If You Still Want Me (14 page)

"He's a good man," Joey comments as he heats up
the griddle.

"That he is," Daddy agrees then kisses my cheek
as I set down a mug of coffee for him. "Thanks, princess. That
Doctor Calvin, he's a good man too," Daddy winks.

"Daddy..." It's too damn early.

"Finished his internship early and is already on
his way to head up the maternity ward," Daddy continues. "He runs a
prenatal care support group at the church, too, for women who can't
afford regular doctor visits."

I make a noise of feigned interest then go hide
my head in the fridge, looking for the bacon. I'm sure Calvin is a
wonderful man, but that doesn't change the fact that he's not Saul.
Or Austin. Damn, I really need to just say it.

The doorbell rings. I sigh into the meat drawer.
These interruptions are starting to feel ominous.

Breakfast with the good doctor is more enjoyable
than I'd expected. Calvin actually is a pleasant man with young
ambition, a good head on his shoulders, a handsome smile and enough
humility to make him boyishly sweet instead of the arrogant prat I
was hoping for. I'm sure, in some alternate universe, he and I
might have a good time on a date, but in this reality, the poor man
doesn't stand a chance.

My heart is taken and I need to put an end to
Daddy's meddling before this boy's heart is hurt. The coy glances
and hopeful smiles Calvin keeps giving me between bites of
partly-burnt toast tells me I need to say something sooner than
later. As Calvin begins to leave, I offer to walk him out, much to
his appreciation.

"Thanks for breakfast, Miss Harris."

"Victoria is fine," I remind him to forget his
manners around me for the third time since eggs hit his plate.

"Victoria," he says with a wider smile.

Uh-oh.
Maybe I
should've let him stick to Miss Harris. I'm so out of practice when
it comes to flirting. Was that considered flirting? Did I just
flirt with the man I'm trying to let down easy?

Fuck. I miss my whip.

"So," he says slowly, his breath a puff of white
in the brisk air. "I get off at six tonight. I know you'll be busy
with your family at the hospital, but there's this nice Italian
place around the corner..."

No more stalling. "I'm sorry, Calvin. I hope I
haven't given you the wrong impression. You're a wonderful man, but
I'm taken."

He blinks at me for a second, his smile
twitching, then nods. "I see. Reverend Harris didn't mention
that."

"It's... complicated.
I'm
complicated, Calvin."

"You're a woman," he chuckles.
"I don't think I've ever met a
simple
woman in my whole life. You're also beautiful and
intelligent, but I respect that you're taken."

My cheeks heat from the compliments. "Thank
you."

"Now, what if I were to invite you to dinner
anyway? As a friend, and you can bring Joey or whomever you want
along."

"I'd like that."

"Well, alright then." He holds out his hand, his
smile returning. "Always good to make a new friend."

"Agreed." I return the warm smile and take his
hand. He shakes it softly then takes a step forward. The loose
board beneath him creaks and tilts, taking away his balance. I
catch him, and we laugh as I try to right him back on his feet.

"You really are a beautiful, strong woman,
Victoria. I do hope the man who's taken your heart can see
that."

Caught in the moment and trapped by the honest
admission in his eyes, I find my spirit seeking that same honesty
from my heart. "They can."

"
They
?"

"Yes, Calvin.
They.
I... I'm in a polyamorous
relationship."

"Oh."

I wait for the disgust or the judgment, but
instead he lets out a quiet chuckle. "Well, damn. I guess I really
don't have a chance then, do I?"

Relief rushes through me. If a stranger can be
okay with it... "Two against one is always unfair odds."

His hands squeeze my arms as
he shakes his head, the smile still on his lips. "You weren't
kidding about
complicated
."

"Not one bit."

"I take it the good Reverend doesn't know?"

"Not yet," I sigh, finding comfort in my new
friend's embrace. "But I've promised myself to tell him by tonight.
It's time the truth came out."

"The truth will set you free," he muses before
we share friendly laughter.

"
Amen
, Doc."

