He Loves Me Not: Lily’s Story, Book 1 (6 page)

T
he next day
at school I ate lunch with Alyssa. “I think things might be getting serious with Trevor,” I told her.

“Oh?”

“The other night he told me that he really likes me.” I couldn't get the smile off of my face.

She didn’t return my smile. “I see.”

My smile vanished. “What's wrong? Why aren't you happy for me?”

Alyssa sighed. “I am happy for you, but I know it will devastate Justin. That's all.”

“He seemed fine to me.”

“That's because you're blind to his feelings.” Alyssa frowned, then took a bite of her sandwich.

I didn't respond as I thought about Justin and Trevor. They were both nice guys, but it was Trevor that I liked. No matter how great Alyssa thought Justin was, I couldn't make myself feel something for him that I felt for Trevor.

That afternoon Trevor came over to study with me. We spent an hour working, then decided to take a break.

“By the way,” he asked as he put his books in his backpack. “What's the deal with that Justin guy?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, he acted like he'd known you your whole life, but he's only known you a couple of months.”

I sensed Trevor’s jealousy again, but this time it didn't thrill me. It bothered me. “I don't know. He's just a friend, that's all.”

“Have you ever gone out with him?”

The question seemed out of place and I didn't want to answer it. “What difference would that make?”

“Is that a yes or a no?”

“It's a none of your business. I can go out with whomever I want. You and I haven't made any commitments to each other.”

Trevor seemed taken aback by my response. “Maybe we should make a commitment then. Or are you okay with me dating other women?”

That wasn't the response I'd expected, and the thought of Trevor with another woman, especially Amanda, pained me deeply. As I pictured them together, my stomach churned. I jumped up from the couch and went into the kitchen, grabbing a glass out of the cupboard and filling it with water.

He followed me to the kitchen. “What's wrong?”

I glanced at him and was surprised to see triumph on his face.

“Now you know how I feel,” he said, reaching out to stroke my back. “The thought of you dating another man makes me crazy.”

“I'm sorry, Trevor. I guess I hadn't thought about that before.” I hesitated, but only for a moment. “And just so you know, I did go out with Justin once. But really, he's just a friend. Even if he wants to be more than that.”

Trevor’s eyebrows bunched. “He wants to be more? How do you know?”

I immediately realized I shouldn’t have mentioned that. “Never mind. It’s not important.”

He placed his hands on my shoulders. “It's important to me. How do you know he feels that way? Did he tell you that?”

Not understanding why it was so important to Trevor to know, I decided to be honest. “Yes. But I told him I don't feel the same.”

“Lily, I don't want you to be alone with him.”

I pushed Trevor’s hands from my shoulders. “Why on earth not? He’s just a friend.”

Trevor’s expression became more intense. “Please, just trust me.” He suddenly pulled me into a tight embrace. “I care so much about you. I can’t stand the thought of losing you.”

“Losing me?” I said against his shoulder. Then I imagined what it would be like if he was no longer in my life—if I were never to see him again. It felt like someone was digging a knife right into my heart. Agony and sadness gripped me, and I admitted the truth to myself. Then I decided to say it out loud.

I pulled back from him and gazed into his blue eyes. “I think I’m falling in love with you, Trevor.”

“Really?”

“Yes,” I said, worried that I’d admitted my feelings too soon.

“Oh, Lily.” He cradled my face in his hands and his eyes sparkled as they gazed into mine. “I love you too.”

He pressed his lips to mine and I thought I was going to explode with happiness. In my wildest dreams I hadn’t imagined him falling in love with me.

He pulled back and smiled at me.

This is just like my romance novels. I’ve found my Prince Charming.

Joy suffused me.

Just then my roommates burst through the front door and the mood was broken.

Nicole looked at our faces. “What's going on? What are you guys up to?”

Beyond annoyed at my lack of privacy, I shook my head. “Nothing, Nicole. How was your weekend?”

Nicole began telling us about the great time they had until Michelle interrupted. “I'm starving, Nicole. Let's get something to eat.”

“All right, all right.”

They left a short time later, leaving us alone once again. “As much as I'd like to stay,” Trevor said, “I need to get going. I promised Rob I'd come down to his shop to help for a little while this evening.”

My newfound happiness enveloped me. “I'll see you in class tomorrow, won't I? Remember, we have a test.”

“Great.” He grimaced. “Thanks for reminding me.”

I laughed. “No problem.”

Trevor leaned toward me and my breath caught. A moment later our lips met and I didn’t want our kiss to end. He pulled away first, but kept his hands on my shoulders. “I’ve really got to go. I’ll call you later.”

He left the apartment and I watched him walk down the stairs.

T
he next day
after class I found a note addressed to me stuck in the front door. Hoping it was from Trevor, I yanked it out and hurried into my room before unfolding it.

