Heart of Gold (34 page)

“You? Messengin’ again?”

“Why not? I’m almost as good pointing a rifle and shotgun as I am holding the reins.”

“What about the boy?”

“I think I can arrange for someone to keep Todd for one trip.”

“If you can, maybe I could relax a little.”

Dearest Katie,

The wedding is off. I have broken my engagement to Matthew Dubois. It seems he only wanted a woman to care for his nephew, and he thought I was the best choice.

I know you would tell me that many a good marriage has begun for similar reasons—a widower needing someone to care for his children—and that many of those marriages turn into happy ones. Maybe I am silly and selfish. But I want to be loved the way that I love. Is that so very wrong, my dear friend?

I’ve told myself a thousand times that I no longer love Matthew, but that isn’t true. I do love him. I can’t stop loving him, and my heart is breaking. Today I wanted to plead with Father to take me back to Virginia. I thought I could be happy here, but I cannot. Not now. Sometimes I think I will never be happy again.

Matthew has asked Father and me to keep Todd while he takes a stagecoach down to Boise City on Monday morning. Father agreed to do it without asking my opinion. I would have refused. I don’t think I can bear the reminder of what was to be.

Oh, Katie. Whatever am I to do? How I wish I could see you and talk to you and ask your thoughts. My heart was wounded when Benjamin was killed on the battlefield. But this is worse. Much worse.

Your devoted friend,
Shannon Adair

Shannon folded the letter to her friend and was slipping it into the envelope when a soft rap sounded on her bedroom door. “Yes, Father,” she said, twisting on the chair.

The door opened a few inches. “May I come in?”

“Of course.”

“Don’t you think it’s time you told me what’s caused the trouble between you and Matthew?”

She shook her head. “I can’t.”

“Wounds exposed to the light heal more quickly.”

“I’m sorry, Father.” She looked down at the envelope on the writing desk. “I’m not ready to talk about it.”

“I have the feeling he will keep trying to see you, Shannon. He doesn’t seem inclined to give up easily.”

“I hope you’re wrong.”

“Do you, my girl? I’m not convinced. Whatever he said or did, he seems determined to make it up to you. If what he’s done is a matter of integrity, then that’s one thing. But if it’s merely your hurt pride that is keeping you from hearing him out, that is keeping you from healing the rift between you, that is something else again. Pride is cold comfort, dear girl.”

She nodded, fighting tears, and was glad when she heard him take a step back and close the door.

31

The driver of the stage, Levi Jefferson, was about ten years older than Matthew, a man with leathered skin and a smile that revealed two missing teeth. Although they’d never met before, they knew each other by reputation. What Matthew had heard about Levi, he liked. And when he learned that the stage was carrying 250 pounds of gold bullion out of Idaho City—at the current rate of exchange, the treasure was valued at over a million dollars—he was even more glad for a seasoned driver holding the reins. No wonder the transport had been kept secret. No wonder William had been nervous and anxious for another guard.

Matthew would have liked it better if they could have made the trip down to Boise City without passengers. But if they hadn’t allowed passengers, it might have drawn attention. Better not to do that. Wells, Fargo had announced this as a route change, nothing more. The stage shouldn’t be at any more risk than any other coach leaving one of the gold camps—and that risk had been high for a long time.

Matthew stood back and watched as six paying passengers climbed into the coach for the journey down to the capital of the territory. Next, the messenger, Barclay Jones—a lad of about eighteen or twenty who looked like his smooth skin had yet to feel a blade scraping off facial hair—climbed onto the roof of the coach, leaving the seat next to Levi for Matthew.

Had he ever been as green as that kid looked? he wondered as he settled into place.

“All right, folks,” Levi called to the passengers. “Hold tight.”

With his left hand, Matthew gripped the double-barreled shotgun that rested on his thighs as Levi slapped the reins against the horses’ backsides. The coach jerked forward. Levi kept the horses to a jog until they were out of town. Then he asked for speed, and they gave it. Dust rose in a cloud from the bone-dry road. The coach rocked and bucked, familiar and strange at the same time.

“I heard you were gettin’ married,” Levi said in a loud voice.

