Igniting the Wild Sparks (73 page)

Turning back, I
select the one of us at the racetrack, kissing at sunset, as I hovered over him on the bleacher. I sneer, “We were
supposed
to be forever.” I wing it to the wall where the other one had been obliterated.

“You’re way off,
Hadders,” Rod teases about my aim. I then pluck the one of us kissing at Busch Gardens. I wipe the tears away and sob, “I thought you loved me.” I squeal as I pitch that one at the wall, which results in a loud, resonant blow.

I pick up the last one, a picture of him laughing.
God, how I loved his laugh.
Now, it’s like he’s laughing
at
me. I growl, “Fuck you, Finn Wilder.” I chuck it at the wall and it shatters, crunching as I collapse onto the bed, screaming into my pillow in relief and frustration.

“I hope you have a vacuum cleaner,” Rod finally says with a giggle.

I rub my hand on my wet cheeks and slowly roll over, staring at his blue-jeaned leg next to me. Perplexingly calmer, I discern, “It’s strange. He didn’t want a baby, but then he said he was trying to get me pregnant because of how
I
wanted one. The ironic thing is he couldn’t get me pregnant when he
was
trying because…” I trail off, not really needing to go on.

Rod
sighs. “Because he already
had
gotten you pregnant.”

“Yeah. I was. And it happened when he
wasn’t
trying to knock me up.” I glance up at Rod. “You know what the thing that depresses me the most?”

“That there will be glass in your dresser and in your underwear for a year?”

I halfheartedly smack his leg. “Besides that. With me losing a tube, and half of my fertility, it’s almost like it’s Finn’s final retribution. Payback. He didn’t want me to have a baby, so he made damn sure I’ll never have one now. Just like in my nightmare.”

“Hadley, no. The doctor said you can still get pregnant.”

“My heavy, irregular periods and the fact that I’m getting older, Rod, they’re against me, too. He took everything from me. Marriage, a baby, his love.”

“No, he didn’t. He didn’t take anything from you. Don’t let him win like that. You’re a survivor, Hadley Beckett. Your life will go on.”

“What if I don’t want it to? I can’t live without him.”

He grabs my hand
and firmly says, “Don’t you say that. You have so many reasons to live your life without him.”

“It doesn’t feel like it right now.”

“It’ll take time.”

“In the meantime, I grow old without him. No marriage. No children.”

Rod lets go of my hand, crosses his arms and cuttingly inhales. “I don’t know how you’d feel about it, but… but if you really want a baby, I’ll… I’ll give you one.”

Not sure that I heard him right, I peer up at him
, puzzled. I expect him to be joking, but he’s not. His face is solemn. “What?”

He nervously flicks his eyes to me. “I know you want a baby. I’ll do that for you. I’ll give you a baby, Hadley. I want to see you happy.” I’m in shock
. I have no idea what to say. I can only listen to him. “I know it sounds…crazy, but I’ll make it happen for you. I promise. I’ll keep trying until I get you pregnant.”

“Greg,” I
quietly utter, completely astounded.

“I’m not sure how we’d work out the…arrangements. You know, I mean, I’m not sure about how having…sex…with you would go. I-I mean, I know I’d have to fuck you, but… I don’t know if I could. It might be too weird.”

“Wow. I don’t know what to say.”

“I’d do anything for you, Hadley. I just want to see you smile again. I know he hurt you by refusing to get married.
I
wouldn’t do that. I’ll even marry you, if that’s what you wanted.” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. He says, “I’m not sure what kind of marriage it’d be. I do love you, but you’re more like my sister now. Besides, I know you could never love me the way you loved him.”

I blink up at him as tears cloud my eyes again. “Greg, you would really do that for me?”

He sincerely nods. “I would.” A small smirk lights his mouth. “I’m sure I could have sex with you if maybe we were in the dark or I wore a bag over my head.” He promptly tries to backtrack, “Not because you’re ugly—because you’re not! You’re pretty. Extremely pretty. I just don’t know if…shit. I sound like a douche.” I smile at his struggle. “I could even jack off into one of those turkey baster things if that would be better for you.” My eyes widen at the mental picture I suddenly have of that. He says, “I’ll jack off in a clinic. I mean, behind closed doors. In a cup. Shit. I
am
a fucking douche. I don’t know. Whatever works.”

I giggle until the tears fall,
and laugh until I snort, which makes him laugh. With my stomach aching, I catch my breath and slowly try to sit up, and he helps me. “So to be clear, you’re offering to knock me up and marry me?”

Rod
anxiously brushes at his hair, and sheepishly looks at me. “Yeah. Whichever order.”

“You do know that I’m an older woman?”

He relaxes slightly. “By what? Seven years? Wow.” He shrugs. “So what? It’s hot.”

I giggle and sniff. “I love you, you know that?”

Rod scoffs, “Um, no.”

