How to Build a Fire: And Other Handy Things Your Grandfather Knew (10 page)

Cope Well
•  •  •

“Accept the fact that the bad news is coming at you and try and figure out how best to minimize the risk. When you don’t really know what to do, ask for help. If you don’t do that, you’re not being fair to yourself or anybody else.”

—F
RANK
W
ALTER

H
OW TO
H
ANDLE
B
AD
N
EWS

Step 1:
Meet it head-on. Whether on not you had prior warning that bad news was coming, don’t hide from it. Take it with your chin up. Anyone can handle good news well, but the strength of your character is judged by how you handle the not-so-good news.

Step 2:
Talk about it. Many people try to hide their misfortune from others out of shame or embarrassment or an urge to “protect,” but isolation only makes it sting more. Seek comfort from your friends or family. They’ll reassure you of their love and support, and you’ll feel emboldened to move on.

Step 3:
Take charge. If your bad news came from your boss, your sweetie, your doctor, or your financial adviser, the situation was likely beyond your control. Let’s have a quick moment of silence for how much that bites the big one. Okay, take a deep breath and know this: You’ve got more control of the situation now. Hey, at least you know about it. That’s a good start. Next, educate yourself. Learn all that you can about what happened, how to get beyond it, and how to ensure that it doesn’t happen again. You must take responsibility for what happens next.

Step 4:
Look at the bright side. Whatever the bad news, you’re still here and you’re reading this book, which is at least sort of fun, right? And chances are, someone else has had it much worse. So try not to wallow in your pain. Instead, look around you, take stock of the good things, and give thanks for what you
do
have.

More Handy Tips

• A nip of whiskey may take the initial sting away, but too many nips will only leave you with a pounding headache, plus whatever upset you in the first place. If you’re going to drink to soften the blow, do it in moderation.
  
• If you think you need more serious help, there’s no shame in that. To find a certified psychologist near you, visit
  http://locator.apa.org
  .
  

Pull Yourself Up
•  •  •

“When I was a teenager, we had to saw our own wood for the stove. After you’d do enough, you’d start to get tired, but you had to finish up the cord of wood. So you’d bow your neck and saw wood. You knew you had to go on. Most of my ventures have been not quite a success. How do I bounce back? Grit my teeth, bow my neck, and saw wood.”

—B
UCK
B
UCHANAN

H
OW TO
B
OUNCE
B
ACK
A
FTER
F
AILURE

Step 1:
Be proud that you took a chance. So things didn’t go your way, at least not this time, but you tried and that surely counts for something. The path to success is rarely a straight line. Just think, the great ballplayer Babe Ruth didn’t hit all those homers without a miss. In fact, the Bronx bomber struck out a whopping 1,330 times while at bat. The writer J. K. Rowling was divorced, unemployed, and as broke as can be when she wrote the first of the Harry Potter books. And after sending out her manuscript, it was rejected by multiple publishers before one lucky (or insightful) editor finally picked it up. And you? What will your story be? Here’s a start: You’ve failed, and you’re still here, still standing, still searching for something better. That officially makes you awesome.

Step 2:
Figure out what you did wrong. Think of your failure as a learning experience. It’s a building block necessary for your ultimate success. At least now you know what not to do, and the next time around you’ll be that much smarter and therefore that much likelier to succeed. Lesson learned. Advantage, you.

Step 3:
Figure out what you did right. Make a list of all the good decisions you made, positive attributes you brought, ideas you had that helped advance your project. Just because it didn’t pan out this time doesn’t mean it won’t ever, and just because your project failed doesn’t mean you are a failure. Separate the two ideas.

Step 4:
Try again. You can do it!

More Handy Tips

• Visualize success. As difficult as it may be, close your eyes and imagine yourself doing exactly what you set out to do. It’ll make it that much closer.
  
• Ask for help, if you need it. If you’re having a hard time pulling yourself out of your misery, your friends may be able to help. Plan a get-together, and do something fun. Or at least get some hugs.
  
• Celebrate what you do have, whether it’s your health, your family, your home, your dog, or even that you’ve got one more great day to rock this joint.
  

Give Everything
•  •  •

“We are creatures of habit. Your body adapts to hard work. Don’t be afraid of it.”

—A
NGEL
R
ODRIGUEZ

H
OW TO
W
ORK
H
ARD

Step 1:
Motivate. When your alarm goes off in the morning, it’s up to you, buddy. No one else can pull you out of bed but you. Even before your morning joe (see
this page
), start each day with a dose of self-discipline. Draw from within, get up, get out, and take on the world.

Step 2:
Set goals. Start small and go big: From hourly to daily to monthly to yearly, remind yourself of your goals throughout the day. Make a list if you can, and cross each off as you surpass it. There is little in life that is more satisfying than crossing off one goal (and writing another).

Step 3:
Love the burn. When things get harder, don’t give up. Instead, when you feel like you’ve almost reached the breaking point, recognize the feeling (whether it’s “OW!” or “I’m tired” or “My brain hurts”) and work through it. Tell yourself that’s when everyone else quits. And by even reaching that point, you’ve already bested the majority.

Step 4:
Play hard. After you put in a hard day’s work, reward yourself in some way. It’ll give you something to look forward to, and help make it all seem worth it.

More Handy Tips

• Remember, whatever your field or goal, talent means almost nothing. There are millions of naturally talented athletes sitting on their couches, eating chips, while watching the big game, and only a few stars on the field. Talent may open the door, but experience, practice, and hard work are the only ways to achieve greatness.
  

4
Prospering
•  •  •

Work hard, look smart, save well and you’ll always be secure
.

