Happy Families (7 page)

‘I’d have told you before then. Come in, we can’t talk about this on the doorstep,’ said Lisa.

Mark followed her into the house, but he stood in the hall. He looked out of place and
that was a shame. Normally he looked so relaxed in her home that you’d have thought it was
their
home.

‘I’ll put the kettle on,’ said Lisa.

He followed her through to the kitchen. It was a total mess, worse than usual. Lisa had lost all interest in tidying the house since she’d lost Mark. She hadn’t made the connection until he was standing there. Now she wished that just once in the last week she’d flung a bit of Fairy Liquid at the odd teacup. She was ashamed of the mess. As if she didn’t have enough to be ashamed of already! She put the kettle on and started to clear the pots.

‘Leave that,’ said Mark.

‘I’m just making space for us to sit down.’

Lisa moved plates, cups, newspapers, magazines, a loaf of bread and the ketchup. That was just from one chair! Mark still didn’t sit down. It was as though he was making a point. He didn’t live here any more. He never had, officially. But they’d all thought of him as one of the family. Lisa hadn’t realized it until she’d lost him, or pushed him away. It depended how you wanted to look at it.

‘How are you feeling?’ Mark asked.

‘Pretty sick. But that will probably only last a couple more weeks.’ Lisa answered the question
knowing Mark was talking about the baby. She also knew that the sickness would last a lifetime if he didn’t come back to her. But Lisa didn’t add that. It sounded a bit keen.

Mark asked the questions everyone asked. Had she done the test? How many weeks pregnant was she? Was she eating well? He asked all the questions with a serious face. But then he asked a new one.

‘Do you wish this baby was Keith’s?’

‘What?!’ Lisa nearly dropped her teacup. ‘God, no… yuk, yuk!’ She could not imagine the idea of her and Keith doing the necessary to make a baby, not any more. She’d done it for years – obviously. But now the idea was alien to her. Lisa pulled a face, as though she was trying to spit out a funny taste.

Mark looked amused.

‘OK, OK, I believe you. So why do you hate the fact you are having a baby with me?’ he asked.

‘I don’t! Why do you think that?’ asked Lisa. She was surprised.

‘Well, for weeks you couldn’t even face the idea. When you did finally do the test you kept the result a secret from me. Lisa, you are always pushing me away. You won’t even call me your boyfriend. After a year! You forget to invite me
to family parties until the last minute. You even picked a night class to make the point that you didn’t need my help around the house.’

Suddenly Lisa saw things differently. She saw them how Mark saw them. Oh God, she felt terrible. She’d been terrible.

‘No, no, it wasn’t like that!’ said Lisa. ‘I didn’t know what to call you. I was worried boyfriend was a bit… young.’ She wanted to add that she’d have happily called him husband. But again it seemed a bit pushy! ‘And I picked a DIY course because I thought you wanted to leave me! I was trying to make that easy for you.’

‘You wanted to make it easy for me to leave?’ Mark looked confused.

‘Well, yes, if you wanted to go,’ said Lisa. It sounded silly now. But at the time it had seemed logical!

‘But why would I want to go?’ asked Mark.

‘I don’t know.’ Lisa stopped. She took a deep breath and then said, ‘Keith did.’ There! Lisa had spat out her fear at last.

Mark could have reacted in one of two ways. He might have shouted that he was not Keith. That he was sick of being punished for Keith’s crimes. Or he might just pull her into his arms and tell her not to be a daft cow – which is what he did. But he said ‘daft cow’ in a nice
way so she knew everything was all right. After all, he was male and not able to make long romantic speeches. But Mark was grinning from one ear to the other.

Since he took that so well, Lisa carried on. ‘I didn’t want you to feel trapped. Everyone has been going on about how old I am. You’re younger. I didn’t want to make you feel you were stuck with us all. We come as a package deal. Me and the three kids.’

‘Four kids now,’ said Mark. But he didn’t look worried.

They moved through to the front room. They cuddled up on the sofa. Mark put on the TV. He’d clearly done enough talking for one night – probably enough for a lifetime.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t call you straight away,’ said Lisa. ‘I should have.’

‘Yeah, you should have,’ said Mark, and he smiled. ‘You know I’m good at fixing stuff.’

The feelings of fear and loneliness began to fade. It seemed that Lisa had got it wrong again. She’d thought Keith was for life but she was wrong about that. Then she’d thought Mark was a stopgap or the rebound. But maybe she was wrong about that too.

