Heinous (5 page)

Nikki

My phone buzzes as I walk up to the diner. I look down to see that it’s another message from Twisted.

Meet me tonight or I will hunt your ass down.

I’ve been ignoring him hoping he would just give up, but a part of me is happy that he hasn’t. When I hear his voice I stop dead in my tracks. I look up to see him walking out of the diner with another guy. Shit, he can’t see me. I quickly duck behind the nearest car. The fact that I’m hiding in a parking lot from the guy that I’m seeing doesn’t escape me. If he would have seen me then he might have wanted to hang around and shit would have gone south really quick. What are my chances that we would be at the same damn place?

When I hear the rumble of his motorcycle, I wait another minute before standing back up and walking into the diner. I look around and see my father sitting at a circle booth. My stomach drops as I walk toward him. When he said he wanted to meet me, I tried to get out of it, but he didn’t ask.

It was an order.

“Nicole.” He looks at me, his disapproving gaze taking me in. “You’re late.”

I don’t answer him. If I do, I’ll mouth off to him and I’d rather not piss him off this early.

“Where have you been lately? You aren’t around much.” I can feel his eyes on me but I don’t meet them.

“I’m enjoying my freedom while I still have it.” My voice is filled with resentment.

He snorts. “You’re a real piece of work. You should be thankful to me, you little shit.”

His words hurt even though I wish they wouldn’t. I wish I didn’t care about him the way he doesn’t care about me. “Thankful for what? You threw us away like we were trash and then treated them like they were gold.”

“You could never compare to them, you little gutter slut. You want to whore around for the next two months, then so fucking be it. Just know that when he gets back, your ass will get put in line, and I can't wait to see that shit.” He sneers at me, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“I’d rather die.”

His hand clamps down on my kneecap, squeezing it and making me wince in pain. “You serious? You are a fucking payment for my debt and you aren’t going anywhere. Do I need to have a damn tail on you? ’Cause if I do, I might as well just move you—”

“No. I wasn’t serious.” A single tear slips down my cheek. I hate myself for letting him pull it from me, and even more for letting him see it.

“You better not be.” He stands up. “I’m leaving, sitting here looking at you made me lose my appetite.”

He walks away from the table without so much as a goodbye or a backward glance. I get up slowly just as the waitress was beginning to walk over. She looks at me, her eyes full of pity.

I walk down the street, starving and broke. My dad pays the rent and utilities for my hole in the wall apartment. He also pays for my cell phone bill, but that’s just so he can keep tabs on me. I have no job and no money. When he asked me to lunch today, the only thing I was looking forward to was eating. I wrap my arms around myself as I walk down the street, not really having a destination.

“Nikki!” Hearing my name, I turn around.

It’s Twisted’s friend I met the other day. Shit, what was her name? Lucy. I plaster on a fake smile. “Hey.”

She is with another blonde girl and the two of them walk across the street toward me. “Hey, how are you? This is Tracie, Tracie this is Nikki.”

“Hey, what’s up?” the blonde says.

“Hey.” I don’t know what to say. I don’t know these girls and I have no place in their world. Lucy is wearing her property jacket and Tracie is wearing a shirt that says “Support Deathstalkers MC.” My stomach grumbles and I swear it’s so loud that you’d think it was a damn motorcycle.

“So, we were just about to grab lunch. Wanna come with?” Lucy asks. How embarrassing. I’m so hungry, which they obviously know, and I can’t go eat because I’m broke. “The boys gave us all this money to blow and get us out of their hair, so it’d be my treat.”

“No, I can’t.” I’m not one to take handouts. My mom and I scraped by forever; she taught me once you have your hand out to someone, that’s how they’ll always see you.

“Please? We didn’t get to talk the other day.” She cocks her head to the side.

“Yeah, plus if Twisted double dipped with you I’m intrigued. You gotta come and at least tell us about the night you guys got arrested. I’ve heard the guys talking about it, and I need the scoop.” Tracie smirks at me.

My eyes widen. Double dipped with me? Has he really never been with any girl more than once? “Um, okay.”

Lucy beams at me before walking toward the restaurant on the next corner. I follow her and Tracie, hoping I won’t regret this. We walk in and the servers seem to know the girls.

Once we sit down, Lucy starts firing questions at me.

How did we meet?

Where am I from?

Where do I live?

“Jesus, Luce, you’re gonna short circuit the poor girl’s brain.” Tracie laughs. Lucy shoots her a dirty look.

I can tell by the way they interact that they must be really close. I envy that. I never had close friends, mainly because I didn’t want anyone to see the way that we lived.

