Husband Sit (Husband #1) (37 page)

She
shrugged. “I’ve been terrible to Sieu while I’ve been pregnant. Hormones have
made me crazy. Crazier than I normally am.” She dimpled. “But she stuck by me.”

“She
loves you.” That was obvious even to me.

Lizzie
nodded. “Like you love Finn. And sweet heaven, he loves you! Is there anything
else that matters?”

The
tiny blond munchkin in front of me had just cut through all the bullshit
baggage I’d been lugging around. All I could do was shake my head. “I said
horrible things to him,” I admitted. “I called him a liar and a cheating
bastard.”

Her
pretty face crumpled and she stared at me with big anguished eyes. “But he’s
not.”

Tell
me about it!

Well,
actually, she just did.

So
instead of stating the obvious, I said, “I doubt he’ll ever want to speak to me
again. In fact, I texted him an apology and he didn’t reply.”

“He’s
changed his phone.” She sat up straighter. “He gave me a new number.”

“Why
would he do that?”

Did
he think I was a psycho stalker?

She
smiled sadly. “Maybe so he couldn’t hear from you. So he couldn’t be tempted to
come after you again.”

That
made me extra sad.

“
Littlebit
?”
It was Sieu outside the door, sounding worried.

“I’m
nearly finished!” she called back, then she whispered to me, “Don’t let her in
yet. She’ll boss me back into the car.”

I
shared a grin with her, and couldn’t help liking her more. She was
so
like
Finn. The same cheeky smile. The same golden skin. “You’re definitely not
related to Finn?”

“Not
by blood,” she confirmed. “Although the foster agency put me with his aunt
because I had similar coloring to her. I was never going back to my own family,
so I guess they wanted me to look like I belonged.”

I
nodded. That made sense.

“So...”
She looked at me expectantly. “Are you going after him?”

Good
to see her motives were out in the open—to encourage me to throw myself against
an almost-certain brick wall of rejection.

“Pardon?”
I said, to buy myself time.
“I don’t think—”

“Good,”
she said, and nodded. “Don’t think. Just
feel.
You love him. He’s
desperately smitten with you—”

“Is
he?” I hated that every needy inch of me was on display, but if there was a
chance...“How can you tell?”

“He’s
been flying all over Europe with work. He never does that. He even missed my
birthday, although he sent me a present. And he never does that either. Family
is
so
important to him. But he can’t be around us right now.”

“Because
of me?” I held my breath.

She
nodded. “He’s doing the only thing he thinks he’s good at. Work.”

But
dear God, he was good at so much more. Making love for a start. Not to mention
cooking and kissing and...I needed to stop thinking about that and get my head
together.

I
forced myself forward and came to crouch in front of her recliner. “I want to
be brave enough to win him back.”

She
took my hands in her tiny ones. “I’m sure you are,” she said. “Tell me about
other times when you’ve been brave.”

“When
my friends are in trouble. I’m a tiger then.” Just the thought of someone
hurting Fritha or Missy Lou or Ange set my teeth on
grrr.

Her
dimples came back. “I’ll bet you’re a great friend. In fact, I’m looking
forward to you being a great friend.”

That
made me smile. “You are?”

“And
Jill.” She looked at me solemnly now, and I had a sudden sinking feeling. Was
there a kicker? “I want you as the Godmother of my baby.”

And
just as quickly as my heart had dropped, it rose back into my throat.
Godmother
of Finn’s baby?
I had no hope of keeping my eyes dry. But I had to say,
“Have you asked Sieu about this?”

She
shook her head. “I get my way. At least while I’m pregnant.”

I
could well understand why. She was the most adorable human I’d ever met. “Then
I will.”

She
pulled me into a hug and her hair smelt like sunshine. Just like Finn’s.

