Heart of Glass (5 page)

“
Oh yeah, right,” Prue
snorted, “would that have been before or after he stuck his tongue
down your throat? Every time I looked over you two were pashing
like there was no tomorrow.”

The other girls laughed. I
blushed.

“
Is he a good kisser?” Jen
asked. “I hope we haven’t found another Fish Face. He was the
worst!”

Fish Face’s charms had
seduced us all at various times. We’d been devastated to discover
that he really did kiss like a fish. It wasn’t just a name made up
by Lucy to keep him for herself.

“
No, Ben’s the best kisser
ever. When he kissed me, little shivers went up and down my spine.
It was divine.”

Jen and Prue looked at each
other. Pens were swiftly produced from their stack of books and
giggling, they began to sing. ‘It’s in his kiss, that’s where it
is. Oh yeah.’

At that moment, Lucy
strolled in hand on hip, double hot chocolate at the ready. Her
entourage of book carriers stowed her books on the coffee table and
slumped onto the benches, in case they were needed again at a
moment’s notice.

“
What was that about little
shivers all over your body?”

Jen explained. “Ben’s the
best kisser ever. He can cause shivers up and down the
spine.”

“
Humph.” Lucy said, tossing
her golden hair. “And I suppose you’ve kissed so many boys that you
can make an informed judgment can you, Annabelle?”

I swallowed. Lucy knew very
well I had little experience with boys.

“
We have no absolutely
interest in what you do with Ben James on a Saturday night. Your
little stories are quite mundane.”

I looked at her. 
Seriously, when was she going to give up being such a
cow?

“
In that case, I don’t
think we want to hear about who you got off with on Saturday night,
either, although we all know you wouldn’t be able to resist telling
us. You always do. In lurid detail.” The cutting words slipped from
my mouth. I tried to reel them back in but it was too late. 
The elephant in the room had escaped.

A dark blanket of horror
descended over the room. Girls, who seconds before had been
entranced in the conversation, were looking out the window. Nobody
dared to speak that way to Lucy, not even the Year 12
girls.

Lucy glared at me, her drink
forgotten. “Nice to see you’ve started reading the English
Dictionary, Annabelle. Maybe you could use some of those new words
in your next assignment. You need all the help you can
get.”

I gulped. I couldn’t be
silent at that. Not when was insulting me so openly. Words spewed
from my mouth, a noxious lava of pent up anger.

“
I don’t think schoolwork
has anything to do with this Lucy. Anyway, everybody knows I always
do better than you, which wouldn’t be difficult seeing as how your
mind is in the gutter.”

“
You bitch, the only reason
you do better than me is because you have no friends and you stay
at home all weekend.”

Cries of horror flew to the
ceiling. It was one thing to accuse a girl of being unintelligent
but to say she was socially inept was the worst insult ever, even
if it might be true.

This is it, I thought, I’m
dead. Even if we get past this, the rest of the school will never
speak to me again. Looking from one girl to the next, I sought some
support but the morbid silence loomed.

Nobody moved until we were
interrupted by the shrill of the bell.

Prue began to gather her
books. “Come on Bella, we have to go or we’ll be late for
Art.”

I followed behind. I could
feel the crimson anger in Lucy’s eyes burning a hole in my
back.

“
Watch your back,
Annabelle.”

As we walked past the
library towards Art class, I shook my head in disbelief. “Can you
believe her? What did I do to deserve that?”

Prue tried to smile. “Don’t
worry, she’ll get over it. Though I don’t think it’ll happen in our
lifetime.”

“
But why would she be like
that?”

“
God, you can be so naïve,
sometimes. She’s jealous. She wants Ben for herself. She was
incensed when she heard he called you.”

“
I don’t care what she
wants. She didn’t need to speak to me like that.”

“
I can’t believe you
answered her back. It’ll be social suicide.”

“
I don’t know if I should
laugh or cry but I like Ben and I’m not going to say ‘no’ if he
asks me out again, not for anyone.”

“
Good for you.”

Prue smiled as we walked
down the corridor but I could tell what she was thinking.  I
was dead meat on a platter.

***

Lunchtime came all too
quickly for me, and despite my earlier bravado, I felt anxious as
Prue and I approached the spot where Jen, Lucy and a few of the
older girls were sitting in the winter sun. We flopped onto the
ground and unwrapped our sandwiches. We often sat outside to eat on
sunny days, relishing the feeling of the sun’s warmth on our legs
as we stretched out on the grass with our stockings rolled to our
ankles.

After we had finished
eating, we lay on our stomachs, heads together in a circle, chins
resting on our hands. Lucy, of course, was hiding behind the tree,
smoking a Dunhill but still in earshot. An unspoken truce seemed to
have been formed, though neither of us had apologised.

“
So, Annabelle, I s’pose
you’re going to see Ben again, are you?” Lucy called. Her voice
dripped with sweetness but it was insincere so I was
cautious.

“
Don’t know. We didn’t make
any definite plans.”

“
How far did you go with
him, anyway?”

“
We only
kissed.”

The older girls sniggered,
their hands covering their mouths as I turned to find Lucy standing
behind my back, shoving her fingers down her throat in a vomiting
motion, signifying her true thoughts about the relationship. Seeing
my face, she stopped, her patronising grin daring me to question
her actions.

“
Didn’t he try to feel you
up or anything? Did he stick his tongue in when he kissed
you?”

“
It’s none of your
business.”

“
I guess that means he
didn’t. In my opinion, you don’t need to worry about him calling
you again. He’s far too mature for you. Boys like him can get any
girl they want and they usually want girls who put out. He won’t
come back again.”

