Her Secret, His Love-Child (6 page)

Katrina’s heart turned over, then wrenched hard.

This was so difficult.

Alex had virtually blackmailed her into moving in with him. Now that she was here, she had two choices: she could either be as uncooperative as possible—in which case Alex would sue for custody and she would
lose her baby—or she could try and make their relationship work, knowing it was the best thing for Samantha.

Obviously, she’d chosen the latter.

But—and it was a big but—she didn’t want her emotions to become involved. That was easier said than done; Alex was pretty hard to resist when he turned on the charm.

After dinner they cleared the table. Katrina stacked the dishwasher and was about to retire to her room when Alex suggested she join him in the lounge for another glass of wine.

‘There are a couple of things I want to discuss with you,’ Alex added persuasively.

‘Fine. I’ll just check on Sam.’ She hesitated and then asked, ‘Do you want to come with me?’

He nodded.

Their daughter was sleeping peacefully in her cot, her fan-like lashes soft against her cheek.

‘Is there anything more innocent or more wonderful than a sleeping baby?’ Alex whispered.

Katrina shook her head. ‘No.’

She reached in and straightened the covers then moved aside to allow Alex some space.

He brushed a gentle hand over the top of Samantha’s head before stroking a finger down her cheek.

Returning to the lounge, Katrina sat down and folded her hands in her lap. ‘What did you want to talk to me about?’

‘A couple of things. First, transport.’ Alex dug into his pocket and came out with a set of keys. ‘Here, take these.’

‘What are they?’ she asked, automatically reaching out to take them.

‘They belong to the silver BMW I had delivered for you this afternoon.’

Katrina put the keys down on the glass-topped coffee table as if they were a hot potato burning a hole in the centre of her palm. ‘I don’t need a car.’

‘Of course you do. I don’t want you relying on taxis. You need your own transport to get to and from appointments.’

A car was a luxury she hadn’t been able to afford. The little second-hand sedan she’d owned before falling pregnant had been sold to help pay for all the additional expenses that went along with having a baby.

Since Samantha had been born, Katrina had used public transport to get around, just like thousands of other mothers did every day. It was no mean feat, considering all the gear she had to take everywhere with her, but it was adequate.

‘I really don’t think it’s necessary. I’m quite happy to make do with public transport.’

Alex frowned. ‘I had to
make do
when I was growing up. My daughter doesn’t. I don’t want you relying on public transport. End of story.’

Katrina wasn’t happy with the way Alex had just laid down the law. She opened her mouth to argue and then quickly shut it again.

Alex had as much right as she did to have a say where their daughter was concerned. And she had to admit that a car would certainly make life easier. At the same time, she was conscious of the expense.

‘OK, if you feel that strongly about it. But a BMW isn’t necessary. Any old second-hand car would be just fine for our needs. Is it too late to return it?’

‘Yes, it is too late. I’ve already paid for it. Besides,
I don’t want to return it. I bought a BMW in the first place because it has an excellent safety record; that still stands. I want something that will protect you both in case of an accident.’

Katrina was warmed by his concern, even though she knew she was going to be terrified driving such an expensive car. ‘Fine. If that’s what you want.’

‘It is. Now, to funds.’ He handed her a yellow envelope. ‘I’ve opened two credit cards in your name. Both have a five-thousand-dollar limit, so don’t go berserk.’

Katrina shook her head. ‘No. No way.’ Even before she’d finished speaking, she’d placed the envelope down on the coffee table and pushed it towards him.

‘Yes way. You’re going to have to buy things for Sam,’ Alex said smoothly. ‘Prams. Car seats. Clothes. It will all add up. You’ll also have your own expenses. I’d prefer it if you didn’t return to work, so it’s only fair that I support you.’

Katrina straightened her spine. She might have given in over the car, but this was another thing entirely. ‘First, I have no plan to give up work. The company I worked for while I was pregnant agreed to take me back part-time after my three months’ maternity leave is up. And—’

Alex frowned. ‘You worked while you were pregnant?’