I
ached
for him then, but it wasn’t the same hopeless feeling I’d been
fighting for weeks. This was a hot ache, and it came with a determination to
stand in front of him, at least to apologize for the insults I’d thrown at him,
and to beg for another chance. He missed me. I could tell that from Lizzie’s
comments. So I had a chance. Whether I’d hurt him too badly to mend the fences
I’d broken...

I
could only try.

Sieu
hollered at us then, and we let her in. She gave me details of a function he’d
be at on the weekend and I saw them off with hugs—much to Sieu’s astonishment.
After that I laid plans, feeling stronger and more resolute. I’d been wafting
through life since I’d come back to Dakaroo, but this wasn’t something I could
drift through. This would be a premeditated plan and I needed to go all out.

I
also needed to let my girls know what I was doing. I was done feeling ashamed
about my choices. They might not understand me, but I wanted them to love me
anyway. Missy Lou would be the hardest, so I started there first.

“
Jillian
,”
she said, in crisp voice, which I hadn’t expected at dinnertime. Had she
stopped drinking now that she was getting a divorce?

Either
way, I didn’t mince words. “I’m going to beg Finn to forgive me. He’s the one.”

A
beat of silence. “
Are you sure?
” I heard a hundred questions tucked into
those three small words, not the least her fear that Finn brought out my worst.

I
took a deep breath and dove in. “I’m tired of being scared,” I said, clutching
the phone to my ear, hoping she’d understand. “But I know I can trust Finn. He
won’t hurt me on purpose. And he’s—”
got a big cock
“—smoking hot, as
you know. I really want to do him. Like, forever.”

“I
see.”

I
waited her out, wondering what she was thinking, wondering why I wanted her
blessing because I was going after Finn no matter what the three of them said.
But at last she broke the silence with, “
No matter what happens, I’ll always
be here for you
.”

I
cried.

Predictably.

But
I felt so damned blessed. Missy Lou’s declaration wasn’t lip service. I
realized in that moment that I could turn up on her doorstep naked with track
marks on my arms and she’d let me in. She might lock me in! But she wouldn’t
turn me away.

I
loved that. And I loved her.

“I
hope you can be happy, L,” I said, wondering what that would take.

“
And
just to change the topic slightly, you definitely don’t want Douglas?
”

“Not
at all,” I said, wondering why she was sorting this out for her husband. She
must still love Marcus very much to want him to be happy, and in that moment I
realized just how big her heart really was.

So
much bigger than
mine. Although Finn was inside it now, expanding it more all the time.

I
rang Fritha and she gushed. No surprise there. I made her promise to keep out
of it and she happily agreed—so happily, in fact, that she told me if I wanted,
she’d wear pink to the wedding. I promised her the rainbow dress was fine, as
if my getting back with Finn was a done deal, but the reality was far less
secure.

Next
was Ange.

She
opened our conversation gushing about Louella’s lawyer, and how it looked like
she’d definitely get her half of the house, although that might take time. I
told her about Lizzie’s visit and my plans to ambush Finn. She squealed over
the phone, and that made me laugh as we plotted the details.

I
flew into Sydney on Saturday morning, Ange picked me up and we spent the day
going from nail clinic to beauty parlor to hairdressers, until I was convinced
that I shone! It was a charity function and Sieu had snagged me a ticket at
Finn’s table. I wore a new red cocktail dress that swirled around my knees and my
hair was loose and sexy, swirling around my shoulders. Killer heels—check.
Diamante
bracelet—check. Matching
diamante
anklet—check. Strategic splashes of
ylang ylang perfume—meow!

A
hug from Ange and I was in the taxi, smiling at her through the window as the
nerves I’d been holding off all day crept in.

“Big
night, luv?” the taxi driver asked, glancing at me in the rear-view mirror.

“I’m
going to win back the love of my life,” I said, more confidently than I felt.

He
laughed a Santa Claus
Ho, Ho, Ho
and said, “Good for you!”

“It
will
be good for me.” I nodded to myself. “But it will be good for him
too.
I’ll
be good for him.”

