Her Secret, His Love-Child (7 page)

‘I took what you said last night seriously. And, since I managed to put out the fire on that deal earlier than I’d expected, I thought I’d surprise you.’ He splayed his hands wide. ‘So here I am, reporting for duty.’

‘Well, you’re just in time for Sam’s bath. Why don’t you join us?’ she suggested softly.

He nodded. ‘OK. What do I have to do?’

Katrina smothered a smile at the way Alex had asked the question. He sounded so serious and industrious, as
if he had an important job to complete and he was waiting for a list of instructions.

‘Well, since you’ve never bathed a baby before, I’ll take care of the actual washing.’ Katrina kept her face serious and her voice sober. ‘But you have two very important tasks.’

He raised an eyebrow. ‘And they are…?’

‘First, you need to quack.’

Alex stared at her as if her skin had just broken out in a series of multicoloured spots. ‘Quack?’

Katrina nodded and pointed to the yellow rubber-duck already bobbing on the water. ‘Yes, quack. Sam likes the rubber duck but she likes it even more when you make quacking noises.’

‘Really?’ He looked and sounded sceptical.

‘Yes, really.’

‘And the second task?’

She placed a hand on his arm and leaned closer. ‘Relax. Don’t forget, you’re meant to be having fun.’

Alex stared at her for a moment before his mouth turned up at the corners. ‘Am I taking this too seriously?’

‘Uh-huh.’ She nodded. ‘You certainly are. But then, you’re an over-achiever. I wouldn’t have expected anything less from you.’

His eyes glinted metallic blue. ‘You’re mocking me.’

‘Maybe just a smidge,’ she said, holding up thumb and forefinger with barely a hair’s breadth between them. ‘I used to love bath time. I want Sam to enjoy it too. So we try to have fun, don’t we, poppet?’

Samantha cooed her total agreement.

‘I see,’ Alex said, still not sounding totally convinced.

‘My mother was usually in charge of bath times, so
it was a special treat when my dad came home early and supervised. I had a whole heap of toys, and Dad had sounds for each and every one of them.’ She wrinkled her nose at him. ‘He set the bar pretty high so you have a lot to live up to.’

‘That’s just great,’ Alex muttered, as if the pressure of expectation was riding on his shoulders. ‘You’ve never mentioned your father. Where does he live?’

‘Nowhere. He died in a work accident when I was little.’

Alex frowned. ‘How old were you when your mother died?’

‘Thirteen.’

‘What happened to you then? You said you had no other blood relatives.’

Tension slithered inside her. ‘I went into foster care.’

‘I never knew that.’

Katrina shrugged. ‘I don’t talk about it much. They weren’t the happiest years of my life.’

He touched her arm. ‘I’m sorry.’ He glanced at Samantha then back to her. ‘That’s another reason you pushed so hard to make me accept Sam as my daughter, isn’t it?’

Katrina nodded. ‘I’d had quite an idyllic childhood up until then. But afterwards…’ She shivered. ‘I don’t want Sam to have to go through that—ever!’

‘She won’t have to.’

‘I know. Thanks to you.’

‘There’s no need to thank me. She’s my daughter.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Now, enough of this serious talk.’ He shrugged off his suit jacket and hooked it over the door knob. Pulling his tie free, he neatly folded it before slipping it into his trouser pocket. Finally, he rolled up
the sleeves of his business shirt to the elbows. ‘I’m ready. Let’s do it.’

Katrina finished undressing Samantha and slid her into the water.

The baby cooed and smiled. Quickly, Katrina used the soft sponge to give Samantha a quick all-over wash and then said to Alex, ‘OK. It’s over to you.’

Alex moved closer. His body brushed up against the side of hers, and the smell of male skin mixed with soap invaded her nostrils.

Katrina wanted to move away but it wasn’t feasible. Instead, she tensed her stomach muscles and tried to pretend that it wasn’t Alex standing beside her.

Alex hesitated and picked up the duck. He gave her a sideways glance. ‘I feel ridiculous doing this.’

Katrina conceded that he did look uncomfortable. ‘You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.’

He dragged in a breath. ‘No, I’ll do it.’

Again, Katrina smothered a smile. He sounded as thought she’d just asked him to swallow a tablespoon of particularly obnoxious medicine and was screwing up his courage to do so.

A few half-hearted and less than enthusiastic quacks followed. Samantha appeared fascinated by the fact that it was her father wielding the duck, but a little unsure about the sound he was making.

