Hookup List (10 page)

“Night, kid,” he said.

“Yeah, night.” I replied. I stopped myself just as I was about to say “Aaron.” Dangit. For a moment there I had felt like I was talking to my brother and he was giving me his usual combination of sympathy, support, advice, and threats for what would happen if I didn’t take care of myself. I had forgotten how much I missed Aaron. I hadn’t talked to him since before school had started. I supposed college, soccer, and keeping in touch with his girlfriend were keeping him plenty distracted. I wished I could have talked to him more, though.

I fell asleep. I slept so deeply and dreamlessly that I might as well have been dead.

It was a ray of light that finally woke me up. I opened my eyes a crack and then groaned as a pounding headache and a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach overwhelmed me. I covered my eyes with my hands and tried to recall where I was. What had happened last night? I remembered a flurry of female bodies and then going to a party. What had happened after that? I wracked my brain but only brief snapshots came back to me. Where was I? And why did my balls feel like they had been pulverized for the past 10 hours? The dull, throbbing sensation between my legs didn’t help my stomach. I suddenly needed to throw up.

I grabbed the bucket beside me and vomited into it. I heard David say, “What’s going on? You okay... oh shit.”

I vomited again and then looked up. David was staring up at a tall grey-haired man. I knew instantly that it was David’s father and from the outraged look on his face, he wasn’t at all happy that a stranger had just thrown up in his house.

“Someone better tell me right now what this boy is doing in my house,” Mr. Reagan seethed.

David and Faith exchanged unsettled looks. This was not going well. I would have said something but it was all I could do to avoid vomiting again. I rested my arms on the kitchen table and buried my head in them. This was going to be an awkward conversation.

As soon as Mr. Reagan had seen me throw up he stormed upstairs and told David to bring me up to the kitchen when I could control my stomach. David had tossed me one of his tee-shirts and dragged me upstairs. The shirt smelled different than I was used to, I guess as a result of David laundry detergent. It was weird to smell like a different dude, though I supposed anything that covered up the stench of vomit was a good thing.

“Well?” Mr. Reagan prompted.

“It was all my fault,” I said, summoning the strength to look up a little and speaking quickly so I could go back to focusing on not puking as soon as possible. “I had too much to drink so your children decided to bring me home instead of letting me drive drunk or sleep on the street.”

“
Uh-huh, and why didn’t my children tell me that last night?” Mr. Reagan responded, glaring at his David and Faith. “Why didn’t they just take you back to your own home?”

“We didn’t want to get Nate in trouble with his parents,” Faith said. “I’m sorry we didn’t tell you, Dad.”

“Well I’m sorry too,” he responded. “Nate, I’m going to have to call your parents. You’re too young to be drinking and if you were my kid I’d want to know about it. What are their names? I’ve got a lot of parents from the school on the directory in my phone.” Mr. Reagan picked up his cell phone and looked at me expectantly.

At that point I was willing to do anything – including braving my mom and Jerry – to get out of the uncomfortably warm kitchen and away from Mr. Reagan’s icy stare.
“Jerry and Nancy. Our last name is Caldwell,” I said.

Mr. Reagan stared at the phone for a moment and then looked at me. Some sort of peculiar look passed across his face and then he said, “I don’t know them.” He put the phone down. “Alright, I’ll let you off with a warning this time. We can talk about this more over breakfast. Faith, do you want to set the table? David, if you make the eggs I’ll get the bacon. Your mom stocked us up before she left on her business trip.”

The thought of breakfast made my stomach churn. “No thank you, sir,” I said. “I really should be going.” I just wanted to get out of that house.

I said my goodbyes to David and Faith and promised to wash and return David’s shirt. I turned down Mr. Reagan’s offer to drive me to my car at
Carly’s house as I didn’t want to risk throwing up in his vehicle. I gathered up my own shirt, holding it at arm’s length to try to avoid the smell of old vomit, and left.

Luckily, the
Reagans did not live far from Carly’s house. I slowly made my way there. Unfortunately, I didn’t remember that I was wearing the forsaken thong until I started walking down the street. I looked around for some place to take it off but there didn’t seem to be any convenient place for me to drop my pants in the residential neighborhood. I gritted my teeth and tried to walk as upright as possible to minimize the discomfort of the thin fabric squeezing my family jewels. I was just thankful that none of my friends from Southcrest could see me now. I could see D-Man and Zach rolling on the floor with laughter. I’d never live it down. Those girls were truly monsters.

I finally saw
Carly’s house. I hustled to my car and jumped in. I certainly was not about to pound on the door and demand my undershirt back; Carly was the last person that I wanted to see at that moment. As I looked up at the house, however, I noticed something usual in an upstairs window. I shaded my eyes and squinted.