I
had to convince myself of that, because otherwise I needed to leave Finn alone.
The last thing he needed after Katinka was some woman messing him around. But I
was determined that I wasn’t going to be that woman. I was going to be
trusting
.
Trust-worthy. That was important. I had to tell him early on that I’d stopped
husband sitting. I hadn’t dated anyone. I’d just pined for him.

Oh,
wait. Should I tell him that? It sounded lame. But then, hadn’t he been pining
for me? God, what if Lizzie had that wrong? What if he’d just been cranky,
writing women off? What if he was completely not interested? I could make a
huge fool of myself.

I
was still grappling with that idea when the taxi arrived at the venue, a big
hotel in the centre of Sydney. Embarrassingly, there was a red carpet, and
after paying the driver, I stepped out onto it, finding it so plush it was hard
to walk on in heels. But I managed to reach the foyer without falling on my
face, and then I could simply follow the crowds up the wide marble stairs to
the giant ballroom on the next level. There were at least thirty round tables
that seated twelve, and I had no idea which one was mine.

I
opened my clutch purse to find my ticket for the white-jacketed female door
attendant, and in that instant, someone jostled me from behind. I dropped my
purse and everything from lipstick to condoms fell onto the floor.

I
could have died right there.

And
if this had been
any
other night, I would have written it off and
bailed. But the attendant just smiled at me—a
shit happens
smile—and she
crouched to help me restock my purse. I could have hugged her.

When
I’d given her the ticket, she led me toward the table, but in my scrabble
across the floor, I’d completely forgotten that I wanted to ask her to point
out the table so I could scope it from a distance. It took several “
Excuse
me’s!
” to be heard over the murmuring crowd. In the end, we stopped only
ten feet away. I could see the back of Finn’s honey-blond head and my stomach
went into a tailspin.

My
cheeks were hot, but I thanked the attendant and asked for the bathroom which
she pointed out. Luckily, it was in the opposite direction, so I could
backtrack and cruise along the wall, trying to watch Finn, but there were too
many people between us. The room was filling up and there were hundreds milling
about.

I
ducked into the bathroom, hid in a cubicle and tried to calm my breathing. When
that didn’t work, I peed, and somehow that calmed me down. Go figure. I came
back out and took my time washing my hands and checking my hair and makeup, but
it was all picture-perfect. I knew I looked good—maybe the best Finn had ever
seen me. So that was a bonus. If this was the last time we were to be together,
at least I’d leave a good impression.

Not
the most motivating thought I could muster, but as I re-entered the busy
ballroom, I realized that the best thing I could do was confront him, get this
over with before the speeches started, then if he was going to reject me
outright, at least it shouldn’t cause a scene.

I
hoped.

Although,
to be honest, that was the least of my worries. I’d never see any of these
people again, and if Finn told me to fuck off, I would be back in the child
care centre on Monday wiping snotty noses and kissing bruised knees as if none
of this had happened. I should have felt good about the fact that I had choices,
but the thought of a ‘Finn or no Finn’ option terrified me. I hadn’t even seen
his face yet and already I was sweating.

Calm
down. You can do this
.

For
some reason those encouraging words came to me in Missy Lou’s voice, and it
helped me settle. She’d always been calm and controlled about everything.
Surely I could emulate that for half an hour.

I
straightened my shoulders, sucked in a deep breath and re-oriented myself in
the room with its black velvet chairs, glittering mirrored chandeliers and
sparkling mirrored centerpieces on the tables. It was glitzy, but I wasn’t
intimidated by that—or so I told myself as I wended by way between tables on my
way to table twenty-four.

Only,
this time as I approached Finn from the back, there was a woman sitting beside
him. His arm was on the back of her chair and he was leaning toward her, as if
he was whispering in her ear. I had two seconds of
Dear God it’s Katinka
before I registered that this blonde had straight hair in a bob that just
touched her shoulders. She also seemed taller. Maybe thinner.

