Healing Faith (2 page)

My heart hammered as I searched in vain again for
somewhere to hide. Inside the store left me trapped with people who
had seen me. The diner was across the street. I felt my body
shaking, the panic verging on a full-blown attack. Just as the car
moved close enough that I could confirm it was definitely his, I
hid in the only safe place where no one would look.

I hid in the back of the buggy.

I peeked through the small window as I watched him
step out of his car and look around, a cold feeling of dread
passing over me. Sean looked like he had been driving non-stop; his
usual meticulously spiked black hair messy and windblown. His tight
t-shirt was wrinkled along the back, and sweaty from the heat,
probably from sitting in his car all those hours. Every muscle on
his imposing body seemed tense as he stood there, surveying the
town and the people standing outside the diner.

He looked around briefly, my body tensing as his dark
eyes traveled over the buggy I hid in before they scanned past me
towards the diner again. He hitched up his jeans on his hips and
slowly made his way towards the diner, his normally pouty lips set
in a thin, tight line. Sean’s swagger told me he was determined in
his mission. He was going to find me, and I would be his, with no
one to protect me or stop him from doing whatever he wanted on the
return trip.

There were a lot of ditches and lonely roads between
here and McKinleyville, California.

I trembled in the corner behind the burlap sacks in
the buggy, sure that at any moment, the bus driver would nod and
point over my way, and Sean, who always seemed to know where I was
like a blood hound in the hunt would find me.

I wasn't prepared for the owner of the buggy to come
back so soon.

"Thank you, Eli! Pleasant day to you! I will be sure
to tell Fannie that you need more of her cakes!"

The buggy rocked slightly as the man climbed up onto
his bench seat in front. I heard him make a noise, and the buggy
jolted into motion. I bit my palm to keep from crying out; I had no
way to escape now, not without raising suspicion and being caught.
My heart rose in my throat when the buggy stopped abruptly.

"Hey man. I'm looking for this girl. Have you seen
her?"

The sound of Sean’s voice made shiver in fear. It was
purposeful, direct and commanding. He had never had much in the way
of manners when it came to addressing his elders, and I could tell
his irritation at having to ask around for me only made him more
direct. I slunk further into the darkness amongst the bags and
boxes, praying that I couldn’t be seen. It was stifling in the back
where I hid; the sweat dripping down my skin as I silently wished
the buggy to continue its trek. But the Amish man had seen me and
spoken to me. He was sure to tell Sean he had seen me. I clenched
my eyes shut and waited for the end.

"Did you check the diner, son?"

"Yeah I was heading there. Thanks," Sean muttered and
turned away from the man.

"Pleasant day to you,” the man called out and once
more we were moving.

I tried to hold in my tears, but the stagnant heat
and the overwhelming need to escape made it difficult to breathe. I
couldn’t hide my yelp when I heard my phone chirp loudly in my
pocket. I watched in horror as the Amish man’s head whirled around,
his mouth opening up in an exclamation until he saw my fear. His
face immediately became more guarded and I could feel the buggy
slowing down once more. Sean would see and would wonder why.

"Please," I pleaded in a strained whisper. "He'll
kill me if he finds me. Please, help me."

"How did you come to be in my buggy, child?" the man
asked his voice more authoritative than it had been when he had
spoken to me before.

"Please. Please, I just need to get away from him.
He'll kill me," I pleaded again.

He pursed his lips and turned to look back out
towards the expansive road ahead, licking his bare lips above the
gleaming beard. His glance drifted from me to what I assumed was
Sean behind us, his eyes thoughtful before he redirected them back
to the road where he urged his horses along at a brisk pace.

"It is not our place to intervene in Englisher
troubles, child. But if he is determined to hurt you in some way, I
cannot let that be. You have asked for sanctuary. I will offer it
to you, for that is our way. I am Jonah Berger, child. And you
are?" he asked, his tone suddenly very formal.

"K-Kate. Katherine Hill, sir.”

"Welcome to West Grove, Katherine Hill."