Waking up is hard to do this morning, despite my
brain turning on automatically at seven to go feed horses that are
a six hour drive away. I'm nestled into the downy comforter, but I
swear it's really a cloud in Heaven with the way Saul's back is
tucked up against my chest. I can hear him breathing as his chest
rises and falls gently under my hand, my palm pressed against his
heart. Yeah, if this aint Heaven, then I aint interested in going
there when I die.

We made love last
night.
Real
love. I feel a bit
stupid this morning, and not just because I'm drunk on Saul-lovin',
even though that's some seriously potent shit.

I feel like a dumb-ass because
I think me and him could'a had this sooner. I was stupid to think
he should love me exactly like he loves Victoria – that it was the
only way he could love me or that the way he does love me is any
less meaningful. I saw it, not just heard it in his words, but
really
saw
the deep love he has for
me.

He still needs Victoria, though. Maybe that
ought to make me jealous, but it doesn't. Not even a little. I
respect what he has with Victoria, and I love Victoria, too. It's
just a different kind of love. I think maybe this world needs all
those different kinds of loves to keep spinning.

Speaking of spinning, I think my blood-sugar is
tanking. Damn. I got so hung-up on making sure Saul ate, that I
don't recall eating much myself.

That means I gotta get up. Double-damn. I don't
want to leave Heaven just yet.

Saul stirs in my grasp, his
butt wiggling into my groin.
Fuck
.
Well, that aint helping my dizziness one bit.

“
Saul,” I whisper with a kiss
to his shoulder. He mutters an incoherent reply into the pillow,
making me chuckle. “Sorry, darlin', but I need to grab a sugar
tab.”

Saul's suddenly wide awake, sitting up and
turning around in one whooshing motion that makes me dizzier just
watching him. “Yer sugar? Fuck, you not eat properly last night?
You know that doc said ta' watch yer eatin'.”

He continues the worried tirade as he tosses
back the covers and stumbles his long, lanky legs across the room
to my suitcase. It gives me a nice view of his naked ass, but even
that doesn't do much to focus my vision. Guess maybe the not eating
right combined with the incredible sex to give my brain a good dose
of the bends.

“
I'm okay, darlin', just a
little dizzy.” I know I'm trying to reassure him and keep myself
calm at the same time.

“
That's how it starts,” he
grumbles at me over his shoulder with a glare. “You gotta be
careful, else you end up on them shots an' other shit. Or in the
hospital...”

After digging around in my suitcase, he tosses a
bottle of chewable glucose tabs onto the bed before stumbling his
way back over. I take one as he flops back into bed beside me.
Chewing and swallowing the bitter tab, I kiss his cheek.
“Thanks.”

He kisses me back, but continues to give me the
stern-eyed glare. “Yeah, well, someone's gotta watch yer ass so you
don't end up in a coma.”

My head shakes in a soft sigh, but I'm smiling
because his worried anger lets me feel his love. “It's not that
bad. My Nana's been getting the same dizzy spells for sixty years,
and she's never been in no coma.”

“
Diabetes aint no joke,” he
pouts.

“
I know,” I give in, because
that pouting expression is adorable. Pulling him into my arms, I
squeeze him while rubbing my cheek against his. “Thanks for looking
out for me.”

His head tilts, our lips meet, and I find myself
still amazed that this is happening – that he and I can sit
together in bed so casually, kissing as if we've been lovers for
years and not hours. The casual, slow kiss leads me to ease him
onto his back, my dizziness forgotten. It wasn't the only thing I
woke up with this morning.

Feeling the hard heat against my leg, it seems
Saul's also got a case of the morning wood that I'm more than happy
to lend him a hand with. He squirms into the sheets as my fingers
wrap around his thick cock. Damn, this boy is hung.

Having Saul's big dick in my mouth is exactly
what I need to get rid of this awful glucose aftertaste. As I inch
down his chest with kisses, I hear him mumble a halfhearted protest
about how I should be eating breakfast. Hovering my lips above his
dick, I raise both eyebrows at him. He stiffens in anticipation
then melts into the sheets as I take him into my mouth.

