His and Hers and Hers (14 page)

She picked a couple of garments from the rack and slipped them over her arm. “Maybe just try a few of these to get an idea. Do you have a color preference?”

“No, I—” He twisted the handkerchief in his hands. “Gray, I think.”

“Gray’s nice.” She pointed to the curtained-off cubicles in the corner. “You can try these on over there.”

His hands shook as he took the garments. Everything about him spelled a man struggling mightily to hold on to his dignity and his sobriety. Cassie’s heart went out to him.

“I’m making some coffee in the back room. Would you like a cup?”

His eyes lit, and some of the stiffness went out of his expression. “Yes, thank you.”

“Milk and sugar, right?”

“Yes, please.”

She fixed him a cup with plenty of milk and sugar while he changed. She brought him the drink along with a doughnut she’d picked up that morning for a treat.

He took the coffee gratefully and took a huge bite of the donut. Cassie eyed the suit he had on. “That’s not bad, but it hangs on you some. How does it feel?”

“Feels fine.” He spoke through a mouthful of pastry, then swallowed hard. “It hangs, you think?”

“Yes. We can do better. Let me find something else.”

Gratitude pooled in his gaze. “Thank you.” He glanced at what remained of the doughnut as if surprised it had disappeared so quickly. “Cassie, you gave me your snack.”

“It’s all right. I can get another.” She gave him a mischievous grin. “Can I be nosy and ask what this is all about? Do you have a job interview?”

“Something more important than an interview. I’m going to see my daughter.”

“Your daughter?” Warmth flooded Cassie’s chest.

“Well, my stepdaughter, actually. But she was just a little girl when her mother and I married, and I raised her. Saw her through measles, braces, parent-teacher conferences, school plays, all of that. I considered her my daughter, and she always called me Dad. Her mom and I broke up after twelve years, and”—he lifted his shoulders—”that was that.”

“You didn’t stay in touch.”

“Well, she and her mother moved out West. The divorce was my fault. I’d already started drinking, and my wife just got to the point she couldn’t take it anymore. When we divorced, I had the perfect excuse to drink even more. It wasn’t enough for me to lose my marriage. I lost my job and then my house…but the worst of it was losing my daughter Donna.“

“And now you’ve reconnected?” This was the kind of story Cassie loved, one with a happy ending.

Walter smiled, looking handsomer than ever. “I found her on Facebook.” At Cassie’s murmur of surprise, he explained, “Anyone can use the computers at the public library. She moved back East years ago. Of course, she’s a grown woman now. Married, with a little girl. We’ve been e-mailing, and she’s driving into town tonight to meet me for dinner. That’s why I need the suit. I want to look good when I meet my Donna tonight.”

When he looked at Cassie, he read the question in her eyes, the one she wouldn’t ask for fear of humiliating him. “She doesn’t know about…well, about how I’ve been living. I don’t want her feeling sorry for me. She has her own life and doesn’t need to be troubled by my problems.”

“But that’s what family is for, isn’t it?” As though she’d know. When had she ever been part of a real family? “To share our troubles, so we don’t have to face them alone.”

“No.” His lips flattened. “My problems are all of my own making. Donna doesn’t deserve to be burdened with them.”

Cassie didn’t argue. It was enough of a miracle that he’d found Donna again after all this time. And maybe this small miracle could be the start of a bigger one—of Walter turning his life around.

She found a few other suits for him to try, and they settled on one that fit perfectly, not dark gray after all, but navy blue. Cassie matched it with a light blue shirt and a red-and-blue striped tie. As she bagged the items, Walter’s gaze fell on a multicolored silk scarf. “This would be nice for Donna.” He removed a wad of crumpled bills from his coat pocket and slowly smoothed them out, but his sorrowful expression made it clear there wasn’t enough to cover his new clothes and a gift for his daughter.

Cassie took the scarf and slipped it into the bag. “No charge.”

Walter shook his head in regret. “No, Cassie. I can’t.”

“Of course you can. Just have a wonderful evening.”

Walter smiled, and there was a light in his eyes that Cassie had never seen before. “Thanks. I hope so.”

Cassie hoped so too. She had a lot to think about after Walter left. It took tremendous courage for him to reach out to his daughter after so many years and just as much courage for Donna to want to reconnect. They didn’t let fear stand in their way.

