If You Had Controlling Parents (29 page)
Read If You Had Controlling Parents Online
Authors: Dan Neuharth
Â
2. One in twenty children has a parent die during their childhood
. From Jeffrey Dolgan, Ph.D., chief of psychology, Children's Hospital, Denver. “The impact of loss on children,” unpublished article, August 1995.
Â
3. One in six children has a parent who abuses alcohol or is alcoholic during the child-raising years
. Derived from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism “National Longitudinal Alcoholic Epidemiologic Survey,” 1992, and the National Association for Children of Alcoholics “Facts About Children of Alcoholics,” November 1995.
Â
4. One in seven children has a parent who suffers serious depression or mental illness during the child-raising years
. Derived from the National Institute of Mental Health “Epidemiologic Catchment Area Survey,” 1992.
Â
5. One in five children is physically or sexually abused
. Derived from the National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect “Third National Incidence Study of Child Abuse and Neglect,” 1996, and McCauley, Jeanne, et al., “Clinical Characteristics of Women with a History of Childhood Abuse,”
Journal of the American Medical Association
, May 7, 1997.
American Psychiatric Association.
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
, 4th ed. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association, 1994.
Bass, Ellen, and Laura Davis.
The Courage to Heal
. New York: HarperCollins, 1988.
Bloomfield, Harold.
Making Peace with Your Parents
. New York: Ballantine Books, 1983.
Bogue, Nila. “The Choice of a Lifetime.”
Noetic Sciences Review
, Summer (1994), p. 31.
Bourdon, Karen, et al. “Estimating the prevalence of mental disorders in U.S. adults from the Epidemiologic Catchment Area Program Studies.”
Public Health Reports
, Vol. 107 (1992), p. 663.
Bourgeois, James, et al. “An examination of narcissistic personality traits as seen in a military population.”
Military Medicine
, Vol. 158, 3 (Mar. 1993), pp. 170â174.
Bowen, Murray.
Family Therapy in Clinical Practice
. New York: Jason Aronson, 1978.
Breslau, Naomi, et al. “Traumatic events and posttraumatic stress disorder in the urban population of young adults.”
Archives of General Psychiatry
, Vol. 48, 3 (Mar. 1991), pp. 216â222.
Brom, Danny, et al. “The prevalence of posttraumatic psychopathology in the general and clinical population.”
Israeli Journal of Psychiatry and Related Sciences
, Vol. 28, 4 (1991), pp. 53â63.
Capacchione, Lucia.
The Power of Your Other Hand
. North Hollywood, CA: Newcastle Publishing, 1988.
Cocola, Nancy, and Arlene Matthews.
How to Manage Your Mother
. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1992.
Davidson, Jonathan, et al. “Posttraumatic stress disorder in the community: An epidemiological study.”
Psychological Medicine
, Vol. 21, 3 (Aug. 1991), pp. 713â721.
Farmer, Steven.
Adult Children of Abusive Parents
. New York: Ballantine Books, 1989.
Forward, Susan, with Craig Buck.
Toxic Parents
. New York: Bantam, 1989.
Gil, David.
Violence Against Children
. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press, 1970.
Golomb, Elan.
Trapped in the Mirror: Adult Children of Narcissists in Their Struggle for Self
. New York: William Morrow, 1992.
Lew, Mike.
Victims No Longer
. New York: HarperCollins, 1988.
Loewenstein, Richard. “Diagnosis, epidemiology, clinical course, treatment, and cost effectiveness for treatment for dissociative disorders and MPD.”
Progress in the Dissociative Disorders
, Vol. 7, 1 (Mar. 1994), pp. 3â11.
Mavissakalian, Matig, et al. “Correlates of DSM-III personality disorder in obsessive compulsive disorder.”
Comprehensive Psychiatry
, Vol. 31, 6 (Nov./Dec., 1990), pp. 481â489.
McGoldrick, Monica.
You Can Go Home Again
. New York: W. W. Norton, 1995.
Middleton-Moz, Jane.
Children of Trauma
. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, 1989.
Miller, Alice.
The Drama of the Gifted Child
, rev. ed. New York: Basic Books, 1994.
.â
For Your Own Good
, 3rd ed. New York: Noonday Press, 1990.
Muller, Wayne.
Legacy of the Heart: The Spiritual Advantages of a Painful Childhood
. New York: Simon & Schuster, 1992.
Napier, Nancy.
Getting Through the Day: Strategies for Adults Hurt as Children
. New York: W. W. Norton, 1993.
National Committee to Prevent Child Abuse.
Current Trends in Child Abuse Reporting and Fatalities: The Results of the 1997 Annual Fifty State Survey
. Chicago, IL: 1998.
Navarro, Mireya. “Holocaust Survivors' Emphasis Is on Life.”
The New York Times
, national edition, February 1995, p. 12.
Nestadt, Gerald, et al. “Compulsive Personality Disorder: An epidemiological survey.”
Psychological Medicine
, Vol. 21, 2 (May 1991), pp. 461â471.
.â“Obsessions and compulsions in the community.”
Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavia
, Vol. 89, 4 (Apr. 1994), pp. 219â224.
Oldham, John, and Andrew Skodol. “Personality disorders in the public sector.”
Hospital and Community Psychiatry
, Vol. 42, 5 (May 1991), pp. 481â487.
Resnick, Heidi, et al. “Prevalence of civilian trauma and posttraumatic stress disorder in a representative national sample of women.”
Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology
, Vol. 61, 6 (Dec. 1993), pp. 984â991.
Samuels, Jack, et al. “Personality Disorders in the Community.”
American Journal of Psychiatry
, Vol. 151, 7 (June 1994), pp. 1055-1062.