Katrina touched his arm for a moment before quickly retreating. ‘Relax, Alex. Just remember what you liked when you were a kid and do the same thing.’

‘I didn’t have those kinds of bath times.’

Katrina looked at him. ‘What sort of bath times did you have?’

His eyes met hers for an instant, the expression in
them sending a shiver running down and then up her spine. ‘Not the fun kind.’

Her heart wrenched. Not only had he gone to bed hungry but he hadn’t had fun bath-times. What else had he been deprived of? she wondered, her heart going out to him.

‘Well, just imagine what you would have liked and do that instead,’ she suggested lightly.

Alex looked back at the duck, studied it for a moment and then let out a quack that immediately made both Katrina and Samantha smile.

Later, Katrina would wonder whether that was the moment she started falling in love with him all over again.

He raised a brow. ‘Better?’

She smiled with genuine warmth. ‘Much better.’

Katrina was thrilled with the effort Alex was making. Coming home early had earned him a brownie point. Helping with Samantha’s bath had earned him another.

There was just one down side to all this. She was seeing another side of Alex. A softer side that she hadn’t seen before.

The problem with that was that it made Alex more attractive.

And that was the last thing she needed, because she was already finding him attractive enough.

‘I never knew bath time could be so much fun. Or so wet,’ Alex said ten minutes later as he looked down at his drenched shirt-front.

Katrina giggled. ‘I hope you’re not planning on blaming our daughter for that.’

‘I certainly am,’ he replied indignantly. ‘If she didn’t laugh every time I whizzed the duck through the water and made those waves, then I wouldn’t have kept on doing it.’

‘Well, I hope you don’t intend being that enthusiastic all the time. I’m saturated.’ She plucked at her buttercup yellow blouse which was plastered against her like a second skin.

‘I don’t know,’ Alex said huskily. ‘I rather like the wet look.’

In fact, he more than liked it. Katrina’s shirt was not only sticking to her like glue, but the water had also made the material semi-transparent. Alex could see the outline of her low-cut cream bra and the texture of the lace running along the edge. He could also see the outline of her erect nipples at the centre.

Unable to resist, Alex tunnelled a hand beneath the fall of her hair, bent his head and kissed her.

He’d barely had a chance to do more than taste the sweetness of her lips before Katrina dragged her mouth from under his. ‘Don’t, Alex.’

‘Why not?’ he demanded.

Her eyes didn’t meet his. ‘Sam is getting cold.’

Because there was a grain of truth in Katrina’s statement, Alex didn’t argue. But before he let her go he looked her in the eye and said, ‘The day is coming when you’re going to run out of excuses.’

Her eyes flashed quick-silver and she tossed her head.

Without saying a single word she’d managed to convey—graphically—exactly what she thought of that suggestion.

How had he ever thought that Katrina was biddable? Alex asked himself.

She was about as docile as an atomic bomb.

For some reason he found that fact as arousing as he found it irritating.

He wanted to reach out and haul her into his arms. But he resisted the urge. ‘I think you’d better take Sam and get out of here before my baser instincts get the better of me.’

He heard her breath catch, but she didn’t move. She just stood there staring at him.

‘You have until the count of three,’ Alex warned softly. ‘And then you’d better not tell me that I didn’t warn you. One. Two…’

She scuttled from the room with Samantha, swaddled in a fluffy towel, still in her arms.

Alex dragged in a deep breath. And then another. Slowly his heartbeat returned to normal.

When he felt that he was under control he went through the door to the adjoining nursery. Katrina had just finished dressing Samantha in a pair of pyjamas dotted with pink, blue and yellow teddy-bears.

‘What happens now?’ he asked lightly.

‘It’s bed time. I fed her before she had her bath. She seems to prefer it that way.’

‘Well, I’d better kiss her goodnight, then.’ He stepped forward. Before Katrina had time to object, Alex closed his arms around both of them. ‘Goodnight, Princess,’ he whispered, brushing his lips across Samantha’s forehead and then her cheek.

Sam cooed with pleasure.

The simple sound was as powerful as a sword being thrust through his heart.

Warm pleasure flooded his insides until he felt as if he was glowing.

Holding Katrina and Samantha in his arms felt so right. As if it was meant to be.

Although he wasn’t a believer in fate—he preferred to think that a man controlled his own destiny—Alex embraced the feeling.

‘Alex, let me go. I need to put Sam down.’