“Well, I do. You’ve been such a great friend to me and I grossly underestimated you
, Gregory Rodwell. I’m sorry for that. You’re the only person who can make me laugh, despite this shitty mess I’m in.”

“Well you did throw a lot of pictures.” I giggle at the mess on the other side of the room. He laughs and grabs my hand again. “I’ll always be here for you, Hadders.”

I look into his light brown eyes. “You’re one of my best friends, Greg.”

He arches an eyebrow and grins. “So I’ve been promoted to BFF?”
Dropping my hand, he puts his arm around me. Pulling me to him, he slyly asks, “So, does that mean we’re having sex? I get to see you naked?”

I
smile. “No.”

“Only with the lights out?”

“No.”

“The turkey baster then?”

“Eww. No.”

“I don’t know how else to…you know…deliver the goods.”

“Shut up!” I shriek and giggle. I lean my head on his shoulder and say, “I don’t want a baby, but thank you for the offer.”

“Wait a minute. That’s what you’ve been wanting for a long time.”

I’m silent until I quietly admit, “I did. I didn’t just want
a
baby. I wanted
his
baby.
Only
his, Rod. I wanted a life with him. Everything. Now, I have nothing.”

“No, you don’t have
nothing
. You have people who love you.”

“I thought I had the epic love.”

“I thought you did, too. He really wanted you back. He told me.”

“When?”

“When he texted me, wanting to meet with you. I went in your place.”

That doesn’t surprise me for some reason. “What did he say?”

“He wanted me to help him get you back. He said he loved you and he’d wait as long as he had to.”

“Oh.”

“He was going to give you time without pressuring you to talk to him. I thought he was genuine. I don’t know how he played me.”

“Right. More lies.
I wonder if he would’ve acted differently if he had known I was pregnant. Maybe he would’ve said yes to my proposal. Maybe he wouldn’t have left or cheated on me. Maybe he would’ve left me sooner.”

“Don’t go speculating. We don’t know what he would’ve done.”

“He told me he didn’t want to lose me. He actually proposed. I don’t get it. He cried. Soul-wrenchingly cried. We even sat and cried together. It was cathartic, in a way.”

“I don’t know. I wish I could tell you why he took off and said those things. Maybe he
was
lying again.”

“Oh, God. I don’t know if that’s a
good or bad thing. He’s probably just a compulsive liar and I can’t trust him. On the other hand, maybe he really didn’t mean those things he told Morgan on the phone, yet he didn’t come back here when she told him I was in the hospital, losing our baby. Therefore, he had to have been telling the truth, which cuts into my soul.”

Rod strokes my arm and sighs.
“Well, like I said, I’m here for you. I’ll be your baby daddy.” I laugh and shake my head against his shoulder. He says, “If you ever change your mind, don’t hesitate to tell me. I don’t know how that’d work out if I did meet someone. I guess we’d just have to have threesomes.” I pinch his arm and he swats me, giggling with me.

“So, am I still sleeping on the couch?
Baby making or not, we could still have a romp, couldn’t we?”

I elbow him. “Not tonight, Rod. I have a huge gash in my stomach.”

“That’s hot, too.”

I sit back and say,
“Greg Rodwell, I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”

He wickedly smirks.
“I have a list of things you could do, starting with unbuckling my belt.”

“You’re a slut.”

“So, I’ve been told.”

Becoming emotional again, I tearfully
giggle and hug one of the true heroes in my life.

In the morning, there’s a knock at the door. I lie in bed as I hear Rod answer it. I can only hear his muffled voice. I really don’t want any visitors. I want to stay in bed for the rest of my life. I’m sure that would work.

We spent two hours cleaning up my tantrum last night as best as we could. I’ll be forever wearing shoes in my bedroom.

I pull the blanket up over my head and pray that it’s someone for Rod. Highly doubtful since it’s my apartment.

From under the blanket, I hear my bedroom door push open and soft footsteps fall on the carpet. A hand goes on my shoulder and I try not to move. Maybe they’ll think I’m dead and go away. The blanket starts to slide away and I tug it back to me.

I growl, “Go away.”

“Not happening.”

Floored,
I throw the blanket off and Bethany smiles at me. “I’m your wakeup call. Get up.”

“Beth!” I
carefully sit up and she sits down next to me. Hugging her, I start to cry.

“Now, hey, you listen to me. I want you to show me where your suitcase is and then clothes you want. We’re heading out of here.”

I pull away. “Where are we going?” Am I being kidnapped again?

“Wherever you want to go.”

I frown and slump. “I’m not up for a trip.”

“And this isn’t up for discussion.”

“I can’t afford a trip since I had this surgery. The bills will be horrible.”

“Don’t you worry about it. The trip is already taken care of.”

“You?”

“Your dad. Now, come on. I’ll help you get dressed. Where do you want to go?”

“There’s only one place I want to see.”

We check into our hotel
before we stop at a grocery store where I pick up what I need. She then drives us a short distance to Henlopen State Park.