Her Guardians Lost (Her Guardians Trilogy #2) (26 page)

I couldn’t believe the difference in this man. I had been wary of him, but I thought it was because he looked and sounded so much like Stephen. Now I knew my instincts were telling me a very different story. After all this time, people thought Stephen was the evil one.

The sounds of children laughing erupted in the air. I gripped my head, willing it to stop, willing the pain in my gut to cease knowing that Stephen had been wronged all along.

But why did he do it? Why did he take the blame for Simeon? It didn’t make any sense. Michael blamed Stephen all these years for his indiscretion and Stephen just took it. He took all the abuse, all the criticism, and all the disappointment from everyone when it was never him who slept with Elizabeth.

“What do you have over him?”

Simeon looked dumfounded. “What?”

“What could you possibly have over Stephen that would make him take the blame for what you did? What could he have possibly done that was so bad, he was willing to shoulder all the abandonment people dished out when everyone thought he had slept with Elizabeth?”

Simeon threw his head back and cackled an evil laugh, making me shudder. I was suddenly scared of what he was capable. If he was capable of acting like he was Stephen twice, of what else was he capable?

“You really have no clue, do you? It’s funny, really. Earlier, I panicked a little, thinking it was all coming back to you. I can’t have Stephen getting his happily ever after.”

His words hit me in the gut with such force, it knocked the wind out of me. “Your own brother, Simeon. Your own brother,” I whispered.

I hung my head, feeling shame for this man in front of me. He went through life pretending to be someone else, riding on the back of his brother. It sickened me to think I had fed his persona. I kept hoping he was Stephen so much, my mind created him.

“How will you ever forgive me?” I whispered into the dark.

The tingles caressed me and I knew he was around. Stephen was always there for me, no matter what. I could tell he thought there was nothing to forgive.

“What?” his evil voice snapped, causing me to jump.

Knowing Stephen was with me gave me a new sense of purpose. I had come this far. “Do you know what Elizabeth called me before she died?”

Simeon snorted and waved his hand. “Enlighten me again. It’s been thrilling so far.”

Ignoring him, I said, “She called me an abomination. I don’t much care for what she thought about me now. Not after she did what she did to my parents. All I know is it was an apt word, but for the wrong person. You’re supposed to be an angel, Simeon. Instead, you’ve turned into this deceitful man—someone who uses trickery to get what he wants. An angel doesn’t act like that.”

Shaking his head, Simeon hissed, “And you would know all about that wouldn’t you, Archangel—”

I hissed in a breath, waiting for it. Waiting for him to say my name. My blood pumped through my veins. My head grew heavy and my heart beat like never before. I suddenly felt like I was on fire. I had energy coursing through me. I could breathe with a new sense of life. I felt like I was being reborn into the world. I felt different. I felt alive.

But the word never came. Simeon snapped his mouth shut and continued to stare. His eyes were filled with rage and resentment. He had carried with him this deep-seated hatred for his brother. I could feel it in him. I could feel the desire to hurt Stephen and I couldn’t possibly understand why.

“Why do you hate him so much? What is it he has done to you to cause so much resentment towards him?”

I watched in horror as he scooted off my bed, naked, and strolled towards me. “He took what was mine, Cassie. Now it’s time for me to take it back.”

Backing away, I tried to turn and run, but there was nowhere for me to go. I screamed as he hurled himself toward me in a ferocious pounce. I gripped the sheet as tight as I could as he gripped my shoulders with such force, it made a new pain course through my wound.

“Why can’t you ever do as you’re told?” he asked, shaking me back and forth.

“I don’t understand. I want you to leave.” I tried in vain to back away, but he just gripped tighter. “Simeon, you’re hurting me.”

Roaring, he spun me around and shoved me onto the bed. I landed with a thump as I looked up in horror. I was struggling to fathom how he could be two completely different people. He was once kind and nice to me. Now all I saw was his rage, his anger, his ugliness. It oozed out of every pore of him, spilling into my room. He was a man possessed—a man who nurtured evil and carried secrets. Horrible, sickening secrets. How could I have not seen this side of him before? How could I have been so blinded by his sweet words, his tender touch, his caring caress?

Watching him, all I could stare at were those eyes. Those eyes I always thought looked like Stephen’s. How could I have been so wrong? He looked nothing like Stephen now. I didn’t know why I never saw it before.

“It’s time to finally make you mine!” Simeon lunged and I screamed with everything I had. The air around us became thick as an energy filled the whole room, vibrating and thundering. Simeon was gone. All that was left was a fuzzy outline of where his body once was.

