Heart of Gold (30 page)

Matthew believed it. Had always believed in the promise of heaven. But at the moment, the belief didn’t bring much comfort. “Let’s go, Todd.” He turned the boy and propelled him toward the bedroom door. To the doctor, he mouthed the words,
I’ll be back
. Then he and Todd went down the stairs to find Sun Ling.

Shannon and her father were just leaving the church when Sun Ling met them at the bottom of the steps. “So sorry. Mr. Dubois needs reverend.”

“Is it Alice?” Shannon said softly. That explained Matthew’s and

Todd’s absence from church that morning. It’s what she’d suspected, but she’d hoped she was wrong. It seemed she wasn’t.

Sun Ling nodded.

“We’ll come at once,” her father said.

The three of them set off, the two women almost having to run to keep up with the reverend.

As they entered the house, Shannon felt the pall of death hanging over it, and she knew in an instant they were too late to bid Matthew’s sister good-bye. Then she heard choked sobs coming from the parlor. She touched her father’s arm, letting him know where she was going.

Todd was seated on the floor near the hearth, his knees pulled up to his chest, his face hidden in his folded arms. She hurried to him, sinking to the floor in a puddle of skirt and petticoats.

“Todd,” she said softly.

He looked up, his face wet with tears. “My ma,” he croaked out.

She opened her arms and he tumbled into them. “It’s all right.” That was a lie and they both knew it. It was never all right when one’s mother died. But what else could she say to a lad so young? “It’s all right.
Shh
. It’s all right.”

His sobbing slowed, then fell silent, though his body continued to quiver and shudder in her arms.

Shannon remembered the night her mother had passed into glory. She remembered the empty feeling that had swirled around and through her. Her mother had suffered a great deal in the weeks leading up to her death, and many friends and acquaintances had said to Shannon that she should be thankful her mother was in a better place, thankful she was free from pain at last. But being free from pain and in a better place hadn’t mattered to Shannon. At the time she couldn’t be thankful for either. Right or wrong, she’d wanted her mother on earth, not in heaven.

She stroked Todd’s head, much as her father had stroked her head nine years ago. “It’s all right,” she repeated in a whisper.

A whimper drew her gaze toward the sofa. Beneath it, Nugget lay with his head on his paws, watching the two of them with sad eyes, as if he, too, understood what had happened, what it was like to lose a mother.

She kissed the air a couple of times and held out a hand to call him closer. After a hesitation, he came. “Nugget’s worried about you, Todd.”

The boy lifted his head from her chest and drew the puppy into the sad little circle.

Matthew was thankful for the reverend’s presence, grateful for both his silence and his prayers. By the time the two men descended the stairs, he felt more ready to face his nephew’s grief, as well as his own.

It was the sound of Shannon’s soft voice that drew him toward the parlor, Delaney Adair right behind him. Matthew stopped in the doorway, taking in the woman, boy, and puppy on the floor, Shannon’s skirts pooled around them. He wished he could join them there, wished he could gather all of them close, giving and receiving comfort.

Todd looked up, and Matthew saw a world of pain in the boy’s eyes. He held out a hand in his nephew’s direction. Todd jumped to his feet and came running. Another lump formed in Matthew’s throat, making speech impossible. All he could do was draw the boy close and hold him there.

Across the room, Shannon raised her eyes to his. In that moment she seemed to represent all that was right in a world that had gone horribly wrong, and he was thankful she was there. She’d cared tenderly for his sister’s needs as her body failed her. She’d been kind to Todd— and to Matthew too.

Shannon rose to her feet with a rustle of fabric. Then she moved toward him. “I’m so very sorry, Matthew.”

He swallowed hard as he nodded.

“Is there something I could do to help?”

He cupped her face with his left hand, wishing he could put his feelings into words. She helped simply by being there. He hoped she would understand that despite the absence of words.

“Don’t change . . . your wedding plans. Todd will . . . need her . . . more than ever. You need her . . . Matt
.”

Maybe he couldn’t put it into words now, but someday, somehow, he would tell her.

27

As if knowing there was to be a funeral, Tuesday arrived with skies turned the color of sorrow, a deep slate gray that wept throughout the day.

It was late morning when Matthew, holding an umbrella to shield himself and his nephew from the light but steady rain, followed the wagon carrying his sister’s remains up the winding road to the cemetery. There were only a few people with them—Reverend Adair and Shannon, William Washburn, Jack Dickson, Dr. Featherhill, and, bringing up the rear, Sun Ling and her sister and brother-in-law.