“Let’s start with an easy one, or at least one that I care about. Did you really mouth off to a cop and ask him if he was a virgin?” Tracie says the last part loud, causing the people around to look at us, not that she took notice.

“Yeah, I did.” I shrug my shoulders, not knowing what their reaction will be.

They both start to laugh. “You are my kinda girl.” Tracie smiles at me. The waitress comes over but before she can hand us menus, Tracie holds out her hand. “Nikki, anything you don’t eat?” I shake my head no. She starts to rattle off a bunch of dishes to the waitress. “Lucy and I come here a lot. The menu is confusing as shit, most of it is in Spanish too. Took a lot of bad dishes to find the good ones.” She winks at me.

I relax in my chair, feeling like this lunch might be good.

“So, Nikki, let’s start with some easy stuff ’cause pitiful over here is still waiting to pounce with questions.” Lucy hits her in the arm. “Hey, Mary, watch it.”

“Mary?” I ask in confusion.

“Trace! I thought we were done with that!” Lucy crosses her arms over her chest in irritation.

“Lucy here’s nickname is Mary, ’cause when we first met her she was so damn pure, just like the Virgin Mary.” She smiles at Lucy, who flips her off. I laugh at the exchange between them and at Tracie’s explanation. “Anyway, what do you do? You working anywhere right now?”

“No, not right now. I used to waitress but I’m in between jobs right now.” Which is why I’m starving. Maybe I should have just left the stupid ass Barbie alone.

“Hmmmm, I run Ambrosia for the guys. We are looking for a couple new bartenders. You ever make drinks?”

“For myself.” I laugh.

“Yeah I definitely like you. Tell you what, come see me tomorrow night. Mondays are our slow nights. We’ll give you a try. Not saying you got a job because if you suck then I can't hire you, but if you’re decent then I can.” She pulls a card out of her purse. “This is the address. Come by around seven so I can go over stuff with you before people start filtering in.”

I take it from her. “Thanks, but don’t feel like you need to—”

“Shut up. I don’t do anything I don’t want to. You’ll learn that. You’ll also learn I don’t take bullshit. Come in ready to work, and make sure you look hot.” She winks at me.

“Okay, thanks.”

I tuck the card into my jeans pocket.

Twisted

I’m just about to leave the clubhouse when Lucy and Tracie come walking in. Lucy walks straight over to Jordan, but Tracie makes her way toward me.

“You got a minute?” I nod at her and take a seat at the bar. She sits at the stool next to me. “When Luce and I were in town, we ran into Nikki. We convinced her to come to lunch with us. How much do you know about her?”

Her question surprises me. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that I think she’s in trouble. She was walking around alone lookin’ like a lost puppy dog. She seemed hesitant to come to lunch with us, but I swear her stomach was rumbling louder than a damn Harley. When the food came she was ravenous, not in a bad way, but just in a way that seemed like she hadn’t had a good meal in a while. I offered her a job working the bar at the club. Lucy and I dropped her off at her place but it’s a dump and it’s in a really shitty area.” Tracie is looking at me for a response but I don’t know what to say.

“I’ll handle it.” I stand up, needing to find Nikki and figure out what the hell is going on. How did I not notice any of this shit? Probably because whenever we are together and I say something to her, she distracts me with her body. “Thanks Trace. Where’d you leave her?”

“A brick apartment building on the corner of Central and Morris.”

Shit, that’s like the worst damn neighborhood in the city. We don’t even drive through there at night because it’s just asking for problems. I walk out of the club determined to find her.

As I drive to her place, I have no idea what I plan to do when I get there. She isn’t mine, and she’s made it damn clear that she has no intention of letting me claim her.
Well, maybe I won’t give her a choice anymore.

One thing I won’t have is her getting hurt on my watch. By the time I get to the building, it’s starting to get dark. I park my bike and walk up to the door. Looking at all the buzzers, I curse the fact that none of them have names. The door opens and two teenage boys come walking out. “Hey, I’m looking for a girl. Long brown hair, short, skinny, big ass mouth.”

He laughs. “I know who you’re talking about. She’s a fine piece of ass.”

My blood boils as this little punk talks about her. “What’s her apartment number?”

“Why would I tell you? I’m hoping to bag that soon.” He laughs to the friend behind him.

“You’ll tell me because right now I’m fucking asking nicely. Say something about my girl again, and I’ll ask you with my goddamn fist.” My voice raises as I try to control myself. I can’t get into a fight. I’ll never stop swinging if I do.

His face pales. “Uh, she’s in 3C.” I walk past them, shoulder checking them as I go. Little pricks.

