In the Lyrics (31 page)

After it’s done, he sprays some sort of ointment on it and wipes off the excess ink with a paper towel. Standing up, I walk over to a long mirror on the wall. Tilting my head slightly, the same tattoo that appears on Colby’s side appears behind my left ear. It looks just as beautiful as his does, and I’m really happy he wanted to do this. We share yet again another first.

It’s dark outside when we leave the tattoo shop, but instead of going home, Colby wants to see the studio. I don’t want to deny him, but I did tell Emiko I wouldn’t be in. If Michael and Robert are there, I don’t want it to dredge up negative feelings for Colby. Not that I think he would be upset, but he might harbor anger towards them, since they chose me instead of him.

“Are you sure, babe? It’s nothing fancy, just some equipment and a sound booth.”

He turns his head and looks at me in shock.

“Just some equipment? Since when has it been just some equipment? You’ve been dreaming of this your whole life. I want to see where the magic happens. I want to see where you spend your days. I’m not going to be here long, ya know. Just tomorrow, so show me what you do, Sunshine.”

Leaning over the armrest in the car, I kiss him on the cheek and then start the car.

“To the studio,” I say.

“SO THIS IS IT.” I wave around the empty studio, thanking God that no one is here.

“It looks just like I thought it would. Do you like it?”

Confused I answer, “Sure. It’s nice.”

“I mean, do you like being here, making music?”

Do I tell him that I love it more than anything in this world? That being here has been amazing so far? That being away from him doesn’t matter, because I’m here doing what I love? To tell him those things would break his heart, so I tell him a half truth. “I do. It’s been awesome coming here, into the studio, and singing. It’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced knowing that someone, the label, believes in me.”

The sound of the door opening draws both of our eyes to its frame. “I do believe in you,” Michael says as he walks into the small studio. “Mr. Grant, it’s nice to see you again.”

IT’S LIKE A flashback as Michael stands before me telling Hensley that he believes in her. His words make me want to puke as he feeds her what she wants to hear. I know I didn’t come here to argue or fight, but hearing him talk makes my blood boil.

“It’s nice, huh, Colby?” Michael asks.

“Yup,” I quickly say not sparing another ounce of energy to talk to his ass.

Hensley nudges my side, “Don’t be rude, babe.”

“Why don’t you go in the booth, son? Get a feel for it. You never know, Smashtown might need another male singer in the future.”

Is this dude for real? He’s going to do this, right here, right now?

“I’m good, man. I think we were just about to head home. We’ve had a long day.” I grab Hensley’s hand.

“Oh, don’t be a baby. This might be your only opportunity. Show me that I wasn’t making a mistake offering you a contract,” he smirks.

The room goes silent and my anger flares. Who does he think he is mentioning that in front of Hensley? Did he just assume that I told her, that she was his second choice? I would never fucking do that to her, and I’ll be damned if he is going to run his mouth about it right now.

“Shut the fuck up, man,” I shout as I lurch towards him.

“Colby!” Hensley yells, but it doesn’t stop me. Even if she tried, I doubt she’d be able to right now.

Pushing Michael into the wall of the studio, I feel like I could rip his head off. “You sorry motherfucker, you better shut your damn mouth if you know what’s good for you.”

Opening his mouth, he fights for air as my hands press harder against his chest.

“You didn’t tell her, did you?” he probes with a cocky grin on his face, one that says he knows exactly what he is doing.

I see red.

“Colby, what didn’t you tell me? What contract is he talking about?” Hensley demands with questions I never thought I’d have to answer, because she would have never known about his lame ass offer.

My teeth clench together as I try to control my anger. I flew out here to be with my girlfriend, not to beat an old man up. “Please leave,” I politely demand under my breath. “I’m asking nicely so I can patch up the damage you undoubtedly just caused. Just walk out the door, and don’t look back.”

I take a deep breath and then let up on the pressure I have on his chest. His jaw clenches as he looks past my shoulder towards Hensley, and then he takes a step towards the door. And he doesn’t look back.

Reaching out and grabbing my arms, Hensley hugs me, but I don’t move. I can’t. I’m scared if I do, this life we’ve created, this relationship, will crumble. Because once I tell her the truth about Smashtown, I’m scared she’ll hate me for keeping it from her.

“I want to know what he meant, please,” she begs.

Grabbing her hand, I turn off the light switch and usher her out the door. “I don’t want to do this in this fucking studio. Let’s go back to your place, and we’ll talk.”

The silence that lingers between us as we drive through traffic makes me wish I would’ve never even flown out here. If I would’ve just stayed back in Nashville, we wouldn’t be about to have this conversation.

Parking the car, we walk inside and before the door shuts, Hensley says, “Speak and don’t leave out any details.” Her tone sounds madder than it did in the studio.

Not sparing any, I tell her the truth, from the beginning. My palms sweat as I admit that Smashtown offered me a contract to join their label, but I turned it down.

“So what you’re saying is you gave your contract up to be with me?”

I’m glad that’s the part she heard. Maybe she’ll forget the part where I blatantly lied to her about it. Hopefully, she’ll see that I did it for us.