Katrina nodded. ‘Of course.’

‘There’s no “of course” about it. You should have been taking it easy.’

‘I was pregnant, Alex, not sick. I’ve always worked; I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if I didn’t. And I didn’t really have much choice. Having a baby is an
expensive business; I had to work to pay the bills. Besides, I wanted to keep busy.’

In those first few months, she’d been agonizingly miserable.

One minute she’d been so angry with Alex she’d half-expected steam to pour from her ears. The next minute she’d been so hurt she’d burst into floods of tears.

No doubt pregnancy hormones had made her feel worse than she might otherwise have felt, but she’d been pretty low to start with.

Working had helped take her mind off Alex. It had also helped her to stop feeling so sorry for herself.

‘I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help,’ he said grimly.

Katrina opted not to respond to that comment. They’d already had this discussion. Going over it
ad nauseum
wasn’t going to help anybody.

‘Second, I’m not a huge fan of credit cards,’ she said, returning to the original conversation. ‘My mother always said that if you can’t afford to pay for it now you can’t afford it at all.’

An odd look crossed his face that she couldn’t quite decipher. ‘I can assure you we can afford to use credit cards. But if you give me the details of your bank account I’ll also transfer some cash to you each month.’ He raised a hand. ‘Don’t say it. I have the right to share the expense of raising my daughter.’

Katrina snapped her mouth closed. She wanted to argue with him, but knew that he was right.

‘Lastly, I wanted to discuss the household arrangements. I have a housekeeper who comes in three times a week. Her name is Leslie. She takes care of everything. Washing, cleaning and shopping. If you want to
change those arrangements, feel free. I’ll leave it up to you to sort out with her. I’ve told her about you and Sam. She’s due here tomorrow around ten. I take it you can introduce yourself?’

Katrina wasn’t quite sure what to say. She wasn’t used to having household staff, nor did she think she wanted to get used to it. Given the choice, she would rather look after their home herself. But it was obviously an arrangement that suited Alex, and she didn’t feel it was right to make waves so soon after arriving.

Suppressing a sigh, she inclined her head. ‘Yes. No problem.’

‘Now there are just a few logistical matters to take care of.’

Katrina couldn’t think of another thing. Alex had taken care of everything with his usual thoroughness and efficiency. ‘Such as?’

‘Contact numbers.’ He extracted a business card from his pocket. ‘This has all of my numbers on it. Give me your mobile number so I can contact you when you’re out. I think it’s really important we keep each other posted about any plans we make. For example, I sometimes have business commitments in the evenings. If I’m going to be out, I’ll let you know,’ Alex said. ‘Otherwise, I suggest we eat together.’

Katrina didn’t know whether to welcome the suggestion or not.

She had enjoyed this evening.

If the truth be known, she’d enjoyed it rather more than she should have. This was only her first night here, and already she was fantasising about what it would be like if this was for real. Imagining what it would be like if they were a real family.

A family where she loved Alex and he loved her.

But there was no point building sandcastles in the air.

Alex thought love was an overrated emotion.

And she…

Well, she had lost her heart to Alex once. She had no intention of making the same mistake twice.

D
URING
the next few days they fell into a routine. But it was a routine Katrina wasn’t the least bit happy with.

She wasn’t quite sure what she’d been expecting when she’d agreed to move in with Alex, but it hadn’t been this.

She hardly saw Alex. He left the apartment before she got up in the morning and often returned after she’d gone to bed.

The few times she had seen him, he’d been polite but distant. The easy camaraderie they’d shared on her first evening felt like a distant memory.

By the time the fourth night arrived, Katrina had had enough. Her distress wasn’t personal, of course; she was upset on her daughter’s behalf. Frankly, the less she saw of Alex the better.

But the situation couldn’t go on. The only way to resolve it was to stay up and talk to Alex.

Her plan went skew-whiff, however, when she fell asleep.

