Heinous (11 page)

Twisted

I take Nikki back to the house after I get the text that everything is back to normal there. I still can't believe that motherfucker tried to rape her. A part of me wants his ass to rise from the dead just so I can kill him all over again.

As we walk in, her eyes look around as if she is surprised things aren’t still in shambles. “You had someone clean up?”

“Yeah, I didn’t want you coming home to that shit.” I pull her against me knowing how much worse today could have been if I got here a few minutes later than I did.

She looks up at me and I can see that she has something on her mind.

“What is it?”

Her teeth bite down on her bottom lip. “I told you earlier that your life won’t scare me away. Tell me about what happened to you.” Her finger traces one of the few visible scars I have that runs down my forearm.

I freeze.

“I know that it has to be bad, but there is no reason you need to hide it from me.” Her eyes are pleading with me.

I push away from her walking into the living room. Quiet steps follow me but she doesn’t touch me. I expect her to be okay with my life, with the fact that she just saw me shoot someone and get rid of the body. At the same time I need her to know I trust her, maybe this is what she needs to trust me.

“Sit down.” My stomach turns as I decide that I will tell her.

I stand up knowing that I will need to move, that there will be times that I turn away from her so she can't see my face as I go through it.

“Our parents were the biggest pieces of shit ever. Goddamn assholes who only cared about themselves and the welfare money we made them. Since I was the oldest I always felt like it was my job to protect Jesse and Lizzie. My father was a bastard with a bad temper. He wouldn’t hesitate to slam us with his fist, but we never let him touch Lizzie. One day we were playing out front and Jesse’s ball rolled into the street. He went to run after it and that’s when I saw a car coming. I grabbed him and threw him onto the grass. The car popped his ball and he got so pissed at me. He swung at me and we started fist fighting. I was ten and he was eight, Lizzie was screaming and crying. Our parents came out and when they saw us they just started to laugh. We finally let each other go and were sitting on the ground recovering when I saw my father's face. I knew then that shit was about to get a lot worse for us.”

I turn away from her, not knowing if I can continue. I hear the couch shift and from the corner of my eye see Nikki stand up. “No. You want to hear it you need to give me a minute and sit back down.”

I never told anyone this. My brothers don’t know. The cops never found out. The three of us have held this secret for the longest time.

“The next night my dad called Jesse and me into the living room and had us stand in front of the TV. My parents’ eyes stared at us, and they both had a smile on their faces. He told us that since they couldn't afford cable anymore that Jesse and me would be their entertainment. He said we had to fight three rounds, and if it wasn’t good enough he would beat us both instead. We looked at each other, neither of us moving when he yelled go. I couldn’t do it. He was my brother. I was supposed to protect him. My dad lost it. He went after me first, knowing if he didn’t, I would have stepped in when he went after Jesse. By then end of it I couldn’t even lift my head. I watched him beat my brother as I laid on the floor unable to move.”

I can still hear Jesse screaming in my dreams sometimes. The sight of small arms and legs flailing from behind my father's towering body.

I clear my throat trying to get some of my composure back. “Two days later they called us into the living room again. He told us that since the threat of him beating us didn’t work last time, that he had something better. If we didn’t fight, and do it good, he wouldn’t touch us. He would go into Lizzie’s room where she was asleep and take it out on her. Jesse and I knew that we couldn’t let him do that. So we fought. It lasted for what seemed like forever. My parents sat on the couch, big ass smiles on their faces as they took pleasure in our pain. By the time he said we were done, both of us were bloody and limping back to our room. We did this every other night; my dad said we didn’t need more than a day to recover. He always told us to avoid the face because he didn’t want the bruises to be seen when we got to school. Each night we sat on our floor, both of us taking care of the other one’s injuries. That went on for five years.”

I hear her gasp behind me and the soft sound of her sniffing. She’s crying. I can’t look at her and if I stop now I won’t continue.

“One day we came home and no one was there. I made everyone dinner like I did every night, but even when it came time for bed, no one ever showed up. In the middle of the night we heard a crash. Jesse and I both shot up and ran for Lizzie room. That’s when we saw them. Cops. There were at least four of them. We found out that night that our parents were killed in a car crash; my dad was drunk driving. We were alone. The officers said we would all be taken to the station and that they were calling child services. We sat huddled in the back of the cop car with Lizzie in between the two of us. They both cried but I didn’t. I was relieved that they died before I could find a way to kill them. Once child services came, they said they couldn’t place us all together and they were separating us. We held onto each other that night until they ripped us apart.”

I was the last one they took. Watching Jesse and Lizzie’s faces as they basically carried them out the door killed me. I was supposed to protect us.