“Yes, and I’d do it again to be with you.”

Coughing she tries to act like she isn’t sniffling, but I hear her loud and clear, “I was second best. That night, they were there for you, weren’t they?”

Confessing, I nod my head and confirm her question. “Yes, but I didn’t know it was just for me. I swear. I tried my best to showcase how good we all were. We were an amazing trio. You know that just as well as I do. I tried to tell them, but they wouldn’t listen. They offered me a spot with their label and I turned it down. Before I knew it, you were rushing in telling me that they signed you. Hensley, you should have seen the look in your eyes. You were so fucking excited. How could I burst your bubble and tell you you were their second pick? I couldn’t, so I didn’t, and if I had to rewind time, I still wouldn’t tell you. Look around, look at this condo, the car you’re driving, the music you’re making. You love it, and I love you enough to be stuck back in Nashville, just so you can be here.”

“The thing is, Colby, we weren’t a trio. Yes, for a little bit we were making music together, but this was my dream, long before you came into the picture. We weren’t ever a package deal, but if I would have known that you turned them down for me, I might have considered it too. I might not have just agreed to sign with them, had I known. Now I’ve been sitting here for three entire months beating myself up about boarding that plane. You think that it didn’t hurt me to leave you? It killed me, it still kills me, but knowing that you lied hurts worse. I decided to leave when I didn’t have all the details. You decided to lie, when you did.”

Tears stream down her face as she bends to sit on the corner of the couch.

“Hensley, listen to me. I love you so much. I flew all the way out here to be with you, not to make you cry. I’m sorry, okay? Is that what you want to hear? Michael is a tool. He’s a sneaky, little bitch, but he isn’t going to ruin us. The distance hasn’t, the time apart hasn’t, and he isn’t going to be the one thing that drives a wedge between us. Don’t let him be.”

“Colby, I love you too, and I’m glad you came. But I think you should leave.”

I feel like all of the air in my lungs has been sucked out of me.

“You want me to leave? Are you kidding? I’m pouring my soul out to you. I’m telling you the truth and you want me to leave?”

I’ve seen Hensley angry one time. One time we screamed at one another like children, but this, this argument is much, much worse.

“You lied to me. Not once have I ever lied or kept anything from you. I appreciate it, okay? I’m thanking my fucking stars that gave up your record deal so I can be here. I get what you did was the most selfless gesture one could make, just so we could be together, but look around, Colby. We’re not together. I haven’t seen you in three months, we barely have time to talk, and I’m lonely all the time. And it’s all because you lied. Maybe you should have… maybe you should have taken their offer and left.”

I don’t understand where all of this is coming from, or why she is so upset. It seems as if she’s mad that she’s here, that she took the deal, but I don’t know why.

“Sunshine, don’t do this. Remember we’re like Tim and Faith. You said it yourself. We can make it through anything.”

Sighing, she takes her phone out of her pocket and dials a number. “I’ll need a cab please…”

Rambling off her address, my heart breaks in two. She’s kicking me out? Dropping to my knees, I beg her not to do this, through the sobs that escape my mouth and the tears that freely fall down my cheeks. I beg like a fucking, little bitch in hopes that she will see how sorry I am. In the hope that she’ll put down the phone and pretend this never happened.

“Hensley Elaine, I get that you’re mad. Let’s just sleep on this. We can talk in the morning. Please don’t do this. Don’t do this to us. It’s not worth it. Michael and this label aren’t worth losing us over.”

“I think we lost us the moment I left. I had so much faith that we could make it through anything, but not when you’ve been lying this entire time. I can’t face that fact. What if you took their offer? You’d be here and I’d be at home. I know this doesn’t make sense. I’m just….I’m so confused. I don’t know what’s real or how I should feel. And I know I’m selfish for taking their offer without any reservations. Maybe that’s the real issue. Maybe I’m too disgusted with myself. I don’t deserve someone who did something so selfless. I failed us. It’s my fault, and I’ll accept that blame. But I can’t do it with you sleeping by me. I can’t do it with you in my home or in my life. I don’t deserve you.”

I crawl on my knees the rest of the way towards her and kneel in front of her. Reaching up, I grab her face with my hand. “This is real. Our love, it’s real. Because I turned down Smashtown, you’re here, and that’s real. But pushing me away isn’t going to help. You’re still going to be sitting here, thinking, questioning yourself, wishing we would’ve handled this argument differently. Once I leave, if you kick me out, I won’t be here when you realize you made a mistake. You’re angry, I get that. You feel guilty you took them up on their contract, I get that too. I almost did, but the difference between the two of us, the only difference was I thought we were a package deal. It’s Colby and Hensley against the world, remember? Now please call them back and cancel the cab.”

The sound of someone knocking on the door feels like someone gripping my heart and squeezing it.

“Please, just go. I just need some time to think through all of this. I can’t…I can’t think clearly with you around. I can’t look into those eyes and see the reflection of myself right now.”

I tilt her head to the side and kiss the top of her head and then grab my bag and walk out the door.

Fuck you, Michael!