Igniting the Wild Sparks (3 page)

Hearing movement behind me, I look to see Rod
. I just might need backup.

I return my gaze to our coaches and hesitantly look to Finn. His lips are sliding against each other and he’s anxiously flicking his fingers of his free hand. What is he thinking? Does he want me to leave? Does
he
want to leave? Does he want us to leave
together
?

What do I say? Everybody here knows me, except for Cara. Do I really have to do this?

Rod radically sighs, putting his hands on my shoulders. “I’ll do it! This chick loves to paint her nails pretty, dark colors because that’s the only way she feels she can express herself that won’t draw
too
much attention. She likes wearing her hair in a ponytail due to the fact she thinks she looks gross with it down. She eats strawberry yogurt nearly every day at lunch, and she loves collecting shells on the beach. She went to college to become a crime scene investigator, but it didn’t work out, so now she’s gracing us with her presence. Her favorite color is royal blue, favorite food is pepperoni and cheese pizza, and she loves to get her freak on dancing. The only jewelry she wears on a daily basis is her key necklace and her bluish ring here.” He lifts my hand and drops it. “Her favorite children’s book is ‘Butterball’ because her dad used to read it to her, and she’s only been in love once.” I blink in astonishment at everything Rod just revealed about me. I didn’t realize I’m an open book.
Damn, Rod!

Anxiously playing with my ring, I tentatively glide my eyes to Finn, but again, he’s not revealing his soul from behind his sunglasses. No wonder he put them back on. Nevertheless, his Adam’s apple is bobbing and his mouth is slightly agape. Is he mad?

Leaving a hand on my shoulder, Rod shifts to my side. “Yep. She’s totally in love with me and will be carrying my baby as soon as she lets me kiss her.” I jerk away from him as he crazily giggles. Automatically looking to Finn, I see his teeth are clamped tight from the way his jaw is surging underneath his light beard. I hope he doesn’t think I told anyone about what we did last weekend. I only told Rod about Finn wanting me to go on the Pill. I didn’t tell him any more than that. Finn will be the first to know if I’m pregnant, but the last one to ever be happy about it.

Betsy gasps and points to Rod and me. “Wait. Are you two really a couple? I didn’t know that!”

Rod puts his arm back around me and roughly pulls me to him, laughing incredulously at Betsy’s own doubt. “What? We don’t look great together? We’re like two balls in a sack.” While Betsy replies to Rod’s ridiculousness, I look from the corner of my eye to see Finn staring hard at us, evidently waiting for an actual confirmation from me that Rod and I
are
a couple.

Evading Rod, I wriggle out of his hold again. I don’t need Finn hating me even more. “Rod,” I warn with a glare.

“I’m kidding!” Rod laughs, as do most of our coworkers. “We don’t have to kiss first!”

I cross my arms and stare at the ground, not knowing what to do. Should I tell everyone who my real boyfriend is since he’s standing 20 feet from me, or do I keep my mouth shut and pine for him from a distance? I desperately want to wrap my arm around his and lean my head on his bicep. I need to hold his hand, give him a kiss on the cheek or put my arms around his waist from behind him, feeling his muscles beneath his T-shirt while resting my cheek against his back, inhaling his scent
.

I can’t do this anymore. I miss him so much.

Before I forfeit and walk over to him, Finn clears his throat, switching his focus. “Okay. I’m going to pass out softballs. Since there is an even number of you playing, I want you to pair off and try tossing a ball for 15 minutes. Ricky, Cara and I will be assessing how you each throw and catch to determine what position might fit you best. After that, I’ll have you each try your skills at bat. We only have three weeks until our first game, so we’ll need to practice for a couple hours on Saturdays and Sundays. Got it?” Heads bob in agreement and he turns to drag the bag closer so the balls can be passed out. Morgan follows our coworkers, refusing to be left out of anything at the risk of making her look stupid in front of Rod.

As our coworkers gather around Finn, Rod bumps my arm. “I guess we’re partners. Let’s go grab one of Wilder’s balls.” He titters and I pivot, sho
ving my hand against his chest.

