In the Lyrics (29 page)

Grabbing my wrist, Colby stops me in my tracks. “You’re thanking me for driving my girlfriend to the airport? Don’t do that. Don’t thank me for that. Do you thank me for driving you to school? No, you don’t. This isn’t any different. And we’re not going to say goodbye, because you’ll be back or I’ll come there and pursue music after I finish school. Maybe someone will come along and offer me a record deal, who knows? But what I do know is you’re not going to thank me for giving you a measly ride to the airport. Got it?”

I nod.

The voice of a female standing at a small podium in front of me hollers “Next,” waiting to scan my license and ticket and usher me through the security line.

“I guess she means me.”

Dropping my bag to the floor, Colby’s arms wrap around me. My senses are in overdrive as I take in this moment, saving to memory how he smells, how his soft skin feels against mine, the way he interlocks his fingers behind my back. I don’t want to forget this moment. I know I’ll be clinging to it while I’m gone.

“I love you, Hensley Elaine Bradley, and I know you’re going to get out there and be amazing. Just promise me one thing?”

“Anything,” my voice cracks.

“Don’t lose yourself out there. You’re one of the strongest women I know. You’re fierce. Don’t let anyone take that from you.”

“Why do I feel like you’re saying goodbye?” I ask as I bite my lip, trying to hold back tears.

Nonchalantly he tightens his brow as his eyes grow wide, “Because I am, Sunshine.”

I hate that I feel like this goodbye means more than a simple “I’ll see ya later.” I’m flying across the country for an extended period of time and leaving my boyfriend behind. God knows that distance is never good on relationships; I just pray that we can be the couple to prove the universe wrong. I pray more than anything that we can make it through this.

“I have to go, babe, or this lady’s liable to bust a vein staring at us. I love you, Colby. Don’t give up on me and what we have. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Pulling me closer to him, he kisses me briefly, and then tilts my head towards the ground and kisses me on the temple and then whispers into my ear, “Don’t become a member of the mile high club, little lady.”

A warm smile spreads across his dimpled face, and I know with certainty we can make it through anything.

I FEEL LIKE a part of me is leaving as Hensley looks back one last time before she passes through security and is out of sight. Who am I kidding? A part of me
is
leaving. She’s the puzzle piece I was missing.

Spending the last few hours together acting like an immature little chump probably wasn’t the best idea, but I didn’t know how to act. Those morons from Smashtown just took my muse away. Kissing her goodbye…that shit was hard.

Walking out of the terminal without her by my side is a sour moment. Walking into an empty apartment and not seeing her on the couch eating a bowl of her favorite sorbet was agony. But it was nothing compared to lying down for bed that first time without her in my arms. That was pure torture.

Just like when tragedy strikes, you move on. You pick up the pieces of the wreckage that has become your life, and you start to clean up. It’s not easy at first, and the memories that accompany the possessions that the storm’s left behind dredge up old feelings, ones you thought you had buried. But just like before, when my world came crashing down as we laid my baby brother to rest, I’ll move on. My heart will heal from her absence, just like it will from his.

MY PHONE RINGS, and just like every other time for the past three months, I run like a mad man towards the sound of the persistent buzzing.

Out of breath I answer the line. “Hey, Sunshine.”

“Babe, are you okay? Wait, are you exercising?” Hensley chuckles and for a brief moment it feels like all is right in the world again.

“Um, no. I couldn’t find the dang phone, but speaking of exercising, I really should hit the gym.”

“You’d lose your head if it wasn’t attached, Colby!”

She’s right, I would.

“It’s because you’re not here keeping me in line.” I try to keep the despair out of my voice.

“Come on, not again. This is killing me too. At least you’re sleeping in a bed and not on this cramped tour bus. It’s April and it feels like August. The stupid driver keeps it hotter than Hades. One day when I make it big and I’m on my own tour and not opening for people, my bus is going to be huge, with a stellar AC unit. I want the mack-daddy of tour buses. A girl can dream.”

“Look, you’re already living your dream. So the tour bus sucks, big deal. Put in your time, and one day you’ll have a killer bus.”

Things have been really hard on Hensley. I don’t think she was prepared for the life she was rushed into. As soon as she stepped off the plane, people were there and to this day they’ve never left. They’re always following her around, primping her, taking pictures for marketing. With every phone call, we’re bound to get interrupted at least five times. Although she isn’t the main attraction yet, they still treat her like she is some huge megastar in all things but her tour bus.

There’s someone talking to her, distracting her from our conversation. I’ve just learned to accept that when we do have the rare chance to talk to one another, she’s not really there. I bet she’d still be chatting it up with whatever doofus is next to her. In all honesty it’s really Michael and Robert I’m jealous of. One of them is always around my girl, spending time with her like I wish I was.

“Hold on a second. Can’t you see I’m on the phone?” Her voice sounds aggravated. Just like it always does.