Alex looked down. Already Samantha’s lashes were fluttering closed. Reluctantly, he let his arms drop to his sides and then stood watching as Katrina tucked their daughter into her cot.

Samantha was asleep the minute her head hit the pillow.

Katrina picked up what he presumed was a baby monitor and flicked the dial. ‘Does she still wake through the night?’ he asked, guiltily aware that this was yet another aspect of parenting he hadn’t given a thought to.

‘Yes. I’ve been feeding her twice during the night, but it’s gradually dropping down to one.’

Alex frowned. ‘That must be pretty tiring.’

She nodded. ‘It is. But it won’t last for for ever. You have to be philosophical about these things.’

‘I suppose you do. Now, why don’t we get changed into some dry clothes and then you can tell me what you have planned for the weekend.’

‘OK. It will take me a few minutes. I need to clean up the bathroom.’ She wrinkled her nose at him but there was a twinkle in her eyes as she said, ‘Someone I know got water all over the cabinet and the floor.’

‘Oops. I think that’s my cue to leave.’

As he left the room Alex felt satisfied by what had transpired in the last few hours.

He’d enjoyed the evening. He’d enjoyed it a lot more than he’d expected.

He had a good feeling about this. About Samantha—and Katrina. His two girls.

He smiled.

That had rather a nice ring to it. Now more than ever he knew he’d done the right thing. His two girls belonged with him.

W
HEN
Katrina entered the lounge, Alex was there before her. He was seated on one of several brown-leather couches, his long legs stretched out in front of him.

Gone was the business suit. In its place was a pair of worn denims that clung to his lean hips and powerful thighs, and a figure-hugging cotton sports-shirt in a shade of blue paler than his eyes. His hair was damp, as if he’d just had a shower, and his jaw had lost the end-of-day stubble he’d been sporting, suggesting he’d also shaved.

He looked gorgeous and sexy and way too attractive.

Alex saw her and smiled. It was a smile that pierced straight through her. ‘I took the liberty of pouring you a glass of white wine. I hope that’s all right?’

‘That’s fine. Thanks.’

Alex scooped up the glass from the coffee table and held it out to her. Katrina crossed the room and took it from his outstretched hand. Their fingers brushed and a tingle of electricity zapped up her arm.

She jerked, almost spilling the wine.

Alex frowned. ‘Why are you so jumpy?’

She shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I’m probably just tired.’

Even as she said the words she knew they weren’t true.

She was nervous. She knew it was stupid but she couldn’t help it. Sharing Samantha’s bath time with Alex made her feel as if she’d been suddenly stripped of all her defences.

It had started with their close physical proximity; it had been impossible to ignore the heat radiating off his body straight into hers. Impossible, too, to ignore the smell of his skin or the scent of his shampoo.

But what had really undone her was seeing the other side of Alex. She was used to Alex as he usually was. Confident. Controlled. Arrogant.

This evening, he’d totally disarmed her with his willingness to be teased and his eagerness to please Samantha and the hint of vulnerability he’d shown.

Alex patted the sofa beside him. ‘Well, sit down for a while and relax.’

Katrina hesitated a moment before taking the seat opposite.

Alex frowned and put his wine glass down on the table with a clatter. ‘This has to stop.’

Katrina clasped her hands around her glass. ‘What does?’

He stared at her through narrowed eyes. ‘Last night you accused me of avoiding you. Well, now it’s my turn. I’m going to accuse you of doing the exact same thing.’

She folded her arms. ‘You can hardly accuse me of avoiding you when we’ve spent the last hour together.’

‘Actually, I can. You might be in the same room, but you’re doing your best to prevent me getting close to
you. Every time I touch you, you jump. Every time I kiss you, you come up with an excuse to stop me.’

‘You said you’d let me set the pace,’ Katrina protested.

‘And I also said that I’d give the pace a nudge along every now and then. There is a halfway point, you know. Would it really have hurt you to sit beside me for a while? Maybe hold hands, share a couple of kisses?’

Katrina didn’t want to answer him.

She didn’t want to admit that she had stop him from doing those things because she was scared of what would happen if she didn’t.

‘You’re meant to be trying but you’re not,’ Alex continued. ‘You accused me of honouring diddley-squat but what about you?’

Katrina clenched her hands into fists at her side. ‘I’m not the one who started this, Alex. You are. I can’t just wave a magic wand and forget all the horrible things you said to me. It’s not that easy.’