I struggled with the hooks on the dress, frustrated
at there being no zippers or buttons. This would have been so much
easier with my t-shirt and shorts, but I had been told as long as I
stayed in their community I had to wear their clothes. A dress
whose skirt was much too long for me, and a shift underneath made
me sweat just trying to put them on in the heat of the house. I
wished regretfully for the fog and chill of home.

I grimaced at that thought, shaking my head in
disbelief that I had actually had the ridiculous idea of to wanting
to go back.

The hooks finally done, I looked around for a mirror.
There was none to be found in the room I had changed in and had to
wonder if this family didn’t believe in them. They seemed a quiet
and guarded group of people. And stuck in the pioneer days, judging
by the bonnet I had to wear and the lack of electricity. I knew
virtually nothing about the Amish, but I had an idea I was going to
learn firsthand by hiding with them. Smoothing my hair into a bun
at the base of my neck like I had seen with some of the other women
on the road back, I turned to tuck my old belongings into my
backpack.

I looked at my phone one more time, the message that
had given up my hiding place still there on the screen. My sister’s
warning about Sean:

He’s coming. He knows. I’m sorry. Run.

Feeling the sense of panic run through me at her
warning, I shut off the phone in a rush and shoved it in my bag.
Sean was out there somewhere, and until I knew how he had found me,
I wouldn’t give him any way of finding out I was here now. I
straightened my dress one last time and made my way down stairs,
the well-worn stair treads creaking as I went.

Turning the corner and still fiddling with my head
covering, I didn't notice the tall figure in front of me until my
face met with his solid, heated chest. I stumbled back, nearly
falling until strong hands reached out to right me. I steadied
myself before looking up to apologize to the man I had run into. My
words died in my mouth when I found myself gazing into the dazzling
green depth of his eyes.

"I'm so sorry," I stammered, feeling the heat rising
in my cheeks as those eyes continued to look through me.

I was incapable of moving, he had rendered me
immobile in hands that held me as if I would break if he squeezed
too hard. He continued to stare intensely at me, his eyebrows
knitting together as he seemed to come to his own senses and shake
his head slowly. He let me go, his strong hands slipping away
cautiously until he knew I was able to stand on my own.

"No, I must apologize. I did not see you there. Did I
hurt you? I… I do not know you," he said, his voice soft and
cautious with a similar cadence as Jonah’s.

I shook my head and tried to smile up at him. It was
hard to concentrate while I took in the man before me. He was tall,
so much so that I had to crane my neck slightly to look up at him.
His short, mussed hair was streaked golden as if he spent most of
his days in the sun. Judging by the soft wrinkles around his eyes
and sun kissed cheeks, I assumed that he must. I watched as he
licked at his full, dry lips, swallowing hard enough that I could
hear it over the rushing in my ears.

"Uh, I'm Kate. I'm… visiting." I extended my hand out
to him in greeting.

He paused; eyeing my outstretched hand like it was
diseased before looking back up to offer me a timid smile. His face
softened as he regarded me and the suspicion that had been in his
eyes before was replaced with a friendlier crinkle around them.

"Welcome, Kate. I am Nathan. Are you staying with
Elder Jonah and his family?" he asked, never taking my hand.
Instead he moved his hands to grip the suspenders over his chest,
as if fighting some temptation to touch me.

I blushed and put my hand down, assuming I must have
violated some strict Amish custom in my handshake. I took a step
back hesitantly, to put more space between us. I was already warm
in all the layers of clothes I had to wear and his nearness didn't
seem to help the heat. I still felt the ghost warmth of his solid
chest against my face, a tingling sort of feeling everywhere I had
made contact with him.

He was broad across the shoulders like I would expect
a farmer to be, but his height made him look a little lanky, as if
he had grown too fast and his trim body was still catching up. He
couldn’t have been too much older than me, perhaps twenty. The sun
had aged him like the surfers and sailors at home so it was
difficult to guess. He had a roughness about him that told me he
worked a hard life, but that was where the roughness stopped. His
eyes held a kindness I wasn’t used to in a man. He was not as
imposing in stature as Sean, but still he was a man and I knew well
enough what men could do. Even with this man’s gentle smile and the
way he had held me, he was a stranger to me.

