Human Conditioning (22 page)

Gina did not look up. Her head
drooped towards the floor as he held her in his arms. She was sobbing quietly,
hopelessly, shock setting in deep and ferociously. Aiden juggled her limbs
until she was facing him. Holding her up with one arm, he used his other hand to
lift her chin so that he could look into her face. She was ashen and utterly bewildered.
Her skin was wet with tears, her mascara-stained eyes red-rimmed and showing the
strain of what she had just witnessed.

“G, we have to get rid of the
body. We need time. When the authorities realise Roy’s dead, they’ll come for
you and put you into care. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

She did not stir. Aiden lifted
her into his arms and, taking her into the living room, he laid her on the
couch then located the phone in the hallway. He returned minutes later to find
her sitting up, cross-legged and staring at the wall ahead of her. “I’ve called
Kamal. He’s sending someone round to take care of Roy,” he announced quietly,
sitting down beside her.

Gina nodded and wiped her nose
with the cuff of her sweatshirt. “Suicide...” she muttered.

“Yeah, looks like it.”

Aiden placed his hand on her
knee. She felt the pull of him even then, and longed for him to comfort her.
Her father was finally out of her life and she wasn’t quite sure how she felt
about that yet. Part of her wanted to feel a sense of relief, as with Roy gone,
it was finally over: his abuse, his cruelty. Yet, on the other hand, she had
lost a constant in her life that would never return to her.

Turning to Aiden, she
whispered, “I have no one left...”

Aiden placed his hand over her
damp cheek and immediately she responded to his touch, sinking her cheek into his
palm. “You have me,” he said.

It was exactly what she had wanted
to hear, and her heart swelled with affection and an acute yearning that only
Aiden had ever been able to satisfy.

Roy couldn’t have an official funeral, so, eight days
after his death, Gina, with Aiden in tow, had planted an unmarked cross in
Upton Park in remembrance of her father, all the while trying to avoid dwelling
on the fact that his body had been disposed of somehow by an associate of
Aiden’s boss. They wouldn’t be able to conceal Roy’s disappearance forever, but
they hoped to be able to hold off their announcement that Roy had done a runner
over some large debt for the next couple of months leading up to Gina’s
eighteenth birthday. After that, the authorities wouldn’t be able to touch her.
So far, no one had even questioned why Roy hadn’t been seen around, but when
they did, Gina had been told by Aiden that, for now, she was to tell them that
he was sick and couldn’t get out of bed.

Having returned from Upton
Park, Gina entered her flat with silent resignation. Aiden followed her in and,
closing the door behind them, led her to the living room by his hand. “Sit,” he
instructed.

Leaving the room, he left Gina
to remove her black suit jacket. When he returned, she couldn’t help but marvel
at him. He too had decided on a black suit to mark the occasion, which
apparently he already owned. She secretly wished he would wear it more often,
not that there was really any occasion to wear it on a council estate, but he
looked so damned gorgeous in it. Aiden Foster scrubbed up well.
Really
well.
He looked so dashing. He wasn’t wearing a tie, so his two top buttons were undone
– a casual yet smart approach that was a heady combination when applied to
Aiden.

He held two glasses, one
filled with whisky, the other with brandy. He handed the brandy to Gina and sat
beside her. Turning to face her, he held up his glass and said, “To a new
life.”

Gina smiled timidly, and,
mimicking his salute, they clinked glasses and took a welcome gulp of alcohol.
Gina swallowed hard, savouring the burn as it melted away all the tension of
the day. She inhaled a deep breath, exhaling slowly and composing herself for
what she was about to say. “I want you to move in here... with me,” she
announced. It had been something she had been considering all week, and she
wanted Aiden there tonight. She needed him.

Aiden frowned. “You sure?”

“Yes.”

“It’d only be until I find
myself somewhere...”

Gina nodded. She didn’t want
to think about that right now. “I know... but you can’t keep sleeping on
Ricky’s floor and... I need you here.”

