Heart of Glass (9 page)

I was shocked. Hadn’t he
just said he didn’t care about the sex? That it was ‘us’ he was
into?

“
Don’t look at me like
that. You know its true.” He grinned down at me and held out his
hand. It was a supreme effort, but he had managed, once again, to
do the gentlemanly thing. And I had managed to drive him
crazy.

“
So what exactly did you
have in mind?”

“
You’ll see Bel’. You’ll
see.”

***

As we sat on the curb
waiting for Dad, the hall doors opened and groups of teenagers came
spilling out into the night.

“
I think I’ll go now,
you’ll be quite safe until your dad arrives,” he said.

I looked up into his eyes as
he stood to leave. “Will you call me? Or are you going to forget
about me like last time?”

Ben sat back down, cradling
me. Inclining his head over my shoulder, so that no one else could
hear, he murmured, “I’ll never forget you. I dream about you every
night and I think about you all day. When we’re apart, I ache,
wondering about the next time we’ll see each other. I feel lost
without you.”

“
Does that mean I’m your
girlfriend, like exclusive then?”

“
I guess it
does.”

Chapter 8

I GOT YOU

I don’t know why sometimes
I get frightened

You can see my eyes, you
can tell that I’m not lying

Spilt Enz

“
Happy Birthday, Bella.
Sweet sixteen and never been kissed, eh?” Dad joked, as I came into
the kitchen on the morning of my 16
th
birthday. He leant over the
breakfast bar, and pushing a pile of gifts, wrapped in pink shiny
paper towards me, kissed me on the cheek.

“
There you go sweetheart,
now you’ve been kissed by the best looking guy on the planet. Your
Mum will be out of the shower in a minute but she said to start
opening your presents. I hope you like them. Those Barbie dolls
sure are expensive these days.”

I walked over to the pantry,
smirking at his feeble attempts, and poured myself a large bowl of
cereal. Parents were so lame sometimes. “Ha, ha, ha, Dad. Your
jokes aren’t improving with age you know.”

Carrying my bowl in one hand
and a mug of coffee in the other, I made a beeline to the other
side of the counter where, perching on the edge I began to divest
my gifts of their wrappings, tossing the paper aside. By this time,
Mum had joined the celebration. As usual, she was wearing a print
dress and white sandals. Her uniform never changed either. In fact,
I couldn’t remember Mum changing her hair since I’d been born. It
was always the same, dyed chestnut brown and combed into a neat
chignon at the back of her head. She looked as if she had been
swept straight from the set of ‘I Love Lucy’ and into our
home.

The presents were fairly
much as I had expected; books, a record voucher and clothes -
including a red sundress, a mocha coloured string bikini and
strappy leather sandals. For once, I wished my parents would break
free from the mould and buy me some frivolous, expensive gift like
the sparkly sandals I had seen in the mall. Oh, how I wished my
parents were loaded and extravagant, not middle class and
sensible.

At around 10am, there was a
knock at the front door. As I fumbled with the lock, I wondered who
could be on the other side at that hour of the morning. I pulled
the door slightly ajar, peeking through the gap. A short balding
man, wearing a green delivery uniform and a jaunty cap, was
standing on the doorstep holding the largest bunch of red roses I
had ever seen in my life.

“
Delivery for Annabelle
Stone, can you sign for it?”

He shoved a pen through the
crack of the door. “Sign.”

“
Oh sorry, of course.” I
opened the door a little wider, swinging my arm around and trying
to relieve him of his clipboard without being seen in my nightwear.
“Thank you, so much.”

Within five minutes, all
hell had broken loose. The roses, long stemmed and blood red with
the darkest of green leaves, had been from Ben. There were sixteen
in total, one for each year of my life. In the centre of the
bouquet stood a single white rose to which a card was
attached,

Darling Bella,

I wish I could be there to
give these to you myself but happy 16
th
birthday. The red roses are for
the way you make me feel and the white one reminds me of you. Soft
and pure.

Forever yours.

Ben xxx.

Sitting on the stool in the
kitchen, I stared in wonderment at the bouquet. It was not the type
of gift I expected. They made a bold statement about the depth of
Ben’s feelings as they trailed across the breakfast bar. I was
unable to take my eyes off them. Mum stood in silence, and from the
look on her usually expressionless face, flabbergasted.

“
That bouquet is enormous!
It must have cost a fortune.”

Ignoring Mum as she began to
rant, I put the stems into water, following the instructions on how
to care for them.

“
Just who is this boy to
send such an expensive bouquet? I hope you haven’t done anything to
compromise yourself.” She clicked her tongue in that disapproving
way she had when she would have liked to say more but was far too
polite to do so.

Unbeknown to Mum, who was
still in lecture mode, I had spotted a second gift hidden in the
middle of the bouquet, tucked safely away from prying eyes. It was
a small blue box.

Pretending to re-read the
card, I slipped the box into the pocket of my pyjama top. Then I
picked up the enormous vase and walked down the hall to my bedroom
where I placed it on the side table next to the bed and sat down,
still in shock, to stare at Ben’s gift.

It was twenty minutes before
I got the chance to be alone. Mum called Dad and they stood in the
centre of the bedroom staring at the roses and muttering under
their breath to each other. The tension from that little blue box
was burning a hole in my chest, I couldn’t stand it, so I left them
to it and locking myself in the toilet, (the only place in the
whole house privacy could be guaranteed), I sat down on the lid. I
reached into my pocket and retrieved the box. It was flat and
square, like a ring box, with gold trimming around the edge of the
lid. I closed my eyes feeling its velvety softness beneath my
fingertips and then hands trembling, I prised the lid open. Sitting
on a satin bed inside the box was a necklace. The chain was a mere
thread, as flimsy as silk from a spider’s web, and made of the
finest white gold that glittered under the harsh toilet light.
Hanging from the centre of the chain was a crystal heart engraved
with the most exquisite wispy flowers. I held the heart closer
turning it between my fingers. On the back an inscription
read,

Now you have my heart,
don’t break it. B.