Once at the cemetery, the four men who’d been hired by the undertaker carried the wooden casket from the wagon to the grave, then used ropes to lower it into the ground. Afterward they stepped back out of the way while the reverend spoke a few words of comfort, read a few verses of Scripture, and said a brief prayer for the dearly departed. And with that, Alice Jackson was laid to rest.

Todd’s shoulder pressed close against Matthew’s thigh, but the boy didn’t cry. Matthew understood Todd was doing his best to be strong. The boy understood death, even at his young age. Death meant his pa wouldn’t come home from the war. Now it meant he wouldn’t see his ma again either.

Matthew shook the reverend’s hand and thanked him. He nodded to Shannon, wanting to ask her to stay with him but for some reason unable to do so. He received William’s and Jack’s and the doctor’s condolences. He returned the respectful bows of the Sun sisters and Wu Lok. And finally, several minutes after the others had walked away, he and his nephew turned and made their way down the road from the cemetery and up the hillside to the silent, empty house that awaited them.

It was surprising how desolate it felt with Alice gone. Surprising because she had lived in the home less than two months, and much of that time she’d been bedridden. And yet her absence was keenly felt throughout.

Standing in the kitchen, Matthew looked with disappointment at the coffeepot that had been washed and dried and set to the back of the stove. Sun Ling must have washed it before they left for the funeral. Should he make another pot? Probably not. Besides, the stuff was expensive, and it wasn’t as easy to get as it had been before the war.

Well, if not coffee, then food. “Are you hungry, Todd?” He turned to look at the boy who’d followed him into the kitchen.

“No.”

“Well, sit down at the table. We need to eat whether we feel like it or not.”

Ignoring his uncle, Todd picked up Nugget and buried his face in his soft coat.

A weight pressed on Matthew’s chest. He wasn’t up to this task. What did he know about raising a boy? He’d never been around kids much. Not even when he was a kid himself. Even with Shannon’s help, he wasn’t going to make much of a father for Todd. Maybe it was just as well he would return to driving coach.

He closed his eyes for a moment and drew in a deep breath, letting it out slowly, clearing his mind, trying not to worry about things he couldn’t change. Better to concentrate on today. Right now he needed to get Todd to eat something. Even a lousy father understood that much.

There was cold beef and a bottle of milk in the icebox and, beneath a cloth on the counter, a plate of bread rolls. He cut open a couple of rolls and put sliced beef into the center of each. Then he poured milk into two glasses. He didn’t much care for milk, but he figured it was part of setting a good example for the boy.

He motioned with his head toward the table and said, “Put Nugget down.”

Todd obeyed, but he did so with a sorrowful look.

Moments later, their lunch on the table and both of them seated, Matthew blessed the food and then picked up his sandwich to take a bite.

Todd sat with his eyes downcast, unmoving.

“Eat your lunch.”

“I’m not hungry, Uncle Matt.”

“Eat it anyway. Can’t let good food go to waste.”

The boy glanced up. There were tears in his eyes.

Matthew felt like a bully. Speaking in what he hoped was a gentler tone, he said, “Come on, Todd. You need to eat. You didn’t have breakfast. You need to eat something now.”

“Okay.” Todd sniffed, wiped his nose on his shirtsleeve, and picked up the sandwich with both hands.

Matthew’s sandwich tasted like sawdust, but he ate it all and downed every last drop of the milk in his glass. Then he waited while Todd did the same at a much slower pace.

Shannon didn’t need an excuse to go to the Dubois home. She was, after all, engaged to marry Matthew in less than a week. Still, she prepared a basket of food to take with her. Her father offered to go along, but he seemed to understand her wish to see Matthew alone. They’d barely been able to exchange three words in the past two days.

As she walked, she prayed that God would give her the words to help comfort Matthew and Todd. And she asked for comfort for herself, for she had lost a friend.

“I’m sorry, Miss Adair. I’m sorry you’ve had to experience the same kind of pain that so many other women are feeling because of the war. We shall be friends, you and I
.”

Sweet Alice. At least she had no more pain. At least she was with her beloved husband again. But her passing had left a large hole in the lives of those who’d loved her. Especially in her son’s life.

“Poor Todd,” she whispered.

When she married Matthew on Sunday, Shannon would acquire not only a husband but custody of a nephew too. She would have to fill the role of mother, even if Todd never called her that. She’d known this, of course. Alice and Shannon had talked about it several times in the days immediately following Matthew’s proposal. But it hadn’t seemed real or imminent. It had seemed a distant possibility, despite Alice’s failing health. It was distant no more. She loved the boy already. But was love enough to make her a good mother to him?

She wondered then if Matthew had the same fears she did. Yes, he probably did.