‘What do we do next?’ asked Lisa.

‘There’s plenty of time to think about
names,’ said Mark. ‘Put your feet up. I’ll make you beans on toast with Cheddar melted on the top, your favourite. There’s plenty of protein in that. It’s good for the baby.’

14

15 November

Mark’s happy and supportive response to the news of the baby gave Lisa a bit of hope that being a forty-two-year-old mum was going to be OK after all. At least she now knew that Mark would help, but Lisa was not in the clear yet.

Lisa and Mark decided that they needed to see a midwife before they told anyone else, to be on the safe side. These days, younger, more excitable girls seemed to tell everyone about their babies six minutes after conception. Lisa would have been happy to wait the full forty weeks. She could just say she was eating too many pies.

Mark said Lisa needed to face her future.

‘You sound like my sister!’ said Lisa.

‘Just because your sister says something doesn’t mean it’s wrong,’ said Mark. ‘She thinks I’m great and I am.’

Lisa had to smile.

They made an appointment with the midwife and the shame began.

Co-parenting might be very modern and accepted down south, or in big cities. But there, in a tiny village near Leicester, it was a different story. The local midwife was Jane Davis. Lisa had gone to school with Jane, but they had never been friends. Jane had been good at maths but never let Lisa copy her homework. Lisa had been captain of the netball team but had never picked Jane. That was a decision Lisa regretted now, as Jane raised an eyebrow and noted that Lisa and Mark had different names and addresses.

‘And will these addresses be the same at the time of the birth?’ Jane Davis asked. She was as good as holding a shotgun to Mark’s head. ‘How’s Keith, then, Lisa? I haven’t seen him for a while,’ added Jane.

‘You’re a midwife,’ Lisa pointed out. ‘He’s unlikely to need your services.’

It was not the moment for Lisa to defend herself, or to tell Jane about the Big Breasted Woman and the upset she’d caused. After all, Lisa was flat on her back with her legs in stirrups. And she’d just handed over a pot of wee. It was not a position of strength.

‘Well, having this baby won’t be the same as
the others,’ said Jane Davis. She glumly shook her head. ‘You’re a very, very old mum, now.’

Lisa had thought the same thing but was cross to hear Jane Davis say it.

‘I’m not that old,’ said Lisa. ‘Loads of women my age or older have babies. Madonna was older.’

‘You are hardly Madonna,’ said Jane.

Lisa thought that, while this was true, it didn’t need saying. She listened crossly as Jane listed lots of scary tests that were needed because of her age. She felt dizzy. Mark suggested they go for a drink. Jane pulled a funny face. Mark turned red and said he meant orange juice.

The chat with Lisa’s mum didn’t go much better.

‘I’m pregnant,’ said Lisa.

‘Funny thing, dear, I thought you said you were pregnant,’ her mum laughed. ‘I must have my hearing checked.’

‘I
am
pregnant,’ said Lisa

‘When’s the wedding?’ asked her mum.

‘We haven’t talked about a wedding.’

‘Give me Mark’s address and I’ll send your father round.’

Lisa’s dad was only five foot nine in his prime. He weighed less than Lisa did on her
wedding day. Mark was six foot one and beefy. Lisa didn’t think sending her dad round to Mark’s was a good idea, although it showed a certain sweetness in her parents’ relationship.

Lisa told her mum she didn’t want to get married. And that the baby, while not planned, was still great news. And that Mark and Lisa would be very happy co-parenting from different homes. After all, Keith and Lisa did it with the other three.

Lisa thought she sounded believable. Her mum tutted. She wanted to be angry at Lisa, but was secretly excited at the idea of knitting bootees. Also she was trying to stop herself laughing because Lisa had used the term ‘co-parenting’ – Lisa who had problems with the expression ‘partner’!

‘I wonder what Carol will have to say,’ said Lisa’s mum.

Lisa’s blood ran cold.

Lisa didn’t have to break the news to Carol, though, because by the time Lisa dialled Carol’s number, she found her mum had already passed on the good news.

‘You lied to me!’ said Carol.

‘No, I was mistaken,’ said Lisa.

‘How could you be so stupid?’ asked Carol.

‘It happens!’ said Lisa.

‘Yes, to teenagers. Not to
old
women.’

