His and Hers and Hers (7 page)

He nodded, still looking down at the dashboard. Kyla didn’t know what to make of his reticence and wondered if he was ashamed. She took his hand, rubbed her thumb over his palm. “You seemed to enjoy it.”

He laughed softly and sardonically, mocking the understatement. “I fucking loved it.”

“Babe, so did I.”

“But tonight, I couldn’t help wondering…what they’d think if they knew.” His shoulders slumped as if in defeat.

Anger flashed through her. At the Broughams for having such sway over Jordan’s self-esteem and at Jordan for allowing it. “It’s our life and none of their business. How would they ever find out, anyway?”

“I know.” But he didn’t sound convinced. He placed his parents on a pedestal. As though they could do no wrong. Kyla knew her outlook was cynical, because of all the crap she’d gone through as a kid, but she was also more realistic. Nobody’s relationship was perfect, including that of Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Brougham.

But the only relationship she cared about now was her own. “Are you sorry? About last night?”

He looked directly at her for the first time since they’d left his parents. “I need to ask you something. When you were alone with Cassie today, did anything happen?”

Kyla drew back in surprise. She knew what he was asking, but wondered why. “No. Not the way you mean. We had breakfast, watched a movie. Hung out. That’s all.”

He nodded. “All right.”

“You believe me, don’t you?” Anger sparked again, mixed with fear. What was going on with him? “Jordan, I wouldn’t do anything behind your back.”

“I know.” He put his arm around her, drew her against his side. She relaxed against him and felt him loosen up as well. The tension that had kept him stiff and withdrawn flowed out of him.

But now she had her own questions. Why had Jordan asked about her and Cassie? It couldn’t be jealousy. He surely couldn’t believe she’d ever replace him. She snuggled her face to the soft flannel of Jordan’s shirt, breathing in his scent. He came first with her, always would. She liked Cassie a lot, maybe even loved her. But if they had to go back to being “just friends,” then that was how it would be. Kyla wouldn’t endanger what she had with Jordan.

He obviously had regrets about what they’d done last night. That made Kyla sad, not only for him, but for her too. It wasn’t just that she was disappointed there’d be no more kinky fun with Cass. A heavy sense of loss weighted down her chest. She grieved for a missed opportunity, a chance at love that might never come again. But telling Jordan that would hurt him, make him feel diminished.

So Kyla resolved to keep her feelings to herself. Though she was pressed to his side, she suddenly felt miles away from him. She’d never kept a secret this big from him before. It felt dishonest, as though she were telling a lie.

It felt like cheating.

* * * *

He trusted Ky implicitly and knew she’d never lie to him. When she told him nothing more had happened between her and Cassie, he believed her.

Why did I ask her that?
Was he such an insecure bastard that he was threatened by the thought of his baby enjoying a little girl-on-girl? Maybe he really was the “Dud” the guys on the crew thought he was.

Or was he actually disappointed that the ladies hadn’t indulged? His Ky was an adventurous woman. She’d proven that many times since they’d hooked up. Last night she’d explored not just one, but two, of her fantasies. Maybe her curiosity about being with a woman and having a three-way had been satisfied.
Been there, done that, check it off the bucket list, and let’s move on
. Was that why he felt let down?

Because he wanted to do it again. And again.

His thoughts again went to his parents. They’d be married thirty-eight years in July. They’d made a commitment and stuck by each other through good times, bad times, six children and all. He admired them and dreamed of having that kind of relationship with Kyla. With or without marriage.

Jordan always saw himself as a one-woman man. He wasn’t a “playa” like some of the other guys, never wanted to be. Now he wanted something that would shock his neighbors, amaze his friends, and send his parents into cardiac arrest.

They were still a bit cautious around Kyla, a bit mistrustful. Too bad they weren’t as wary of their own son. Because as much as he loved Kyla, Jordan wanted to have Cassie again. To be with them both.

Chapter Six

The following Friday afternoon found Kyla at the Wishy Washy Laundromat, sorting through a basket full of dirty clothes. She grimaced as she picked up one of Jordan’s crusty socks. Yuck.
I need a hazmat suit for this
. She blessed her phone for ringing and interrupting the disgusting chore.

It was Jordan. This was just about the time he got off from work. “Hey, baby.”

