Hero (10 page)

His sudden social awkwardness made sense to me now. He’d been an outcast growing up, belittled and mocked. When he wasn’t in protective mode at work or as a Dom, he still felt like that kid who didn’t quite fit in. He’d been embarrassed when he’d admitted to being a gamer, and he’d thought I was being cruel when I called him a sexy nerd.

I wanted to get up and hug him, to tell him I thought he was one of the most interesting people I’d ever met and I’d never make fun of him.

“Next question,” he prompted before I could act on my impulse. I hated the pain that was etched into his handsome features.

“That’s why you’re a Dom, isn’t it? To protect and care for subs?”

He nodded, his lips still twisted in a grimace. “And because it makes me feel powerful. I like being in control.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that,” I said gently. “You say it like it’s a bad thing.”

“It’s selfish,” he countered. “I should care more about my sub than what she can give me.”

“The D/s relationship is reciprocal. A sub enjoys the release of giving up control as much as you enjoy the high of having control. And you’re wrong,” I added. “You do care more about your submissive partner than yourself. We’ve shared two scenes now, and you’ve gotten nothing out of it.”

His eyes heated to twin blue flames. “Just because I didn’t fuck you doesn’t mean I didn’t get something out of it.”

I licked my suddenly dry lips. His gaze riveted to my mouth. The air seemed to heat around us, but a shiver raced across my skin.

“But you…” I swallowed hard and tried to speak in more than a whisper. “You didn’t get an orgasm.”

“Those were two of the hottest scenes I’ve ever had,” he said, his eyes still intent on my lips.

“But we didn’t…” I started to protest again. “Surely you’ve been in D/s relationships where you could have sex with your girlfriend.”

The heat seeped out of his eyes, leaving them as chips of blue ice. “I haven’t had a girlfriend in a long time. And I’ve never had a sub I was serious about. Not a sub who was mine, anyway.”

“What do you mean? How can you be serious about a sub who’s not yours?”

His jaw clenched, and I knew I’d asked too many questions.

“Oh. I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.”

“Do you want to talk about the man who hurt you?” he shot back.

I flinched. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I told you not to bullshit me, Chloe.”

I glared at him, challenging. “Fine. You tell me about the woman who broke your heart, and I’ll tell you about my ex-husband.” He pressed his lips together and crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s what I thought,” I hissed.

I stood abruptly. “Forget dinner. I’ll see you at the field office tomorrow.”

“Does this mean the interview is over? Did you get all the material you need for your
research
?” he placed scornful emphasis on the last.

That was the final straw. “You might think it’s silly, but I take my career seriously,” I seethed. “ And you know what? I don’t care what you think. I don’t need a man’s approval to validate what I do.”

Angry tears burned behind my eyes, and I stalked away from him before they could fall. Everything kept coming back to Neil, and it was all Dex’s fault. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him. I’d shadow him for my Latin Kings story, but after that I was done with him. I didn’t need a man like Dex in my life.

A
s soon as
Chloe walked away, my anger began to deflate. Her eyes had been shining in the few seconds before she turned away from me. I’d obviously stirred up her dark memories again. Why did I keep doing that? I didn’t want her to be scared or sad around me. I wanted her to feel safe.

But she’d hit a nerve, and I’d hit back. It wasn’t like me to be spiteful, but where Katie was concerned, I’d found I’d do all sorts of ugly things in response to my soul-deep pain. It was why I’d closed myself off from almost everyone, why I fucked women without really caring about them. And knowing that I was being so callous only made the ragged hole in my heart rip a little wider.

The two scenes I’d shared with Chloe had meant something. I’d been helping her. It gave me a sense of fulfillment I hadn’t known since before I met Katie, before I fell hard for her and committed my heart to her.

As soon as Katie stepped into my life as my partner at the Bureau, I’d known she was the one for me. But I’d been worried I’d scare her off with what I truly needed from her: submission. She wore thick armor to convince everyone around her that she was hard enough to handle the sick cases we worked on the Violent Crimes Task Force. But it had been the fragility beneath that armor that called to me. I’d worried she’d run from me when she learned I wanted to strip away that armor and have the woman underneath. I’d waited, inserting myself into her life as her best friend, earning her trust over two long years while I waited for her to be ready for what I needed from her.

Then Reed Fucking Miller came swooping in and claimed her for himself. In a matter of weeks, he dominated her and won her trust and her heart. He’d saved her, from her inner pain and from the sadistic madman who wanted her for himself.

He
saved her. Not me.

I failed her. I don’t deserve her.
The brutal mantra played through my mind, making the center of my chest ache.

For a few days, Chloe had distracted me from the pain. Focusing on her needs had given me a sense of purpose.

But now she’d reminded me of my loss again, and I’d responded with cruelty. Not only had I reminded her of her trauma; I’d made her feel like I didn’t respect her career.

Fuck.
She didn’t deserve that.

I had to make things right.

I flagged down our server and ordered a pizza to-go, slipping him twenty dollars to make it fast. I waited impatiently for the food, my fingers knotting with anxiety. I hated the thought of Chloe crying alone in her hotel room. Crying because I’d hurt her.