“My foster homes were shit and I got kicked out of one after another. When I turned seventeen I ran away and found the MC. They took me in and for the first time I understood what family was. I hired a PI and tracked down Jesse and Lizzie. I had to wait until each of them turned eighteen. Lizzie got the best deal out of all of us. She had a great home and loving parents, like she always deserved. Jesse had a shit home but for the most part they ignored him. To this day I don’t fight because when I do I black out. I go back to all those nights and I can’t control myself, can't stop.”

I crack my neck as I finally turn to face her again. Cheeks and eyes are red as tear streaks stain her face. The fact that my story is affecting her like this is the exact reason that I didn’t want to tell her this.

“I only got into one fight when I was with the MC. Shooter was the only one there to see it. He had to hit me over the head with something and knock me out just to get me off the guy. He never asked my story but he also told me never to use my hands again if I can’t reign the shit in.”

I remember thinking he was going to kick me out. The last thing the club needs is a loose cannon.

“That’s what you need to understand. I’m a monster. I’m uncontrollable. I’m destructive. I’m—”

“You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met.” She stands up and takes a few steps toward me. “None of that makes you weak or a monster. It’s the opposite.” She stands on her tiptoes pressing her lips to mine.

My muscles relax.

I pull away looking her in the eyes.

I don’t see any fear or apprehension like I expected to.

“This is why you’re mine, beautiful. You get me.”

My hands grip her hips as I hold her to me.

I’m never letting her go.

Nikki

I wake up in the morning, my head resting on Twisted’s chest. When he told me his story last night my heart broke for him. I knew he was expecting me to be disgusted or even to be afraid of him. All I saw was a man who did everything in his power even as a child to protect his family. He has lived through so much pain already.

Guilt fills every inch of me when I think about what will happen when I leave. It’s going to kill me. I’m more concerned about him though. It was wrong for me to ask him to open up to me when I know that I won’t be around much longer.

It was selfish.

A part of me thought though that if I got him to tell me and showed him that it wouldn’t be as bad as he thought, maybe he won’t be as hesitant with someone else. Thinking about him moving on, having someone else in his bed, causes a sharp pain in my chest.

When he turned to me last night and I saw all the emotion on his face everything hit me at once.

Stopping my heart.

Knocking me on my ass.

I’m in love with him.

There are a thousand thoughts running through my head at once. It’s too early, too fast. I can’t love him right now. It’s not possible to feel that way yet.

But it is.

Every inch of me loves the amazing man underneath me. I love how fiercely protective he is. I love how he will fight with me on purpose just so we can make up. I love the way he looks at me like I’m this amazing person.

I’m not. If he knew the truth he would hate me. I’ve been lying the whole time we have been together. Keeping up this relationship, only to walk away. Stringing him along for my own personal gain knowing that it won’t last.

I’m a bitch.

His arms tighten around me. I take a deep breath willing away the tears that had started to form in my eyes.

I reach over and grab my phone off the end table. I see a text from Tracie asking me to come into work tonight.

“Hey, I’m gonna work tonight.” I look over at him.

“I don’t get why you want to be in that place, dealing with a bunch of drunk assholes.” He shakes his head.

“Because I like being able to contribute and I enjoy spending time with Tracie.” I give him a quick kiss before getting out of bed. “You have plans today?”

“Just club business. I won’t be home until later.” I want to ask him what he’s doing, but I know that he won’t answer me. He can’t.

I nod at him before starting to get dressed. This all feels so normal. Being here, with him. I feel like I have everything I never thought I would. “Pick me up tonight?”

He smirks at me. “You know I’ll be there during your whole shift.” It’s true. Every time I work he is there.

I pretend like it bothers me but I love it. Knowing he sits around doing nothing just to make sure I’m okay. That he wants to protect me. “Overprotective much?”

He walks around the bed to me. “See, I think I’m just the right amount of protective.” He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. “I know how those guys are. While I’m there, no one will even fucking look at you unless they want me to rip out their eyes.” He lowers his mouth to mine, gripping my lip in between his teeth and bearing down before dragging them away.

“Well, when you put it that way.” I laugh.

“I need to put your sexy ass down before I’m late. As much as I’d rather be buried in between your legs, I need to get out of here.” I pout at him and he groans. “Don’t tempt me, woman.”

I wrap my arms around his neck giving him a quick kiss before he walks out of the bedroom.

I feel like things have shifted since last night but I can’t put my finger on it. Knowing that he trusted me enough to tell me his story made a difference to me.

My phone buzzes and I pick it up.

Tracie: Lucy has a girl emergency. You free? I’ll pick you up.

Me: Sure. What’s up?

Tracie: Tell you when I get there.

I scrunch my eyebrows in confusion. What the hell is a girl emergency? Maybe it's something I should know but I don’t. I never had many girlfriends.

After fifteen minutes I hear a horn honk. Tracie is outside with Lucy in a red car. I’ve never seen Tracie’s car but it’s really nice. It looks like one of the cars you would see in the racing movies, shiny and sleek.