No
 – it couldn’t be. Alas, it was. My boxer-briefs were hanging in the window like some sort of trophy. The girl was pure evil. I couldn’t think of her as Carly anymore; she truly was El Diablo. I shuddered and peeled out of the neighborhood.

I was right about my parents. I managed to park, sneak into my house, and shut myself in my room without even waking them up. As soon as I was in the safety of my room I yanked my pants and then the thong off. I put on a fresh pair of boxer briefs and lay down on my bed. I took deep breaths and told myself to relax. It had been one crazy night but it was all over now.

Girls. They had gotten me drunk and then made me look like a fool. What was wrong with me? I had lost my mojo. I stood up again, pulled David’s shirt off, and looked in the mirror. Even after a bender like the one I had just been on I was hot. I knew I wasn’t being biased; it was the truth. I was easily one of the best looking guys in the school. Perhaps I had just allowed myself to get caught up with the wrong group of girls. They couldn’t help themselves around me. Yeah, I needed to find myself a hot chick with a great personality. That would fix everything. I was just one good hookup away from being my old self.

I picked up my cell phone and looked at my hookup list.
Hmmm... well, supposedly Alyssa was really nice, though Sadie had said she was “nicer than a saint” and I didn’t really feel like hooking up with a saint just yet. I had some pretty dirty intentions in mind. Lilly Wong sounded like a promising prospect but I didn’t feel like jumping in bed with a nerd at the moment. Who else? There was Mandi Page. Sadie had said the girl was “too innocent” for me. Corrupting an innocent was appealing but then I recalled Mandi’s mouse-like picture. I wanted to get steamy with a girl and Mandi didn’t seem to fit that profile.

I continued reading and then my eyes suddenly fixated on one name. I instantly knew that I had found my next target. She was perfect: sexy, funny, athletic, and oh so blond. Darcy. She was exactly what I needed.

I fell back on my bed, folded my arms behind my head, and smiled. Sadie was a fool. She didn’t think I was funny enough to land Darcy? We would see about that. Hooking up with another one of Sadie’s soccer girls would send a message to the her that no one could resist me.

My phone buzzed. I glanced at it. I had gotten some sort of
Facebook notification. It was an invitation to accept Liam Hall’s friend request. Liam Hall? I wracked my brain. Oh yeah, he was the cool kid from the party last night. The invitation included a note from him asking if I wanted to meet up on Tuesday morning to lift weights on before school. I smiled. This was getting better and better. I would hook up with Darcy on Monday and then chill with Liam on Tuesday morning. Who knows? By the end of the week I could have a decent rolodex of girls on call and a brand new posse of dudes to back me up.

El Diablo had just been in a tiny detour in my journey to conquering Lakeville High School. Now I was definitely back on the right path. Nothing could possibly stand in my way.

Darcy and Morgan led me down to the physical therapy room. They giggled as they locked the door behind us and turned to face me.

“So, who wants to start?” Morgan said eagerly.

“Ladies first,” I replied in my most gallant voice.

The girls exchanged smiles. Then, in unison, they took their shirts off and tossed them aside. I was in heaven.

Darcy wore a blue bra that framed her ample bosom perfectly. The color of the bra brought out the blue in her eyes. Her skin was light and perfect. She was thin and toned and I could see the light definition of her
ab muscles. She was a Scandinavian goddess. I wanted to press my lips against her skin and kiss every part of her body.

Morgan was more exotic looking. Her pink bra stood in sharp contrast to her tanned skin. She had long, athletic legs that never seemed to stop.

“Now you,” Morgan said eagerly. I smiled. The girls were eager for the show. Well, I was ready to give it to them.

I peeled off my shirt. Morgan smiled appreciatively. Darcy actually clapped her hands like she was watching some sort of performance.

I nodded down at the girls’ legs. “Now the pants,” I said.

“We went first last time. It’s your turn this time,” Morgan said.

“Ooh, can I do it?” Darcy squealed. She walked up to me and put a finger on my chest. She let the finger trail down over my abs to my belt buckle. She started to undo my belt as she pressed her lips to my chest.

Morgan discarded her jeans. She was wearing pink lace panties that matched her bra. She smiled slyly and walked up behind me. I felt her hands rest on my shoulders and then I felt her breasts press up against my back. She began to kiss my neck.

Darcy undid the button on my jeans and let my pants fall to the floor. She wrapped her fingers around my package. As she began to probe and stroke my manhood I reached around her and undid her bra clasp. Her bra fell to the floor.

Darcy pushed her jeans off. I turned to face Morgan and help her out of her pesky bra. While I did I felt Darcy pull my boxer briefs off. “Time to play with Nathan Junior!” she exclaimed.