Finally, I got the pizza, paid the bill, and hurried out of the restaurant. I quickly made my way into her hotel, using my FBI credentials at the front desk to get her room number. Within five minutes, I was at her door. Sucking in a fortifying breath, I knocked.

“Who is it?” she called out.

“Dex. I need to talk to you.”

“What if I don’t want to talk to you?”

“I came to apologize. And I brought pizza. You need to eat something.”

The door opened a crack, and she glared out at me. Her dark eyes were shot through with red, and mascara was smudged beneath them.

“You’re crying. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

She swiped away a fresh tear. “I’m not upset. I’m crying because I’m angry,” she said hotly.

“You’re not sad?”

“I’m pissed,” she hissed. “But I will take that pizza.”

I stared at her for a moment, befuddled. Then I held out the cardboard box like an offering. She snatched it from my hands and tried to close the door.

I braced my hand against the wood, stopping her short.

“Wait. I don’t want to leave things like this. At least let me apologize.”

“You already said
sorry
,” she sniffed, another tear falling. She wiped it away with a little growl of annoyance. “Ugh, this is so stupid. I hate angry-crying.”

“You shouldn’t be crying at all. This is my fault. Let me in. We should talk.”

“Like was talked in the restaurant?” she flung at me. “I thought you didn’t want me to
interview
you for my
research,
” she placed furious emphasis on the two words.

“I didn’t mean it that way,” I said heavily, shaking my head. “I just didn’t like talking about that part of my life, and I lashed out. Feeling like you were asking me about it for your story…” I didn’t want to say just how much that had stung. I hadn’t at all enjoyed being picked apart and examined dispassionately. “Anyway, I really am sorry.”

She studied me for a long moment, reading my face. Finally, she blew out a sigh. “I didn’t mean to pry. And I wasn’t asking you about her for my story. I wanted to know more about you. You’re one of the most interesting people I’ve ever met. And I don’t just mean that from a writer’s point of view. Sometimes I get carried away. I’m sorry, too.”

Relief rolled through me, and I gave her a small smile. “Now that you don’t hate me, would you mind sharing that pizza? I’m hungry.”

What I didn’t say was that I found her interesting, too. She intrigued me. She was confident, intelligent, and sassy enough to make me want to turn her over my knee and spank her until she melted for me.

She returned my smile almost shyly, taking a step back to let me in.

“It’s kind of a mess in here,” she warned me.

That was an understatement. Clothes were strewn everywhere, spilling out of a huge suitcase and scattering throughout the room as though the whole thing had exploded. Makeup littered the counter, and half a dozen notebooks in various sizes were stacked haphazardly on the desk.

I decided not to comment. It wasn’t like my place was immaculate. Then again, it wasn’t a disaster zone. This was one room she’d occupied for a few days. I shuddered to think what she could do to an entire apartment. I supposed it went along with being a creative type.

She shifted several shirts off the bed and motioned for me to sit beside her.

“I’m starving,” she announced, opening the pizza box and grabbing a slice. “Ow!” She jerked her hand back. “Damn, that’s hot.” She sucked her fingertips into her mouth to soothe the burn.

I found myself staring at her, watching the way her lips pouted around her fingers. A lewd image of sliding my cock into her mouth so she could suck on it flashed across my mind.

As though she could read my thoughts, she blushed and quickly removed her fingers from between her lips with a little popping noise. My dick throbbed at the sound.

Reaching out without thought, I clasped her hand in mine and lifted it to my mouth. Her eyes widened and her breath hitched as I gently blew cool air over her reddened fingertips.

“Better?” I asked, my voice coming out low and rough.

She nodded mutely.

I pressed a tender kiss against them. Before I could pull away, she tentatively traced my lips, her soft fingertips lighting up my nerve endings. Her chocolate eyes were riveted on my mouth.

I reached for her, caressing the delicate line of her jaw. She leaned into my touch, and I slid my hand into her hair, the dark, silken strands spilling over my fingers. I curved my hand around the back of her head, pulling her closer.

Her hand dropped from my lips to press against my chest. But she wasn’t pushing me away. She explored, her slim fingers tracing the lines of my muscles through my shirt.

I closed the short distance between us with a hungry growl, my lips crushing down on hers. The heat that had been building between us ever since we met ignited, exploding through my veins and sending white-hot lust shooting throughout my entire body. My cock was suddenly rock hard, aching to get inside her after being denied too many times.

She moaned into my mouth, and I took advantage of her parted lips. My tongue surged in to devour her. She kissed me with equal fervor, her lips shaping to mine as my tongue tangled with hers. Her fingers curled into my shirt, her fingernails raking across my chest. My hand firmed at the back of her head, fisting in her hair as I tipped her face back so I could plunder her mouth more thoroughly. Her touch shifted to the nape of my neck, her nails pressing into my skin as she pulled me closer, urging me to claim her.

I groaned against her, needing more, craving to take and tame the fiery woman who so enflamed me. Keeping my grip on her hair, I tugged her down to the mattress. I followed, not breaking our sensual contact as I settled my body over hers.