“I told you not to egg him on!”

He steps away from me and puts his hands out. “Shit! I know! I’m sorry! When I mentioned that you’ve only been in love once, it looked like that bothered him and he was going to say something. I wasn’t sure if you wanted him to, so I—”

I cut him off with a shake of my head and glance back to the small crowd. “I need to talk to him.”

As I turn, Rod reaches for my arm and stops me. Lowering his voice, he says, “No, Hadders. You’ll only make it worse.”

“I want to say hi to him.”

“You know it won’t stop there. Next thing, you’ll want to give him a hug, then just a little kiss. After that, you won’t get your time to ‘reprioritize’ because you’ll fall right into bed with him. Later after the great sex, you’ll be mad you didn’t get the time from him you asked for. So, you’ll again tell him you need it and that’ll inevitably hurt him. You can’t keep doing that to Wilder, Hadley. He’ll assume you’re jerking him around and that’s not good, given that he’s been drinking to drown his sorrows.”

“I miss him. I need to talk to Finn. I won’t go home with him, though. So, I need you to help me out then. Okay?”

He eyes me dubiously before heavily sighing and groaning loudly. “Fine! Let’s at least throw the ball around a little before you go over there. He
is
busy being our coach at the moment. He’ll probably try to talk to you first anyway.”

Noticing that everyone is gone, Rod grabs my elbow and leads me to the field where everyone else is already practicing. I look to see Finn talking to Ricky by home plate. Although I can’t see his face, I have a feeling their conversation isn’t about softball from the expression on Ricky’s face. I wish I knew what they were talking about. Cara approaches them and Finn’s body stiffens, like he didn’t want her to hear what he was talking about. That’s a good sign, I think.

“Fucking pay attention, Hadders! You’re going to get hit in the face because you’re too busy gawking!”

I rapidly switch my gaze back to Rod, who has the softball ready to throw. He’s right. I
’m going to get my face broken.

To both of our surprise, Rod and I successfully throw the ball without maiming each other. That’s a decent start. After a half dozen throws, I glance over and notice Finn and Ricky watching all of us with their arms crossed and their lips moving. Cara is off to the side, watching my boyfriend instead of us. I knew that’s the only reason why she agreed to coach.

“Hadley! Pay attention!” Rod yells, jarring me from my staring.

“Sorry!” I contritely yell back. Rod tosses the ball into his glove and paces over to me at the same time I notice Finn and Ricky walking around between the pairs, checking everyone out.

Rod bumps into the side of my arm, glaring down at me. “You’ve
got
to get it together.”

I readily nod and bow my head. “I know.”

Sighing, he runs his gloveless hand through his hair, making it stand up in bedraggled clumps. “We can go grab some beers and dinner after. Invite Wilder if you want. I know I’ll be a third wheel, but at least you’ll have a chaperone, and maybe Wilder will pay for my food.”

“You just want to go on a date with him,” I tease.

Before he can tell me to fuck off, we’re interrupted. “I don’t see a ball in the air,” Ricky declares as he walks over. Rod and I watch him observing us. “Everything okay?”

Rod takes a step back and replies, “We were just talking strategy.”

“Strategy? Okay. I guess I’ll buy that.” Ricky grins, yet his eyes drift around my face, as if he’s trying to tell me something or figure me out.

I peer around Ricky and from across the field, I see Finn looking away from me at the same time. I shift my gaze to Ricky. “How’s he doing?”

Putting his hands in his pockets, he shrugs. “Oh, you know how he is. He’s working himself up over nothing. Right?” His dark brown eyes implore me to convince him I’m not going to break his best friend’s heart.

I clasp my hands together in front of my stomach and nod, nearly begging him to believe me in return. “Yes, Ricky. I’m not breaking up with him. I keep telling him that, but he’s not listening!” My voice unconsciously raises and I take a deep breath to calm myself. “I just need some time to myself for a couple weeks before I move in with him. That’s
all
.”

“Why? That’s what I don’t get and neither does he. You two are sickeningly in love. I mean, your groping and whispering alone ruined my Easter pancakes. Why do you need to be away from him, especially now with his parents doing their thing?”