The girls led me one of the therapy tables and there I learned three things. The first was that the girls were willing to do the dirtiest things my mind was capable of dreaming up. The second was they were very, very appreciative lovers. The third was that the forbidden fruit was always the tastiest.

The events that had led up to this glorious moment had transpired five hours earlier as I hung out with a few of the soccer guys in the Lakeville student commons.

“You’re a lucky man,” I said to Noah. I nodded at Darcy. “Your girlfriend seems like a cool chick.”

Darcy was, at that moment, on the other side of the commons trying to catch a dollar that a group of sophomore boys had tied to a string. No joke – she was actually chasing the dollar around the commons. Every time she got close the boys would reel the dollar in. The look of confused frustration on her face was priceless.

“Yeah, I know,” Noah said. “Hey dude, did you really puke on El Diablo?”

“Yep,” I said impatiently. I didn’t want to talk about El Diablo. Instead, I wanted to figure out a way to get Noah to give me the okay to pursue his girlfriend. Noah was, unfortunately, a friend. He had always been nice to me when he was hanging out with Aaron and me. I couldn’t break the bro code and steal his girl unless he allowed it. How was I going to convince him to give me permission?

Noah laughed. “That’s rough,” he said. “You shot yourself in the foot, or maybe the dick, ‘cause no girl at this school is going to want to go out with you now.”

I opened my mouth to refute that statement when there was a commotion in the middle of the commons. A large group of girls had suddenly become engrossed in what appeared to be several newspapers. They pointed at something on the newspaper pages and argued rapidly with each other.

“What’s going on?” Dylan asked, sidling up to Noah and me.

“
Dunno,” Noah said. “Hey kid,” he called to a little freshman boy who was hurrying away with a newspaper. “Give us that paper.”

The freshman froze and stared at us. A terrified look passed through his eyes. He let out a high-pitched squeak, tossed the newspaper to Noah, and darted away.

Noah chuckled and opened up the paper. Dylan and I read it over his shoulder.

The Hottie List - By Little Miss Aphrodite

My fellow students,

One year ago today our school was changed forever. Sadie Anderson, captain of the soon-to-be state championship soccer team, created a “Kiss List” with her friends. This Kiss List was mired in secrecy for most of the year but then, just before the last day of school, her secret was
outed and the Kiss List became public knowledge.

Whether you applaud her for her spunk or condemn her for her audacity, you have to admit: the girl’s got good taste. She managed to pick the hottest boys in school and then walked away with Aaron Caldwell, the best of them all.

In the spirit of the Kiss List, this anonymous contributor has assembled a new list of the hottest boys in each class. Go get ‘em girls!

Freshman Boys

Scotty Grover: Little brother of last year’s swim team captain, the combination of him and his skimpy swimsuit are the reason why swim meets have record attendance this year

Cooper Kelley: A soccer prodigy and the cutest boy in school, he causes the biggest buzz amongst the freshman girls

Zac Knight: Little brother of last year’s homecoming king, he should never be allowed to take those tight football pants off... unless he’s in your bedroom

Sophomore Boys

Darnell Tucker: Basketball star and ladies’ MVP

Milo Cruz: Smooth-talking stud and a certified genius, this boy grew a foot over the summer and rocks the smart-boy look like none other

Clint Harrison: Hot southern boy and a true gentleman

Junior Boys

Nate Caldwell: Little brother of the hottest guy to ever walk Lakeville’s halls, this is the one boy who could actually rival the renowned Aaron Caldwell for the title of All-Time Hottie

Bryson London: Tall, dark, and oh so handsome, this boy’s eyes will make any girl melt

Sam Queen: OMG, enough said, he is already a legendary hottie at Lakeville

Senior Boys

Chris & Liam Hall (according to official Kiss List rules, twins count as one): Two identical brothers who each could give Zac Efron a run for his money

David Reagan: Best body in school and a favorite of the Lakeville soccer girls

Paul Stedman: Might as well be Taylor Lautner’s twin, he was rumored to have given Aaron Caldwell his greatest challenge to capturing Sadie’s heart

Noah looked at me in amazement. “You ugly bitch,” he said.

“Not according to that,” I said, nodding at the newspaper. I was just pissed that Bryson’s name was next to mine. How had he gotten on the list? Was he really that good looking? I hadn’t noticed. Sure, he was an athletic-looking dude, but surely he did not belong on the same page as me.

“Oh God,” Dylan groaned. “This is going to make girls even more eager to hook up with you.”

I smiled back at him.

Dylan snatched the paper out of Noah’s hands. “Sadie is going to want to hear about this. She’s not going to be happy about the Kiss List being in the school paper. Who the hell is Little Miss Aphrodite?” he said and stormed off.

