How to Be a Great Lover (13 page)

Step 2
. Form the "okay" sign with both hands.

Step 3
. With a gentle and then
4

more insistent rhythm, alternate

5
encircling the head of the penis with the "okay" ring of each hand and moving each ring down his shaft.

Step 4
. As you approach the bottom with one hand, smoothly slip the other "ring" over the top.

of choice generously to both hands.

Step 2
. Hold the erect shaft with one hand.

Step 3
. Position your other lubricated hand above the head of his penis like an open-hand umbrella. Watch your nails! The ends of your fingers must flare out like the end of a trumpet.

Step 4
. With your fingers pointed down and encircling the head, lower your "umbrella" hand in a back-and-forth juicing motion (like you'd juice a lemon on a strainer) down as far as your hand will go until you reach your palm.

Step 5
. Juice on the head for a few seconds, then twist back up and start again.

Step 6
. Repeat.

TIPS FOR FANTASTIC HAND JOBS:

• Men say the three things about entering a woman that make it most pleasurable are heat, moisture, and a snug fit. That's why warm lubricant and gentle pressure are used in every technique. Your hands are creating an impostor vagina.
  
• Surveys indicate that Ode to Bryan is the favorite technique for two reasons: the twist sends them into ecstasy, and the upward, elongating stroke closely resembles what many men use to masturbate or get themselves hard.
  
• Some men are very sensitive on the glans/head area, comparable to those women who find direct clitoral stimulation too much. In this case, it is better to concentrate the motion just below the rim of the head.
  
• There are no rules about time. If it's been a while since his last sexual encounter, chances are he'll orgasm quickly. Many times a hand job is a prelude to fellatio and/or intercourse. It should last as long as you both are enjoying the experience, until you want to move on to something else, or until the "mission" is accomplished.
  
• You need to communicate with your partner and make sure you're touching him with enough pressure or force to make it exciting, but not so much that he feels uncomfortable. In the most unfortunate circumstances, a penis literally fractures during masturbation or intercourse.
  
• If you're at home, keep a towel or cloth nearby. When you're out and about, you may want to have a tissue handy. But remember, most men only ejaculate about two teaspoons of fluid unless they haven't ejaculated in a long time. A seminar favorite is using a warm or hot washcloth: after he orgasms, go prepare it. Then drape it over his entire groin area and clean him up. The warmth and wetness have a tremendous soothing effect and makes him feel very taken care of.
  

  You can't underestimate the power of your hands. And as you'll soon discover, the key to great oral sex comes with the use of a helping hand.
  

  Chapter Seven
  

  Blowing His . . . Mind!
  

  EVERY WOMAN'S GUIDE TO GREAT ORAL SEX
  

  "Learning to give great oral sex is a secret
  

  that women have been wanting to learn for centuries.
  

  It is information that women want to know, and that men love women to know."
  

  BRYCE BRITTON, FEMALE SEX THERAPIST AND SEMINAR ATTENDEE
  

  The Greatest Gift
  

  If you've come here first, before reading any of the other chapters, you're probably not alone. I've yet to meet a woman who didn't want to improve her oral sex skills. And who, may I ask, can blame us? If there is one surefire way to put a smile on a man's face, this would be it. And once you know and feel that giving your lover oral sex is 100 percent your choice, he'll appreciate the gift even more.
  

  So, why do men love it so much? It's a question I've heard asked more times than I can even remember. Not having first-person knowledge of penises and the psychology that accompanies them, we must go straight to the source for the answer.
  

  (The source I'm referring to here, ladies, is men. In spite of all evidence to the contrary at times, penises don't really have minds of their own.) A thirty-seven-year-old male physician put it quit(' succinctly: "Bad and oral sex don't occur in the same sentence.'
  

  There has been a broad range of answers to this perennial question. Some men love oral sex because it makes them stir render. As one man, a stockbroker from New York, said, "I've got my most cherished and sensitive possession in her Mouth, between her jaws and only centimeters away from her teeth! If I was ever at a loss of control, this would be the time. But that's precisely what I love about it. For me it's about the surrender of power . . . for a much greater cause."
  

  There is also a school of thought that believes oral sex isn't "real" sex at all. For these men, oral sex is a way of releasing sex ual tension without having to endure the same risks—either physically or emotionally—as intercourse.
  

