Here & Now (14 page)

Cadence

I can’t believe what I’m hearing.

Yeah, I said it. Funny, a joke, except there’s nothing funny about this. And I didn’t actually hear it, I watched as a set of lips that would never lie to me said them, but I really wish this was a lie.

There’s no way this can be real. Dillon didn’t do this.

Except he did because he would do anything for you.

I really have no clue what to do with this. She’s standing here now after explaining, searching me with her eyes; waiting for me to say something and I’m speechless. Numb. It’s like the rest of my body shut down the second my brain did.

“Are you sure?”

Of course she’s sure. Why am I even asking that? She wouldn’t have brought it up at all if she wasn’t. This isn’t even something she would tell me about normally. It’s one of her
adult issues
that she does her best to shelter me from, even though half the time, I know about a lot of them because my parents never see me coming.

“I’m sure, Cadence. I just got off the phone with your father and he’s as blown away as I am.”

“Why did you call the insurance company?”

“Don’t I always call about everything? No matter how trivial it may seem?”

She does do that. She repeatedly calls everyone. Doctors, Dentists, even the car repair guy. My mom is kind of paranoid that way. Always double checking and making sure everything goes according to plan. She hates being taken off guard as much as I do. Maybe even more.

It means this really happened. It’s not a dream that if I pinch myself, I`m going to wake up from. Dillon really did this and the next time I see him, I’m not going to be able to say a word.

He never should’ve done this. It’s too much.

“When your father told me, I had to have him repeat it three times, Caddy. I didn’t believe it. I’m not sure even after looking into myself, I believe it.”

The surgery, the stay in the hospital afterward; along with the fitting of the implant in a few weeks when I get the all clear from my doctor, the insurance company didn’t pay for any of it.

Dillon did.

I’m not sure how someone goes about doing something like that, especially when it’s all based around coverage, but the particulars don’t really matter. It’s that he did it at all.

He’s made no secret about being the sole beneficiary of all the money that his dad stored away. Money that he told me he never wanted to touch and felt really sick over using when his walked out on his mom. It tore at a wound that even with a year passing, I know for a fact isn’t closed. Nothing with his dad is.

He’s not aware he’s doing it, but our night in the hotel, when we did fall asleep together, I woke up to him thrashing around in the bed and moaning in his sleep. The fighting, the beatings he lived through, both from the guys he went up against and Bruce, they’re all still front and center for him no matter how deeply he tries to bury them.

My heart breaks for him. It’s been breaking for him because of this for a year, but getting to see it firsthand, wondering if this is how he’s been even before I came into his life, it’s really hard to take. It’s also extremely difficult to stay quiet about, but I do it because any reminder, even from me, will only upset everything.

Knowing he went against what he told me and my mom when he first found out about the money, paying for the implants, it shakes me to the core. It’s too much and unnecessary and only going to cause trouble in the end.

He should have never done it.

“Cadence, where is he right now?”

“Class or practice. Why?”

“You’re supposed to be going to the movies with him tonight, right?”

“Yeah.”

That’s exactly what we were supposed to be doing, but something that now, I’m not so sure I can go through with. I mean how am I supposed to look at him now that I know what he did for me? For my family?  How can I paste a smile on my face and pretend that I don’t feel like Dillon’s little charity case?

“You need to text him. Let him know that as soon as he’s free, I need to see him.” When she catches the scowl on my face, she shakes her head. “I know this is a lot and you don’t want me to bring it up, but it needs to be done. I need to understand what would possess him to do this.”

“Is there any way to undo what he did?”

“No, I’m afraid not. The payment went through just the way he wanted it to. I’m going to assume that when he decided he wanted to do this, he made sure of that most of all.”

Dillon can be shrewd. He spent a long time being that way with people he thought were weaker or somehow less than him. I’ve seen it firsthand, but I don’t know how I feel about him doing it with me. There’s no doubt that he knows my family well after spending so much time with us, but I’m not sure with the way he feels about me that he would have thought it out that far.

At least that’s what my heart wants to believe. My head is a whole other story. He didn’t want us to fix it, so he made sure we couldn’t.

“I’ll text him, but I can’t promise he’ll answer right away.”

“Whenever he answers is fine.”

Maybe for her it is, but it most definitely isn’t for me.

Going back into the kitchen and grabbing my phone off the counter, I go straight into the messages and start typing, Based on the little I do know about his classes and then the way his Coach has him practicing every day, sometimes twice with the morning one he tacked on, right now he should be on the field.

Hey. Mom asked me to text you to find out if you could come over a little earlier tonight.

His answer is almost immediate. The screen lights up and his words glare at me across the screen, but do nothing for the fragile state of my heart. Dillon loves me, I know this, but there’s no shaking the feeling that I’m a problem he needs to fix and not his girlfriend the way I should be.

Yeah. Just finishing up here. Be there soon. Can’t wait to get my arms around you.

All I could think about when I was at school today, was him doing exactly like his text said. It made me lose focus in a bunch of different classes and I didn’t care.

I still want to have him here, but the excitement over it with what I just found out, how it makes me feel inside even if I am taking it all wrong and he was just trying to do something nice, it’s obliterated.

Now I’m not even sure this date night should happen at all.

Dillon

This is how I operate. I see something I want, or in this case; I need to do and nothing gets in my way. It’s been this way forever and I don’t see a reason to change it. At least I didn’t until I got to the Taylor house and both women laid into me.