I briefly glance down. “He knows why. I’ve told him.”

Ricky nods and contemplatively stares at me. “I think I know what it’s really about. I haven’t said anything to him because I wanted to ask you first. Is it because he doesn’t want to get married? I thought you told him after Easter Vigil that you didn’t want to anymore?”

I sigh and cautiously look for Finn. I see him talking to Val a distance away. Once more, his glasses are on top of his head and it looks like they’re both laughing as Val adoringly pats his arm. I
love
that woman.

I glance at Rod, who has his arms crossed as he watches softballs flying around. I know better, though. He’s keeping more of an eye on me than he is on anyone else. I love him, too. It’s nearly impossible not to.

However, my boyfriend will readily disagree to that.

I return my attention to Ricky. “That’s my problem. I want to, but I
can’t
want to. I need time to finally give it up…for him. I don’t want to lose Finn because of some stupid pipe dream I can’t let go of. I need to purge it from my rationale. He told me not to give up hope, but I have to if I want to move past it. He’s too important to me. When it comes down to it, he’s all I want. He’s what I can’t live without. All the rest is just ancillary. I just have to make sure the rest of my mind comprehends that.”

“Shit. You’d really do all of that for him?” His eyes widen and he blinks away from me.

I nod and then wince before saying, “He’s been drinking, Ricky. I talked to him last night and he was drunk. I’m worried about him.”

He shakes his head and adjusts his ball cap, his untamed black hair escaping its confines. “I’ll keep a closer eye on him.”

Asking as casually as I can, but fail as I whisper, “Has he said he misses me?”

His lips yank into a perplexed frown as he rolls his eyes. “That’s a dumb question. He doesn’t have to say it anyway. Finn’s lost without you. I can’t even make fun of him because he’s so wrapped up thinking about you.”

I bite my lip so I don’t stupidly cry in front of Ricky and Rod. Taking a deep breath, I exhale and hoarsely whisper, “I’ll talk to him.”

Ricky nods and regards Rod with renewed suspicion before he turns and walks back to Finn, now standing next to Cara. When he reaches them, he says something to Finn and then yells for us to come in. As we walk over to him, he explains that he’s going to pitch while everyone takes a turn at bat. He asks Cara to chase after all the balls, which I think he strangely does on purpose.

As Rod and I stand off to the side of everyone else, Finn grabs a bat, volunteering to give us all a refresher on how to hit a ball. Standing next to home plate, he pulls his sunglasses back down and crouches, cockily swinging the bat in the air above the plate. Ricky pitches and Finn slams the ball into centerfield, forcing Cara to run after it and for me to grin. He tries a few more pitches, each hit better than the previous one. I stare at how his body twists and the way his clothes cling to him with each swing. Wow. I thought he looked hot before, but damn, I was so wrong.

Having shown off enough, but not enough for my liking, Finn recedes away from the plate and hands his bat to Val, who giggles and warns everyone that she’ll be terrible. I smile at her daftness.

I watch Finn walk away from the excited chattering over to a bench on the other side of the fence. He props his foot up on the bench, bolstering his arms on his leg, and vaguely stares at the field, seemingly lost in thought. How should I approach him? I don’t want to draw attention to me “flirting” with the coach.

Deciding to not give a fuck about what everyone thinks, I slowly walk over to him. And even though his sunglasses are concealing them, I can feel his eyes on me the minute
I take a step in his direction.

As I walk closer, I notice his arms stiffen, his jaw tighten and his body subtly shifting, becoming more guarded than the Hope Diamond. What is he going to say? Will he even talk to me or will he tell me to take a hike? I don’t thi
nk I could bear that rejection.

When I reach the bench, I take a deep breath, drawing in his cologne drifting along the wispy breeze. “Hi.” That’s all I can think of to say. I can’t really ask him how he’s doing since I already know, don’t I?

“Hi,” he quietly repeats. My reflection in his sunglasses unnerves me and he doesn’t make a move to lift his glasses or to say anything more. I twist the material at the bottom of my shirt, feeling utterly awkward.