Her Secret, His Love-Child (9 page)

Katrina dragged in a deep breath and tried to concentrate. ‘What kind of functions?’

‘They’re business dinners—which brings me to my last suggestion.’

Katrina went to stand up but his next words stopped her. ‘No, don’t get up. I’ll collect my payment afterwards. In bed.’

Anticipation burned a hole in her stomach. Excitement made a pulse beat at the apex of her thighs.

‘OK. What is it?’ she asked breathlessly.

‘We’re going to need some kind of childcare if you’re going to attend functions with me.’

The suggestion caught her off-guard. If felt as though a bucket of cold water had just been poured over her. A hollow formed inside her. Her breath hitched in the back of her throat.

‘I’ve never been separated from Sam before,’ she said doubtfully.

‘It has to happen some time.’

Katrina stared at Sam, who was watching the brightly coloured butterfly mobile dangling over her head.

The thought of being separated from her baby for even a short time made her feel uncomfortable. Yet the last thing she wanted was turn into one of those over-protective mothers.

‘It wouldn’t be for very long,’ Alex encouraged softly. ‘Just a couple of hours to start with.’

‘I know.’ Her mouth twisted. ‘I’m being silly.’

Alex shook his head. ‘No, you’re not. You’re just being protective, which is what every mother should be. Never apologise for that. Never.’

He spoke so fervently that Katrina knew he had to be talking from personal experience. She wanted to ask what had happened to make him feel that way, but wasn’t sure how to frame the question hovering on the tip of her tongue.

In the end she swallowed the words back. There was more than one way to skin a cat. She could ask the same question in a roundabout way. ‘I don’t like the idea
of leaving Sam with strangers. Maybe your mother could look after her?’

Even before she’d finished speaking, Alex was shaking his head. ‘I don’t think so.’

‘Why not? I’d much rather have her minded by a relative. I’d have thought you’d prefer that too.’

‘In some instances relatives can be worse than strangers,’ Alex said roughly.

‘Oh.’

A void opened up inside her, filled with cold and whistling winds.

‘Just what kind of family did he come from?’ It was only when she saw the way Alex was staring at her that Katrina realised she’d asked the question out loud.

‘Let’s just say that being strong and protective weren’t my mother’s strong points,’ Alex said in the same grim voice. ‘When I was a kid I could have done with someone like you fighting in my corner. I admire you for the way you’ve fought for Sam every step of the way.’

A wedge of emotion formed in the back of her throat. It wasn’t so much what Alex had said that made her feel sad but what he hadn’t said. Instinct warned her that when he’d described his childhood as being lousy it had been an understatement.

‘You haven’t told your family about Sam, have you?’ she asked quietly.

Alex couldn’t hide his surprise. ‘How did you know that?’

She shrugged. ‘It was a simple matter of deduction. If you’d told your mother, she’d have been around here in a flash. After all, I’m presuming Sam is her first grandchild?’

‘Yes, she is.’

Katrina squeezed her hands tightly together in front of her. ‘Why didn’t you tell them?’

She could tell from the look on Alex’s face that this was a conversation he would prefer to avoid. ‘As you’ve no doubt gathered, we’re not close. What you don’t know is that my family is actually a disaster.’

The look in his eyes chilled her to the bone. Her scalp contracted. Her stomach shrunk to the size of a pea.

Alex raked a hand through his hair and towards the back of his neck, got halfway through then stopped the action abruptly. ‘I’ll tell you the bare bones and then I don’t want to talk about it again. OK?’

‘OK.’

Her stomach shrunk some more until it felt in danger of disappearing altogether.

‘My father was abusive.’

The world stilled and then tilted in on its axis. Her heart hammered.

‘What…what do you mean by “abusive”?’ She could hardly get the word out. Even the taste of it on her tongue was obscene.

His eyes didn’t waver from hers. ‘I won’t go into details. Suffice to say that my brother and I were mistreated both emotionally and physically by him.’

Katrina gasped; she couldn’t help it. Her hand crept protectively to the base of her throat. ‘That’s awful.’

She didn’t think Alex even heard her. He barked out a harsh laugh that had no amusement in it. ‘He always claimed that he hurt us for our own good, so that we’d grow up to be good and strong. You know? Character building. It was a lie, of course. He was just a sick bully who got what he deserved in the end.’