I climb the three flights of steps, taking in the decrepit building. The wooden steps have pieces chipped off, the paint on the walls is peeling, and the floors are so sticky it takes effort just to fucking walk. This place isn’t acceptable. I can’t believe this is where she lives. Does her family know she’s here? Why would they let this happen?

Once I get to her door I knock, but she doesn’t answer. “Nikki, it’s me. Either you open this shit or I kick it down.”

I can hear shuffling from inside before it opens just a crack. The chain is still latched. “What are you doing here?” Her eyes widen as she looks at me.

“I’m not gonna say it again. Either you open this damn door or I’ll kick it down.” I’m trying to remain calm, but finding her here in this shit hole, in this neighborhood, in a building where someone could so easily get to her, it’s driving me fucking nuts. It’s becoming clearer to me that no matter what I say to other people, this girl isn’t one that I’m just going to be willing to throw away. The most annoying part of this whole thing is I don’t even know why. She is a royal pain in my ass, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“No, you need to leave. You shouldn’t even be here. I can’t keep doing this.” The door shuts. I pause for a minute, hoping to hear it unlock and that she doesn’t make me go through with my promise.

No such luck.

I take a step back. Raising my foot, I crash the bottom of it against her flimsy door, hitting right next to the knob and causing it to fly open, the weak chain snapping with the force I apply. When I step into the apartment, I kick it closed behind me. Looking around, it’s small inside. A tiny kitchen connected to a living room. Nikki is sitting on the couch, which is made up with sheets like a bed. Her mouth is open as she stares at me.

“What the fuck? Now what the hell am I supposed to do? You just broke my damn door!” She stands up, her face turning red with anger.

“Doesn’t matter. You aren’t staying here one more damn second. I don’t care if I need to have one of the boys bring me a truck and handcuff you inside of it. I’m taking you to my place. You don’t belong here.” I cross my arms over my chest, letting her know that this is not up for discussion. I can’t have her here for one more minute.

“Why the hell would I do that? We aren’t together! We are just having sex. At least we were. We are done.” She narrows her eyes at me.

“That’s what you think. I’m done waiting for you to see the light, firecracker. I’m claiming your stubborn ass. Tonight.”

Before she can respond, I close the distance between us. Gripping her neck roughly, I pull her toward me, crashing my mouth against hers. My tongue enters her mouth, owning her. Taking her breath and replacing it with mine.

She is mine.

Nikki

It feels like he is everywhere. His hands hold me against him. His tongue guides mine, coaxing moans from my mouth. He is invading every inch of me.

Suddenly, he lets go of me and I stumble from the sudden loss of him. “We need to get out of here before it gets any later and we run into trouble. You have ten minutes. Pack a bag. I need to make a call.” He places another kiss on my lips. “And, firecracker, if you aren’t downstairs in ten, I’m coming up and carrying your ass outta here, whether you packed or not. Hell, I wouldn’t be against you not bringing clothes at all.” He winks, giving me a cocky smirk before he is out the door.

The door shuts but doesn’t really latch since he kicked the thing in like an animal. I try to digest what just happened. He said he claimed me. My blood runs cold. I sit down, my head in my hands. This can’t be happening. That word brings back so many horrible memories. Drunken memories from my mother. Wishing that one of the brothers would claim her. They never would though, she came into the MC a club whore, and she died one.

I hear boots on the steps. Shit! Had it already been ten minutes? He couldn’t be serious before about not letting me pack. I grab a pile of clothes out of the basket I just folded, not really knowing what’s in it. Throwing it into the bag on the floor, I look up to see Twisted taking up my entire doorway.

“What if I say no to going?” I stand up.

He takes a few steps toward me and I walk around the couch so I’m on the opposite side from him. “Then I call a prospect, have him bring me one of the trucks. I will carry your sexy ass down the steps, handcuff you to the door, and have the prospect bring my bike to the house. Either way, you’re coming. Just up to you how much fun I have getting you there.” He laughs.

Asshole. I glare at him.

“Baby, that shit is not scaring me off. Now what’s it gonna be? Bike or cuffs? Or both? We can pick some up on the way home if you want.” He smiles at me again and I want to dick kick him.

“You’re a prick.” I grab my bag off the floor and brush past him.

He grabs my arm, stopping me. His head dips as his tongue licks a trail up my neck. “Baby, I’ve been called worse. I think you’ll be calling me nicer names later. Actually, you’ll be screaming them.”

My body shivers against him, betraying me. I hate how much he affects me. How willing I am to give into him. How much I enjoy giving into him.