  But the most common reason men enjoy oral sex is that they don't have to do anything: we women are doing it all for them, so they can simply focus on their absolute pleasure. Your mouth on his penis feels sensational and considerably more personal and intimate. As one man, a banker from Chicago, told me, "A mouth is so much more versatile than a vagina." It's true: we are much more in control of what goes on in our mouths than in our vaginas. In addition, being the visual creatures they are, men find it thrilling to watch the metamorphosis of their penises take place before their very eyes.
  

  Most importantly, I feel, oral sex is the greatest gift of intimacy a woman can bestow upon a man. Between the touch, the sight, and the sound of oral sex, it's almost a sensory overload.
  

  Many men have said it's like being in their own erotic film, only it isn't an act and they're starring with the women they love. And they are able to reach orgasm without having to physically work at it. For that reason, your giving them oral sex is truly a gift bestowed.
  

  Once again, I have to confess that I am not now, nor have I ever been, comfortable with the term "blow job." To me, it's a misnomer altogether, as there is actually no blowing involved. There are several theories as to the origin of the expression. The one I give the most credence to dates back to the late 1940s when jazz musicians referred to this act as "playing the skin flute." From there, it evolved into "blow job." Go figure. But as you become more comfortable with giving oral sex to your partner, you'll most likely find the term you're most comfortable with. And for the record, most men refer to oral sex as a "blow job."
  

  There are several secrets I'd like to impart to you on the subject of oral sex. First, the secret to your success and enjoyment in going down on your lover is in taking control. Oral sex is a lot more fun for you if you don't have to work so hard. If you are controlling the pace and the position in which his penis enters your mouth, there's very little chance of your gagging. You can decide how far that penis goes, and once you've reached your maximum level of comfort, you then simply pull it back out. As his penis becomes less foreign to your mouth, you will gradually he able to take in more of it, should that be what you desire. If you remember nothing else about performing oral sex on a man, let it be this in order for it to be done effectively, you must be in charge. This is something you do for him, not something he does for himself through you.
  

  WHY SOME WOMEN RESIST
  

  In all the years I've been doing these seminars and speaking to women about their sexual experiences, I've found that there is one obvious distinction between those women who enjoy performing fellatio with their lovers and those who don't. The women who like it are the ones who do it. The women who don't enjoy fellatio feel it is being done to them and tend to shy away from it.
  

  It Doesn't Feel Like a Request
  

  Most often a woman's first experience with oral sex comes at the request of her lover. He'll either come right out and ask to be taken care of, or sometimes just push her head in the general direction of his penis. But either way, she's not going to find a set of instructions down there, telling her what to do. In an attempt to show her what he wants, the guy will usually start thrusting himself in and out of her mouth. For most of us, this does not feel good and certainly isn't any fun. Also, a man usually doesn't know how to give precise directions or describe how and why an action feels good. Indeed, while men remember the best oral sc. or manual stimulation they've ever had, they often cannot remember exactly what happened. "I know who it was, I just can't remember what she did," as one man told me.
  

  Gagging
  

  The main reason I hear over and over again as to why women don't like oral sex is that they gag when the penis goes down their throats. Just so you know, it is a very common problem, and make no mistake, giving a man head is very much an acquired skill. Mother Nature gave us a gag reflex as a way of keeping our throats protected. A straight male friend of mine was curious to experiment, using a seminar "instructional product." After attempting several times to put the entire dildo (mind you, this one measured six inches) in his mouth and down his throat, he exclaimed, "How do women learn to do this?" Chances arc you're going to gag when performing oral sex; most women do.
  

  The skill comes in learning how to handle the gag reflex. After all, if a woman can be gagged with the proverbial spoon, for heaven's sake, what would make her think she wouldn't choke on a man's penis? It doesn't come naturally for anyone to have foreign objects plunged down their throats.
  

  Secret from Lou's Archive
  

  The deep throating that many men long for is a result of the porn industry. Let us not forget that most porn films are scripted to appeal to male fantasies. In actuality, it is rare for a woman to be able to do this.
  

  Finding That Hard to Swallow?
  

  The other reason for not giving oral sex to their lovers, women tell me, is that besides gagging, they have issues with swallowing. To swallow his semen or not to swallow it has been an ongoing drama for many women, for as long as people have been practicing oral sex. First and foremost, you should know one thing beyond a shadow of a doubt—if you don't want to swallow, you don't have to. Not swallowing won't make you a bad lover, nor will it in any way diffuse the pleasure your lover receives when he orgasms. A man who makes you believe otherwise does not deserve your gift of oral sex. Period. One woman, a sex therapist herself now in her mid-fifties, told me that she always swallowed when performing oral sex with her husband. For some reason, she no longer likes to swallow and doesn't. It's up to you, ladies.
  