The hand at her throat inched higher. When he’d
mentioned being bullied she’d never imagined that it had been at the hands of his own father. ‘What…what happened to him?’

The eyes that met hers were as cold as chips of blue ice. ‘I put him behind bars where he belongs.’

‘He’s in prison?’

Alex nodded. ‘He received a thirty-five-year sentence. Frankly, I hope he never gets out.’

A shiver made its way up and down her spine. ‘I’m sorry, Alex. I can’t imagine what you must have gone through.’

‘It was a long time ago,’ he said dismissively. ‘I kept hoping my mother would stop him, but she didn’t.’

An invisible hand reached into her chest and twisted—hard. ‘She was probably too scared.’

‘That’s what she said. One of the charities I sponsor is for the victims of domestic violence. I’ve heard a lot of stories over the years, so I know how easy it is for these situations to escalate. Mum was in an impossible position. I know that—with my head. But in my heart I’ve always found it difficult to forgive her.’

‘I can understand that,’ Katrina said softly. ‘But not everyone is as strong as you. I’m sure she did her best in her own way.’

‘Maybe.’ His answer was clearly noncommittal.

‘And your brother…?’

If she’d thought his expression had been grim until now, it was nothing to the bleakness that etched into every line of his face when she asked that question. ‘I tried to protect him as best I could but it wasn’t enough.’

Once again it was what Alex had left out that was revealing. No doubt by trying to protect his brother Alex had had to endure more himself.

‘Michael couldn’t cope,’ Alex continued. ‘He found his escape in drugs.’

Her heart contracted. ‘Oh no. That’s so sad.’

She remembered back to the conversation between Alex and Dr Kershew that day in his surgery. The doctor had told Alex that if there was anything he could do to help all he had to do was call. And Alex had replied that the first step was up to Michael. No doubt Michael Webber’s drug addiction was what they’d been talking about.

‘You’ve tried to help him, haven’t you?’ she asked.

Alex raked a hand through his hair and around the back of his neck again. He seemed to have aged during their conversation. ‘Of course I’ve tried. He’s my little brother. But Michael hates rehab and always refuses to go. Twice I’ve virtually kidnapped him when he’s either been passed out or so high he didn’t know what was going on around him. I’ve admitted him to the private clinic, but each time he’s simply walked out.’

Katrina placed a hand on his arm. ‘I’m sorry. That must be difficult for you.’

‘It is.’ He sounded weary. ‘Every time I see him, I try and persuade him to get help, but he never listens.’

‘Maybe he’s just scared.’

‘Maybe.’ Alex splayed his hands wide and gave her a twisted smile that held not an ounce of humour. ‘So, there you have it—the Webber family, warts and all.’

Katrina was silent for a long moment. It was difficult to know what to say that wasn’t trivial or meaningless. ‘Well, I can understand why you wouldn’t want your mother looking after Sam, but I’d still like to meet her one day. And your brother.’

‘One day.’

Katrina sighed. His response suggested that it wouldn’t be any time soon. ‘Which brings us back to childcare for Sam.’

He looked relieved that she’d changed the subject.

‘Yes. Like you, I want to make sure Sam is looked after properly. I don’t want to risk anything happening to her.’ The acidic tone of his voice made it clear he was thinking of his childhood and what had happened to him. ‘Which rules out babysitters. I don’t want a parade of different people coming and going.’

‘So, what do you suggest? It sounds to me as though we’ve ruled out just about everything.’

‘Not quite.’ Alex smiled in an obvious attempt to shake off the serious mood that had settled over them. ‘I was thinking about a part-time nanny. Someone who is available for a set number of hours per week but flexible about when they’ll be required. If we offer a generous salary, we should attract some excellent candidates.’

Katrina nodded thoughtfully. ‘It sounds like our best bet. But I suspect it won’t be easy to find the right person.’

‘I know. We’re both going to be picky. But there has to be someone out there who we’ll be happy with.’

Katrina shrugged. ‘Well, we won’t know until we try, I suppose.’

‘So, there you have it.’ He gave her a pointed look. ‘With that lot, you’ll be too busy to think about going back to work.’