She woke when strong arms lifted her.

‘What the—?’ she gasped, jerking awake.

Blue eyes stared down at her. ‘You fell asleep.’

‘Did I?’ She yawned and pushed the hair back off her face. ‘What time is it?’

‘Eleven-thirty.’

‘My goodness! I’ve been asleep for hours.’

‘Have you?’ His voice was husky.

Katrina nodded and blinked sleep drenched eyes. She was all too conscious of being cradled against the hard wall of his chest with his heat and all-male smell wrapped seductively around her. Desire flared low in her belly, her heart picking up rhythm.

‘You can put me down now,’ she suggested softly.

Alex let her legs swing gently to the ground, but he didn’t immediately release her. He smoothed a strand of hair back behind her ear, and her stomach clenched at the fierce intensity burning in his eyes. ‘I have to kiss you,’ he said hoarsely.

He bent his head towards her. She had plenty of time to stop him, but she didn’t.

She tried to tell herself that she didn’t turn her head away because she was still only half-awake but she wasn’t sure she was telling the entire truth.

It wasn’t just the fuzziness of half sleep holding her captive. It was anticipation.

Alex claimed her with his mouth, softly at first and then with more intensity, prising her lips apart.

Even though she knew she shouldn’t, Katrina closed her eyes and kissed him back.

When he raised his head they were both breathing heavily.

For a moment neither of them spoke.

Desire pulsed softly in the airwaves between them. It was a soundless beat that connected them in a way it
was impossible to explain. And the power of it was impossible to ignore.

Katrina knew that if she didn’t break the link soon she’d be all but inviting Alex to make love to her.

She had to admit she was tempted. But then she remembered why she’d been waiting up for him in the first place and the spell was broken.

Clearing her throat, she stepped backwards. The arm wrapped around her waist tightened.

Katrina pushed her hands against his chest. ‘Let me go, Alex. We need to talk.’

His spare hand cupped her jaw, his thumb tracing the outline of her mouth. ‘I’d much rather kiss you again.’

‘And I’d rather you let me go,’ she said quietly.

Alex searched her face. What he saw must have convinced him she meant what she said, because he sighed and released her. He wiped a hand over his face. ‘OK. But before we talk I need something to eat.’

Katrina suddenly noticed how tired he looked. ‘Haven’t you had dinner?’

He shook his head. ‘I didn’t get a chance to. One of the big deals we’ve been working on went right off the rails today. Someone didn’t do their job properly.’ The hard edge sharpening his voice suggested the culprit had been severely dealt with. ‘We spent the evening thrashing out a solution which we’ll present to the client tomorrow.’

‘I see.’ She hesitated before tentatively suggesting, ‘Would you like me to make you something?’

He nodded. ‘If you don’t mind. My usual effort is a sandwich.’

‘I think we can do better than that,’ she said, leading the way into the modern kitchen. ‘How does an omelette sound?’

‘Sounds great.’

Katrina opened the fridge door and pulled out eggs, bacon, cherry tomatoes, capsicum, baby spinach and cheese.

‘Is there an open bottle of white in there?’ Alex asked from behind her.

She looked in the fridge door. ‘Yes.’

She put it on the central bench and pushed it across to him.

He raised a brow. ‘Care to join me in a glass?’

Katrina shook her head. ‘It’s a little late for me.’

Alex poured a glass of wine and sat on a stool on the other side of the work bench. ‘You said you wanted to talk to me. What about?’

Katrina broke three eggs into a glass jug and began whisking them. ‘It sounds kind of silly now.’

‘It was obviously important enough to keep you up.’

She nodded and took a deep breath. ‘It’s just that I’ve hardly seen anything of you since we moved in.’ She gave him a sheepish look before picking up the pepper grinder. ‘I was beginning to think you were avoiding us. I realise now you’ve obviously just been very busy.’

Alex was silent for such a long time that Katrina looked up.

Their eyes met.