Alex sat forward and splayed his hands wide, forearms resting on his knees. ‘What do you want me to say, Katrina? I
should
have believed you. I know that. I made the biggest mistake of my life when I said those things to you. And we’ve all paid for it.’ His eyes seared into hers. ‘I missed seeing you grow big with our child. I missed watching my daughter being born. As you pointed out yesterday, I can never get those things back.’

He paused but only to draw breath. ‘And you. You were alone during your pregnancy and the birth. But it’s not the same as having the father of your child with you during that special time. And Sam…? She went without a father for the first weeks of her life.’

‘Alex—’

He held up a hand, his face gravely serious. ‘No, let me finish. I want you to know that I haven’t taken any of those things lightly. When I apologised to you, I wasn’t just paying lip service. I wasn’t going through the motions just for the sake of it. I apologised because I meant it.’

Katrina stared at him.

She didn’t say a word. She couldn’t. She was stunned by what Alex had just said, and how he’d said it.

His voice was so full of passion that each word had exploded inside her like a bomb detonating.

She had no doubt he meant every word.

‘I can’t undo the past,’ Alex continued. ‘But what I
can
do is work on the future. I’m willing to do everything within my power to make us a family. The question is, are you? Or are you so bitter that you can’t ever forgive me? Because if that’s the case then you should tell me—right here and right now—and we’ll call it quits before we go any further.’

Katrina felt as though the bottom had just dropped out of her stomach and her world. A vacuum formed inside her; anxiety clutched at the back of her throat.

Much as she didn’t want to admit it, there was a lot of truth in what Alex was saying.

She remembered the moment he’d apologised.

I’m sorry,
he’d said.

And she, without a second’s hesitation, had said,
apology accepted
.

Why? Because it had been the right thing to do—for Samantha.

But that had been the mother in her talking, the part of her that would do anything for her daughter—including swallowing her pride.

But she wasn’t just a mother.

She was a woman too.

And the woman in her had been thinking that Alex’s apology was way too little and way too late. The woman in her had clung to every little barb and every little jab of pain as if it were her lover.

Alex said he hadn’t just been going through the motions when he’d apologised. Katrina was ashamed to admit that her acceptance of his apology had been exactly that: it had been expedient. A means to an end.

But, deep down, she hadn’t forgiven Alex.

There was a ball of bitter resentment inside her that hadn’t unravelled in the least. It was as tightly wound as the day it had formed.

She dragged in a breath then met his eyes squarely. ‘There’s some truth in what you said. I must admit, I didn’t think your apology was genuine.’

‘And now that you realise it was?’

She couldn’t lie. She couldn’t take something as pure as his honesty and as deeply felt as his regret and rip them to shreds. It would be like plucking the stars from the sky and trying to squash them under her heel.

‘It…it makes a difference,’ she said, unable to look away from him.

Already she could feel the ball of resentment and bitterness unravelling, as if it was made out of string and Alex had taken one end and was slowly pulling on it.

‘Good.’ The fact that he didn’t hide his relief underlined the importance he was placing on their conversation. ‘But is it enough? Is it enough to allow you to
really
put the past behind you and move forward?’

‘I’m not sure,’ she said honestly.

She hadn’t had a chance to think that far.

She was confused, and scared. As if the world had spun into action and she was no longer sure of her place in it.

There had been a certain security in clinging to those bad memories. Hanging on to them had had the same effect as placing a protective barrier around her heart. They’d made her feel safe.

Realising Alex had meant every word of his apology had just torn that protective barrier to shreds. And spending the evening with him and Samantha had stripped her of her defences.

It was a double whammy that left her feeling exposed and vulnerable.

Alex leaned back against the sofa. Although his movement added only an extra foot to the distance between them, it suddenly felt like miles of wide, open space.

Suddenly, Alex felt as out of reach as a man on the moon.

And she…

Well, she felt very alone and isolated.

‘Then I suggest you think about it,’ he said in a cool, clipped voice. ‘If you can’t let go of the past, then we don’t stand a chance. If you’re not prepared to try, we’re wasting our time.’

Her heart thumped. ‘And Sam?’ she asked, knowing what the answer would be but needing to hear it anyway.

‘I told you before—I don’t intend to give up my right to being a full-time father.’ He sounded as determined as a bulldozer ploughing through a brick wall. ‘Think about it: if you decide to call it quits now, everybody loses. You. Me. But most of all Sam.’

Katrina stared at him. Thoughts were spinning with fevered intensity through her brain.

Fear was beating on the inside of her skull.