Sanderson, William, et al. “Prevalence of Personality Disorders among patients with anxiety disorders.”
Psychiatry Research
, Vol. 51, 2 (Feb. 1994), pp. 167â174.
Satir, Virginia.
Conjoint Family Therapy
, 3rd ed. Palo Alto, CA: Science and Behavior Books, 1983.
Secunda, Victoria.
When You and Your Mother Can't Be Friends
. New York: Dell Publishing, 1990.
.â
Your Many Faces
. Berkeley, CA: Celestial Arts, 1978.
Swartz, Marvin, et al. “Estimating the prevalence of borderline personality disorder in the community.”
Journal of Personality Disorder
, Vol. 4, 3 (Fall 1990), pp. 257â272.
U.S. Bureau of the Census.
Census of the U.S. and Current Population Reports
. Washington, DC: 1990.
U.S. Bureau of the Census.
Resident Population of the United States: Estimates by Age and Sex
. Washington, DC: 1998.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services National Center on Child Abuse and Neglect.
Child Maltreatment 1994: Reports from the States to the National Committee on Child Abuse and Neglect
. Washington, DC: 1994.
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services National Institute of Mental Health.
Epidemiologic Catchment Area Survey
. Washington, DC: 1992.
Weiner-Davis, Michele. “Common Questions About Relationships.”
USA Today
, Nov. 29, 1994, pp. 4D.
Wertsch, Mary Edwards.
Military Brats: Legacies of Childhood Inside the Fortress
. New York: Fawcett Columbine, 1991.
Whitfield, Charles.
Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting and Enjoying the Self
. Deerfield Beach, FL: Health Communications, 1993.
Wolin, Steven, and Sybil Wolin.
The Resilient Self: How Survivors of Troubled Families Rise Above Adversity
. New York: Villard Books, 1993.
D
AN
N
EUHARTH
, P
H
.D., is a licensed marriage and family therapist with a Ph.D. in clinical psychology. A popular speaker, college educator, and award-winning journalist, he specializes in helping adults cope with the challenges of unhealthy family control. He lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.
If you would like to contact Dan Neuharth, Ph.D.:
Visit the author's official website at
www.controllingparents.com
Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.
from the Media
“Full of down-to-earth advice and support for people whose parents might not have been physically or sexually abusive, but nonetheless limited their children's lives with persistent, unhealthy control.”
â
Publishers Weekly
“Explains how to make sure that your growing pains with your parents don't develop into grown pains.”
â
New Woman
“Doesn't give a cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all recovery plan, but rather suggests several âpaths to healing' and exercises to help you âemotionally leave home.' This is self-help at its best.”
âAmazon.com
“Accessible, clear, unambiguousâ¦. Can help adults heal the wounds of the past, or at least reach a higher understanding.”
â
Florida TODAY
“Neuharth writes and speaks from experience.”
â
Columbus Dispatch
“An often-chilling insight into just how destructive a parent can be.”
â
Baltimore Sun
“Invites readers to discover where they fall on the spectrum, and encourages them to offset the negative effects of such parenting through self-examination, self-responsibility and independence.”
â
Marin Independent Journal
,
 Marin County, CA
“Explains how overcontrolling parents discourage dissent, stifle strong emotions, criticize more than praise, mete out harsh discipline, make children earn their love, and insist that they're always right.”
â
Democrat and Chronicle
, Rochester, NY
“A fresh, compelling, and probing analysis of a lifelong struggle that too few of us confront. Most importantly, the book leads us to an epiphany: more than endure, we can prevail.”
âWalter Anderson, author of
The Confidence
 Course
and executive editor,
Parade
“It's a terrific book. When the book arrived at the station, I just inhaled it. I loved it.”
âAnn Cody, host,
Common Ground
, WZLX,
 Boston
“If you wonder whether you were raised by controlling parents, I urge you to get this book. It's a wonderful book.”
âMarcia Kimpton, host,
ParenTalk
, KVON,
 Napa, California
“Your book has really helped me get rid of the feelings of self-hatred and blame I had.”
âA.A., Kansas
“Validation!â¦After years of slow, determined self-discovery, finally a book that identifies exactly the condition I suffered in my family.”
âB.G., Illinois
“I found my life on every page.”
âG.H., Colorado
“You've given me enough to work with that I can almost see my way through an upcoming visit to my mother.”
âA.G.
“Your book has given me different insight into my parents' behavior and how I might more effectively deal with itâ¦. I have realized that I don't need to apologize to my mother for my career and life opportunities, better relationships with others in my family, and a good life.”
âJ.H., Washington, D.C.
“Until your book I didn't feel as though anyone ever understood the depth and intensity of my feelings about being with my parentsâ¦. I feel validated.”
âM.O.
“I was particularly gratified to read the section on forgiveness not being necessary to the healing processâsomething I'd felt instinctively to be true but felt guilty about.”
âM.H., Arizona
“What an enlightening and liberating book! It's the first self-help book I have read where I truly recognized myself immediatelyâ¦. This book gave me an excellent perspective of how controlling behaviors are passed down from generation to generation.”
âD.W.
“You provide hope and you make the reader believe that things can change as you guide the reader to work toward the healing process.”
âF.K., New York
“I turn fifty years old this year and I always felt something was wrong with meâ¦. When I opened your book, every word seemed to fit, and my feelings finally made sense. I just had to tell you how much it has meant to me to finally find someone who understandsâI'm not alone and I'm not crazy.”
âM.M.
IF YOU HAD CONTROLLING PARENTS
. Copyright © 2007 by Dan Neuharth, Ph.D. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the non-exclusive, non-transferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, down-loaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereinafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
EPub Edition © JUNE 2007 ISBN: 9780061861819
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1