I blinked and waited, but didn’t know why. I was trying to hide in the corner of the bed, hoping it would swallow me up and carry me to safety.

But I was safe now, wasn’t I? This wasn’t just some evil magic trick Simeon had somehow conjured up, was it?

Staring around the room, my heart pounded as I sat, waiting for this return. All I could hear was the sound of my breathing as I fought the urge to be sick.

He had his hands on me.

After a few more minutes, everything seemed to go deathly quiet. Simeon was gone, and I breathed a sigh of relief at the thought he wasn’t coming back.

Rising shakily off my bed, I jumped in the shower and scrubbed my whole body. I scrubbed and scrubbed until my skin turned red and raw. No matter how many times I washed, I could still feel him, still hear him asking me to open my legs for him.

In one heaving jerk, I threw up. All the evidence of my drinking came lurching out. I welcomed it, though. I welcomed everything that represented him to be forced out of me. It was almost as though I was purifying myself after everything he had done.

Once my stomach was empty, I leaned my head against the tiles and closed my eyes. I was exhausted, drained. I was wondering how I could possibly move. How could I will myself to put one foot in front of the other?

It was then I felt it—the tingles. I knew Stephen was around. “Stephen,” I whispered closing my eyes. “I have to remember. I have to remember.” I gripped my eyes shut as I felt his every caress.

He was willing me to move. I could feel his gentle hand guiding me out of the shower. I turned the tap off and grabbed a towel. I dried myself and walked back into my bedroom. I ripped all the sheets off, keeping the one I originally wrapped around myself.

I slid down onto my bed and lay my head on my pillow. I could still feel Stephen with me, holding me. “Stay with me,” I whispered, feeling the warmth of him surrounding me.

Closing my eyes, I let the exhaustion of the evening take over. I let the euphoria of feeling Stephen so close wash over me as I slid into the most wonderful, peaceful sleep.

Chapter 22

I knew I was dreaming again because I was at that bloody door. I could never seem to escape its presence. It haunted me day and night, taunting me.

I kicked and screamed and, of course, it didn’t budge. I could hear the laughter. Somehow, it seemed like I was on the precipice of something monumental. I could see it there. I could almost reach out and touch it. But, like always, I was being torn from its clutches. It was never going to let me in.

Sliding down to the floor by the door, I placed my head in my hands, which was always something I did in this dream. Time and time again, I wasted my energy trying to open something that was never going to open.

Suddenly, I heard my uncle’s voice, “Why don’t you just try to open it? Find the handle and turn it like a normal door.”

Rising my head, I looked up. Surely it wasn’t as simple as that. Surely, after all this time, that wasn’t all I had to do. Is there even a handle on this door?

Well, there’s only one way to find out!

Rising, I turned to face the door again. Instead of using brute force, I tried to use some intelligence.

Placing my hand on the wooden frame, I felt all around the edges. I got to where a handle should be and, to my utter amazement, there was one there!

Gasping, I stepped back. It was almost as if it had been there this whole time, laughing at me. Had it really been there and I hadn’t noticed? Surely this would have sprung up before? Surely I hadn’t been that stupid.

Placing my hand on the handle, I hesitated. I had come this far and didn’t want to turn back now. I
couldn’t
turn back now. But what if I turned the handle and nothing happened? The thought scared the shit out of me.

The laughter intensified, causing me to close my eyes. With my ear to the door, one hand on the handle and the other palming the wood, all I could do was listen.

There really was no other way. You had to turn it. It was your destiny. You had to do it for Stephen.

There was no other option. Taking a deep breath, I knew I had to be brave. I knew I had to know one way or the other. There was just no knowing whether I would wake up in a few seconds.

It was now or never.

I braced myself as I felt my hand push the handle down. I heard it click. Afraid to move, I took slow, deep breaths, wondering whether I would get this far, then have the door pushed closed again.

I couldn’t think like that. I’d come this far, so I had to keep going. Breathing against the door, I did the only thing I could do.

Pushing slightly, I was surprised when the door moved. It was finally open! I had done the one thing I was unable to do all this time. And, again, it was thanks to my uncle. He had come up with a solution so simple, I was sure it would fail. But he was right. I had finally managed to open this damn door and it was all because my uncle suggested I just try and open it. So pure and simple.

Laughing, I began thinking how preposterous this all was. How could I have not seen it before? I thought I was an intelligent woman, but I had missed it. Wasn’t it logical that to open a door, you must simply turn the handle? Of course it was.

