Healing Faith (4 page)

I nodded and moved to get up, my body stiff from the
soft bed. I felt dirty, disheveled and road weary sitting there in
Emma’s crisp and clean bed linens.

I was desperate for a shower.

“You were whimpering in your sleep,” she said in the
darkness as I pulled the dress I had worn the day prior from the
hook.

I didn’t turn to look at her; I could tell from her
voice that she was concerned.

“Just a dream,” I murmured and held the dress to me
tightly as if to hide how raw and exposed I still felt from the
dream, let alone her questions. Emma must have understood because
she turned silently and left me to get ready, the door closing
quietly in the darkness. I looked towards the little girl Abigail’s
bed to find it empty and neatly made.

I made the bed I had slept in with lightning speed
and then stumbled through a fast cleaning routine, the sponge bath
cold merely for the briskness of the predawn air. Once again I
struggled with the layers of clothes required of me, tripping
several times on the hem of my skirt that was just a few inches too
long. When I made it downstairs, Jonah gave me a cursory nod before
looking off to Emma and Abigail who waited by the door with large
silver jugs.

"The cows are needy. Show Katherine how we appease
them," he said softly before taking another smaller bucket off the
back porch and making his way into the darkness.

Abigail looked up at me and smiled as she handed me
her silver jug.

"Have you ever milked a cow, Katherine?" she asked,
giggling when I shook my head. She took my hand and dragged me out
into the predawn towards the large barn, Emma already a few steps
ahead of us.

