Hot Laps (34 page)

I would often drink orange juice first thing in the morning without eating.

As you can imagine, I would throw up on the way to school from all that acid.

Did it stop me from drinking orange juice?

Nope. Still did it.

And at least once a month, I puked from doing this.

My point?

I’m a puker. But usually only with orange juice.

I also never get hot. I’m usually cold. Even when it’s over a hundred, I’ve been known
to be wearing a sweatshirt.

So when I started sweating, and puking, I actually thought I had some sort of an infection
from that snake bite a month ago.

Never ever in my wildest dreams did I think I was pregnant. Never. Just never crossed
my mind.

So imagine my surprise when I went to the doctor that morning in late May and he told
me that no, I didn’t have an infection but was, in fact, pregnant. Eight weeks pregnant.

Guess who, when she decided to travel around with Casten and avoid real life, got
pregnant because I forgot to get my shot mid-April like I supposed to.

I was so upset with myself. I don’t know how I ever got myself into this mess and
it just pissed me off.

Of course I got pregnant. Only that shit happens to me.

All these years I was having sex and now when I get into a “committed” sex relationship
I get knocked up.

Then I got confused and couldn’t figure out the math on it all. I hadn’t known Casten
eight weeks and before him I hadn’t had sex in at least two months. He had to show
me that you are actually counting from the first day of your period. That meant I
got pregnant in the fuck fort, not when we were traveling.

Stupid doctor even gave me a due date. December twenty-sixth.

Here’s an insight into my own personal dysfunctional personality. I didn’t believe
the doctor. I thought he lied to me and maybe he had confused my blood with someone
else’s.

I believed that shit so strongly that I actually told myself that I wasn’t pregnant.
Look how much I’ve drank in these supposed eight weeks. Surely no baby would still
be alive, right?

Then I went by the store, picked up some pregnancy tests and took them home. One test
wasn’t enough. No.

As I took them, about four or five on the floor at my feet, I sat there wishing for
more pee that didn’t contain that shit that was making these little damn tests turn
pink.

That’s when Adam walked into the bathroom to find me holding the sixth and final test
mid-stream.

Watching me, he didn’t close the door right away. Instead he took in the scene before
him slower than I would have liked.

“Get out.” I kicked the door shut only to have it bounce off his foot that was in
the way and slam back against my knees.

Adam knew I was pregnant. But, then again, maybe he didn’t. He was kind of dumb.

The next person I told was Anna.

I didn’t have to tell her. She came over when I called crying and wouldn’t say why.

As far as I was concerned my life is over. It was official. I was nineteen, an alcoholic
and knocked up by the boss man’s son. I would be fired. I just knew it.

When Anna walked into my apartment I was making Casten a Father’s Day card for next
month a little early. I planned on telling him then. Given that was a month away,
I just wasn’t in a hurry to share this tragic news.

“What are you doing?”

“Making Casten a Father’s Day card.”

“He’s not a father …” she gave me a confused look.

“About that …” and then I started bawling.

I hadn’t talked to Anna much. She was pissed that I went to Texas and one, didn’t
take her and two, didn’t charge my phone. Apparently Cole was arrested with cocaine
on him. His parents found out and freaked out. When I say freaked out, I mean they
went crazy and made him enroll in drug rehab. As it turned out though, he was already
admitted, voluntarily, with the help of Jameson.

Anna was a little upset because I think she was falling for that crazy, blue-eyed
coke head.

“You’re …” Anna gasped, holding her chest, “pregnant?”

I nodded, I couldn’t say it, but then I said, “I think they confused my blood with
someone else.”

She was quiet, taking the glittered card from my hands and reading my note.

Happy Father’s Day … you’re a father … by the way.

“I would say we could just get drunk,” she paused giving me a questioning glance and
then looked back at the card, “but that’s frowned upon.”

Anna has been my best friend since I was a little girl. She’s been there through everything,
including Sampson.

She never left my side that night as I cried it out with her over ice cream. I wanted
to drink so bad knew that wasn’t my best idea. We Googled babies and it listed all
this shit you couldn’t do or eat and that just sent me into more of a freak-out.

I wasn’t ready to be a mom. Two months ago I just got my first job.

Part of me didn’t intend to tell Casten. Part of me thought maybe when I woke up the
next morning it would have all been a dream.

It wasn’t and I was forced to tell him Wednesday when he invited me over to his parent’s
house for Jonah’s second birthday party.

We were outside on the deck with Jack and his friend Kylee when Jack decided to look
to his uncle for some advice.

“Why do I have a penis and Kylee has a vagina?” Jack asked Casten, looking to him
for an answer I was sure this child didn’t need from his uncle.

Kylee looked up to Casten, too, curiously waiting. I had this sudden urge to cover
her little innocent ears. There was no hope for little Jack. Willie and Tommy were
his idols. The hope for him was long gone.

Casten raised both eyebrows at the kids. “Why are you asking me this?”

Lily came running over. “Jack, we’ve been over this. It’s the difference between boys
and girls.”

If this was parenting, I wasn’t sure I was going to be able to handle this.