If she pulled the plug, she would lose Samantha.

She’d rather cut out her heart than let that happen.

Alex sighed, heavily. ‘Tell me something, Katrina. When you confronted me in the boardroom what did you hope to achieve?’

It was a good question. It was just a shame that she didn’t have a good answer.

‘I’m not sure.’ She clasped her hands tightly together in her lap. ‘I tried not to have too many expectations because I was afraid of being disappointed. Obviously, I wanted you to accept Sam and be a part of her life, but I hadn’t thought as far as the practicalities of how we’d go about doing that.’

Alex stared at her for a long moment.

It felt as though he was looking right inside her. Into her mind. Her heart. Her soul.

‘You keep on telling me this is about Sam. But do you know what I think? I think you’re fooling yourself. If you were really putting Sam first you’d be going out of your way to make this relationship work instead of putting up obstacles at every opportunity. I don’t think this is about Sam any more. This is about you. This is about your hurt feelings, your wounded pride.’

His words lingered in the room like the residue of gunfire, bouncing off one wall and then another. They rebounded inside her head with the same ferocity.

Because he was right.

It
was
about her and her hurt feelings.

It was about the things he’d said to her when she’d told him she was pregnant, and it was also about the fact that she’d loved Alex with all her heart and he hadn’t loved her.

But more than anything it was about trying to avoid getting on the slippery slide of emotions that would lead to her falling in love with him all over again.

Alex could barely breathe as he waited for Katrina’s reply.

He had handled this conversation like a rank amateur. For a man who negotiated multi-million-dollar contracts, and managed billions of dollars worth of investments, he had bungled one of the most important conversations of his life.

He’d pushed too soon.

It was a strategic mistake he never made when he was trying to land a big deal, but he’d made it now.

With every second that passed his stomach muscles grew more and more rigid and his throat felt as if invisible hands were squeezing around it.

All the while his eyes never left her face.

Finally, after what felt like for ever, her chin came up. She looked beautiful, proud, grave and serious. ‘You’re right. This is meant to be about Sam, but I’ve let my feelings get in the way. For that I apologise.’

The air rushed from his lungs so quickly he felt light headed.

He’d been half-convinced she was going to tell him their relationship would never work. That she would never be able to forgive him for the things he’d said to her.

What he’d have done then, he didn’t have a clue.

He would not have wanted to take Samantha away from her mother, but nor would he have been prepared to abandon her.

It would have been an impossible choice—and one he was glad he didn’t have to make.

And Katrina? Well, he wasn’t prepared to let her go either.

She was the mother of his child. She was also the woman he wanted more than he thought it was possible to want a woman.

Relief and pleasure burst to life inside him.

‘Apology accepted,’ he said smoothly.

She raised a delicately plucked eyebrow. ‘Just like that?’

He inclined his head. ‘Just like that. As we keep on saying, this is about Sam. We’ve both forgotten that on occasion. We’ve let our feelings get in the way of what’s best for her.’ He stared at her, coiled tension strangling his insides. ‘Can I take it you’re prepared to give it a shot? To try to make
us
work?’

Anticipation held him still.

‘I do want to make this work,’ she started carefully.

‘This…?’ he prompted.

Her cheeks flushed with colour. ‘
Us
. My reasons for wanting both of us in Sam’s life still stand. And I have to admit that providing Sam with a real family is by far the best thing for her.’

Alex sat as still as a statue for an entire minute, letting her words filter though his system.

Then he moved.

Rising to his feet, he rounded the coffee table until he was standing right in front of her. Reaching down, he grasped her hands and pulled her upright, straight into his waiting arms.

Her hands went to his chest. ‘But that doesn’t mean—’

Alex refused to let her go. His eyes drilled into hers. ‘Yes. That’s exactly what it means.’

‘Alex—’

He kissed the words right out of her mouth. His mouth glided over hers, and one hand tangled in the silken length of her hair. Finally, heart pounding, he lifted his head. ‘Doesn’t it?’

Katrina stared at him. A mixture of emotions flitted across the surface of her eyes like scudding clouds. ‘I don’t think…’

‘Don’t think,’ Alex whispered. His hand tightened in her hair, pulling her head back on the slender length of her neck.
‘Feel!’

And then he kissed her again. And again.

When he lifted his head Katrina was clutching his shirt front and her body was trembling against him.

He ran a hand over the soft silkiness of her hair. ‘I’m going to make love to you,’ he warned softly.