I
swallowed down a sick feeling in my throat and stood watching them as people
milled around. I had no idea what to do because I hadn’t anticipated this. And
certainly, Lizzie hadn’t given me the heads up. This woman
could
be a
colleague, but there was something about their posture, some familiarity that
screamed relationship.

The
part of my brain that usually revved my fight-or-flight engine was screaming
Didn’t
I tell you this would happen? At some point, he’s going to find someone else.
You may as well accept that now.
Only...that was just fear, like thinking
he and Lizzie might become an item. It was a crazy, baseless, fearful
imagining, so I should ignore it.

Shouldn’t
I?

I
was suddenly confused, so I turned my back, pulled out my phone and rang
Fritha.

“
J!
”
She sounded breathlessly excited. “
When’s the wedding?
”

I
kept my voice low. “I’m ten paces away from Finn. He hasn’t seen me yet. And
there’s some woman sitting beside him. I think it’s a date.”

Silence.
“
But he loves you
.”

I
really wanted to believe that, but I shook my head, completely forgetting that
Fritha couldn’t see me.

When
I made no reply she said,
“I never told you what he wrote in those texts I
deleted. Remember when you first ran away from him?”

I
swallowed tightly. “You said it wasn’t important.”

“
No.
I said you probably didn’t want to see them. I could tell you were trying to
forget him.
”

“And...?”

“
One
said
‘I’ve done a bad thing and you deserve better’
.
And the
other said,
‘But I’ve fallen in love with you’.
”

The
buzz of sounds in the room blurred, and I pressed the phone even harder against
my ear. “He loved me then? I’d only known him a handful of days.” I sounded as
though I didn’t believe her, but I knew very well that I’d fallen for him
before we’d even had sex. Every interaction since that moment had been me
trying to protect myself by pushing him away. And he must have assumed that I’d
seen that text, that I knew how he felt, when I hadn’t at all.

“
Doug
was too goodie-goodie for you, Jinx
.” she added. “
I knew you felt like
you didn’t fit with him because you’re too flawed. But Finn’s as crazy as you
are
.”

“I
know.”

“
So
fight for him
.”

Easy
for you to say!

“Thanks.”
I hung up the phone and turned back to the table, my heart-rate kicking up.

Fight
for him.

Jesus,
what are you saying?

I’d
never fought for a man in my life. But, I’d also never been head-over-heels
desperately in love with a man either. And just looking at that soft
honey-blond hair of his and those deliciously broad shoulders—even before I saw
that slow, sexy smile—I knew he was worth embarrassing myself for. So I nodded
to myself for a couple more seconds, gathered up whatever courage I might have,
and walked over to the half-empty table and stood across from him.

He
looked up slowly and had no way to hide the shock in his expression as our eyes
met and I trembled in reaction. I wavered toward him, as if my body had a mind
of its own, and my hands tingled with the desire to touch him. A few heartbeats
later, I could feel heat throbbing between us. There were other couples at the
table, but all I could see was my handsome Finn, staring at me with those
hungry eyes that I
knew
just wanted to undress me.

“Finn,”
I said softly. He wouldn’t have heard my voice in the noisy room, but he could
read my lips.

I
saw him say, “Jill.”

We
stared at each other, and I belatedly realized there was no way I could say
what I wanted. He’d never hear me.

He
took his arm off the chair beside him and stood, looking beautiful in a trendy
black tux. I could see it was a struggle to drag his attention away from me,
but at last he leant down to speak to the woman beside him and for the first
time I looked at her. She was even older than Katinka. Late forties for sure.
But groomed to perfection.

Fuck.
Was this his
‘type’? The older woman?

I
swallowed in a suddenly dry throat and watched as the woman smiled up into his
eyes, then pulled him down to kiss his cheek before waving him off.