His hand releases my arm and I walk past him. I can hear him following me. When we get outside, his bike is parked at the curb. I hand him my bag and take the helmet from him. Climbing on behind him, I wrap my arms around him, laying my cheek against his back. As we drive through the city, I refuse to acknowledge how right it feels to be on the back of his bike. How much I love the feeling of it. Watching my mother, I always promised myself this would never be my life. I would never be one of those girls.

Closing my eyes, I let myself relax. I have less than two months left. I should just stop fighting how I feel. I need to enjoy the time I have left. Will it crush me when everything is ripped away? Yes. Either way I will be miserable when he comes for me. At least this way I will have memories to hold onto. I tighten my arms around him for a moment without even meaning to, then I freeze, until I feel his hand lay over mine just for a moment.

I am going to live for now. I will pretend that my life doesn’t have a time limit. I’ll pretend that this won’t all be ripped away from me.

The bike stops and I look up to see that we are at Twisted’s house. I climb off of the bike and we walk inside together. I’ve been here a bunch of times but now that he has told me he wants me to stay here, everything feels different. It feels more permanent, and the place I’ve entered into without hesitation before is now giving me anxiety. I stand in the middle of the living room holding my bag.

“Take your stuff to the bedroom, then come out here.” He walks over to the couch, sitting down and putting his feet up on the table.

I walk to his room, feeling like a stranger in the house I already know so well. When I walk back to the living room I stop at the entrance, leaning against the wall. His head is lying on the back of the couch and his eyes are closed. Maybe I got lucky and he’s asleep.

“You just gonna stand there all night?” Nope. Shitty luck continues. He pats the spot on the couch next to him, so I walk over sitting down. His eyes open, and as he looks at me, he sits up straighter. “I wanna know your story. Why were you at that shit hole? What are you hiding?”

My stomach drops and I instantly feel sick. No. I don’t answer him. I won’t.

“You can tell me. I can protect you if you’re running from something.” His eyes stare into mine and I can tell he really believes that, but he has no idea.

I just shake my head.

“Why the hell not? What could be so damn bad?”

If only he knew.

“I’m not gonna take no for an answer, Nikki. You gotta give me something.” His voice isn’t hard.

I look up at him. I’ve never told anyone my story. No one has ever cared to ask. Maybe I could tell him a half-truth. “My mom was a club whore.” I hear his intake of breath. “It doesn’t matter with which club. All she wanted was to be one of their old ladies. She just wanted one of them to care about her. I watched her for years beg for their attention. She used to even dream about it; I’d catch her mumbling in her sleep. Eventually she wasn’t young and pretty enough for them, and they weren’t interested anymore. She couldn’t handle it. She didn’t know how to cope. She started using; we were barely making it by as it was. When she couldn’t afford the drugs, she would whore herself out for them. Eventually she got a bad batch and she overdosed. When I found her in the living room convulsing, I tried to save her. I called 911 but they couldn’t get there in time.” Tears stream down my face. I pause as I try to catch my breath. “She had told me the name of my dad once but he had never wanted anything to do with us. I was still a minor at the time; I had another month until I was 18. The cops made me tell them who he was or I had to go to a home until I was legal. He didn’t want me.” My entire body tenses as I remember the night they brought me to him.

Sobs continue to wrack my body. The officer knocks on the door and I hear footsteps coming. He answers the door and when I see him it steals my breath. It can’t be.

“What the hell is this?”

“This girl claims that she belongs to you. Found her mother tonight, she overdosed,” the cop says plainly.

My father looks at me with disgust. “Fine. Leave her here.” The cops nod at him and walk past me without a second glance. “Listen here, girl. I got a family already. Got me a daughter in there too.” He reaches in his pocket, taking out his wallet. He hands me some cash. “This is enough for a cab and a room at the motel down the road. You choose to put that shit up your nose, don’t come back here. I’ll come see you tomorrow and let you know what the deal is.” He steps back inside and closes the door.

My father just paid me to go away, on the same night my mother died. He assumed I was a druggie like her, he probably assumes I’m a whore like her too. I turn from the house, my tears only flowing faster. I don’t have a phone to call a cab so I stick the money in my bra, not wanting to carry it in my hand. The motel is about three miles down the road. By the time I get there, my feet are killing me. I’m given a room with dirty carpets and sheets that smell like they haven’t been washed in ages. I curl into a ball on the lumpy mattress and scream into it until I have nothing left.

My body is shaking by now. “He came the next day like he said he would. Told me that he already had a family and I didn’t fit into it. He got me that apartment and said he would pay my rent and utilities if I stayed out of his life.” My eyes are trained on the floor as I end the shitty story that’s been my life. I can’t look at him.