And what’s your excuse?
All her life she’d been an outsider, a foster kid, unloved and unwanted. All she’d ever wanted was a family. Now there were two people reaching out, offering her love. Wanting her to be part of their family. And still she held back. Because of her past.

You’re a coward.

Was it really that simple? She’d broken Syd’s heart because she didn’t know if she could love anyone. The wall protecting her from hurt was too thick, too high, and too longstanding. But
she
had erected that wall, brick by brick. And she was the only one who could take it down.

Jordan and Kyla loved her. And she loved them. Of course she did. Hiding from it, pretending it wasn’t true, changed nothing. Kyla was right. It was only fear that was keeping her from being with them. She didn’t have to be an outsider anymore. She could finally belong.

If Walter could take a chance after everything he’d been through, could she do any less?

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly. Cassie felt a buzz, as though she were a little bit high. It was a high of anticipation as she made a mental list of all she needed to do on the way home. After locking up at the end of the day, she made a beeline for the liquor store, the supermarket, and the florist.

She had to set her parcels down to fish for her keys and unlock her apartment door. “Ky?” she called as she let herself in. Silence. Maybe Ky was in the bathroom or had stepped out for a bit. Cassie hurried into the living room and set the florist box of roses on the table. Red roses. Red for passion. For love. Beside it she placed a bottle of champagne.

“Kyla, you here?” There was no answer as she carried her shopping bag into the kitchen and placed the strawberries and chocolate sauce in the refrigerator. Those would come out later. After she told Kyla how much she loved her. After she admitted she wanted to be with her and Jordan for…well, forever. After she convinced Kyla to forgive Jordan so the three of them could be happy together.

No more fear.

Cassie reached into her cabinet for a couple of wineglasses. They were delicate and old, something she’d found at a flea market and saved for special occasions.

What could be more special than tonight?

It was only when she glanced at the kitchen table Cassie saw the note held in place by the napkin holder. Kyla’s loopy writing on a torn notebook page.

Cassie—It’s not working out with me here. I know I’ve been a pain in the ass. Sorry.

Ky

Chapter Twelve

He hadn’t heard Kyla’s voice in two days.

Jordan sat in his car in the lot outside Sparky’s Sports Bar and hit the speed dial on his cell phone. He figured it was a futile try, as Kyla hadn’t answered her phone since the Christmas fiasco at his parents’ house.

To his surprise, she picked up. “Hello.”

He was so startled it took a moment to find his voice. “Ky.”

“Jordan. Are you sure you have your mom and dad’s permission to talk to me?”

“Shit, Kyla. Why do you always have to get in everybody’s face? There was no reason for you to spill all that stuff about you, me, and Cassie to my family.”

“I did it because I’m not ashamed of it.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to tell the whole fuckin’ world!”

“Your mother was being a bitch to Cassie, and I stand up for the people I care about. Something you wouldn’t understand, because you have no backbone.”

“Don’t give me that shit. I told my mother she was wrong. But you were wrong to put all our business out there. And you didn’t do it to stick up for Cassie. You wanted to shock everyone. Well, congratulations. You did.”

“So what did you do?” she asked. “Deny it? Say it was all a lie? Tell them I’m crazy? I’m sure they’d believe that.”

“I didn’t tell them anything, because it’s none of their business. I don’t have to explain myself.” He didn’t tell her that his silence hadn’t kept his parents from pressing for explanations. He took a deep breath, striving not to let resentment get the best of him. “I don’t want to do this over the phone. When are you coming home so we can talk face-to-face?”

“I don’t know. I’m not sure I’m up to dealing with your face right now.”

Jordan’s throat tightened, and his face felt stiff with rage. “Whatever.” He ended the call before she could say more. Before he said something he’d regret.

He slammed the car door shut and stalked to Sparky’s front entrance, then elbowed his way through the happy-hour crowd to join his brother at the bar. “Hey, I’m glad you called. I can use a guys’ night out.” He held up a finger to signal the bartender. “So whassup with you?”

“Losing my fuckin’ mind.” Jake’s eyes were glued to the basketball game on one of the large-screen TVs above the bar. “They’re killing me at the firm. I’ve been slaving my ass off, and as soon as I get home, all Beth can do is complain
You’re never here
. Well, hey, somebody’s got to pay the bills. I don’t know why she’s complaining; she’s the one who wanted to stay home with the baby.”