“Hi, babe. Where you at?”

“The supermarket. Thought I’d pick up a few things on my way home. Just wanted to see if there’s anything we need.”

She ran through a few items then said, “I’m not home either. The stupid washer finally died, so I’m at the Laundromat.”

“Crap. I’ll take a look at it when I get home.”

“I think we’re gonna have to break down and actually call a repairman.”

“No.” Jordan was insistent. “I want to look it over first.”

Kyla rolled her eyes. It wasn’t like they couldn’t afford a repairman’s visit. Jordan just had that male pride thing going on. He worked with big machines every day and couldn’t let some household appliance get the better of him. “I’ll be home in about an hour.”

“Okay. I’ll get dinner started.”

Kyla ended the call and sighed. Groceries. Laundry. Dinner. Everyday, mundane topics. That was what they’d been doing all week, focusing on the mundane to keep from thinking about last weekend’s romp with Cassie. To avoid talking about it.

Methodically she sorted all of Jordan’s crunchy socks and nasty jeans into one pile. Once that was done, she began on his shirts.
Hold on, what’s this?

One of his T-shirts had a red streak near the collar.
What the hell?
She held it up and examined the stain more closely. For a moment boiling jealousy surged through her. But the red mark was only jelly, most likely dribbled there from a doughnut that gave way.

Kyla laughed softly to herself, shaking her head in relief. How stupid. Jordan wasn’t the kind of man who’d let some bitch kiss on him. Her laughter stopped abruptly as she remembered that he’d kissed, and done much more, with Cassie.

Those memories sent a different rush of heat through her, one that had nothing to do with jealousy. Their threesome was hot and sexy and tender, yet thinking of it now also made Kyla sad. Cassie wasn’t some faceless hoochie. She was their friend. And Kyla hadn’t spoken to her all week. Hadn’t called her once.

She didn’t know what to do. She and Jordan were still sorting out their feelings, dancing around each other. But it was a shitty move, treating Cassie like a booty call, and Kyla felt guilty as hell. Cass didn’t deserve to be frozen out like some nasty hookup they just wanted to forget.

The more she thought about it, the guiltier she felt. And the more pissed off, at Jordan and herself, for acting like a couple of babies.

“The hell with this,” she muttered, scooping up the dirty clothes and dumping them back in the basket. Laundry would just have to wait. She needed to talk to Cassie.

* * * *

Jordan aimlessly pushed his shopping cart down the aisle. Though he’d spoken to Ky only a few minutes ago, he couldn’t quite remember what she told him they needed. Paper towels, had she said? Ah, what the hell? He tossed a couple of rolls into the cart.

Lately his concentration was shot to hell. Maybe because it took so much of it to act as if everything was normal between him and Kyla. Pretending that their threesome with Cassie had never happened.

As he turned into the next aisle he spotted a tall blonde near the detergent. Jordan froze.
Shit
. Was it Cassie? Quickly he backed up, retreating to the row of paper products. He shook his head, thoroughly disgusted with himself.
Chickenshit much?

If it was Cassie, he wouldn’t blame her if she greeted him with a punch in the gut. He had it coming for being such a putz. He was ashamed of himself—not for the threesome, but for the way he and Ky had treated her since then.

He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders.
Grow a friggin’ pair, would you, Brougham?
He headed back to the cleaning aisle, almost hoping the blonde was Cassie and that she’d deliver the sucker punch he so richly deserved. Maybe then he could stop feeling so guilty.

Now the blonde was facing him, and a cool wave of relief washed over him. It wasn’t Cassie. The woman noticed him looking at her and gave him a smile as she rolled her cart past his. He nodded back and quickly looked away. She was pretty, this one, maybe even beautiful, but her cool, remote beauty couldn’t compare to Cassie’s warmth.

Enough of this shit
. With new purpose, he wheeled his cart to the nearest checkout lane. As soon as he paid for and packed up his items, he’d call Cassie.

* * * *

Cassie closed the shop but was in no hurry to head home. She had no plans, nothing to look forward to but a long, lonely weekend. Especially since she didn’t know when Kyla and Jordan might contact her. Or if they would, ever again.

She picked up a sandwich and coffee at the corner minimart and headed down the next block. She couldn’t help but smile seeing the Christmas items displayed in storefronts, though it was weeks yet till Thanksgiving. Jordan had been right about the holiday season being rushed.