“Sure, run to Sadie, it’s your loss,” I yelled to him. “If you stick around you might have a chance at hooking up with some of the chicks that flock to see me.”

Dylan ignored me.

“Seriously, who did you have to sleep with to get on that list?” Noah asked. “If I knew I could get drunk and vomit on a girl I would have done it a long time ago... maybe.”

“I don’t know, dude,” I said. I slapped him on the shoulder. “I’m just blessed I guess.”

When Noah didn’t smile, though, I knew something was wrong. The kid always smiled.

“What’s up with you?” I asked.

Noah looked over at Darcy. She had given up her dollar chase and was reading one of the newspapers. “Nothing, man,” he said. “I just wonder how much longer Darcy is going to go out with me, you
know? We’re both graduating this year and there’s no way I can get into the same schools she’s thinking about. She’s way too smart for me.”

I looked back at Darcy.
Too smart? The girl had just been chasing a buck on a string. “And I suppose not having your name on the list didn’t help things,” I said, realizing why Noah looked so upset.

“Darcy’s, like, the hottest girl in school,” Noah said morosely. “She’s way out of my league, she just didn’t know it. Now she does.”

“Hmmm... maybe I can help with that,” I said. A brilliant idea had just occurred to me. “What if Darcy were to hook up with a guy on the list and be a little less than satisfied with his performance? Say, some awkward flirting and a piss poor kiss. You might be looking pretty good to her after that.”

Noah looked at me in confusion. “What do you mean?” he asked.

Wow this kid was dense. “I’m saying I could try to hookup with Darcy and do a crappy job of it,” I said. “Think about it. She would realize what a great catch you are. It’s foolproof.”

Noah looked skeptical. “I don’t know,” he said. “I don’t want you hooking up with my girl.”

“It wouldn’t be a real hookup,” I said. “I would fumble the whole thing. Trust me.”

Noah looked back at Darcy. “Okay,” he said. “So long as you promise to not actually do anything with her then yeah, I guess it’s worth a shot. Thanks.”

Walking through the commons towards Darcy was a bit like parting the red sea. People turned and saw me and automatically took several steps back. It was a if they were in awe or something. Apparently the title of “All-Time Hottie” more than made up for vomiting on a girl in the middle of a party.

Not everyone was suddenly shy around me, howev
er. Just before I reached Darcy a dark-haired girl swept across the path in front of me. Morgan. I looked her over. The girl was looking particularly fine today and it seemed she had something on her mind.

“I hear you’re in the running for All-Time
Hottie,” she said.

“News travels fast, I guess,” I said with a grin.

“Too bad I couldn’t find out for myself,” she said. “We were interrupted before I had time to do a closer inspection.”

Morgan leaned into me and put her mouth next to my ear.

“How about we find someplace a little more private to finish up,” she whispered seductively.

“Thanks, but maybe later,” I said. “I sort of had Darcy in mind at the moment.
Doing a favor for a friend. You know how it is.”

“Hmmm...” Morgan said. “Well, maybe we can work something out.” I felt her hand slip between my legs. She gently squeezed my manhood. “Did you know we’re studying anatomy right now in biology? I think both Darcy and I would like to do some extra credit studying.”

A thrill of excitement went through my body. Was she proposing what I thought she was? “I don’t want to do anything that would get Darcy in trouble,” I said in my most convincing voice. There. I was on record.

“Don’t worry about it,” Morgan said soothingly. “I’ll talk to her. Darcy likes Noah but both of us would to get a little more experience before we go off to college, if you know what I mean. As long as you don’t mind the fact that we’re pretty much just using you for your body, how about meeting us by the west entrance during 6th period?”

They just wanted to use my body with no strings attached? Perfect. “I’ll be there,” I said.

That was how I found myself lying naked on a physical therapy table five hours later with two naked girls on top of me.

“That was amazing,” Morgan gasped. She continued to rub my body – particularly the area below my waist – fondly with her hands. “You were amazing.”

“I didn’t know that’s how some of that stuff worked,” Darcy said seriously.

I grinned. “You were pretty good yourselves, ladies,” I said. What they lacked in experience they more than made up for in enthusiasm. I slapped both girls lightly on their bare rears. “We’ll have to do this again soon.”

“I’ve got ten minutes before my
seventh period starts,” Darcy said.

“Same thing,” Morgan said. She grinned slyly. “Do you think Nathan Junior is up for another round?”

My life was amazing. “It looks that way,” I said. Going without a girlfriend for so long certainly had its perks. “Alright girls, let’s have some more fun.”

The girls and I got busy. I did feel a momentary pang of sympathy for Noah but that was quickly overcome by much, much more pleasant sensations. If this was what betraying Noah felt like, then I planned to do it as often as possible.