Sweet, salty and all Saul. Plus, those piercings
are mighty fun to play with. I tease one with my tongue and he
arches back with a hissed curse.

“
Austin,” his plea catches my
attention as his hands reach out for me. “Together.”

That word and his smile are everything to me.
“Together,” I smile back as I crawl up his body, aligning our cocks
with a hard rub.

“
Mmfuck, yeah,” he exhales,
then drizzles lube into his hand.

Using both hands, he holds our dicks together
while I thrust between his palms. The slick friction has us both
grunting, and those damn piercings of his are rolling across my
shaft. They have me amping up the pace, angling to hit them just
right as his hands hold onto us.

“
Fuck,
Austin
,” his whimpering is music –
glorious, heart-pounding music that sings of lust, love and
friendship all within one single note.

“
Te amo, Saúl
,” I groan before
capturing our music between our lips with a heavy kiss as we come
in hot spurts,
together.

Panting to catch our breath back, we smile at
one another as I hover over him. His green eyes are alight with joy
– joy that I put there, and that makes everything right in my
world. I'm content. For the first time in maybe forever, I'm at
peace.

“
Dang, cowboy,” he grins while
wiping a bead of sweat from my cheek with his knuckle. “I think I
could get used ta' our mornin' rides. Hot damn. Wait till Vickie
joins us. Don't think the three 'a us will ever get outta
bed.”

“
I'm due for a vacation,
anyway,” I wink then steal a quick kiss before standing. I look
over his chest, sticky and coated in the essence of our
love-making, and damn, it's a pride-inducing sight. “C'mon. The
shower calls.”

“
Yes, sir!” He jumps out of
bed to follow after me, but I pause in the doorway to let him go
first so I can slap his ass.

The shower is a subdued affair, actual washing
mixed with heated glances and snuck kisses. I'm tempted more than
once to drag him back to bed and make love to him again, but we've
got to get a move on. Part of me is afraid to leave the hotel room,
though; afraid to go back out into the real world and leave Heaven
behind.

That fear is heightened a bit as we're getting
dressed and I catch Saul staring at my chest for the third time
that morning. Fisting my shirt, I have to ask the question that's
souring my stomach. “Do they bother you?”

He blinks away from staring,
then his brow skews in confusion. “
They?
Er... Oh, yer tats?”

“
My
prison
tats,” I emphasize, the words dripping with
insecurity.

“
No,” he answers quickly then
huffs. Coming up from behind, those long arms of his wrap around me
and I'm instantly put at ease. “Not one bit, amigo. They tells yer
story – pieces an' parts 'a what made you, you; what made you the
man I done fell so hard in love with.”

His soft lips caress my shoulder. “This one here
is my favorite, though I don't know what it says.”

I glance at the place he kissed, where a dove
flies free in front of iron bars with roughly-lettered Spanish
scrawled under it inside a ribbon. “It says, 'You can cage the man,
but not the soul'.”

His smile blooms and he kisses it again. “See,
that's beautiful. Should be proud 'a that.”

For the first time, I think maybe I am.

We finish packing and take time to clean up the
room, but I leave an extra tip on the nightstand for the
housekeeper. My Nana was a housekeeper for forty years, and the
stories she told me have earned a respect for the shit they deal
with, usually for pennies on the dollar. Saul catches me sneaking
another ten under the first one, and he smiles because he knows
why.

"Ready ta' hit the road and wrangle us up some
breakfast?"

Putting my Stetson on, I nod. "Figure we'd stop
at that McDonalds we passed near the interstate, then we'll call
Victoria once we're done eating."

His smile twitches a bit as he grabs his
suitcase and heads out the door. "Maybe you should do the talkin'.
I aint rightly sure what ta' say."

Letting the heavy door close shut, I pause with
him in the hallway. "Thought we agreed to do this together."

His shoulders rise a bit along with his chin as
he considers it. "Yer right. We did. We are." His free hand takes
mine, lacing our fingers together. "Together."