Jordan asked the girl behind the bar for a beer. “It’s an adjustment, man,” he said, as though he knew what the hell he was talking about. “A big change for both of you.”

Jake snorted, his mouth twisting. “I’ll say. The kid’s crying half the night, both of us are zombies from lack of sleep, and you better believe I’m not getting any sex.” Jake swallowed what was left of his beer and clapped the empty bottle on the bar. “I need a couple of these every night just to fortify myself to face going home.” He eyed the pretty brunette serving drinks and pointed at his empty. “Another one, sweetheart.”

She smiled as she supplied another beer, and he returned the smile with a wink. “How you doin’, sugar?”

The brunette gave a little laugh. “Just fine, thanks.”

“Good, good.” Jake’s gaze flickered over the bartender and lingered just a bit too long on her breasts. “Take a little break, why don’t you, and talk with me and my brother here.”

She gave him the practiced smile she probably gave all the pushy barflies. “Sorry. Just too busy now.”

“Okay. Well, don’t forget about us over here,” Jake called as she turned away.

Jordan looked on with raised eyebrows. His Dudley Do-Right was rising to the surface. Was Jake, the new daddy, really coming on to the barmaid?

When the girl was out of earshot, Jake leaned toward Jordan. “D’you see the lips on her? I bet she gives a hell of a blowjob.”

Jordan almost spit out his beer. Sure, he’d heard plenty of raunchy talk, but it was different coming from his married older brother.

“C’mon, Jake.”

“What? My wife sure hasn’t been giving any bj’s lately. My sex life consists of jacking off in the shower. I’m sick of it. Whenever I suggest something to Beth, she looks at me like I’m a pervert. Shit, even when I try to be romantic, I can’t get any.”

Jordan took a swallow of his beer, not knowing what to say. He didn’t want to be a prude, but this was TMI. It was one thing to trash-talk among the guys, but Beth was his sister-in-law. He knew she wouldn’t appreciate Jake spilling the beans about their sex life, or lack thereof.

He tried steering the conversation elsewhere. “Hey, d’ja catch that play?” He pointed the mouth of his bottle toward the large screen.

But Jake was looking at him. “You got it made, you know?”

Jordan blinked. “Huh?”

“You and Kyla. I know Mom and Dad look down their noses at you two living together, but hell, they got no business pointing fingers. You got the right idea. None of this marriage bullshit. Before Beth and I got married, we screwed all the time. Now…phhtt.” He gave the old thumbs-down sign. “You’re getting plenty, though.”

Jordan didn’t mention that Ky was sleeping at Cassie’s and they weren’t even speaking, much less having sex.

Jake’s yammering wouldn’t let up, bringing Jordan back to the present. “What I want to know is how you got Kyla to agree to the threesome thing with that Cassie chick. Man, you are one lucky dude. I always figured that little Kyla was a pistol. She must be hot as hell in bed. Up for just about anything—”

Jordan smacked his bottle down hard on the bar. “What the fuck, Jake?”

Jake stopped, openmouthed. His face reddened as he realized what he’d said. “Shit. Sorry.”

Jordan’s anger washed away at the hopeless look on his brother’s face. “Dude, you’re overtired, overstressed. You should go home, get some rest.”

Jake stared dully at the television, his face lifeless. “Yeah.”

“Really, Jake. Come on, man up.”

Jake gave a short soundless laugh. “Man up. Right.” He cut his eyes at his kid brother. “Let me tell you something, bro. I married Beth because I knocked her up. At least that’s what she told me. Just like she
told
me, a month after the wedding, that she had a miscarriage.”

“You think she lied?”

“I have no idea.” Jake’s whole body sagged in defeat. “At that point, we were already married, our parents had spent a shitload on the wedding. What was I going to do, dump her? Fast-forward and here I am. I look at my life and wonder how the hell did I get here? How did I get in this trap?”

Jordan felt numb with sadness and something else. Disillusionment? He’d felt a twinge of jealously for Jake at Christmas, with his wife and beautiful little baby girl. Jealous of their white-picket-fence life, something Kyla wanted no part of. He’d even felt a bit embarrassed, thinking of his own unconventional arrangement with Ky and Cassie. Compared to his own life, Jake and Beth’s seemed so perfect.