My
teeth gritted together so hard my jaw ached. I desperately wanted to say
Get
your beautifully manicured claws off him!
Instead, I watched him walk
around the table, preparing my rehearsed
I know you think I’m a bitch
speech.
But he took the initiative, his large warm hand enveloping mine before he led
me away from the tables, and I just went, as if I was in a dream, my heels
feeling like they were floating on air. We walked beside the wall and out onto
a beautiful terrace that overlooked the sparkling city lights. It was magical,
and I had a sudden stab of anxiety, wondering if this was all a dream because
it was way too perfect.

Then
he led me to the corner of the terrace beside a stand of potted palms, turned
me in his arms to face him, and just as I opened my mouth to say
I love you
—because
really, that was the most important thing—he kissed me.

Like
he meant it.

For
some reason that shocked me, but within seconds, my sweaty apprehension morphed
into a liquid warmth that zinged all the way from my lips down to my breasts
that were hard against his chest, and further south to where my legs were
growing weak.

His
hands slid over my shoulders and one cupped my nape as he slanted his lips
across mine to explore my mouth with that delicious tongue of his. I felt like
I was in hot, wet heaven. His other hand slid to my waist, holding me hard
against him, and I could feel his growing erection pressing into my belly. I
kissed him back with everything I had, and the world went away. There was only
Finn, a gentle buzzing in my ears, and my happy heart singing
At least he
still desires you. That’s a start.

Finally,
he brought the kiss to a gentle, lip-brushing close, and it was all I could do
to keep breathing. My breasts felt as if they were going to explode out of my
dress, they were so tender.

His
forehead pressed against mine and he whispered, “I thought I’d never do that
again.”

“I
want you to do that forever.”

He
pulled back and looked into my eyes, and I saw every vulnerable doubt shining
in his. And I couldn’t, just
couldn’t
let him suffer any more.

“I’m
a fuckwit,” I said. “You know that.”

He
nodded solemnly.

“And
I’m scared that you’ll hurt me.”

“I
won’t.”

“You
might,” I argued, but I hurried to add, “Because misunderstandings happen.
Only, now, I know you won’t mean to. So I know I can survive that. I trust you,
Finn.”

He
gazed at me silently, and I had no idea what he was thinking.

“I
mean, I
really
trust you. I’ve met Lizzie...” His eyes widened. “...and
I’m okay with it all. We’re friends. Hell, she asked me to be the Godmother of
her baby. Your baby.”

“Her
baby,” he corrected. “It won’t know...” He shrugged, the tux moving deliciously
across those broad shoulders.

“Okay.”
I nodded. “That’s not my business.”

“Then
what is your business, Jill? Why are you here?”

He
was trying to look cool, but I saw him swallow and his jaw was tensed as though
his teeth were gritted—as though he was expecting the worse.

Couldn’t
blame him.

So
I said as plainly as I could, “I’m in love with you, Finn. I’ve been crazy
jealous that Lizzie is having your baby because I desperately want that to be
me. I don’t care if you’re rich or poor. I don’t care who your family is, or
who you’re dating.” I paused to point back toward the ballroom.

“My
Aunt Nancy. Lizzie’s mother.”

I
wanted to sigh in relief, but he was still holding his breath.

And
I suddenly realized that talking wasn’t the answer. I could tell him I loved
him till the cows came home, but...what if he didn’t believe me? All my life
I’d been told that actions spoke louder than words. Maybe it was time to walk
that talk.

So
I did the craziest thing I could think of—something I definitely hadn’t
rehearsed. I took his hands and, as gracefully as I could in six inch heels, I
lowered myself to one knee and said, “Phineas Walters, will you marry me?”

Several
emotions chased themselves across his expressive face, but the one that
remained was infinitely tender. “I will,” he replied reverently, and hauled me
up into his arms for a kiss that wiped every other thought from my brain. I
barely heard the people around us clapping, because all I cared about was this
man.

My
future husband.

The
husband I intended to
sit
for the rest of my life.

-
        
T H E   E N
D
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