She watched him warily,
fearing he might shy away from this declaration. She was relieved to see he was
smiling at her; no wall to break down, no shutters going up. She smiled back.
The words ‘I love you’ were etched onto her tongue. It seemed to be the perfect
moment to say it, and in a perfect world she would have, but she knew she
couldn’t, for fear of being rejected. She took another sip of brandy to stifle
the urge.

Aiden relaxed back on the
couch, already taking pleasure in being the lord of his own manor, yet his
eyebrows were furrowed in thought. “I have to say, despite what has happened,
it’s been a good week.” He turned his reclined head towards her and added,
earnestly, “We seem to get along better when our parents aren’t around... don’t
you think?”

Gina wasn’t sure. Honestly,
she thought that they got along better when Aiden wasn’t being his usual
domineering, crabby, cantankerous self. The past week, he had been kind and
thoughtful, because she had found her father dead in the bath.
But what
would happen when he decided to stop trying?

“I guess,” she replied with a
shrug of her shoulders.

He leant over and placed a
swift kiss on her lips. It was an unexpected gesture, and when he pulled away, her
eyes were closed as she savoured his touch and, when she opened them again, he could
see all the desire that pooled inside of them.

Edging himself closer, he took
the glass from her and placed both their glasses on the coffee table. Then,
moving his hands around to her backside, he pulled her into him. “I’m looking
forward to having you whenever I want,” he said, his eyes twinkling lasciviously. 

“Who said you can have me
whenever you want?” she whispered.

He pulled her closer into his
body and inhaled a deep breath as his hands moved over her buttocks. Gina’s
breath hitched with greedy anticipation. She wanted him so much that the pull,
low down in her stomach, was almost nauseating.

“You don’t want me?” he
goaded, his lips hovering over hers. Her breath hitched again. She wanted him
alright, more than he’d ever know. She felt the familiar stir that only Aiden
could conjure between her thighs as his lips found her neck, and she closed her
eyes and savoured the feel of his hands as they traced the top of her thighs
and headed in the direction of where she so wanted them to be.

“I want you...” she breathed
desperately as desire shot through every vein in her body. He was her balm, her
remedy, and after a day like today, after the week she’d had, she needed him
desperately.

 “Stand up. Take your skirt
and knickers off,” he whispered close to her ear.

Peeling herself out of his
embrace, she stood, and, pulling down the zip at the back of her black pencil
skirt, she pushed the skirt over her hips and allowed it to drop to the floor.
She did the same for her knickers, all the while keeping her hungry green eyes on
his face.

Drawn to the neat triangle of her
dark pubic hair, Aiden’s gaze left hers. He gulped. “Now sit.”

Gina did as she was told and as
he moved close to her once more, he dipped his hand between her legs, pushing her
inner thighs apart with the spread of his fingers, and sank a single finger
inside her. Gina closed her eyes momentarily, before focusing back on his eager
blue gaze. “Undo your shirt,” he whispered. “Then take it off... and your bra.”

Registering his words, she began
shakily to pop open the buttons of her black shirt, all the while feeling the
slow tantalising rhythm of his finger; in and out, in and out. When she
attended to the last button, Aiden slowly pulled out of her, making her gasp, but
as she lifted her arms to push the shirt over her shoulders, he slipped into
her again.

Gina blinked rapidly,
attempting to proceed with his instruction without the distraction of the returned
rhythm of, this time, two fingers slowly filling her and caressing the walls of
her vagina. Removing her shirt, she unclipped her bra with trembling fingers and
brushed the straps down her arms, eventually tossing it aside, watching in hazy
satisfaction as Aiden took in the sight of her breasts.

As his arousal increased, so
did the rhythm of his fingers, taking her closer to the brink of an orgasm.
Then he pulled away again. “No!” she groaned, pouting like a child.

He sat back, unable to
restrain the urge to take her any longer. Undoing three buttons on his crisp,
white shirt, he pulled it off over his head and quickly undid the fly of his
trousers, yanking them down along with his boxer shorts, enough to allow his
lengthy manhood to escape. Leaning over her, he pulled her ankles, collapsing
her onto her back, and, with one thrust, sank himself inside of her, groaning
and instantly thrusting hard and fast.