“I’m planning to.”
If I can change the bride’s mind
.

“Gonna give up drivin’ coach altogether?”

He rolled the question over in his mind, examining it from every side before answering, “Yeah, I reckon I will.”

“Don’t think I could stay in one place for long. I like my freedom. Unfettered.”

“That’s what I thought when I took the agent position for the summer.” He looked at the driver. “Being unfettered doesn’t seem all that important to me anymore. I discovered I like being part of a family.”

He recalled coming home from the express office and sitting down to supper with Alice and Todd—and sometimes with Shannon. It had been good. He’d liked it. Home. Family. Wife. Kids. They’d always seemed right for others but not for him.

He couldn’t have been more wrong.

Shannon pressed her face against Ginny’s neck and fought another wave of tears, determined not to cry in front of Todd, who waited for her outside the livery stall.

“Shannon, we need to talk
.”

How she longed to talk to Matthew. How she missed the sound of his voice.

“We can’t leave things like this
.”

Had she been wrong to walk away? To run away? No, he should have told her he didn’t love her when he proposed. He should have admitted that it was a marriage of convenience, for the sake of his nephew.

“I
do
love you
.”

She couldn’t stop the tears now. They tracked down her cheeks and dampened the bay’s coat.

“I hadn’t had a chance to recognize what I felt for you . . . I’ve never felt anything like this before
.”

“Neither have I,” she whispered.

Ginny nickered softly.

“I do love you . . . Shannon, please
.”

Her pulse quickened.

“I
do
love you . . . Shannon, please
.”

The memory of her father’s words replaced Matthew’s.
“But if it’s merely your hurt pride that is keeping you from hearing him out, that is keeping you from healing the rift between you, that is something else again
.”

But it wasn’t only hurt pride . . . Was it?

“Pride is cold comfort, dear girl
.”

She straightened away from the horse. “What have I done? Why didn’t I listen to Matthew?”

Pride. Oh, her cursed pride. Her father was right. If only— “What are you doing, boy?” Joe Burkette’s voice cut into her private thoughts, the tone sharp and demanding. “Get that dog out of here.”

Shannon wiped away her tears before stepping out of the stall.

“Todd and Nugget are with me, Mr. Burkette.”

A smile replaced his scowl. “Miss Adair. I didn’t know it was you.” If he noticed she’d been crying, he didn’t let on.

Joe had come to her rescue the previous week when she’d needed to escape Matthew, but that hadn’t made her like him any more than before. Still, as long as she needed to board her horse in his stables, she would have to get used to seeing him.

“There is good news out of Richmond,” he said. “Have you heard?”

She shook her head.

“Last week, General Early broke through the Union forces southeast of Frederick, Maryland, and his troops entered the District of Columbia. They had to withdraw the next night, but I predict the general will go on harassing the Yankees for some time to come.”

Why didn’t the news make her happy? It was obvious Joe thought it should. And he was right. It should. It would have not all that long ago. Now all she could think about was that people were suffering, many were dying, on both sides of the conflict.

Joe took a step closer, lowering his voice, implying his words were confidential. “There should be more good news for the Confederacy today. Money, and lots of it. Gold for guns and ammunition and food. It could help turn the tide of the war.”

Shannon felt a flutter of nerves in her stomach—and once again wondered why what Joe had said didn’t bring her pleasure.

“We should know soon enough.” He glanced toward the main entrance into the stables. “Shouldn’t be long.”

Shannon reached with one hand to close the stall door, then held out her other hand toward the boy. “We’d best go, Todd. Father will be wondering what’s keeping us so long.” Glancing again at Joe, she said, “Good day, Mr. Burkette.”

They walked outside, into the bright morning light. Already the July sun was hot. At the parsonage, a shady spot on the porch awaited them. But instead of setting off in the direction of the church, she continued down Montgomery Street into the heart of town.

“I thought we were goin’ to your house,” Todd said.

“We are. I just . . . I just need to see someone first.”

“Who?”

Who, indeed. But that niggling feeling wouldn’t leave her, and she realized she wanted—
needed
—to see Matthew.

She quickened her pace, pulling Todd along with her.