Maybe I didn't make myself clear. Stay away from Trevor or you'll be very, very sorry.

My heart hammered in my chest as I reread the words printed plainly on the slip of paper.

What is going on? Why would someone want me to stay away from Trevor? Should I tell him about it? What would he say? Would he know anything about it?

The ringing of my cell phone jerked me out of my thoughts and I dug it out of my purse. “Hello?”

There was no response.

“Who's there?” I demanded as fear seeped into my bones.

There was silence and I knew the call had ended. I looked at the Caller ID but it just said Unknown.

Putting my phone in my pocket, I sat on my bed and tried to think of who could have sent the note. Was the caller also the note sender? Who could it be?

My cell phone rang again, startling me. When I saw Trevor’s name on the Caller ID, I let out a breath of relief.

I was on the verge of tears, and it came through in my voice. “Trevor?”

“What's wrong, sweetie?”

The obvious concern in his voice touched me, and my heart blossomed with love for him. Even so, I wasn’t sure if I should mention the note—why let some anonymous note decide my life for me? “Nothing. I'm just tired. Are you coming over today?”

“That's why I'm calling. I'm not going to be able to come over. Rob needs me to work.”

Sharp disappointment stabbed at my insides. “I was looking forward to seeing you this afternoon.”

“At least we saw each other in class today.”

I rolled my eyes, dejection and fear ruling my emotions. “Whoopee, we got to say hi before taking the test.”

“Hey, now. I'm disappointed, too.” He paused. “It might be kind of late, but maybe I can come by tonight. How would that be?”

The idea immediately brightened my mood. “That would be great. Please try.”

“I will. And Lily?”

“Yes?” I asked, a smile on my face.

“I love you.”

Joy saturated me. “I love you, too.”

After ending the call, I tore the note into tiny pieces before flushing it down the toilet. “I won't let you ruin my happiness,” I said to the empty room.

I
didn't know
if Trevor would be coming that night, but I made sure I looked my best, just in case. After finding the note in my door, I felt a stronger need to be with Trevor—to be reassured that he loved me and that we should be together.

Michelle and Nicole had gone to a study group, so I had the place to myself.

When a knock came at the door at seven o'clock, a thrill went through me at the prospect of seeing Trevor. I ran to the door and flung it open. Disappointment crashed through me when I saw it wasn't him, but the disappointment quickly fled when I saw it was Alyssa.

I invited her in and we sat in the living room.

“Were you expecting someone else, Lily? Perhaps a certain blond man I know of?”

“Is it that obvious?” I laughed quietly. “He said he might come over tonight.”

“Where is he?” Disapproval was clear in her tone.

I ignored her criticism. “He's working tonight. He wasn't even sure if he'd be able to come by, but he said he'd try.”

She crossed her arms as she gazed at me. “I can't believe you, Lily. I thought you were here to get your education, but now you're waiting around for a man to come see you when he has time. Where's your self-respect?”

Annoyed by her comments, I said, “I have plenty of self-respect. I've also fallen in love with a man who loves me too.”

Her eyes widened. “What? Did he say that?”

Remembering the sound of Trevor’s voice on the phone the night before when he’d told me he loved me, I couldn’t hold back a smile. “Just last night, in fact.”

“What about Justin?”

“What about him? I don't have feelings like that for him. He's only a friend.”

Alyssa stared at me. “But you haven't given him a fair chance. He's so much better for you than Trevor.”

“How do you know that? You don't even know Trevor. And as nice as Justin is, neither you nor anyone else can make me have feelings for him that don't exist. In fact, if you think he's so great, why aren’t you dating him?”

Alyssa stared at me, the idea obviously never occurring to her before. “It's not like that with him. He's just a good friend.”

I smiled victoriously. “That's exactly how I feel!”

She was quiet a moment. “Okay, I see what you mean. I just don’t want you to rush in to anything. I’ve seen some girls do that and then regret it.”

“We’re not engaged, Alyssa,” I said as I tucked my feet underneath me.

“Thank goodness,” she said under her breath.

I ignored the remark. “All I know is that he loves me and I love him. We want to be together all the time.”

“I just don’t want you to write Justin off completely yet.”

Wanting to turn the conversation in another direction, I said, “I wouldn't worry too much anyway. Someone out there doesn't want me to be with Trevor anymore than you do.”

Alyssa stared at me. “What are you talking about?”

I told her about the note I’d received at the dance and the one I'd found just that afternoon.

“Let me see it,” she demanded.

I shook my head. “I can't. I got rid of it.”

Alyssa jumped up and walked towards the kitchen. “Is it in the trash in here? I'll get it out.”

“No, no. I flushed it down the toilet.”

She turned around. “Why'd you do that? Did you tell Trevor?”

I shook my head again. “No. I haven't had a chance. But I'm not sure I want to tell him. It's too bizarre, don't you think?”

