Hello Loved Ones (36 page)

“Well, you’re right. She probably hit the kid. But she’s pressing charges against you for assault and that’s not gonna play well. I’ll have to get Van Zandt on the horn.”

“But I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Take a seat in the squad car. This won’t take long.”

In the back of a cop car again. It didn’t seem a good sign, especially when she wanted to be up front, behind the wheel. Still, it must mean something that officer Rinkema put her in the car instead of Mona. Like they were on the same team.

He reached in for his radio. She listened as it crackled to life.

“Yeah, Phyllis? It’s Rinkema. Put Sergeant Van Zandt on, will you?”

Nell looked over at Mona. She was studying her nails, her head lifted in that snooty way she had. As if this was all such a
bother
. As if she were too cultured to raise her voice, let alone a fist. It was nothing but an act! Nell could only pray that the police would see through it.

Another burst of static, and Rinkema said, “I’ve got Nell Van Sloeten here at the scene of the domestic dispute.” There was a pause. “Auxiliary P.D. That’s right.”

He glanced at her and scratched his head. Then he turned his back so she couldn’t hear. They were talking about her. She tried to stay calm. From the moment she’d met Sergeant Van Zandt, when she went for her Crossing Guard interview, she could tell he was impressed with her. In positions of responsibility, she knew how to shine. Good eye contact, good posture, thoughtful nods, intelligent questions, and bingo! There it was, that look of respect. She imagined it was the way pretty girls felt when a man looked at them appreciatively. She had nothing to worry about.

The other cop came out and conferred with Officer Rinkema, who spoke again into his radio. Nell could see Mandy standing next door with Mrs. Dekker. She had an ice pack on her face and Mrs. Dekker was stroking her hair. Nell tried to catch Mandy’s eye to give her an encouraging wave, but the officers were blocking her way. Finally Officer Rinkema put his radio away and leaned in.

“The old lady told Officer Beyer that you did hit the mother,” he said.

Betrayed! By Mrs. Dekker? She’d known Nell since she was a baby. She knew Nell would never attack another person.

“She came after
me
. Maybe my elbow bumped her face, but it was nothing.” Nell looked frantically from face to face. “And Mona’s her stepmother. Not mother.” Did Mona have them so fooled that they forgot the distinction? It was an important one. Stepmothers were known to be evil.

“Listen, you did the right thing with the girl,” he said. “But these things can be tricky. You can’t give someone like that anything to use against you.”

He was only saying what she already knew. She’d made a terrible mistake. She never should have pushed Mona.

“Am I really in trouble?”

“I wouldn’t worry about the charges. They won’t stick. But…” He paused a moment.

“Listen,” he said finally, chewing a fingernail. “You’ve been on the job, what, a week? There was that stolen car business, and the accident this morning, and—”

She knew it! The second she heard the screech of tires and saw Gizzy’s bike flip in the air, she’d known it was over for her.

“I’m trying to help people.” she said helplessly. “That’s what I do.”

“Still. If your record was clean—”

“It’s clean! I’m clean!”

He shrugged. “Sorry. Van Zandt wants you to turn in your uniform.” He put up his hands. “It’s probably temporary.”

“But the Sarge likes me!”

He clucked his tongue and shook his head slowly. “Yeah. We don’t really call him that. But go see him. Explain your situation and see what happens.”

Explain? Where to start? See, my mother had an affair. And a baby. And ruined my only chance at happiness. And my father can’t stand the sight of me and I don’t know why. And I’m the only one who has always tried to do what’s right.

“What about Mandy?” she cried.

“We’ll take her to the hospital. Her father will meet us there. Come on out now.”

“Can’t I go along?”

“Nope. We’ll take it from here.”

She got out of the car and stood by helplessly.

“Family services will be out soon,” he said. He motioned toward Mona. “Let them deal with her. You two don’t have anything to talk about.”

She felt him touch her shoulder briefly but it was no comfort. She raised her hand in a silent wave to Mandy and crossed the driveway in front of Mona, staring straight ahead and reminding herself that she did the right thing. Mona might be arrested and thrown in jail. That would wipe that prissy look off her face. Then Mandy could come live with Nell and Sally and their mother. They might even adopt her. Oh, how she could turn Mandy’s life around!

Except. How could she forget? There was too much scandal on their family now. Between her mother the adulterer, Sally the bastard child, Lenny the thug and Nell the car thief, what chance did they have? Her job with the auxiliary police department had been her best chance to rebuild her reputation, and now she’d lost that.

She went to her room and stood looking at herself in her uniform. She pulled the blue blazer off slowly and unbuttoned the starched white collar, feeling miserable and unsettled. It wasn’t the job itself she was thinking about. It wasn’t the school kids or the paycheck or the foot in the door. It was something else bothering her as she folded the blue slacks carefully, crease to crease, and draped them over a hanger.

Her dad would never get to see her shine.

Sally

Sally dreaded returning to school. Before her humiliation, she’d imagined gliding down the hall, in love with every person she passed, every jock and burnout and stuck up snob, every misfit and plain Jane and pimply-faced Joe. They’d have something in common. They’d all have fathers.

Now, returning to the low, meandering rat maze that was Holland High, she imagined a big neon arrow hanging over her head, flashing
Loser! Loser! Spawn of Sin!
She kept her eyes on the floor as she shuffled down the hall, studying every pair of shoes she saw. Most kids wore new ones and she imagined them at Steketees or Sears, their patient mothers pushing a thumb into the toe.
Enough room here, dear?
Then counting out daddy’s money, each dollar a token of love. And were they ever even grateful? As grateful as she’d been when she put her new shoes on Saturday night? Oh, the way she’d sailed down the sidewalk in those ultra soft leather pumps, with her dad at her side! Now they were lying in Cash’s garage.
Unless.
Were they tucked carefully in his underwear drawer, and was he planning some exquisitely romantic way to return them to her? Her very own Cinderella story, with Cash as Prince Charming!