Walter was in his usual spot. He nodded a greeting and took the coffee and sandwich she handed him with a murmured thank-you. There was nothing obsequious about Walter. He had a certain dignity, as though he were bestowing a favor instead of accepting charity.

“Still staying at the mission?” she asked, making conversation. She needed human conversation, companionship. She dreaded the thought of her empty apartment.

“I’ve moved up to Holy Spirit Episcopal,” he informed her after checking the contents of his sandwich. “Not as many thieves there.”

“Well, that’s good.” Cassie wondered what he had to steal. Walter didn’t even have a shopping cart. All his worldly possessions must be kept in the pockets of his long coat.

“Mm-hmm.” Walter chewed his sandwich and gave her a look of sympathy, as though he knew why she lingered with him, reluctant to leave. He knew loneliness too. “How are
you
doing?”

“Oh, I’m…fine.” She nodded at the carnation in the lapel of his coat, wondering where he’d gotten it. “I like your flower.”

He plucked it from his buttonhole and handed it to her. “For you.”

“Oh, Walter.” She looked down at the carnation and back at him, touched. “Thank you.”

“You’re very welcome.” He nodded, gently dismissing her. “You take care, now, Cassie.”

“Good night, Walter.”

Cassie drifted down the block, twirling the flower in her fingers. She felt lighter, less alone.

She wasn’t sure why she was so drawn to Walter. Maybe it was his proud demeanor, in spite of his homelessness. Or it might be that he made her think of her parents.

If that were the case, why didn’t she avoid him? Her parents had abandoned her, and she’d lost touch with them years ago. She didn’t even know their whereabouts.

But part of her still wondered if they were safe. If they were cold or hungry. Though they hadn’t cared for her, the lonely child in Cassie wanted to care for them. To make them love her, even as she despised them for throwing her away.

She was almost at the corner when she heard someone call her name. Turning, she saw Kyla hurrying up the sidewalk to catch up.

Cassie’s heart lurched in both happiness and fear. She licked her dry lips and tried to smile. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Kyla was breathless. “I thought you’d still be at the shop. I stopped by, and you’d already closed.”

“Oh. We close a little earlier on Fridays.”

“I’m glad I caught you, then.” Kyla’s face was serious and intense. She was a woman with a purpose. “We need to talk.”

“All right.” Cassie felt queasy with apprehension. “Let’s go back to the shop.”

Kyla was silent as she accompanied her back to New Again, and Cassie’s skin felt clammy with dread. Kyla had come to say good-bye. Cassie heard herself talking rapidly, breathlessly, as she unlocked the door, trying to forestall the inevitable. “I’m glad you came by. Someone dropped off a bunch of books today. I put aside a few I thought you’d like.” She hoped her voice didn’t betray her nervous trembling.

“Let’s go in back.” Kyla glanced at the plate-glass window looking out at the sidewalk. “It’s more private.”

There was no one on the street to see them, but Cassie didn’t argue. “All right.” Her tongue felt thick, her hands cold. She led the way to the back room. Then, gathering all her courage, she turned to her friend. “I don’t want what happened to—”

Kyla spoke at the same time. “I’ve been an asshole.”

Cassie blinked. “What?”

Kyla’s mouth was bunched in frustration. “We both have. Jordan and me. I’m sorry, Cass.”

“What for?”

“For not coming by, not calling all week. Leaving you hanging. It was really shitty. You must think we’re a couple of scumbags.”

“No.” Cassie shook her head. “I’d never feel that way about you and Jordan.”

“You’re our friend, and we treated you like some one-night stand.” Kyla shook her head, her eyes cast down in shame.

“Am I still your friend?” Cassie had to know.

Kyla’s gaze shot upward. “Of course you are.”

“I wasn’t sure. I got scared when I didn’t hear from you guys, and I thought…maybe you were angry, or you blamed me…”

“Blame you? Why?”

“Well, I started it,” Cassie stammered. “When I kissed you…”

They were both silent, remembering that kiss. Cassie’s lips tingled, as though experiencing the feel of Kyla’s soft mouth again. The hush between them felt heavy, like the atmosphere preceding a thunderstorm.