Katrina’s smile dimmed a little. ‘I don’t know about that. They’re all projects that won’t last more than a month or two.’

‘By then there will be other things, like decorating the new house.’

‘Don’t push, Alex. I’ve already said I’ll think about it. OK?’

‘OK.’ His eyes glinted. ‘Now, there’s just the little matter of payment to take care of.’ He held out his hand. ‘Come here, woman.’

Katrina waved her hand at their half-empty plates. ‘What about breakfast?’

Alex snagged her hand and pulled her towards him. ‘Forget the food. I have another appetite that needs feeding.’

O
N
M
ONDAY
morning Alex was getting dressed in the bedroom Katrina now shared with him when he heard her murmur, ‘Good morning,’ behind him.

He looked up and smiled then moved to the side of the bed. ‘Good morning. Did you sleep well?’

She nodded. ‘I did.’

‘So did I. No doubt it’s all that fresh air we got yesterday,’ he said, referring to their trip to Centennial Park to feed the ducks. It was their daughter’s first experience with the real variety, rather than the plastic version which shared her bathtime.

Alex leaned down and pressed a drugging kiss against her mouth. By the time he lifted his head they were both breathing heavily. ‘If I didn’t have an important meeting this morning, I’d join you. But unfortunately I can’t.’

Katrina stretched, arching her back and then, in a movement Alex was sure was accidentally-on-purpose, let the sheet fall to her waist.

Alex threw back his head and laughed. ‘Witch.’ Then he reached down and cupped her breast, fingering the tip until it contracted into a hardened peak.

Katrina groaned in the back of her throat.

Why that sound should send his blood pressure skyrocketing, Alex wasn’t sure, but it did.

‘Maybe I can be a little late,’ he said huskily, rapidly undoing his tie and pulling it free from the collar, his shirt following. ‘Or maybe a lot,’ he groaned as he came down on the bed beside her. ‘I have the feeling I’m going to be very,
very
late.’

What followed blew his mind. He reached a peak he didn’t think it was possible to reach, so dizzyingly high that he felt lightheaded.

‘Was there anyone else while you were away?’ he demanded. He hadn’t planned on asking the question, but suddenly he needed to know.

She pulled away from him just far enough to look into his face. ‘You mean a man?’

He nodded.

He already knew that Peter Strauss, Katrina’s erstwhile landlord, wasn’t a threat. The Royce Agency had furnished him with a report that indicated the man was on a six-month assignment interstate and had merely rented the apartment to Katrina at minimal rent rather than leave it vacant.

Katrina herself had let slip that Strauss was the brother of the friend she’d stayed with when she’d first disappeared.

But that didn’t mean that there hadn’t been somebody else.

‘You have to be kidding! I felt sick for the first four months, and by then I was big and getting bigger every day. And besides…’

‘Besides what?’ he asked when she failed to continue.

She angled her chin. ‘Besides, at the time I was still under the misapprehension that I loved you.’

Alex felt an emotion he didn’t want to examine too closely twist his heart tight.

Katrina moved away and pulled the sheet up to her chin. ‘But you can’t say the same, can you? I saw the pictures in the paper.’

Her voice was flat, the look in her eyes even flatter.

Alex felt tension string his flesh tightly together. ‘No. No, I can’t.’

‘Just how many women did you
enjoy yourself
with while I was away giving birth to your daughter?’ she asked with the same kind of sting a bee would be proud of.

‘There weren’t as many as you think,’ he said quietly.

There had been women, sure. But he’d soon realised that sleeping with them was a waste of time.

They hadn’t satisfied him the way Katrina had.

They hadn’t made his senses reach for the stars.

They hadn’t made his heart— His heart what…?

His heart had nothing to do with this, Alex assured himself.

It was just sex. Fantastic sex, admittedly; so fantastic that it was difficult to compete with.

But apart from their daughter that was all there was between them.

The days and weeks rolled into one.

Katrina was run off her feet. She’d found a couple of houses that had potential, but she was determined to wait until she found one that met all of their requirements before showing Alex.

They had time. Although Samantha was growing at a rate of knots, she wouldn’t be walking for several months yet.