I had a feeling this was going to be a long day.

~~~~

"My good wife, these cakes are heavenly this
morning," Jonah beamed from the end of the table during
breakfast.

Fannie smiled and nodded towards me.

"Dear husband, our newest daughter did make them this
morning. She is proving to be quite helpful in the kitchen," she
commented, pursing her lips when Hannah let out an exaggerated
breath.

Emma leaned in close and whispered, "Hannah is not
gifted in matters of the kitchen."

Abigail laughed into her juice while Hannah merely
sat up straighter, feigning indifference.

"My quilts are well sought after. God graced me with
a steady hand for stitching. I am content with that.”

"Quilts do not feed the family," Fannie said, winking
at me as I looked from person to person in this odd interchange. I
continued to be surprised by just how personable this family could
be, and yet still so foreign to me in so many ways.

Hannah's cool glare bore into me, her smile tight and
never reaching her eyes.

"Well, I suppose if Katherine were to remain here
among us, she will have no trouble finding a husband. Her cooking
renown will precede her, no doubt. Too bad she will only be here
for a few days."

I blushed and looked away at her remark. I had no
intention of staying. I was an outsider after all. This was not my
world. She was right. I’d be gone in a few days, even if my dreams
had centered around one particular Amish man.

We finished up breakfast and I was clearing away the
last of the dishes when I overheard Jonah and Fannie talking near
the doorway.

"Nathan works too hard to go without eating. I cannot
understand why he would not come for supper. That is most unusual
for him," Jonah was saying as he picked up his hat and made his way
towards the door.

"I will take Abigail and Katherine with me to bring
him some breakfast. I will speak with him about supper tonight. He
cannot say no to me," Fannie suggested as she straightened her
husband's shirt.

"This is why I love you, Fannie. You see the need in
those around you, and you tend to it without worry. Nathan would do
well if he found someone such as you," he murmured and leaned in to
tuck a stray hair that had worked free of Fannie's bun.

I watched their interchange in fascination. Jonah
smiled down at her, his eyes bright while his wife doted on him.
She eyed him playfully and grinned up at him when he pulled her a
little closer in a loose embrace. I lingered by the stove, feeling
as if I were intruding on the simple way Fannie took care of
Jonah.

I had no reference to a normal married couple. My
mother had been aloof and reticent to any affection my father had
given her, which was just as well. He had never made much effort to
do much for us, his work with the city taking precedence. They had
fought constantly, and too many times I remember my mother drinking
herself to oblivion and disappearing for days. My parents were the
quintessential dysfunctional couple.

Now I was in Amish country, with a married couple
that loved one another so simply and yet so completely. You could
tell in the soft smile that graced Jonah's face that he loved his
wife. In public, he was stoic and straightforward, even a little
forbidding. But with his family, he was gentle. He treated her like
a partner rather than a possession. I was learning that love was
more than physical, was more than simply having it to use. It was
about sharing, and taking care of one another.

In the twenty-four hours I had been with this family,
I had not once heard Jonah belittle his wife like my dad had done
all those years. If anything Jonah Berger worshipped his wife, and
she him. It was completely foreign to me, for I had never seen my
family act as the Bergers did. Maybe it was the Amish way.

I was discovering that Englishers such as myself had
little understanding of how the Amish truly lived.

We seemed to judge the Amish unfairly, simply because
of their strict beliefs. They were perhaps strange in that we
didn't understand them. I was finding out that their beliefs
weren't much different from our own. We just clouded our beliefs
with prejudice. I felt suddenly ashamed at how I had thought of
them just the night before, making fun of the obvious choices they
made at keeping their life uncomplicated.

The Amish kept it simple. There was no need for
television or cars that took you away from your home. They had
everything they needed. Simple was fine for them. They had a
purpose in their lives. If given the opportunity, I wondered if I
would prefer the simple life to all that my world had to offer. As
I thought of a life here, those haunting eyes of the Amish man
entered my mind once more.

I pulled myself out of my thoughts when I heard
Fannie clear her throat and look at me curiously. I must have zoned
out on the two of them, because I was still staring at her when my
eyes focused on her bemused smile. Jonah was nowhere to be
seen.

"And what has you so transfixed, Katherine?" she
asked, her eyes full of mischief.

Mischief.

These people were so confounding.

I cleared my throat and wiped down the tabletop
absently.

"I'm sorry. I admire your sense of family I guess.
Your love for Jonah is rather beautiful," I whispered, feeling my
face burn with embarrassment.

She patted my hand and her smile grew.

"You do not have love in your world?" she asked while
she pulled out a large basket from a nearby cupboard.

I shook my head and laughed.

"We have love; it’s maybe just a lot more
complicated. Here, it seems so pure. We seem to muddy it up and
taint it somehow," I replied and avoided her eyes.

Fannie was quiet beside me for a moment before she
turned and busied herself spooning some of the egg casserole she
had made into a deep bowl and covering it with a linen cloth. Her
silence made me assume that perhaps I had overstepped in my
observations, and rather than apologize and embarrass myself
further, I set to helping her. I wrapped some of the corn cakes
