Infinite (Strange and Beautiful, Book 1) (75 page)

  Once
prom was out of the way, I was sure everything would finally settle back down
into normality. Naturally, that was when the unthinkable happened.

I
wasn’t sure if I’d just missed the clues in all of the prior chaos or if it
really had come on so suddenly, but I first noticed it on the Wednesday after
prom; “it” being Tegan’s strange behavior.

By
our lockers before our first classes of the day, she asked, “Hey, do you want
to go to the movies Friday?”

“Sure,”
I agreed easily. “Did you have anything in mind?”

A
smile bloomed across her face as she said, “I thought
Disturbia
looked
pretty good. That’s the one with Shia LaBeouf. You know, from
Even Stevens
?”

“Oh!
Right,” I nodded. “It’s the modern remake of
Rear Window
. That one does
look good.”

“Awesome,
I’ll look up the showing times later,” Tegan offered.

“Or
I could just ask Jackson,” I pointed out. As soon as I mentioned his name,
though, I muttered, “Crap.”

Tegan
frowned. “What?”

“I
just remembered that Jackson asked me on Monday if I wanted to do something
Friday since he has the night off.” I felt so shitty for forgetting. Apparently
I needed to get a date book so I couldn’t double schedule. Who’d have thought
I’d ever have that kind of problem? Certainly not me.

“Oh,”
was all Tegan said.

“Well,”
I sighed, “maybe we could all go to the movie together? Jackson could get us a
discount.”

“No,”
Tegan waved me off. “That’s okay. We’ll do something some other time.”

“We
could go to the movies on Saturday,” I suggested.

“No,”
Tegan shook her head and stepped back. “I can’t. We’ll figure something out for
some other time.” She took a few more steps backward as she said, “I’m going to
head to class. I’ll see you later.”

I
felt terrible for letting her down, and I wasn’t sure what I could do to fix
it. It was so hard to find time to be with Jackson outside of school, though,
because of his work schedule, so I’d feel equally awful canceling on him to go
out with Tegan.

Tegan
seemed quiet most of the day. When I tried to apologize for the scheduling
conflict at the end of the day, she smiled. “It’s fine, Sil. I get it.”

That
didn’t absolve me of my guilt, but she seemed okay on Thursday, which made the
knot in my chest loosen just a bit.

On
Friday morning, Skylar left for school early without an explanation while Luke
was running behind because he couldn’t find his cell phone. We just barely made
it to school in time for me to run to my locker—tripping twice along the
way—and get my books before hurrying to class, so I didn’t get to talk to
Tegan, Jackson or Mark before school.

When
Mark met me at my locker between first and second block, I was immediately
concerned. He usually didn’t meet me between classes unless it was one I shared
with Tegan. His face was drawn into a confused frown.

“What’s
up?” I asked as I put away my books from History.

“I’m
not sure,” he replied as I took out my Biology book. “Is something going on
with Tegan?”

I
stopped trying to locate my Biology folder and looked up at Mark, shaking my
head. “I don’t think so.” His frown seemed to deepen. “I didn’t see her this
morning, though. Luke was running late, and Skylar left early,” I quickly
explained. “What makes you think something’s wrong?”

Mark
rubbed absently at his chin, as if trying to collect his thoughts. Finally, he
sighed, shaking his head. “I don’t know. She just seems like something’s
bugging her.” He paused before adding what I was certain was his biggest worry.
“You don’t think it’s me, do you?”

While
Mark and Tegan had been dating since March, they didn’t become “official” until
prom. Several people asked Mark throughout the evening if Tegan was his
girlfriend. Some were bold while others asked in hushed tones, but, finally,
Mark turned to Tegan, smiling happily, and said, “I’d be more than happy to claim
her. That is, if she’ll have me.”

Tegan
had beamed, extremely pleased, with a smile that rivaled
Alice
’s
Cheshire cat. “Of course,” she nodded.

It
was incredibly cute, and Tegan had gushed over it the rest of the weekend.
She’d talked to me several times since she and Mark started dating about how
she wished she knew how to define her relationship with him. It was obvious
after only a few dates that she and Mark really liked each other, so I was so
happy for them.

With
that knowledge in mind, I rolled my eyes as the sheer ridiculousness of Mark’s
question. “No,” I answered with an honest smile, “I don’t think it’s you.”