Alex grimaced. ‘Not entirely.’

Katrina raised an eyebrow.

‘I’m always busy but the deal I was telling you about earlier only exploded today. Before that…’ He grimaced again. ‘Well, let’s just say you weren’t completely wrong.’

Surprise made her heart leap in her chest. She laid the knife she’d been using to chop the vegetables down
on the cutting board. ‘You mean you were avoiding us? But why? I don’t understand.’

His eyes dropped to her mouth, where they lingered like a physical caress. ‘Can’t you guess?’

Her colour rose. His implication was clear. ‘I…’ She trailed off, scrambling for an appropriate response.

‘I’m not used to going without something I want.’ Alex picked up his glass of wine and took a sip. ‘I thought it was prudent to stay out of your way for the time being. I thought it would be less frustrating.’ His mouth twisted. ‘Not that it’s entirely worked.’

Katrina pressed her hands against the granite bench-top, welcoming the coolness against her heated skin. ‘I…I don’t know what to say.’

‘Then don’t say anything.’ He raised an eyebrow. ‘Unless you’re ready to change your mind and come to bed with me.’

When Katrina shook her head and looked away, Alex sighed. ‘I didn’t think so.’

He was resigned to the fact that Katrina was going to make him kick his heels for several weeks before letting him into her bed. Her reasoning was a whole lot of gobbledegook that didn’t make a lot of sense to him.

OK, he’d treated her badly. He was the first to admit that his behaviour had been appalling.

But she still wanted him—whether she wanted to admit it or not.

What was the point in making them wait? Frankly, he couldn’t see any.

And while he was prepared to give her a bit of leeway he didn’t plan on waiting for for ever. Maybe it was time to remind her of that.

‘Just be aware that I won’t let the current state of affairs continue for too much longer,’ he warned softly.

Katrina, who now had her back to him as she busied herself at the stove, swung around. ‘And what, pray tell, do you mean by that?’

Alex wasn’t the least fazed by her snippy attitude. ‘The situation will come to a head at some point. When it does, I won’t take no for an answer.’

Her chin angled. ‘Yes, you will. Otherwise it will be rape.’

Alex scowled at her. ‘I’ve never had to force a woman to share my bed and I’m not about to start now. When the time comes, you’ll be more than willing…you’ll be begging me to take you.’

‘I don’t think so. You’ll be lucky to even get to first base if you keep on avoiding me. The whole idea of waiting is so that we can establish a relationship before we sleep together. I need to learn to trust you again. I can’t do that if I never see you.’ She waved her spatula through the air. ‘And have you even given a thought to the fact that by avoiding me you’re also avoiding Sam?’

Alex frowned at her. ‘I always pop into the nursery before I leave in the morning and again before I go to bed. I see Sam every day.’

‘I didn’t know that.’ She turned to the stove, stirred the eggs for a moment and then swung back to him. ‘But it’s still not good enough. Not by a long shot. Sam’s asleep then. I thought you said you were going to accept your responsibilities. But if you’re not willing to make an effort to spend time with your daughter when she’s awake then you’re honouring diddley-squat!’

Alex immediately took offence. His glass landed on the granite bench-top with enough force to almost shatter it.

His father had neglected many of his responsibilities and had out-and-out abused others. The accusation Katrina had just thrown at him was totally unjustified. Couldn’t she see how much effort he’d gone to to make sure his daughter was well provided for?

‘How can you say that?’ he demanded, his back ramrod straight. ‘Sam has wanted for nothing since you moved in here. The second hand pram and capsule you had her in have been replaced by new ones. She has a wonderful nursery and heaps of toys. Everything that money can buy.’

She glared at him. ‘This isn’t about money. Or things. This is about love.’

‘You know my opinion of that emotion,’ he bit out coldly.

Her eyes grew so wide they dominated her face. ‘I thought you were talking about your feelings regarding women—not your own flesh and blood.’