Gina gripped hold of his burly
shoulders and, closing her eyes, she arched her pelvis to meet his as his
determined thrusting continued on and on, transporting waves of pleasure to her
sex. She could feel herself coming, felt him shift, his hands finding her
breasts, squeezing them with no restraint as he buried himself deeper inside of
her, and this was the undoing of them both.

“Fuck!” Aiden stilled as he
released his juices inside of her, then he fell on top of her convulsing body.

Pulling him close, Gina relished
the feel of his clammy skin against hers, all of him inside her and wrapped
around her. They were together and alone, with no one to distract them from
their contentment.

It was a few minutes before Aiden
pulled away and sat up, plunging his faded erection back into his boxer shorts
and zipping up his fly. Gina watched him in awe, still panting through the
sensational fatigue of her orgasm. He sighed with contentment and ran a hand
through his ruffled hair. “I think we both needed that,” he said, smiling down
at her.

Gina stretched her arms out
above her head in delight, still reeling, and without thinking she breathed, “I
always need you, Aiden. I love you.”

Aiden’s mouth dropped open
and, registering what she had said, Gina was all of a sudden lost for words.
Her throat constricted and her mind clouded with the screaming reprimand of her
subconscious. Her body froze and she gawped at him as an insufferable,
suffocating silence grew between them.  

Aiden managed to close his
mouth and his eyebrows furrowed. He got to his feet, running a hand over his
face. “I’ve gotta go...” he announced, collecting his shirt from the couch. He
was shutting down again, closing her off.

Gina clambered to her feet,
pulling on her knickers and shirt. “Aiden, I...” she stammered anxiously.

He pulled his shirt over his
head and, unexpectedly, she saw a twitch of a smile creep onto his lips. Her
anxiety dared to wane. “I need to get my stuff from Ricky’s... if you still
want me to stay, that is?” he said.

Gina sighed heavily, tears
pricking her eyes. “Yes, of course I do!” she replied in relief.

He stepped up to her and
placed his hand on her cheek. She refrained from leaning into his palm, afraid
that the small gesture of affection would alarm him again.

“Then I’ll see you later...” he
said, and his words held so much hope.

Gina watched in awe from the
hallway as Aiden Foster – all muscle and gorgeousness, all alluring and
consuming – left her flat with the promise of returning, even after she had
declared her love for him. But as she returned to her empty living room,
somewhere deep in her unwanted subconscious thought, she considered the fact
that he hadn’t returned her pronouncement with a declaration of his own, and, deep
down, she knew he never would.

Even so, the fantasy and the
allure of happiness was hard to resist, and imagining them together as a real
couple made her feel happier than she had ever been before. As she slumped down
on the couch, all thoughts of her father banished to the far corners of her
mind, she hugged herself with glee and waited in anticipation for Aiden’s
return.

************

When Aiden did return that night, the happiness and excited
anticipation of the afternoon was soon dashed when he announced that there was
a flat near Ricky, on the other side of the Carlton estate, that had just gone
up for rent and, as Ricky knew the landlord, the flat was practically his if he
wanted it. Which, of course, he did.

Gina took the news with a
sense of irony. This was, after all, what her life had always been: one disappointment
after another. She couldn’t believe she had let her guard down, allowed herself
to believe that something
good
could possibly happen to her.

That damned black cloud
forever followed her around, a constant reminder that she belonged in the dark,
never worthy of the light. Her father used to say, ‘Some are born with all the
luck’, and he was right. She had not been blessed with such privilege; she had
been born into an ill-fated darkness.

Idly, her thoughts went to her
old friend Lily Summers and all the luck she possessed. The bitterness of green
jealousy crept into her mind, but she dashed it away, reminding herself rather smugly
that she was there with Aiden, and
Lily
was not.

She had never understood why
Aiden had chosen her over Lily Summers. She did not think ill enough of herself
to think that she was not as attractive as the little blonde with the innocent
soul. She was. Yet, the beauty of Lily came not just from her pretty face; it
came from an inner goodness, self-respect, and her kind heart.