Lily walked away when she saw that Jonah was climbing the kitchen counter and Jameson
was letting him.

Jack was still waiting for Casten’s reply, bright eyed and pushing his blonde hair
from his eyes.

“Well, Jack,” Casten went to answer and then stopped short, smiling. “A girl has a
vagina because that’s what she was born with. You were blessed with a penis. Be thankful
for that.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s cooler. You can pee standing up and you don’t have to have babies.”

Jack smiled. “But the baby comes from my penis, right?”

Casten swallowed, and then broke out into laughter. “You should talk to your dad about
that.”

“Why?” Jack was adorable between the bright eyes and the freckles on his nose.

Casten rubbed the side of his face, thinking about his answer.

“Because
your
mother will cut
my
penis off if I talk about this with you.”

“I won’t tell her you told me,” Jack shrugged, “I’ll be four in a couple months.
I should know this stuff.”

“Casten!” Lily yelled from the other room holding Jonah by his ankles while he had
a death grip on the cabinet. “Stop talking to my son!”

“I’m helping him out.”

“No, you’re not. You’re corrupting him,” she said, looking over her shoulder at Axel
who came in with Abigale hanging on his legs. “You’re brother just told Jack a baby
comes from his penis.”

“I didn’t say that. He said that. And if you want to get technical about it, the baby
comes from your balls.” Casten leaned over to me and whispered in my ear. “We should
leave now. My brother is about to kill me.”

I couldn’t stop laughing. Or crying. At first Casten thought I was just laughing at
him and the situation but he knew damn well it had nothing to do with that.

I had to tell him.

“You okay?” he looked over at me, leaning forward and then twisting to face me on
the couch.

I couldn’t answer, afraid I wouldn’t even be able to speak, so instead I got up and
walked outside. I passed by Sway and Jameson as I did so and they both gave me that
look that told me they knew something was up.

Casten followed, jogging to catch up with me. “Pretty girl, wait up …”

I stopped once I was standing in the middle of the field we once slow danced and when
he whispered the words to “True Fine Love” to me.

I looked over at him, swallowing over the wave of nausea that has me about ready to
puke on him. He’s staring at Willie and Tommy in the pool floating together on a single
person raft. “What’s wrong?” he asked, drawing his attention back to me.

When I went to speak, I stopped breathing and forgot everything I was going to say
to him. I actually had a speech. Wrote it on my hand too but that smeared from all
my sweating.

“I’m pregnant,” I swiped at my cheeks with the back of my hand.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Uh …” he swallowed staring at me, he sighed. “You … I … what?”

“Great answer.”

We sat in silence as my words washed over him. His eyes were on Tommy and Willie again,
squinting at them. I wasn’t sure if he was trying to figure them out, or thinking
about what I just told him.

“You’re pregnant?” I saw his eyes get big as he sucked in a sharp breath, a myriad
of emotions taking over.

I tried to smile. “Surprise.”

Then I got angry. It was like a rush of anger took over, too. I needed to tell him
how pissed I was because it was of epic proportions. “I’m so pissed at you right now.”

“What did I do?”

“You knocked me up is what you did asshole.” I was surprised at how harsh my tone
was. Shocked me even.

“Me?” he pointed to his chest with his index finger and then shook his head. “No,
I didn’t.”

“Yes, you did.”

Casten said nothing, just stared at me, blinking and then blinking again. He looked
as if he was trying to swallow back a pill dry.

“Say something.” I could feel my cheeks getting redder at that point. Why they were
red was beyond me. Probably nerves. When I got nervous, my face and neck turned red
and resembled an allergic reaction.

“I … uh … uh …” he was scrambling for words that wouldn’t form.

“Okay, well, I guess that’s something.” I couldn’t meet his eyes so I looked down
at my bare feet wondering where my shoes had went. Knowing me they were in the fuck
fort where we were a couple hours ago when I should have told him.

“Shit.” His eyes held mine, heavy weights.

“Yeah.”

“Damn.” He sighed, eyes wider, his chest moving up and down with rapid breaths. He
had this strangely intense look on his face but it was also one of shock.

“Uh-huh.”

I smacked the side of his head. “What are you, a cave man?”

He backed up from me glaring slightly. “I thought you were on that shot thing?” he
waved his hands at my vagina like she was the problem.

“I was …” He looked at me, blinking, waiting for my reason. “I got bit by that snake.”

“The snake got you pregnant?” he broke in with a sigh and scratched the bridge of
his nose and then ran the back of his hand over his jaw. He was confused. “I’m confused.”

I gave him a look and he just stared at me. “You’re kidding, right?”

He just stared at me.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the father of my baby. Lucky me.

I sighed annoyed I actually had to explain this to him. “I was supposed to get my
shot but I forgot when I went on the road trip with you and got bit by the snake.”
He nodded, but his eyes were suspicious, not understanding where I was going with
this. “It was an honest mistake. A big one, but I didn’t mean to forget.”

His head hung between his shoulders as he started at the ground. “When were you supposed
to get your shot?”