‘Love is just a word that in and of itself means nothing. It’s usually used as a substitute for something else. Between men and women, that something is usually lust. With familial relationships, it as often as not represents a combination of liking and respect.’ He gave her a hard look. ‘Sam will, without a doubt, have those things from me.’

‘Well, you can’t hope to bond with her on any level if she’s not even awake when you see her,’ Katrina shot back at him, each word like a weapon she was using against him.

She really was Little Miss Confrontational these days, particularly where Samantha was concerned. ‘That will happen in time. It’s only been a couple of days.’

‘Well, just remember that they are a couple of days you can never get back.’ Katrina stared him in the eye, her face serious. ‘Babies grow and develop so quickly; Sam has already changed so much since she was born. You’ll both be missing out if you don’t start spending time with her.’

Alex topped up his wine. In truth, he had been avoiding Samantha as much as he’d been avoiding Katrina—not that he intended to tell Katrina that. Nor did he intend to explain why he had been avoiding their daughter.

For the first time in years, the nightmares were back. Dreams of incidents from his past.

Some were of real beatings he’d been on the receiving end of. Beatings that had damaged his body but never his spirit.

Others were of his younger brother being similarly abused—despite Alex’s attempts to stop it from happening.

Each image was so real it felt as if it had only just happened. Each vision was so authentic that he broke out in a cold sweat and woke trembling.

He knew why the dreams were back, of course—because he’d just learned that he was a father.

Now he had to face his greatest fear: that lurking somewhere inside him was the same monster that had lived inside his father.

Rationally, Alex knew he would never deliberately hurt any child, least of all his own, in the way his father had taken pleasure in doing.

But what if he hurt Samantha through thoughtlessness or ignorance? What if he lost his temper and lashed out without thinking?

He’d done that once before, many years ago.

The thought of it happening again terrified the life out of him.

He would rather cut off an arm or a leg than hurt a single hair on Samantha’s head.

But Katrina was right. There had to be a middle ground. Somewhere where he could build a relationship with his daughter at the same time as keeping her safe.

‘OK. You’ve made your point, Little Miss Confrontation. I’ll make sure I spend more time with her. Satisfied?’

She nodded. ‘Tomorrow is Friday. I presume you don’t work at weekends?’

Alex shook his head. ‘I usually spend a couple of hours reading reports and doing emails, but, no, I don’t work all weekend.’

‘Then you have no objection if I arrange a couple of family outings for us, then, do you?’

If the quickest way into Katrina’s bed was to spend time with her, then Alex would willingly spend every spare minute there he possessed.

And this conversation with Katrina forced him to acknowledge that spending quality time with his daughter was something he
must
do.

He’d spent so much time focussing on the practicalities of Samantha’s care that he hadn’t given a thought to the relationship itself.

Mind you, that was hardly surprising. It was easy to forget what a real father-child relationship should be like when you’d never had it.

Not that that was excuse. He’d watched his friends with their fathers. He’d been envious of the way other fathers had played ball with their sons, and how they’d told stupid jokes and teased each other.

There and then, Alex made a vow to himself: he was going to be a better father than his dad had been.

He would do things with Samantha. Lots of things.

And what better way of doing them than with Katrina at his side?

She was as fiercely protective of their daughter as a lioness with her cub. Nothing would happen while she was around to prevent it.

Alex shook his head and smiled, anticipation making his heart beat strongly in his chest. ‘No. I have no objection whatsoever. In fact, I’m looking forward to it!’

The following day Katrina had just started to undress Samantha in preparation for bathing her when a sound made her turn.

She found Alex standing in the doorway, watching them.

He was wearing one of his to-die-for suits and a dark tie dotted with tiny diamonds.

He looked way too handsome for his own good, and Katrina had to swallow before speaking. ‘Alex. I didn’t hear you come in. You’re home early.’ Glad of an excuse to take her eyes away from him, she turned back to her daughter. ‘Look who’s here, Sam. It’s Daddy.’