My hard cock pressed into her thigh. She gasped and turned her face away, tearing her way free from the kiss.

“Don’t,” she whispered.

I cupped her cheek, redirecting her face to mine. “I’m not going to hurt you,” I promised, my voice rumbling with lust. “I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. You don’t have to be scared of my cock. I don’t want you to be scared.”

“I…” she swallowed. “I haven’t touched anyone since… It’s been a long time.”

I knew what she couldn’t say: she hadn’t been with a man since she’d been violated. By her ex-husband.

The knowledge sent primal rage searing through me.

Her fingertips touched my jaw, calling me back to her before my anger could fully take hold of my mind.

“It’s okay,” she said softly. “I don’t want to think about that. I want to be here. With you.” Her hand snaked between us, and she boldly caressed the length of my cock through my jeans.

“You don’t have to do this,” I struggled to control myself. All my instincts told me to rock my hips into her, to grind my dick against her pussy to get her as hot for me as I was for her.

“I think I want to,” she said, her voice little more than a whisper. “I think I want to touch you.”

“You
think.
You aren’t certain,” I countered. “I won’t push you into anything.”

Her chin lifted. “All right, then. I
know
I want to.” She rubbed me again, and I bit back a groan. “You don’t have any STDs, do you? Sorry if I’m ruining the moment, but I need to be sure.”

“I’m clean,” I promised. “And you’re not ruining the moment. That’s not possible.”

She smiled, and her small hands found the button on my jeans, unfastening it before pulling down my zipper. She moved quickly, eagerly, reaching into my boxers to draw me out. I hissed at the first tentative touch of her fingertips across my bare flesh. Emboldened, her hand fisted around me, and she stroked.

“Fuck, Chloe,” I ground out her name. The light contact that would usually do very little for me now sent sparks of desire shooting from the base of my spine to my head. My balls tightened, and my dick throbbed.

“I want to see you,” she said huskily.

More than happy to oblige, I rolled off her and rested my back against the headboard, sitting up so I could watch her explore me. Her mouth popped open as her eyes fastened on my cock.

“You’re so big,” she said softly, as though she barely realized she spoke aloud.

My dick jutted toward her, craving more. “I’m not going to do anything you don’t want,” I reiterated. “We can stop whenever you want.” I said the last tightly, forcing it out. I didn’t want her to stop. I wanted to hold her down while I fucked her hard.

But that wasn’t what she needed. My dominant instincts might usually tell me to claim and conquer, but right now my responsibility was her comfort. I needed to make her feel safe. I would exercise my control over myself rather than dominating her body.

“I don’t want to stop,” she said breathily, still staring at me. She licked her lips, her eyes clouding with lustful hunger.

Bracing her hands on either side of my hips, she slowly leaned down toward me. Her long hair touched my skin, the soft silk further stimulating me. It took all my determination to stop myself from rocking upward and pushing myself into her mouth. I gritted my teeth, waiting for her to be ready.

She glanced up, and her dark eyes locked on mine as her tongue flicked out to taste the drop of pre-cum that had beaded at my cockhead.

“Chloe,” I groaned her name again. But while my need tormented me, satisfaction settled in my chest. She’d gone a long time without touching a man, and she was choosing me, trusting me.

Her lips curved in a saucy smile just before she parted them to take me inside her mouth. She sucked on my cockhead, swirling her tongue around it.

“Fuck!” My fingers threaded into her hair at either side of her head, and I only barely stopped myself from pulling her down onto me. She stilled.

“I’m not going to force you,” I ground out. “But don’t tease me. If you’re going to take me, take all of me. Can you do that?”

Instead of giving a verbal answer, she slid down, her mouth slowly engulfing my dick until I hit the back of her throat. Her hand found the few inches of my shaft that wouldn’t fit inside. She stroked upward at the same time as she lifted her head, her cheeks hollowing as she sucked me all the way up to my cockhead. The flat of her tongue pressed firmly against the underside of my dick, further stimulating me.

“Good girl.” I massaged her scalp with my fingers rather than using my grip on her hair to fuck her mouth. That wasn’t what she needed right now; she needed encouragement and praise.

She responded by moaning around me as lust claimed her as well. The sound vibrated through my dick, making my balls draw tight. I sucked in a deep breath. I didn’t want to come yet. After being denied sexual gratification with Chloe during our hot scenes, it was going to take all my willpower to prevent myself from reaching orgasm within the first few minutes.

Then she began taking me in earnest, her mouth sliding over me while her hand worked the rest of my shaft. I watched her, savoring the sight of her lustful abandon as she sucked me. She was confident, beautiful. There was no fear in her eyes as she held my gaze, studying me every bit as hungrily as I studied her.

The pleasure built to a peak, and I couldn’t hold back any longer. I came with a rough shout, my cum lashing into her hot mouth. My pleasure increased when she eagerly swallowed it down, sucking me clean. As I softened, she released me, but she pressed a tender kiss against my cockhead before pulling away with a smile.

“Come here, princess,” I urged her to settle her body over mine, tucking her face against my neck. I kissed the top of her head and stroked my hand up and down her back, communicating how pleased I was with her. “I’m very proud of you.”