even! And worst of all, it wouldn't be what actually happened. Changing the story would get me into deep trouble. Believe me, I have no desire to go back to Storyteller's Prison. Horrible place! Nothing makes any sense there. You're trapped in a cell without a coherent plotline for years on end. No! I won't go back! Never!

You're forgiven for thinking, like Mimi and Parveen, that when Hamish X fell over the ledge with the big angry snow
monkey hanging onto his boot he was doomed. One would expect that the best he could hope for was a long fall and a sudden stop on the rocks below, all in the company of a smelly, vicious monkey. But you should know better by now that you can't write off Hamish X so easily. When will you learn? It's time to return to the story to show you the error of your ways.

Chapter 27

Hamish X hung from a ledge with a screaming, one-eyed snow monkey dangling from his right boot, trying desperately to pull himself to safety. No matter how hard he pulled, he couldn't seem to lever himself up. His own weight, combined with that of his attacker, was proving to be too much. To make matters worse, the panicked monkey wouldn't keep still. It thrashed and clawed at his leg, swinging them both wildly in space like a giant monkey–boy pendulum. Hamish X's arms strained to maintain his grip on the crumbling rock.

“Voice?” Hamish X muttered. “Are you there? I could
use a little help right now.” But there was no reply. He was on his own. The monkey down below shrieked and flailed, almost dislodging Hamish X's fingers from the stone.

“Knock it off!” Hamish X shouted. He looked down at the snow monkey. The ugly, one-eyed face was twisted in terror. Hamish knew he had to get the creature to let go if he had any hope of pulling himself to safety. He raised his left boot to smash the pink, leathery fingers.

The snow monkey saw the boot going up and realized what was coming. It looked up, and the expression on the primate's face made Hamish X stop short. Though the horrible creature had only moments before been bent on his destruction, the look of piteous entreaty on the disgusting visage was so human that Hamish X was moved to stay the blow. He wasn't a cruel person, and so he couldn't send the snow monkey plummeting to its death.

He looked down into that terrified eye and saw something of himself there. You might think Hamish X mad, but mercy is never a bad thing. Sometimes, showing a little kindness can reap huge rewards. Wait and see.

“I don't know if you can understand me, you big ugly thing,” Hamish X said to the monkey, “but I need you to stop thrashing around.”

The monkey hooted loudly.

“Shhhh! Relax.” Hamish X used his most soothing tones. “Relax! Shhh! Calm down. Shhhh!”

The monkey seemed to understand. It stopped wriggling and hung quietly.

“All right.” Hamish X smiled at the monkey, who bared its teeth in return. “We have to get up on the ledge. I have an idea.” Hamish X started to swing himself to one side, then the other, slowly at first, then as the momentum grew the arc became wider and wider, taking the monkey closer
and closer to the level of the ledge. At first the monkey was terrified, but after a few swings it began to figure out what Hamish X was up to.

“Grab the ledge,” Hamish X shouted, grinding his teeth against the pain in his shoulders and arms.