I open the door and climb in. “Hey, what’s up?”

“You wanna tell her, Mary?” Tracie laughs as she pulls away.

Lucy turns around, her cheeks red from embarrassment. “I just need some help picking out some things.”

She turns around quickly, like that answer was supposed to give me any hint as to what she was talking about.

“What kind of stuff?” Tracie elbows her.

“Sex stuff!” Lucy blurts out and the car erupts in hysterics.

We stop driving and I look up to see a store with tinted windows. The sign above the door says Madam X. We all get out and walk into the store. I don’t know why Tracie thought I could help with this. We don’t use any toys, and I don’t own one either.

“Hello, ladies!” The girl behind the counter greets us. Her platinum blonde hair is almost down to her waist. “Don’t be afraid to explore, both in here and at home.” She winks at us.

“What exactly do you want to get?” I ask either of them.

“I don’t know. I read this article in a magazine and it said you should try new things to keep your guy interested.” Lucy shrugs as we slowly walk through the store.

“Luce, the only way that man would lose interest is if you magically grew a dick,” Tracie says as she runs her hand over a large black leather whip.

“I don’t know that I can help much. I’ve never used any of this stuff.” We pass a wall that is full of nothing but dildos. “Jesus, who knew there were this many different kinds.” There are some that are ribbed, curved, and even glow in the dark. That’s when I see something that makes my eyes widen. “Holy crap.” I pick it up showing the girls. It’s called the fist and that’s exactly what it is. It looks like a fist with a forearm attached. “Please tell me this is a joke. I don’t think I would be able to walk after.”

“Oh my God. Maybe this was a bad idea.” Lucy covers her eyes with her hands.

“I mean, if you’re looking for something different, this would do the trick.” Tracie says before walking off. “Let’s find you something more tame. He isn’t gonna let you put anything up your cooch anyway. That’s the way those cavemen are. You need something for foreplay.”

We follow Tracie as she walks toward another wall full of vibrators. “Now this will work.”

We help Lucy pick out a vibrator and a sexy costume to wear tonight. I grab one too, never having used it and curious about the hype.

“Alright, Mary, you good now?” Tracie says as we get back into the car.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Nikki, you wanna just come to work with me early? I need to get some stuff ready.” She looks back at me.

“Sure, I don’t have anything else to do.” We drop Lucy off before Tracie heads to the bar.

She needed to restock the bar, so I told her I would help her. We order burgers for lunch, and once they come, sit at one of the tables. This place looks so different during the day, with the house lights on and no neon lighting.

“So how you been doing?” She arches an eyebrow at me. I know that she is talking about everything that went down.

“I’m ok.” I actually didn’t think about it since Twisted told me his story, until just now. The door opens and we look up not expecting company.

It’s the same cops that questioned us at the clubhouse. “Miss Taylor.” The older one nods at me. “We have a few more questions.”

“She ain’t answering none of your questions. You taking her in, let me know and I’ll call our lawyer. If not, you all need to leave.” Tracie speaks up.

“Seems like she could tell me that herself.” He eyes me. “Seem to have lost your spunk you had the first night I met you. Something cause that?” His eyebrow raises in question.

“No.” It’s all I say. I’m not used to this. Being questioned, trying to remember an alibi.

“Like I said, y’all need to leave.” Tracie puts her hands on her waist.

“Sooner or later the truth will come out, Miss Taylor. You help us, you help yourself.” He waits a beat before turning to leave.

When the door closes I collapse into the chair.

“You did good girl.” Tracie places her hand on my back.

No I didn’t. We both know that. “He knows I had something to do with it. They are gonna arrest me.”

“He doesn’t know shit. If he did you would have left with them.” She sits down across from me again. “This is the life girl. You’ll get used to it, I promise. You have a fight inside you.”

I look up at her and nod. I can’t reply. Every time someone talks about me fitting in, or says something to make me feel like I belong, it only reminds me that this is all going to disappear soon.

“Anyway, let’s finish stuffing our faces and get this shit done.” We eat the rest of our lunch making small talk.

It takes us over three hours to completely restock the bar. The door opens and some of the brothers walk in. I recognize Torch and Whip, or Jordan, as Lucy calls him. Whip and the others head toward the offices in the back, but Torch sits down at the bar.

“Can I get you something?” I look over at him.

“Yeah, gimme a beer.” I pop the top off a bottle and walk to him, setting it on the bar.

“What’s your deal?” My eyes snap up to him. Torch is studying me as if he will find some clue. “There is something I’m missing. Something that I can't put my finger on.”

My skin heats as I try to seem like his accusation is way off base. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Yeah, you do. Just know shit always comes out. It’s better to control how that happens.” He stands up and walks to the back where the rest of the guys went.

I’m so screwed.