Chapter 5

LOVIN’ YOU

Lovin’ you has made my life
so wonderful

And every time that we
kiss, I’m more in love with you

Minnie Ripperton

Having a boyfriend is
difficult to deal with when everyone is against you, but having an
older boyfriend was worse. Ben was so much more experienced at
everything than me. I was a ninny and I don’t know why he continued
to see me. The odds were greatly stacked against us. On our first
real date without Mum’s supervision, I was so nervous I thought I
was going to hyperventilate. Had I been a regency maiden, all
blushing and swooning and begging for air or the smelling salts
because my corsets were too tight, I could have been forgiven, but
my only excuse was fear. I was drowning in it.

I had selected my outfit
carefully, under the guidance of Prue, but as I stood in front of
the mirror, I remained unsure about the skintight yellow skirt with
buttons up the side and royal blue polished cotton shirt tucked in
at the waist. If this was the start of something serious, I had to
make a good impression, yet my new high-heeled sandals, which had
looked so sophisticated in the shop, were all wrong and I was sure
I was getting a huge pimple on the end of my nose.

“
The skirt shows off your
body,” Prue said.

“
I’m not sure, it makes my
stomach stick out…”

“
Oh for God’s sake! You
look fantastic. Come and spend a week in my body and then we’ll
talk about your stomach. Quit whining.”

“
Sorry.  It’s just
that I want everything to be perfect. I mean, I like Ben so much. I
don’t want to muck things up.”

Boldly, Prue reached over
and unbuttoned the shirt to the second button, showing the place
where my cleavage would be if I had one.

“
There,” she said. “Now
you’re perfect.”

I was in two minds. I
thought I looked like a hooker ready for a night at
work.

***

We arrived at the party a
little after 8pm. Ben rapped on the door twice and we went inside.
The house was darkened and people milled around in corners leaning
against walls up and down the hallway. I’d never seen so many
people at a party before. The parties hosted by our gang were much
quieter affairs. There was never any drinking, only the occasional
cigarette and a kiss on the lawn. This party made us look like the
nerds, not the cool girls. Sensing my uncertainty, Ben clasped my
hand and led me through the crowd towards his friends. The gentle
smile on is face told me he understood. He would protect
me.

“
You alright,
Bella?”

I clutched at his hand.
“Yep. There’s just so many people.”

We approached the group. A
beer was thrust into his hand.

“
You wanna a beer too,
Bella? We’ve got cider, if you prefer that,” Paul said.

I gave him a small smile. It
was comforting to know that there was one more friendly face in the
mass of people, but his breath smelt like apples that had begun to
ferment in the bottom of my school bag and I wasn’t sure how long I
could stand next to him without dry reaching.

He handed me a glass filled
with cider and I stared into the reflection of the liquid. I wasn’t
allowed to drink alcohol unless Mum and Dad agreed. If I had a
drink I’d be cool, but Mum would be sure to be waiting at the door
with the breathalyser when I got home and I’d be cast into my room
for life. No more Ben. Ever.

“
How about I get you a soft
drink?” Ben whispered. He was such a gentleman. Other boys would
have been throwing cider down my throat, hoping to get me drunk to
take advantage of me, but not Ben.

“
Cider’s fine.” It was only
one drink after all. One drink wouldn’t tip me over the edge and
Lucy was always telling me I was too straight.

One by one, beer in hand,
Ben introduced me to his other friends. For the next two hours, I
laughed along with the jokes they made about him and I fluttered my
eyelashes at them like I’d seen Lucy do. I sipped my cider and
finding it wasn’t so gross, I gulped it down and asked for a
refill. I wanted Ben to be proud of me and think I was grown up
enough to be with his mates. I didn’t want them to remember me as
the mousey fifteen year old who couldn’t have a bit of a laugh. And
it seemed to work. With Ben beside me, and a few glasses of cider
under my belt, I was no longer invisible. I had the look, the
personality and the outfit. I was hot. In fact, all of Ben’s
friends were flirting with me.  Oh my God. I wasn’t just
channeling Lucy. I was Lucy!

Then something
changed.  Ben suddenly became more protective, pulling me
closer to his side. His arm was tighter around my shoulder as he
bent to whisper in my ear.

“
Let’s get out of here. I
think you need fresh air.”

“
But…”

Taking the glass from my
hand, he put it on the counter and all but grabbing me, led me out
the back door into the garden.

“
What the hell was that all
about?” he asked as he dragged me along.

“
What?”

“
That performance in
there.”

I stopped.  We were in
the middle of the garden.  “I don’t know what you
mean.”

“
It was like I didn’t know
you. How much cider did you have?”

“
Your not my father, Ben.
And I’m not drunk.”

“
Then why were you being
all weird and flirty?”

I looked at him. So that’s
what this was all about.  He was jealous. I decided to ignore
him.

“
Where’re we going? I don’t
need a hike to get fresh air.”

“
You’ll see.”

A sense of urgency seemed to
drive Ben as he strode through the shrubs flanking the path, my
hand gripped in his. The heat from his fingers seared my palms; I
barely noticed the cool in the air, the night engulfing me in its
darkness or that fact that I felt nauseous from the cider. He was
jealous.  Ben really did like me.

***

In the shadows of the
garden, Ben led me towards a little room, a studio of sorts. With a
finger to his lips, he opened the door and ushered me inside. I
stood in the darkness, my hand on the edge of an old sofa that
stood under the window covered in rugs.

“
Did you know this place
was here?”

“
I went on a bit of a fact
finding mission…” he replied, as he calmly stepped towards me and
pulled me closer, “while you were entertaining my mates and
drinking cider. Do you feel better yet?”