She’d also compiled a dossier on two schools she thought would be good for Samantha. After getting Alex’s seal of approval, she’d sent letters off to both, requesting a full information-pack complete with application form.

The nanny issue had sorted itself out quite by accident. It turned out that Leslie, their current part-time housekeeper, wanted more hours, and after some discussion Katrina had offered her a live-in position as housekeeper-nanny.

On the home front things were pretty much wonderful. She and Alex were growing closer with every day that passed.

One day Alex came home from work with a huge, white glossy box tied with a gold ribbon. ‘This is for you,’ he said, handing it to her.

Katrina took it automatically. ‘What is it?’

‘Why don’t you open it and find out?’

She placed the box on the glass-topped coffee table and carefully undid the bow. Removing the lid, she folded back the gold tissue-paper sitting on top.

She glanced at Alex when she was presented with black satin. Gently she picked it up. It was a short nightgown, trimmed with lace. One look told her that it was expensive.

‘Every woman deserves beautiful nightwear,’ Alex said huskily, gesturing between the garment and the box.

It was then Katrina noticed there was something else in the box. In fact there were several somethings—two more nightgowns, one in the most gorgeous ivory colour, and the other a pale lilac.

A lump formed in the back of her throat. ‘I don’t know what to say. I’ve never owned anything so beautiful.’

‘“Thank you” might be a good place to start,’ Alex said, and held out his arms.

Katrina rose to her feet and went into his embrace eagerly, rose onto the balls of her feet and offered him her mouth.

When he finally lifted his head they were both breathing heavily. ‘I think we should retire to our bedroom and you can parade them for me.’

The glint of his eyes told her that he would do more than just look. Holding hands, they began walking down the corridor. ‘I guess I can throw out my old trackie and T-shirt I usually sleep in,’ Katrina said.

Alex came to an abrupt halt. ‘No! Don’t do that.’

Katrina turned to face him and was surprised to see colour striping his sculptured cheekbones. ‘Why not?’

He gave her a rueful smile. ‘I happen to think you look sexy as all hell in them.’

‘You do?’ She couldn’t hide her surprise.

‘I do.’

‘Then why the nightgowns?’

‘They’re more for you than for me. I just wanted you to have something nice.’

Another lump formed in the back of her throat. It was a lovely gesture, and proved how thoughtful Alex could be.

There was just one thing wrong with that: she’d wanted to keep emotionally detached. But her reaction indicated it was too late for that.

One night Katrina woke to find she was alone in bed. With a frown, she was about to get up and investigate when she heard Alex’s voice on the baby monitor.

Realising he was in the nursery, she subsided back against the pillow, listening curiously.

‘Hello, Princess. What are you doing awake at this time of night? You should be asleep,’ he said softly.

An indecipherable gurgle, barely loud enough for Katrina to hear, was his response.

She heard a rustling noise; it sounded as if Alex had picked Samantha up out of her cot.

‘So you can’t sleep either, huh? Neither can I. Maybe we should keep each other company for a while.’

The baby cooed, as if to say that it was a good idea.

‘What woke you up, I wonder?’ Alex said, keeping his voice low. ‘You can’t be hungry. You drank as much milk as a baby brontosaurus.’ There was a pause, then, ‘What did you say? Not as much as a brontosaurus, huh? OK. What about a tyrannosaurus rex? You’re happy with that? Good.’

Katrina smiled.

In this mood, Alex could charm the bees from the trees.

‘OK. That’s settled—you’re not awake because you’re hungry. So what does that leave us with, Princess?’ Alex murmured. ‘Maybe you had a bad dream, like your daddy did? Is that it?’

The baby cooed.

Katrina, who was still listening, felt her smile slip a little.

‘No. You look and sound far too happy to have had a nightmare. I bet I know what it is—you knew your daddy was having bad dreams so you woke up just so you could make me feel better.’

A wedge of emotion formed in the back of Katrina’s throat.

‘And do you know what? It’s worked. How can I stay
sad about those nasty things in my dreams when I have you around, huh?’

There was silence for a while.

Katrina knew she was eavesdropping on what was a private conversation—even if it was only one way—but she couldn’t stop listening now. She waited with bated breath to hear what he said next.

She didn’t have long to wait.