Beating her to the goodbye, I make up an excuse to get off the phone. “Hey, Sunshine, I gotta get to the center. Call me whenever you can, okay?”

“Oh, Colby. I didn’t realize. I’m sorry. I love you. Goodbye.”

Hanging up the line, I slide on my boots and grab my cap.

Dusty stops me before I open the front door. “Was that our girl?”

“Yes, sir, it was,” My voice sounds monotone as I try and hide my melancholy.

“Was she short again?” he asks, but we both know the answer.

“My oh my, you are right again,” I bark, my anger not directed at him, but since he’s here he gets the brunt of it.

“Easy, killer. Well, where ya headed?”

“Logan’s on spring break and Mr. Blair needs some help around the farm. You busy?”

Dusty shakes his head no.

“Good, because I could sure use some help.”

WE SPEND THE afternoon hauling hay, feeding the horses, and cleaning stalls. It’s not my favorite pastime, but it keeps me busy. At least my fingers have been getting their exercise because I haven’t been playing much. Actually, the last time I looked at my guitar, it had a thin layer of dust on it. I have a feeling that if I picked it up and tried to write something, it’d be a dark grungy tune. I wasn’t lying when I said my muse left.

Other than working at the farm and volunteering as a Big Brother, my life has been uneventful. There’s not much to do in a small town without a girl, and Dusty has been so wrapped up with Trevor and this new modeling gig he’s picked up. I’ve pretty much been alone, just like I assumed I would be.

Moving the horses back into their stalls, I hit the lights, run up to the house to say goodbye to Mrs. Blair, and then we head towards my truck.

The ride home is fairly quiet until Dusty asks, “Are you still thinking about going out there?”

It’s been on my mind for a while now. Three months without seeing each other is a long time. But the resources just aren’t there. I know Hensley got her sign-on bonus, but she hasn’t offered to fly me out, and I would rather eat a plate full of sand than ask my girlfriend for money.

“I mean, I’ve considered it, but how’d I get out there? My looks?” I grin. “On second thought, I am pretty handsome.”

“Barf!” Dusty jokes.

We’ve gotten a lot closer over the past few months. He’s all I have here, and well, he doesn’t have many close friends either. Other than Trevor, who’s always around. It’s nice because it gives me time to sulk without anyone noticing it. While they’re out to dinner or the movies, I sit in my room and think. I wonder what she’s doing, if she’s happy, if she misses me as much as I miss her. I know it isn’t healthy, but what else is there to do?

“Change of subject. Trevor and I are going bowling tonight if you wanted to join us.”

“I’m good. Thanks for the invite, but I think I’m going to tinker around the apartment. Maybe pick up my guitar or something.”

Turning on my signal, I switch lanes.

“That’s a bald-faced lie. We both know damn well you haven’t played since she left. Now I’m not asking. I’m telling you you’re coming bowling with us. You need some fresh air and a little fun in your life”

He’s right. I haven’t done anything since she left. I’ve been too lonely and have been keeping myself hidden having a pity party for one. I did confide in Dusty about it a few weeks ago. I had to get it off my chest and talk to someone.

He took it surprisingly well, but he was pissed that I turned down my dream to be with Hensley. I remember him rubbing his face and telling me how bad I have it for her. The truth is apparent. I do have it bad, but the worst part is me having it bad and being alone. It’s like I’m loving her from afar now, and she doesn’t even know what I did to keep us together. She ripped us apart, not knowing.

“Okay, dude. I’ll come,” I surrender knowing that me sitting alone in our apartment sulking isn’t going to bring her home.

A few hours later, Dusty is dragging me practically kicking and screaming from the apartment. I know I agreed to go, but agreeing to do something and actually doing it are two very different things. It’s not that I like sitting, alone, in the apartment. It’s just that I feel like my other half is missing. Why go out and do things that we used to do together? What’s the point in revisiting those places and reminding myself that she’s not here to experience them with anymore?

“I’ll drive. You drink.” He knows I don’t drink. He doesn’t know why, but he’s aware that drinking isn’t something I do.

“I’m good. You can still drive though. We don’t have to drink to have a good time,” I say, and then he shrugs his shoulders before he leans down and climbs into the driver’s side seat. We pick up Trevor and then head towards the town’s bowling alley. There’s no parking when we get there so we have to park a couple of blocks away and then walk. Who would have thought it was so cool to go bowling on a Saturday night these days?

Walking into the alley, there are clusters of college kids.

“Hi, Colby.” A girl from my accounting class waves at me.

Nodding my head, we walk by her and her friends to the counter.

“Mr. Popular has made his presence,” Dusty laughs and then orders his and Trevor’s shoes.

“Shut up, dude. I have a class with her, that’s all.”

Seriousness claims him. “Look, you don’t have to explain to me. Just because you’re dating my bestie doesn’t mean that you’re not still a man. Just as long as you remember to look and not touch, we’ll be A-Okay.”

Shaking my head, I order my shoes and pay the cashier for my game.