into another cloth and laid them carefully into the basket. I was
proud of my corn cakes, Fannie having shown me how to make them
before I had fully woken up. The cakes had turned out so well that
Jonah had mistaken them for Fannie's.

It seemed my cooking was not so lackluster as my
father and Sean made me believe.

We packed everything up into the basket and set out
for the Fisher farm, Abigail skipping ahead of us up the hill.
She’d find a flower in the grass and pull it out to make a small
bouquet in her hands before rushing off again, laughing in the
breeze. I was less enthusiastic about this errand.

I was extremely nervous about seeing Nathan
again.

Nathan Fisher.

Even his name left a strange feeling in my
stomach.

A tense knotting that was not quite painful, but left
me finding it hard to breathe.

Or it could have been the hill we climbed.

Forget what people say about Iowa being flat. They
had hills. They were just long sloping hills that caught up with
you. But it was beautiful, and the quiet in the air was
rejuvenating. I remembered the day before and how the corn had
sounded in the breeze. It had scared me then with its angry
brushing of drying stalks. But it seemed different here somehow.
Melodic as they rustled in the soft breeze, and the occasional
birdsong offered one a chance to reflect. Perhaps it was because
this corn was still green, at its peak. It had the feeling of life
and hope as it swayed, whereas the corn yesterday was screaming its
last death cry.

The quiet here was peaceful and calming.

We were nearing the top of the hill when Fannie
finally spoke.

"This is my favorite time of year, when the harvest
is nearing, but the freshness of spring is not quite forgotten. To
see the occasional sweet pea flowering amongst the corn. Smelling
the earth after the rain. You can feel God's hand at this moment, I
believe," she said, letting her eyes close for a moment at the top
of the hill to take it all in.

"Does Jonah tend to the fields as well? He told me he
was the healer. How do you tend the fields if he is healing?" I
asked, pinching my lips together on instinct that I had overstepped
once more.

She opened her eyes and laughed at my expression,
hugging me close to her as she started down the slope.

"You look abashed when you ask your questions,
Katherine! We are not a secret society. Please ask your questions.
We are happy to tell those that are curious of our way of life.
Knowledge is power, and only by educating can there be tolerance
and understanding," she said.

I hugged the milk pitcher to me a little tighter and
let out a breath.

"I just don't want to offend, or break any rules.
You've all been so kind to take me in. Thank you for that," I said
and smiled when she leaned in to offer me another hug.

"It is our way. Please, ask your questions. If it is
something we cannot speak of, I will tell you. And maybe, when you
are ready, you might offer insight into your world and your life,"
she replied and we continued on our path towards the house at the
bottom of the hill. Abigail had made it to the porch steps,
fidgeting as she sat to wait for us.

I was quiet for a moment as I reflected on her
comment, wondering what I would be able to tell them of my life. It
seemed so sordid compared to how they lived. I was surprised they
had not questioned me already regarding the flight from my world.
They were a very patient people.

Simple, patient, and loving.

The amorous display between Fannie and Jonah played
in my head once more.

"How long have you and Jonah been married?" I asked,
wanting to understand how their love seemed so fresh and genuine
whereas my parents had been at one another’s throats since I was in
grade school.

"We were wed the autumn of my eighteenth year. Jonah
courted me for six months before that. I was the reason he became a
healer," she said with a blissful look in her eye.

"Why is that?"

"He resurrected me, just as Lazarus. I fell into a
ravine near Bloomfield, slipping on the edge. He slid in after me
and carried me to safety. He did not even know me. My family was
from the neighboring community. When he could not find my breath,
he breathed his own into me. I awoke shortly after with a broken
arm he had splinted and cuts that he had bandaged. But his breath
flowed in me and I knew then that he was to be my husband," she
said, smiling into the sun as if recalling the memory.

"That's beautiful," I murmured, taken by the love she
held for Jonah just in her tone as she recited their story. I let
my thoughts wander at the idea of ever finding that sort of
love.

It seemed too good to be true.

No one fell in love at first sight.

We were nearing the side of the house, a two-story
white structure that stood sharply against the blue sky. It was
large, like something a family of ten could live in comfortably.
But the yard and garden surrounding it looked untended, the
vegetables falling off the vines to rot on the ground, the green
leaves wilting from lack of water. I heard Fannie sigh in dismay as
she climbed the steps to the porch.

"Nathan needs to ask for help. He cannot tend his
home alone. He is so proud, it will be his ruin," she murmured, low
enough I assumed she had not wanted me to hear.

"Where is his family?" I asked, looking around and
noticing the neglect around the home a little more. The porch had a
worn path of dirt leading to the door, the windows glazed with a
thin film of grime. There was a deep sense of abandonment
surrounding the home. It was far too quiet for a large family the
house suggested to living there.

“He is alone, Katherine,” Abigail said, her tone much
more somber than I had heard from her since meeting her.

Fannie sighed again and stroked her daughter’s cheek
distractedly.

"His mother and father died last winter, as well as
his brother and sisters. The flu took them this past winter," she
replied and turned to knock on his door.