  Whether you want to swallow or not, I think it only fair to tell you that men do find it a turn-on to see a woman swallow their semen. More than that, perhaps, they say that being allowed to ejaculate into a woman's mouth gives them an overwhelming feeling of acceptance, specialness, and intimacy. For this reason, it would be kinder, should you not want him to come in your mouth, to refrain from using words like "grotesque" and "disgusting" when offering an explanation as to why. Imagine how you would feel if he were to use words to that effect to describe why he didn't want to taste you.
  

  Secret from Lou's Archive
  

  I happen to have my own personal theory as to why the swallowing of semen can be challenging. First, immediately upon ejaculating, semen gels as a natural buffer against the vaginal environment, so it has a texture some women find unpleasant. Second, it is the nature of sperm to travel uphill. The little devils can't help themselves. Swallowing is a downward action, and these guys are doing everything in their power to go . . . up.
  

  As a form of compromise, many women allow their lovers to ejaculate into their mouths and then let the semen drip out the sides, rather than swallow it. The Seal and The Ring technique, which we'll discuss further on in the chapter, allows you to use your hand to catch his semen and keep it there, without him even knowing it. From his angle, it will appear as if he came in your mouth. There are plenty of other alternatives as well. One woman, an administrative assistant from San Francisco, said. "Just before he comes, I pull him out of my mouth and rub him alongside my cheek, using my warm and wet hand to keep up the contact." A male seminar attendee from New York gave me this suggestion: "My wife doesn't like me to come in her mouth, so right before I orgasm, I lightly tap her, giving her the signal. This way she knows when to pull me out."
  

  The nutritional and caloric value of a man's semen have been debated and discussed for as long as women have been giving men head. Women who enjoy swallowing will insist that semen tastes delicious, that it is high in protein and even that it makes a great facial mask. Women who won't swallow say that semen is fattening and high in sodium. The truth of the matter is, semen contains the simple sugar fructose, and one ejaculation probably contains about 6 calories.
  

  Secret from Lou's Archive
  

  After eating foods such as melon, kiwi, pineapples, celery, or strawberries, men's semen will have a lighter, sweeter taste.
  

  On the other hand, it is possible to influence the taste of semen through diet. The old saying "You are what you eat" has never been more appropriate than when it comes to the taste of intimacy (ladies, for the record, this applies to the way you taste, as well). If you want to swallow for him, but simply can't stand the way he tastes, don't give up the ship until a change in menu has been put into effect. There is still hope. The consumption of fruits will give him a lighter taste that is far more appealing than the taste you'd get if he eats broccoli, asparagus, or foods that have a high salt content. After eating red meat, semen will be thicker or gummier. Beer and hard liquor also tend to produce a bitter, unpleasant taste in the semen. And needless to say, smoking of any sort (cigarettes, marijuana, cigars, or pipes) will negatively effect the taste of intimate juices (the same goes for you, ladies). In addition, any kind of medication or vitamin can change the taste and sometimes consistency of semen.
  

  If you try a change in diet and still find it impossible to swallow, don't beat yourself (or him) up over it. Remember, swallowing is not mandatory, and in fact, only about 20 percent of women swallow during oral sex. This form of oral sex is yours and yours alone to give away. If you follow the techniques outlined here, chances are he'll be in such a state by the time he ejaculates, he won't notice or care where his semen ends up, he'll only be grateful to have had you there to release it.
  

  T he Steps
  

  The second secret I'd like to share is simple: there are five essential elements, each with a degree of variety, to use in creating an amazing oral sex experience for your lover:
  

  THE SEAL AND THE RING
  

  Your best defense against gagging whenever you take your lover's penis into your mouth is to be in control. One of the best ways to assert your control is to use what I call The Seal and The Ring: first, with your thumb and forefinger forming an adjustable "okay" sign, place your fingers around your mouth; this way you not only add length to your mouth (the average penis is five to six inches, and our average mouths are only two to three inches). This is known as The Seal. Then, with your thumb and forefinger, tighten and release the pressure, determining exactly how deeply his penis enters your mouth; this is known as The Ring.