Shaking my head, I got back to the task at hand. Letting go of the handle, I pushed it open. With a whoosh of air and a bright light, I was faced with memories hitting me like a battering ram.

“I don’t like your brother, Alexander. He always pretends he’s you so I never know whether it’s you or not.”

Oh, my god. It’s Stephen. A young Stephen is here playing with me.

“I tell you what, Arianne. Why don’t we think of a name only you and I will know? A little secret code so if you’re ever wondering, you can always ask.” Looking down at my teddy bear, he said, “I know. How about Mr. Wigglesby? He’s the name of your teddy bear. If you ask me the secret code, I will tell you it’s Mr. Wigglesby.”

Giggling, I hugged Mr. Wigglesby tight. “Okay, Alexander. It’s a secret. Just you and I will know. No one else. Promise?”

Alexander nodded. “Promise.”

The memory faded and another whoosh of air surrounded me. So many memories were scrambled in my head now, it was hard to take it all in. I had even named my cat after my teddy bear. I wasn’t supposed to remember, but my subconscious won out. I never knew why I chose that name for the bear and the cat all those years ago. I couldn’t even remember how it came to me.

The cloud seemed to fade again, bringing me back to Alexander and Arianne. Laughter filled the air as they danced around in circles.

“Twinkle, twinkle, little star. How I wonder what you are,” they sang as they laughed and skipped around.

“You know your eyes twinkle in the light. You have beautiful eyes, Arianne. I should call you Twinkles.”

I giggled, feeling the heat rise to my face. I was young, but I knew I loved Alexander. I knew I would never want to be away from him. Ever.

“When you and I grow up, I want to be your mate. Can you promise me that, Alexander? I don’t like Simeon. He plays games with my head. Michael is nice, but he’s not you. You’re my best friend.”

Alexander cradled me in his arms, making me feel so loved and safe. “Okay, Arianne. I promise.” He pulled me away and tugged on my arm. “Come. Let’s sneak into headquarters.”

I giggled, thinking how naughty Alexander was. He always tried to sneak me into headquarters. He knew how much I liked it there. His father worked there, overseeing all the guardians who watched out for their chosen souls. Sometimes when we snuck in, we could watch everything that was happening down on earth. Alexander and I sat for hours, watching what some souls were doing. I always liked it when they watched movies so Alexander and I could snuggle up and watch it, too. The guardians liked to sit with their chosen ones in times like those. They were not only there in times of trouble, but also in times of solitude. Angels liked to touch the souls as they relaxed. It sometimes made them fall asleep. Those times always made me giggle. One day, I hoped I could relax people as good as the guardians did.

The memories sucked me in like quicksand. I was sinking and sinking, but I wanted to be sunk this time. I wanted to be buried deep within the memories as they were now becoming clearer and clearer. My name wasn’t always Cassie. It was once Arianne. I was the girl Stephen told me about. The girl who he promised he would find again. Stephen kept his promise. He always kept his promises.

Dragging me back to the door, the memory faded and a new one could be seen through the haze. I was much older now, and my father was with me.

“Arianne, I’ve told you before about hanging around with that Alexander. I don’t like him. He’s never been good enough for you. Now, Simeon or Michael… They would be good matches for you. You should be mated with one of them, not Alexander. It’s a pity that Michael has already chosen Elizabeth; otherwise, I would have picked him as your suitor.”

Sinking to my knees, I begged, “But I love him, Father. I love him more than life itself. Please don’t make me chose. If you force me, I will always choose Alexander.” I knew I shouldn’t defy him, but I had to make him see. Surely he would want his daughter to be happy.

He shook his head in dismay. My father was a beautiful man with bright eyes and curly brown hair. All angels were beautiful. But he couldn’t see the beauty that surrounded me. He couldn’t see the devotion Alexander and I had for each other.

“He is no good for you, Arianne. Can’t you see that? Simeon looks just like him. He is a good boy. Why can’t you be with him? Why don’t you want to be with him?”

I gripped my eyes tight and shook my head. Why couldn’t he see what I saw? “He’s bad, Father. He pretends to be Alexander.”

“Don’t be preposterous, child. You’re making allegations that could lead to some serious consequences. You can’t flippantly wave something around like that. It isn’t right.”

Why didn’t he believe me? Why couldn’t he just see? “But I’m telling you the truth, Father. Please believe me.”