Clutching the pendant, I
covered my face with my hands. Ragged breaths escaped from my lungs
and a tear found it’s way to my lash. This far surpassed any gift I
had ever received. Knowing I meant something to Ben made all the
difference.

***

Later that day, I sat on the
hall floor, telephone to my ear, waiting to speak to Ben. The party
guests had gone, after having their fill of birthday cake and wine,
and Mum and Dad had rushed down the street to get to the shops
before they closed. It never ceased to amaze me why they had to
shop as if the holocaust was imminent. Surely, our pantry had
enough food to last the weekend. Still, it was a pleasant surprise
to find myself alone in the house.

Engrossed in my own thoughts
I didn’t hear the footsteps as they walked along the carpet behind
where I sat. Two large hands covered my eyes causing me to drop the
phone in surprise.

“
I see you got my
presents.”

“
Oh Ben! What’re you doing
here?”

I turned, wrapping my arms
around his neck and smothering him with kisses. Then I pulled away,
slapping him, “I was so upset when you said you couldn’t come
because you had too much study to do and now, look! Here you
are!”

“
How could I stay away?
It’s only a short visit, though. I do have tonnes to
do.”

“
Thank you so much for my
gifts. I love the roses and the necklace is just divine. I’ll never
take it off, ever.” I picked up the chain and held it up for him to
admire.

“
I was only going to buy
the flowers but I saw the necklace and I knew you’d like it. Anyway
sixteen is a special birthday, you deserve special
gifts.”

He bent his head to mine.
“Happy Birthday, Pussycat. By the way, where is everyone? I knocked
on the back door but I had to let myself in.”

I led him through to the
lounge and we sat on the sofa, legs entwined. “They’re out but they
should be home soon.”

“
Good, we’ve got time for a
quickie before they get back,” he laughed as he threw me back on
the cushions and began pawing me.

“
Get off! They’ll be home
any minute and they already think I’ve been rutting like a rabbit
to get those roses. Luckily, they didn’t see the necklace or I
would have been shipped off to the nunnery.”

“
So does that mean that
you’re not allowed to go out tonight? I’ve been driving for hours
to get here but we don’t want you engaging in any more
‘questionable activities’ do we?”

I grinned and purred against
his ear. “I could think of nothing more exciting than engaging in
‘questionable activities’ with you Ben, just don’t tell my Mum!
Why, where’re we going?”

“
Well, we’d better check
with your folks first but I thought I might be allowed to take you
out to dinner. Afterwards, we could go somewhere and rut like
rabbits.”

“
Is sex all you think
about?”

“
No, I think about you. All
the time. You and me…. having sex.”

I shook my head in mock
exasperation as he pulled me to him and kissed me. As if I’d say no
to an invitation like that. A chance to be alone with Ben was worth
more than a truckload of gold.

***

The night was still and the
air cool but not too cold. The car radio was playing “I got you and
that’s all I want....” and Ben and I sat in the front seat of the
car looking out to the moon, shining it’s reflection onto the
water. In the distance on the other side of the river, I could see
the streetlights twinkling like the lights from a thousand
glow-worms. This would be the perfect spot, I thought as he slid
across the seat and put his arm around my shoulder, if we were
going to do it.

Curving his hand around my
face, Ben turned it to his and from the look he gave me, I knew he
was thinking the same. His eyes were sparkling in that devilish way
and I tensed; my worry and confusion eclipsing any sense of
excitement I might have felt.

“
Did you enjoy your
birthday?” he asked.

I sat in silence. I didn’t
care about presents and birthdays. I wanted confirmation. I longed
to know the answer to a question that had been bugging me for a
long time. “Why did you choose me? You could have any girl you
want. I’m a nerdy little mouse, boys don’t like me.”

“
You’re beautiful to me,
Bella and I don’t want any other girl. You’re the most beautiful
girl in the world.”

I glowed, lit up by his
words.

“
Especially, when you smile
like that.”

I looked at my hands, my
mind awhirl.

“
Do you want to go home?”
he questioned.

I shook my head, this time
looking into his eyes and thinking it was time to tell the
truth.

“
No, I want to stay with
you but I’m afraid.”

“
Of what?”

“
Of how I feel and how you
feel and this whole thing.”

“
You don’t have to be
afraid, Bella. I only want to be with you. I would never do
anything purposely to hurt you.”

Then he kissed me, the pent
up yearning inside him seeping into me, urging me to trust him, and
desperately trying to show me how much he cared. And I knew that no
matter what happened my heart would always belong to
him.

***

Ben arrived at my house
early the next morning. I was feeling desolate about him leaving,
even thought the holidays were just around the corner and we were
sure to see each other often.

“
You’ve changed me,” he
said as we sat hand in hand on the front steps. “A few months ago,
I would never have imagined having a girl like you. I’d never even
thought about having a serious girlfriend at all, I was having too
much fun. I think you’ve hypnotised me with your smile and your
laugh and your eyes.”

His arms wrapped tightly
round me. “I won’t be back for a few weeks. I’ve got to prepare for
the exams, but I’ll ring you as much as I can and we can see each
other over the holidays.”

It wasn’t an excuse; I knew
he had to knuckle down and yet my lip dropped to my chin in that
childish pout and my eyes misted over as if it was unexpected.
Another minute and I'd be reduced to a slobbering, begging, blob
clinging to his leg as he left. I tried to control it.