I
could understand Mark’s worry, though, because Tegan rarely ever got visibly
upset. Because she was generally such a happy person, she usually was very
self-contained whenever she was upset. For him to sense something was wrong
with her, either Mark was very perceptive or something pretty heavy was going
on.

“I’ll
talk to her at lunch. See if I can sort out what’s going on with her,” I
offered.

“Thanks,”
Mark sighed. I smiled, patting him on the arm, before we both hurried off to
our next classes.

When
I arrived in the cafeteria, unfortunately, the table was already full, which
didn’t lend to speaking to Tegan in semi-privacy. I could tell almost
immediately, however, that something was a bit off with her. She didn’t join in
the conversation with everyone else; instead, she had her nose stuck in a
book—a transgression I was often scolded for during lunch. 

Tegan
also only glanced at me once when I sat down beside her at the table. Mark
caught my gaze and raised an eyebrow as if to say, “See what I mean?” I
grimaced, nodding my head to let him know I did.

Lunch
dragged as my worry increased. When the bell finally rang, Tegan gathered her
things and started to walk off.

I
threw my trash away and hurried after her. “Tee—”

“I
don’t want to talk about it, Silly,” she said before I could even ask.

From
the sharp tone of her voice, it was just as obvious Mark’s assumption was
correct as it was apparent I wouldn’t be getting any immediate answers. She
stomped off, blending in with the crowd leaving the cafeteria, and I stopped in
my tracks, stunned by the chilling tone of her words. I couldn’t remember her
ever talking to
anyone
—let alone me—that way.

I
jumped when Jackson wrapped his arm around me. I smiled, feebly, up at him and
sighed as Mark appeared on my other side.

“Well?”
he prompted.

“Something’s
definitely wrong, but I don’t think you have anything to worry about, Mark.” I
bit my lip to keep the tears at bay. “I have a feeling I may be the problem.”

“What
makes you say that?” Jackson sounded appalled at the notion.

“She
wouldn’t even talk to me.” My words were no more than a whisper. I bit my lip
once again, blinking back the moisture in my eyes, as I tried to figure out
what happened overnight to cause Tegan’s mood to change to drastically. Tegan
wasn’t a moody person, and for her to be so upset—and not to tell me—could only
mean I was part of the problem.

“Maybe
it’s just that time of the month,” Mark suggested, hopefully.

“Could
be,” Jackson agreed.

“Ugh.”
I rolled my eyes in disgust. “Why do you guys always assume that has to be the
problem?” I shook my head in irritation and stepped out of Jackson’s embrace.
“Never mind,” I said quickly when Mark and Jackson opened their mouths to
speak. “I don’t even want to know.”

Disgusted
and confused, I turned and headed for my locker. I sincerely hoped Mark hadn’t
asked Tegan if she was suffering from PMS. I had a feeling that would only
exacerbate the situation.

By
the time I made it to the locker room to change for P.E., Tegan was already
dressed and waiting in the gym for class to begin. When I did make it to the
gym, Tegan busied herself with talking to her other friends. I was so confused,
and hurt, by her sudden change of behavior; I didn’t feel brave enough to
approach her. This cold shoulder and refusal to talk about it was so unlike
her.

It
wasn’t until after the final bell that I had another chance to try to speak to
her. I remembered how determined she’d been to make me see reason when I was
being so stupid about Jackson. With that thought it mind, I decided I wasn’t
about to let her just get by with not telling me what was wrong. I hoped, at
least, if she was mad at me that she’d tell me what I’d done to upset her. I
thought she knew I’d do whatever it took to right my wrong.

I
silently followed her to her locker. Once there, I watched while she fiddled
with the combination for a minute before she got it open. I waited for the
people with lockers on either side of her to get his and her stuff and leave
before I leaned against the locker to her left. I stared at her, hoping she’d
look up, but she kept her eyes down. Finally, I asked, “Do you still not want
to talk about it?”

She
spared me the briefest of looks as she shoved her books into her bag. “Not
really,” she replied tersely.

“Will
you at least tell me if this mood is directed solely at me?”

“Yes.”

When
she didn’t elaborate, I asked, “Yes, you can tell me? Or, yes, you’re pissed
off at me?”

“Yes
to both.”

“Tee,”
I sighed, “what did I do?”