Power Up
•  •  •

“If you don’t have a suit, you look like a bum.”

—A
L
S
ULKA

H
OW TO
B
UY A
S
UIT

Step 1:
Go for a classic. Unless you already have a closet full of suits, you’ll need at least one good one that’s as versatile as possible. Keep in mind that fashions change, so don’t get suckered into the latest trend or talked into a crazy three-piece purple number. As you add to your wardrobe, you can experiment with other styles, but for now just go to a department store that fits your budget and start browsing.

Step 2:
Know the anatomy of a suit. When you’re flipping through the racks, keep your eye out for these four major style markers:

The fabric:
Buy a lightweight wool suit, which, unlike cotton or linen, can be worn year-round. Go for a darker color, if you’re hefty; a lighter color, if you’re skinny; and vertical stripes, if you’re short. Above all, avoid poly-blends, unless you plan on selling used cars. Polyester suits turn shiny.

The buttons:
You can’t go wrong with the always-stylish two-button suit. A one-buttoner is retro eighties, which you can rock with the right haircut. A three-buttoner is retro nineties, which you can rock if you’re tall and thin. If you’re at all unsure, go for the two-fer.

The vents:
Your suit should have at least one. Without a vent, your bottom will be busting out of your jacket in a way that will hurt the eyes of the people behind you. Choose a jacket with a center vent, if you’re tall or hefty; or double side vents, if you’re vertically challenged or plan on faking a British accent anytime soon. Side vents are big in Europe.

The lapel:
For a classic look, choose one with a V-shaped notch. Your other option is a wider peak lapel, which, if done correctly, can add some flair, or if done poorly, can make you look like a seventies porn star.

Step 3:
Get a perfect fit. Try on several suits, and besides trying to raise your arms above your head and sit down without blowing a button, look for these other guidelines to a good fit:

The shoulders:
They should end at the end of your shoulder. If they extend beyond your shoulder, the suit is too big and the fabric will wrinkle. If they fall short, the jacket is too small.

The chest:
With the suit buttoned, you should be able to just barely slip your closed fist between your chest and jacket. If you can fit more than your fist, it’s too big. If you can’t fit your fist at all, it’s probably too snug, Mr. Muscles.

The length:
Stand with your arms at your sides. The jacket should end at your knuckles, and you should be able to wrap your fingers underneath it. If you have to bend your arms to do so, it’s too short. If it ends at your knees, it’s too long.

The sleeves:
The cuffs should fall where your wrists meet your hands, and a quarter inch of your shirt cuff should be showing through the bottom.

The pants:
Wear them at your hips, no higher, no lower. If they catch wind when you walk, they’re too big. And when you wear them with shoes, the material should fall on top of your laces, and break, or create a horizontal crease, about one inch from the bottom. Nobody should see your socks.

Step 4:
Hire a tailor. Even if you think the suit fits pretty perfectly at the store, ask a tailor to fine-tune it for you. By the time he’s done, it’ll fit your every curve like a custom-made suit, and you’ll look like a million bucks. After he makes the alterations, try on the suit once more before you leave the store to ensure its perfection. Then wear it with pride, confident that you look as sharp as can be.

More Handy Tips

• Bring a second pair of eyes. Some suit salesmen work on commission, so while they often have good advice, it helps to have a stylish, straight-shooting friend with you who can give you an honest opinion before you buy anything.
  
• Wear a dress shirt and shoes when suit shopping. You won’t be able to tell how a suit truly fits if you’re wearing a sweatshirt and sneaks with it.
  
• Take care of your investment. Decent suits aren’t cheap, so treat them well. If you’re just starting out, buy two good ones and alternate them, being sure to hang them up between wears.
  
• Never throw a suit in the washing machine. These babies need to be dry-cleaned.
  
• Dress down a good jacket with jeans, a T-shirt, and super-fly sneakers on weekends.
  

Earn More
•  •  •

“Set your goal and have that feeling of accomplishment. Earn your stature. Get a career and progress. If you’re successful, there’s nothing better.”

—B
OB
K
ELLY

H
OW TO
G
ET A
R
AISE

Step 1:
Work hard. Before you even think of asking for more money, prove to yourself and your boss that you’re worth more than your current salary. Take on more work, shoulder more responsibility, show initiative, and keep a positive attitude. You need to make yourself invaluable before you ask for extra love.

Step 2:
Master your timing. Don’t waltz into your boss’s office immediately after your company has suffered a major loss or been sold to new owners. Instead, do it when times are good or after you’ve hit a home run.

Step 3:
Make your case. The fact that the landlord just jacked up your rent, or your daughter needs braces, or you really want to go to Tulúm with your sweetie this summer means absolutely nothing to your boss, and bringing those things up will only make you seem icky and unprofessional. Instead, begin the conversation by listing your actual accomplishments and quantifiable successes. For instance, “I brought us 20 percent more business last quarter.”

Step 4:
Shoot for the stars. Ask for more than you expect. If you’d be happy with a 10 percent raise, ask for 15 or 20 percent. Negotiating means both parties must be flexible, and if you both feel you’ve given a little, you’ll both feel successful.

Step 5:
Have a backup plan. When times are tough, companies may not be able to offer a raise to anyone. If it’s clear that they really can’t afford to pay you more, ask for other perks, like more vacation time, a flexible workweek, or a performance-based bonus, that will make your life better. These things might make you happy without hurting their books, so everyone wins.

More Handy Tips

• You deserve to be paid what you’re worth. If this particular company can’t (or won’t) pay you fairly, keep your chin up, keep working hard, and look for another place that will value you.
  
• If your boss won’t budge, get another job offer. Having two companies interested in you will give you leverage and options.