"Katherine!"

The forceful voice startled me, and I jumped again,
this time forward towards Nathan, who awkwardly grasped me by the
waist to steady me again. I was sure I had stepped on him, because
he lurched away abruptly, his hands pressing me against the wall
before retreating a step. He shook his head as if to clear it,
darting his glance down the hallway towards the voice before he
turned and rushed out of the back door without another word.

I watched his strong back as he left in the waning
light, his cream shirt stained with sweat and his neck long and
almost elegant under the black hat he pulled down over his hair. He
glanced back once, a troubled frown on his face before he turned
around again and quickened his pace up the hill and through the
field away from the house to disappear behind the hill.

"Katherine, are you dressed? It is supper. Come! The
family is waiting," the voice said again from down the hall.

I turned from the strange man and made my way down
the hall, into a lantern lit dining room. At the head of the table
sat Jonah, watching me with a kind smile as he waved me in. Around
the table sat a few other people I had not yet met. To one side of
me sat a small, frail looking girl with dark wispy hair peeking out
of her head cover. She was possibly my age, maybe a little older,
but she was shorter than even me, stunted somehow. Her large dark
brown eyes took me in openly, and her smile was very welcoming.

In stark contrast to her was the tall red-haired girl
across from her, who barely glanced my way before looking back
towards the window and the darkening sky beyond. Next to her sat
another girl, a child with pale blonde hair that was bound in
braids that wrapped around her little head. She looked up at me
with the brightest blue eyes I had ever seen with open curiosity as
I slowly moved to sit beside the dark-haired girl.

"Family, please welcome to our home Katherine Hill.
She is visiting us from the outside. Please assist her in blending
in to our ways while she is here," he said warmly, glancing to his
right and his left at his daughters.

The dark haired girl beside me turned and smiled
warmly as I sat beside her.

"I am Emma. I am happy to have you as a sister while
you are here, Katherine," she whispered, beaming.

"Oh, you can call me Kate," I corrected, only to
close my mouth when Jonah cleared his throat.

It was not aggressive or accusatory like my father
would do, merely commanding in an intense sort of way. It still
frightened me a bit, unsure of this man’s temperament.

"We shall abide by your God-given name as your
parents thus named you. We will go by Katherine, even if it be an
English name," he explained.

I nodded and laid my fidgeting hands in my lap,
suddenly nervous that anything I did now would be construed as
"outsider" or English as I had learned they called people like me.
Jonah had filled me in a little of his community on the buggy ride
in from town. I was an outsider, and would raise suspicion if I
acted as such. I would pose as someone from another community
visiting their home.

It was just for a couple of days, but I wanted to pay
my way to this family, however I could. A few days dressed up like
a pioneer wouldn’t be so bad if it kept me hidden long enough for
Sean to give up and go home. I needed all the help I could in order
to blend in and live by their rules judging by the man, Nathan’s,
reaction to me.

I let my gaze wander as I felt the sisters regard me,
until finally Fannie, Jonah's wife portioned out our supper. Fannie
was pretty, in a plain sort of way, tall with long dark hair that
plaited and wrapped neatly beneath her hair covering, and large
warm eyes that seemed to observe every detail. She was very
welcoming with her warm smile and soft voice. I knew immediately
that she was a kind and gentle person. I couldn’t explain the sense
of security I felt every time she looked towards me.

She was what I remembered my mother was like when I
was a child, before politics got in the way of the family. Before
the alcohol that slowly consumed my mother and left her a shell.
Before everything that distanced our parents from one another and
their daughters. Fannie and Jonah Berger were nothing like my
parents. They seemed interested in their daughters’ lives based on
Jonah’s conversation.

"Is Mark coming for supper tonight, Hannah? The
wedding is a couple of weeks away. There is much to plan still," he
asked, a blush blossoming across the tall girl’s cheeks.