“It is pretty weird,” she said as she came back into the living room. “No doubt about it. But I think you should tell him. Communication is very important in a relationship.”

“I'll think about it.”

Alyssa nodded. “Good. Look, I'd better get going. I have an assignment due in the morning.”

I walked her to the door.

“I didn’t mean to upset you,” she said. “I hope you know I’ll support you, no matter what.”

I smiled warmly. “Thank you. And thanks for being my friend.”

A short time after Alyssa left, I remembered an assignment I needed to complete. With my emotions in such turmoil, I'd forgotten all about the project. I went into my bedroom and pulled out my notebook, and after reviewing my notes, I set to work. Not stopping until I was done, I didn't realize how much time had passed. Glancing at the clock, I saw it was nearly nine o'clock.

Michelle and Nicole should be home anytime. And if Trevor’s coming, it should be soon.

At the thought, the doorbell sounded. I shoved my books aside and raced to the door, hoping it would be Trevor this time. It was.

When I opened the door, his face lit up, and I went into his arms. The strength of his embrace brought a sense of security, and I didn't want him to ever let me go. He held me for several moments before finally pulling back.

“That's a nice welcome,” he said as he smiled at me.

Now that I’d declared my love for him, it seemed as if my love grew every time I was with him. The feeling was wonderful.

“Come in,” I said as I led the way to the couch. “Are you tired? Can I get you some water or something?”

“Water would be great. Thanks.”

I hurried to the kitchen and poured him a large glass of ice water before bringing it back to him, then I snuggled against him as he drank nearly all of it.

“I’m pretty tired, but at least I got paid tonight,” he said. “Now I can pay my share of the rent.”

Soon after telling me he was homeless, he’d found a cheap apartment to share with some other men. I’d been relieved when he'd found a permanent place to stay.

“So, Rob's keeping you pretty busy at his shop?” I asked, pulling away from him.

“Where're you going?” he asked as he pulled me close to him again.

I happily rested my head on his shoulder as he put his arm around me.

“And yes, he is keeping me busy. But the busier I am, the more money I can make.”

Just enjoying being near him, I didn’t respond.

“You're quiet tonight.” He stroked my arm. “Is it getting past your bedtime?”

I laughed softly. “No, it's not my bedtime for a while yet.” The conversation I'd had with Alyssa flooded my mind and I remembered my promise to consider telling him about the note.

As I mentally composed the words I wanted to say, the whole note incident sounded silly, unimportant, almost childish. Was it something I really wanted to mention? I hesitated to bring it up.

“Penny for your thoughts,” he said.

“Nowadays, a penny won't cut it. It'll take at least a dollar.”

“Okay then, a dollar for your thoughts.”

I sat up straight again, determined to talk about my concerns. “Trevor, I found a note on the door today.”

He turned his body to face me. “Okay. Who was it from?” A dark look came over him. “It was from Justin, wasn't it?”

“No, no,” I answered quickly. “That's the problem. I don't know who it was from.”

He seemed to relax. “What did it say?”

I hesitated, feeling slightly foolish and embarrassed. “It said 'Maybe I didn't make myself clear. Stay away from Trevor or you'll be very, very sorry.'”

“What?” He moved to the edge of the couch, then turned and looked at me. “Are you sure?”

That wasn’t the response I’d expected. I’d thought he’d brush it off and I could forget about it. “Yes, I'm positive.”

“Can I see it?”

Embarrassed now by my decision to flush it away, I told him what I’d done with it.

“That was dumb, Lily. You should’ve kept it.”

Embarrassed by his comment, I said, “I'm sorry. I know now that I shouldn't have thrown it away, but it's too late to change that.” Tears stung my eyes and I blinked several times. “Excuse me.” I rushed into the kitchen as I tried to hold back the tears, then grabbed a tissue and blew my nose.

A moment later Trevor stood behind me and wrapped his arms around me, pressing himself against my back. “I'm not mad at you, Lily. I'm sorry I said that was dumb. It just kind of freaked me out.”

I turned into him and let him cocoon me in his arms. Getting my emotions under control, I asked, “What do you think it's all about?”

“I have no idea.”

“I’m really tired all of sudden, Trevor. I think it
is
getting to be my bedtime.”

“I can take a hint,” he smiled. “I'm pretty tired myself. I'll see you tomorrow.” We walked toward the door together. “And make sure to lock up after I leave.”

I smiled. “I will, but I can't guarantee my roommates will lock the door after they come in.”

His expression turned more serious. “Make sure they do, okay?”

I didn’t like the intensity in his voice. “Okay.”

He pressed a kiss to my lips before walking out the door.

After he left, I turned the locks on the door and sat in front of the television, resigned to waiting until Michelle and Nicole got back to make sure they would lock up as well.

Why did Trevor get so serious? Does he know something he's not sharing?