Maybe laid into isn’t right word, not for Sarah anyway, but until I get Cadence alone, I won’t know if it’s the right word for her. All I know is that what I put in motion the day of her surgery, it’s come back around and bit me in the ass.

When I do something right, there’s this all over feeling of being weightless that I experience and just like in high school, when I make the wrong move, do something so wrong that you wonder if it can ever be undone, I’m so twisted in knots I don’t even feel like completely human anymore. I’m torn to shreds, generally pulled apart and I ache everywhere.

With the pain I’m having with my knee, the last damn thing I need is to ache even more than I already do, but that’s not what happens at all. It’s like a combination of good and bad and something I’ve never dealt with before.

I feel a knot in my chest because Caddy looks so fucking sad and I know I’m the cause of it, but I don’t feel ripped apart. I feel light because despite how weird they find what I did; how out of left field it is, it was the right call.

We’ve been standing here for about a half hour and nothing is resolved. I haven’t gotten one thank you—not that I’m even looking for it—and everyone just seems on edge.

I really need to get Cadence alone. I’ll kiss this shit out of her if I have to. I just need her to not look so damn sad. She’s been through the worst of it and the rest is paid for regardless of how it turns out, so we should be celebrating that instead of having this conversation.

“The money my dad left me, you know how I feel about it. I hate anything that is even remotely attached to that asshole, Sarah. I started thinking about it and what better way to use it then something like this?”

“Even though it was already paid for by the insurance company?”

“Not all of it was going to be covered.”

“That is none of your concern.”

I’ve hit a nerve. I know about their financial situation a lot more than I did when I decided to do this. Sarah and her husband aren’t hurting or anything, but paying what the insurance company wouldn’t cover, it was going to take years, no matter how much she wants to argue otherwise. 

What I did was definitely the right move.

“You’re right, it’s not, but it’s not like I can go back and forget that I know it.”

“What I need to understand is why you felt that you couldn’t come talk to us about this before doing it.”

“Would you have let me if I did?”

Her gaze shifts off me and I know I’ve got her. She wouldn’t have let me, which is exactly why I went ahead with it. I saw something I could do for the girl I love more than life, a way that I could help her entire family and I took it. No way that’s wrong and even if I could go back now and change it, I wouldn’t.

I’d do the same damn thing because Cadence Taylor is worth it.

She’s worth everything.

“How much did you pay?” Caddy speaks up, moving out from where she’s half hidden behind her mom and giving me an unobstructed view, one that even in a tense moment like this, drives me crazy.

“Dillon, don’t tell her.”

With the way Caddy is facing me, she has no idea what her mom has said and it would be so easy right now to just give my girl some bullshit answer or even blow it off completely, but I don’t work that way. Not anymore. If Cadence wants to know how much I paid, I’m damn well gonna tell her.

“You sure you wanna know?”

“I asked you, didn’t I?”

“Seventy-five thousand dollars.”

She takes a step back and I immediately move forward at the same time as Sarah to attempt to right her. I knew this was going to be her reaction. I didn’t just pay for the surgery and the device though and that’s what I have to make her understand now. This covers everything from the start right up until the end.

“No, you wouldn’t spend that much for me. That’s insane.”

No more insane then what I would have spent the money on a year ago, but with the sad look in her eyes just getting worse as it turns into shock, there’s no way I’m telling her that.

“Do we need to go through the entire speech where I introduce myself to you again, baby? You knew what kind of person you were getting with when you agreed to be with me.”

Please let this relax her enough to smile.

I know this is a lot for her to take in and maybe I jumped the gun doing it, but there’s no reason for her not to smile right now. I did this for her, for us and as for the money, I don’t even miss it. It was never meant to be mine.

It was always meant to be right where it is now.

“Dillon, I know why you want to make light of this, but what you did is not something we can just glaze over.”

“I know. I’m not trying to gloss over it. I just want my girl to smile again. Standing here and watching her frown, like she’s about to cry any second, I’m sick of it.”

Her eyes have been trained on me the entire time I spoke, which is exactly what I want her to do. She needs to hear this even if she can’t hear me yet. She needs to know what that smile of hers means to me.

I need to break through this gigantic mess I made.

“Mom, can you give us a minute?”

Resting her hand on Cadence’s shoulder, turning toward her so that I can only catch Caddy’s reaction and not her own, I wait patiently as she leans in and after a few seconds and a nod of the head from my girl in response, she turns back and makes her way over to me.

“You did a good thing, Dillon. I will never tell you that you didn’t and Cadence’s father and I are going to be in your debt for a very long time to come, but don’t you ever do something so reckless again, even if it is right. Talk to us first.”

“I will.” I promise and even though I’ve never really promised anyone a thing before, I know I’m going to keep it. If only because I don’t want to see Cadence look the way she has since I got here ever again.

It does feel pretty good hearing that she thinks it’s the right thing though. Worth every dollar.

“Go easy with her. She’s just had the shock of her life and there’s a part of her that thinks she’s not deserving. Whatever she says, just remember that.”

“I understand.”

It’s the truth, I do understand and I don’t care if she crosses the kitchen right now and starts wailing on me with her fists like last year. I’ll take it all because it’s her and she’s allowed to feel whatever she is for what I did.