He shook his head. “What I believe is that Alexander has brainwashed you into believing this. You have been spending too much time with him, Arianne. It’s time it stopped. As of now, I forbid you to spend any more time with him. It’s obvious to me that he’s corrupting you.” Turning his head towards me, he sighed. “Now you have two choices, Arianne. You stay here and be mated with Simeon, or you can be sent on a mission. It’s your choice. I will give you a few days, but you must come to me with a decision. It’s now or never, Arianne. But no more Alexander. I don’t even want to hear his name mentioned anymore. Do you hear?”

I did hear—loud and clear. I could hear too much. I wanted to scream and shout and put my foot down, but I couldn’t. I was the daughter to a high-ranking Archangel. I could never disobey him, no matter how much I wanted to. He was my leader, my proprietor, my father.

“Do you hear, Arianne?”

Bowing my head, I nodded. No matter how much I hated it, I had to give in. I had no other choice.

Scrambling away from that memory, I was quickly swept into another. I could see Alexander as Arianne held onto his hand.

“Come to me tonight, Alexander. Come to me so we can be mated. I can’t live without you. I have to be with you no matter what.”

I could see his hesitation. I knew he wanted this as much as I did, but something was holding him back. “But what if your father finds out? He will hurt you. I can’t have that happen, Arianne. I won’t let that happen to you.”

Gripping his hand tighter, I willed him to listen. “Please, Alexander. I want this. I need this. Ever since we were little, I wanted you to be mine. You know that as much as I do.”

“Yes, but at what cost, Arianne?”

I had to make him see. If we were mated, nothing could take that away. It would be for life. “The cost is us, Alexander. The cost is us being together. Joining as one union. You and I know we haven’t mated with anyone before. I’ve always saved myself for you. Don’t you know this by now?”

Alexander dipped his head and smiled. “Yes, I know.”

“He will never have to know, Alexander. We will come together as one and share in each other. This is something he can never take away.”

Nodding, Alexander kissed my hand. “Okay. Tonight, I will come to you. You know I can never stick to the rules anyway,” he smiled with a wink.

Feeling lighter than air, I gently kissed his cheek. “Thank you, Alexander. I will be waiting.”

A sudden whoosh of air surrounded me as I was faced with another memory. A memory of Alexander and me together, making love.

Closing my eyes, I let my own memories sweep over me. How could I forget this, Alexander? How could I forget you?

Keeping my eyes closed, all I could hear were the sounds of our heavenly cries as we joined together. I daren’t open my eyes as it would seem like I was a peeping Tom to my own memory. I could remember it, though. I could remember every kiss, every touch, the feel of his skin on mine. The build-up of knowing we had become one made it all that more explosive.

How could I have forgotten that?

Feeling the tears slip down my face, I waited until the memory faded. I didn’t need to see anymore. I remembered everything.

   “If we ever break apart for any reason. Promise me you will find me, Alexander. Promise.”

    Taking my face in his hands, he momentarily closed his eyes. “I promise you, Arianne. You are my life now. You were always my life.”

Sinking to the floor, I let the pain wash over me at what happened next. I remembered it as clear as day now.

Another whoosh of air snapped my eyes open as I gazed upon me the very next day. I was so in love with Alexander, I couldn’t think straight. Suddenly, there was noise. Lots of noise surrounding me, and the pain of knowing what was coming next was excruciating.

My father was mad, very mad. I remembered being panicked, thinking he had found out what we had done. He would be spitting mad if he knew I had mated with Alexander.

Rushing out to my father, I prepared myself to take on his wrath. I knew the inevitable was coming. I knew I was going to be punished severely.

“This is the last straw, Charisma. Something has to be done about this. I’ve already set the plans in motion. And it’s a good thing. At least he will be far away from here. Far away from—”

Looking timidly at my mother, I saw her concern as her eyes snapped up to mine. “Father, what is wrong?” I asked softly.

Watching him spin around, he faced me with such disappointment and anger, I thought I would burst with pain. “I told you that boy was no good for you.”

Hanging my head, I had this sudden panic he would punish Alexander more than me. “You don’t understand. I can explain.”

“Explain what, Arianne? Explain how your so-called best friend slept with his brothers’ mate? What kind of person does that, Arianne?”

Gasping, I placed my hand over my mouth. Surely he hadn’t done that to me. I needed to see him. I needed to know why. There must be some kind of explanation. Maybe Elizabeth was lying.

“I don’t believe her, Father. I don’t believe that he would be with her.”

“Well, believe it, Arianne, because your precious Alexander admitted it himself. I was there when it came from his own sinful lips.”