‘Do you know something else? My father told me that when I had brats of my own I’d understand what he did to us. But he was wrong; I don’t understand. I’ll never understand. And you’re not a brat. You’re my princess.’

The wedge of emotion in Katrina’s throat expanded until she could barely breathe.

She’d often woken in the middle of the night to find Alex not in their bed. She’d mentioned his restlessness to him several times, and Alex had admitted to the occasional nightmare about his childhood, but hadn’t really wanted to discuss it. She’d always wondered what the nightmares had been about.

Now she knew.

With a shaky hand, she reached out and turned the monitor off.

She couldn’t listen any more.

When Alex came in some time later, Katrina pretended to be asleep. She almost gave herself away when he pulled her into his arms, but she simply snuggled into him.

As she fell asleep in her lover’s arms Katrina realised there was one positive to come out of what she’d heard—and that was that father and daughter were growing closer.

Despite the way everything was progressing so smoothly, Katrina wasn’t entirely happy. She was aware of a low-grade discontent hovering just beneath the surface, like a toothache that just wouldn’t go away.

This feeling came to a head on one particularly sunny Sunday when they put Samantha in her pram and drove to Bondi beach.

They were strolling along the promenade when it happened.

Because the weather was so nice, lots of other people were doing the same thing. Katrina found herself watching the other couples they passed.

No doubt she and Alex looked the same. No doubt with Samantha in her pram they looked just like all the other families.

But something was missing.

And that was when it hit her: somehow she’d fallen in love with Alex all over again.

She wasn’t quite sure when it had happened. It wasn’t as though it had hit her like a bolt of lightning. There had been no cymbals and drums, no choir of angels.

It had been a gradual thing that had crept up on her. It was there inside her, like a living thing.

She wanted to be like those other couples—in love, and loved in return.

But that was an impossibility, wasn’t it?

What chance did she have of Alex falling in love with her when he didn’t even believe in the emotion?

Alex liked and respected her. He was committed to her and their daughter. Surely that meant that he cared for her in his own way?

The more she thought about it, the more she was convinced that she was right.

Alex must feel something for her.

Otherwise how could he look at her with tenderness in his eyes? And how could he make love to her as if she was the most precious thing on earth?

Feeling marginally better, Katrina turned her attention to something else that had been bothering her.

It had niggled at the back of her mind for the last week but she couldn’t quite put her finger on what was wrong.

Whatever it was, it was as elusive as the wind and as indefinable as the clouds rolling across the sky.

Katrina watched as another couple strolled towards them. The woman was pushing a pram; the man had a little boy of three or four sitting on his shoulders.

The little boy said something and tugged on his father’s hair. The man laughed and reached a hand above his head, scooped the child into his arms and began tickling him.

Katrina stopped walking and stared.

There was something in the picture she was looking at that epitomised what it was that was bothering her. Still, she couldn’t pin down exactly what it was.

Frustration imploded inside her. It was like a word sitting on the tip of your tongue that you just couldn’t quite spit out.

She was sure that if she looked hard enough the answer would come to her, but it didn’t.

‘What is it?’ Alex asked beside her.

Katrina gave herself a mental shake and forced a smile to her stiff lips. Whatever it was, it would come to her in its own good time. ‘Nothing.’

Samantha chose that moment to start crying, saving Katrina from any further explanation, something she was thankful for.

Because, although she hadn’t been able to figure out exactly what it was that was bothering her, she
had
drawn one conclusion. Whatever it was, it had something to do with Alex and Samantha’s relationship.

And whatever it was it wasn’t good.

Later that night Katrina woke to find she was alone in bed.

She made no move to get up and investigate. She was getting used to Alex’s middle-of-the-night wanderings. No doubt another nightmare had woken him.

Sometimes he would go in to the nursery but as often as not Samantha was asleep and he would tiptoe out as quietly as he’d gone in.

Katrina was never able to go back to sleep during these times. Instead she lay there worrying about Alex—which was exactly what she was doing now.

Suddenly, she heard Alex’s voice on the baby monitor.

‘Hello, Princess. So you’re awake tonight, are you?’

The baby let out a cry, barely loud enough for Katrina to hear.

She heard the familiar rustling sound of Alex picking Samantha up out of her cot.