It’s embarrassing enough to know your own demons, but to tell them to someone else is even worse, and he doesn’t even know it all.

The silence is killing me.

He hasn’t said a word and I haven’t dared a glance at him.

I feel his hand on my back and I jump from the contact.

He pulls me to him, against his chest. His heart beats against my ear, the rhythmic thumping slowly calming my raging nerves. Minutes pass and neither of us move. We just sit there on the couch. I’m sure he’s shocked and most likely disgusted by my story. He’s probably wondering what the hell he’s gotten himself into with me.

At least now maybe he understands why I am the way I am. People suck. They are hurtful and they throw you away once they decide you aren’t good enough. I watched it happen to my mother time and time again. It happened to me the night that she died. That night I made a promise that I would never put myself in the position to let it happen again.

I would never let a man control me.

I’d never fall for someone so much that if they left it could break me.

I would never be weak like her.

“I know that you went through some bad shit. I want to make things better for you.” For the first time, I look at him. “You’re mine now, Nikki, and I will take care of you.”

His words excite me and scare the shit out of me all at once. They hold promise and destruction at the same time. He has no idea what the future holds. What we have is only temporary. I’m a bargaining chip.

“Your story; it doesn’t explain everything. It doesn’t tell me why you seem like you’re running from something. I can read people and I can see the fear on your face even when you think you’re hiding it.” He grips my chin. “No one will touch you.” If only that were true.

I yawn, completely exhausted from everything tonight.

“Let's get you to bed.” Twisted scoops me up and carries me into his room.

He sets me on the bed before walking out of the room. I change into shorts and a tank from my bag before heading into the bathroom. When I open the door, I gasp at the sight before me.

Twisted is standing in front of the sink, his hands braced on it, his shirt is off. Every time we’ve been together it’s been dark, I’ve never seen him in the light. His back is marred with scars of different shapes, sizes. My hand goes to my mouth as I gasp. He turns toward me, his chest is the same; marked by unknown amounts of scars. Chills run through my entire body as I take him in. What could have happened to him?

“Don’t ask.” His voice is level and has a tone of finality to it.

He walks past me and into the bedroom. I can’t move as I try to take in what I just saw. Then the fact that he just denied me his story when I spilled mine settles in. Anger fills me as I walk into his room.

“How can you tell me not to ask? You just forced me to bare my goddamn soul out there! Why the hell do you get a pass?”

He is sitting on the bed, his hands clasped in front of him, his forearms resting on his knees. “Because you don’t know what the fuck you’re asking for.”

“What kind of an answer is that? I sure as hell know what I’m asking for! I want to know what happened to you!” I walk toward him, standing right at his feet, but he doesn’t look at me.

“That isn’t something you’re getting tonight. No amount of yelling or bitching is gonna change that. There are things you can’t unhear. Once Pandora’s box is opened, the shit might not be able to be closed again. It’s taken me a long ass time to shove that shit away and I ain’t ready to dredge it up yet.” He stands up, pulls a shirt over his head and walks out of the room.

I want to go after him. I want to yell and scream and stomp my feet about how unfair it is. Then the tone of his voice echoes in my head. The pain laced through the hard facade. Knowing that as an adult there is no way that man would have taken anything that would have left him scarred like that.

It happened to him as a kid.

The image of a smaller version of the strong man who rescued me appears. A little boy scared, crying, cowering. A tear slips down my cheek. That’s when I remember his sister and brother. I wonder if they have the same markings. Those poor kids.

My mother was no saint, but she never laid a hand on me.

I walk out to the living room and find him sitting on the couch with a beer. I walk over to him and sit on his lap. His eyes study me as if he is trying to figure out my motive. I place my hands on the sides of his face, lowering my lips to his.

This time it's me comforting him.

I don’t know his story yet.

I will eventually.

Tonight I don’t need to.

***

I look at myself in the mirror; I have on a tight pair of jeans and a tight red tank top. I’m meeting Tracie at the bar tonight. I’m really nervous. It would be great to be able to have my own money and feel like I have a purpose. Then I have the voice in my head telling me how this is just another way I am inserting myself into everyone’s life just to walk out of it.

“You sure about this?” Twisted is standing in the doorway. He tried to warn me away from the club because of the types of guys that go there. I reassured him I can handle myself.

“Yeah, it will be good for me to work again.” I smile at him. “Ready.” I grab my purse and follow him out to his bike.

When we get to the club, he follows me in. “Are you staying?”