Lisa slammed down the phone. If she’d been able to, she’d have rammed it down Carol’s throat.

15

15 November

Mark and Lisa brought home a maxi-size KFC bucket. There was enough to feed an army. They encouraged the children to drink pop and have seconds of ice-cream. Jack sensed a moment of weakness and asked for a puppy again. Mark held Lisa’s hand. He muttered that he was right by her side. But he looked more sick than she did in the mornings.

‘Are you splitting up?’ Jack asked when he saw the junk food and fizzy pop.

‘No, no,’ Lisa said, somewhat bothered by his train of thought.

‘Are you pregnant?’ Paula asked the question but then laughed out loud. She clearly did not see it as a serious possibility. Kerry glared at Lisa and Mark, waiting for them to admit the truth.

‘Er. Yes,’ said Lisa.

The laughter stopped.

‘I hate you,’ both the younger children said at once.

‘To think that in the past you’ve prayed that they’d agree on something,’ said Kerry. Lisa thought Kerry was enjoying this. She still hadn’t forgiven Lisa for thinking she was the one having an unplanned baby.

‘I thought you liked Mark,’ said Lisa. And that was a bit tactless, considering he was in the room.

‘We do. It’s just that now everyone will know you’re still having sex,’ said Paula. She was fighting tears.

‘People might have thought so anyway. I’m only forty-two.’ Lisa tried to stay calm.

‘There’s no
only
about it. You’re really, really old,’ said Paula.

Lisa was getting used to people saying this. An odd thing was happening though, because the more people said it, the less she believed it.

‘You’re old
and
disgusting,’ added Jack. ‘I’m going to live at Dad’s.’

Lisa wanted to tell him that his dad had sex too, but she couldn’t be that cruel.

Paula and Jack got up and marched out of the room. Paula slammed the door with great force. A crack ran from the door-frame across the ceiling.

‘That didn’t go too badly,’ said Mark.

‘Rather well, considering,’ added Kerry.

Lisa asked Mark to pass the chips. She wished she was the sort of woman who ate
less
under stress.

16

28 November

It was just under a month until Christmas, but there was no sign of peace and goodwill in Lisa’s house. The shops were stacked with bubble bath and chocolate boxes, so it had to be the season to be jolly, but it was hard for Lisa to agree.

Lisa and Carol were talking on the phone. They were trying to decide who should buy what for their parents. Last year both women had bought their mum a blender and their dad whisky. It hadn’t made for a festive Christmas.

‘I’ve bought Mum a skirt from Next and Dad a jumper,’ said Carol.

Lisa bet that Gill had given Carol a staff discount, but didn’t say so.

‘I won’t buy them clothes then,’ said Lisa. She had no idea what she would buy them. She had too much on her mind to think about gift-buying.

‘Christmas is a magical time,’ said Carol with a sigh.

‘I know. Usually I like everything about it. From choosing, buying and wrapping gifts, to cooking, over-eating and over-drinking. I really love my old Christmas tree that I drag out of the loft every year. Almost as much as I love my kids,’ said Lisa.

‘Your Christmas dinners are better than anyone’s,’ said Carol. Lisa thought it must have cost Carol to be so kind.

‘But this year I’m looking forward to Christmas about as much as the turkeys are,’ said Lisa, sadly.

At least Paula and Jack had not moved out. They had tried it, but after an evening of hearing the Big Breasted Woman repeat, ‘Well, who would have believed it?’ they got bored and came home. There was no point in having flat-screen TV if you couldn’t hear it above her chat.

They still weren’t speaking to Lisa though, apart from barking the odd instruction about what they wanted in their lunchboxes, or asking whether such-and-such a top was clean. In many ways it was a normal situation, except that Lisa knew they were hurt and confused. She hadn’t meant to, but she’d turned their
world upside-down. It had never been her plan.

Lisa tried to talk to Paula about making the best of things. Lisa confessed to being secretly excited about the thought of once again going to Nativity plays. Paula stared at Lisa, clearly furious.

‘Kerry told me what you thought of her!’ Paula yelled angrily. ‘You didn’t like the idea of her being pregnant, did you?’

‘Not at all,’ Lisa said, ‘but Kerry is fifteen.’

‘And you are forty-two!’ said Paula. Lisa really hadn’t known how ageist her family was. ‘And you’re not even getting married!’

Or how traditional it was.