But he hadn’t even called. What if he hadn’t given her a second thought? What if he had sex with a different girl each week? What if he didn’t remember her name? Or gave her a vague look the next time they met?
Hmm. Don’t I know you?

Or, worse, what if he remembered every second, but just didn’t care?

He had to care! She’d given herself to him. That meant something! And even though their….union had been far from pleasant, there was still a future for them. First, she’d get him to cut his hair, then get a better job, one that didn’t make his fingernails so filthy. She’d introduce him to her friends, and if he was rude, well, she’d give them a secret look and mouth
he’s just shy!
They didn’t have to have sex again. She’d explain to him all that crap from the other night. The difference between love and lust, and how love was patient. He’d understand. Look how he’d cleaned himself up that night, with his nicely combed hair and fresh, pressed shirt. He’d done it for her and wasn’t that worth a thousand words? Didn’t that buy him a few days of silence? She
completely
understood, because she understood
him
so completely.

Her plans for the two of them—finally she’d have a boyfriend!—eased her past the crowds of sniggering faces. Probably everyone had heard about her and Pastor Voss. Her
father
. She’d
never
call him that! She could see her classmates at home, eating corn flakes or peanut butter toast, their toes tapping impatiently.
Where’s the bus? I can’t wait to see if Sally’s at school!
Even the unpopular kids who didn’t spend their weekends giggling on the phone would know what had happened at the banquet. What was it called? Collective consciousness. She’d heard a teacher ramble on about it once in social sciences class. If enough people knew something, the information became part of the universe, available to all human beings. So for the rest of her life anyone she met would think
I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s just something not right about Sally Van Sloeten.

What she’d done with Cash must show too. You could always spot the loose girls. It was the way they walked, the way they slid their eyes around, sending secret signals. Could she stop herself from being that way? She checked her hips as she walked,
don’t
swing,
don’t
swing. She was determined to keep at least part of her downfall private. But what if Cash told? He might be whooping it up right now with his buddies, laughing about how easy she was. And would he tell them how she’d run off so fast without her shoes in the middle of the night? Wouldn’t that make him look bad? Or did he hang with the kind of crowd that would find that simply hilarious?

She did WHAT? Oh boy, Cash, you sure can pick ‘em!

He’d be cool. She’d be hated. Worse even than Weird Walter, who sat in class with his hands in his armpits and then smelled his fingers when the bell rang. Or fat and frumpy Lisa VanderPloeg, who chewed erasers and spit the pieces into her purse. Marybeth Van Dyke’s older sister used to babysit for Lisa and said she lined the bottom of her hamster cage with the pieces to make a soft spongy floor for the stupid thing. Kinda sweet, now that Sally thought of it. At least Lisa had a hamster who loved her.

Sally lifted her head. She might as well gauge the fallout. Maybe people didn’t know. Or didn’t care. Maybe she’d get sympathetic looks. Maybe she’d make new friends.
My dad drinks
, someone might say. Or,
once I saw my mom naked with the TV repairman
. Something, anything, to let her know she wasn’t alone. Not that she wanted that. God no. Not that. She didn’t want to be a loser magnet.

“Hey Sally! How ya
doing?
” Uh-oh. Too late. Super nerd Marvin Hoekema was waving at her, wearing a dopey grin, his tongue hanging half out. The boys with him jostled each other and laughed. Freak. Probably he’d heard about Richard being a drunk and was thinking Sally could get him to buy beer for them. That’s what a pea brain he was. Or maybe he knew about what happened with Cash and wanted to get in line. Jesus
Christ
. Strike me dead right now. She considered sticking a finger in one of the electrical outlets. Could she electrocute herself or did you have to be two years old for that to work?

She glared and muttered, “Shove it, Marvin,” as she hurried to her locker. She would sooner die than let any of these cretins see her cry. She was fumbling with the lock when Frannie came over and put a gentle hand on her shoulder.

“Don’t mind them,” she said. “Don’t mind anyone today.”

So they
were
talking about her. “It’s not even first bell,” Sally moaned.

“Just remember, you’re still the same person, no matter who your dad is.”

The same? Every single thing about her was changed!

“How can you say such a thing?” Sally asked.

Frannie smiled. “You’re still my best friend.”

Frannie didn’t know anything. What would she think if she knew what Sally had done with Cash? Would she still be her friend?

“I don’t need you feeling sorry for me,” Sally snapped.

“I don’t. I mean, of course I do, but…”

She’d hurt her feelings. And Frannie was practically all she had. Unless.

She could see Debs and Patty Ann floating down the hallway, with their matching book bags and soft angora sweaters. Why couldn’t Sally be cool too? Why couldn’t she be part of that crowd, strutting around with Debs and Patty Ann, wearing that grownup aura of sex like a brooch on her blouse? So what if her Big Moment hadn’t happened the way she would have wanted? She’d been with a boy! The first time was over and it could only get better. Now that she’d graduated into womanhood, maybe she ought to stop playing with little girls.

Sally slammed her locker. “Why didn’t you come after me? Where
were
you?”

Frannie looked confused. “I tried to find you. My dad and I went out the basement door. We practically ran to your house! And I tried calling all day yesterday! Why didn’t you answer the phone?”

“You just don’t get it, do you?” Sally said. She couldn’t leave her room. Then she would have had to face her mother, and she wasn’t speaking to her mother again for as long as she lived. It wasn’t so much her sleeping with Pastor Voss, though that was nauseating enough. It was all the times her mother had listened to Sally talk about her dad, knowing how desperately she wanted to find him. Just to sit there silently, what kind of a person did that?