She
paused a moment, biting her lip, as if trying to decide whether or not she
would tell me. I was fast realizing that, when—I refused to say “if”—Tegan
finally forgave me, that I would never again do something to make her angry. It
seemed she was an entirely different person when she was upset.

I
wracked my mind, trying to figure out what I’d done. The only thing I could
think of was canceling our plans on Wednesday, but since she’d been okay the
day before, that didn’t seem to fit. Before I could come up with anything else,
she said, “I saw your MySpace.”

It
took me a moment to process that because it seemed like such a strange thing to
say. “So?”

I
tried to figure out what she might have seen on MySpace. I’d logged on last
night and tried to add Oxide to my friends list; “tried” being the key word.
The Internet was being dodgy and the browser froze up while I was trying to
update.

“So?
So?
” Tegan demanded. “That’s all you can say to me?”

I
stared at her, dumbfounded.

“I
thought I was your best friend,” she went on, bitterly. “I thought we agreed
that our friendship always came before guys.”

“It
does.” I nodded my head vigorously as confusion continued to swirl through my
head. “What does that have to do with MySpace?”

“If
friends come before boyfriends, then why is Jackson your number one and I’m
number two?”

Her
question, somewhat hysterical, took me aback. “What?” I began. “No, I . . .” I
stopped, trying to think. I
had
been rearranging my top eight to include
Oxide. I couldn’t remember changing anything around with Tegan or Jackson’s
account, though; unless it happened when the browser froze. I’d tried moving
around the mouse. I supposed it was possible I’d accidentally switched them.

“Yes,
you did,” Tegan seethed. “And, you know, I know you like Jackson. I know you
care about him. You might even love him. God knows you’ve told me enough times,
but sometimes I just get so fucking sick of hearing about him.” I was stunned
to hear her curse; it happened so rarely.

“I
mean, it was bad enough you blew me off to hang out with him during spring
break.” She shook her head and rolled her eyes. Bitterness seemed to exude from
her. “I get having a boyfriend. You know that, but, lately, it feels like I
can’t even get you to hang out with me unless Jackson’s busy with something
else.”

“Tegan
. . .” I didn’t know what to say. I’d had no idea she’d felt this way all the
way back in March. No wonder she was so angry.

“I
don’t want to hear it.” She slammed her locker shut. “At least now I know where
I rate on the totem pole.”

Before
I could form any sort of answer, she walked away. As she disappeared around the
corner, I turned to face the lockers and banged my head lightly against the cool
metal. What on earth just happened? I wondered. How could Tegan possibly think
that she wasn’t important to me? She was my best friend above and beyond all
else. How could she ever doubt that?

I
jumped when I felt a hand on my shoulder, but then I recognized Jackson’s soft
laughter. “A bit jumpy today, aren’t we?”

I
turned around, close to tears, and the smile that had been playing on his lips
quickly disappeared. “What’s wrong?”

“Tegan’s
mad at me,” I sighed.

“Why?”
He sounded mystified, like it was unfathomable that Tegan could be upset with
me. Instead of making me feel better, it only made me feel worse.

I
tried to explain what she’d said in the most tactful way. I didn’t want to
Jackson to feel like he was the problem; he wasn’t. I also omitted the part
about how I thought I might love him. Now wasn’t the time to delve into that
discussion. Fixing things with Tegan was more important now than confessing my
possible undying love for my boyfriend of four months.

“I’m
sure she’ll get over it,” Jackson said, pulling me into a hug and patting me
soothingly on the back, once I’d finished explaining. “It sounds like she was
just overreacting.”

“But
what if she’s not?” I sighed, tilting my head back so he could hear me. “I
mean, she’s partially right. I haven’t been hanging out with her nearly as much
since you and I have started dating. Granted, she has Mark, so that makes it
somewhat harder to get together, but I don’t want her to feel like she’s my
second choice.”

I
peeked up at Jackson, hoping I hadn’t offended him in some way. After all,
aside from my family, he and Tegan were the most important people in my life.
Choosing between them just didn’t seem fair. I’d known Tegan most of my life,
and she’d been there for me whenever I needed her. Best friend seemed like such
an understatement. I’d called her my saving grace so many times before; that
hadn’t changed, but I also had Jackson now too. He, too, was my friend as well
as my boyfriend. I cared about him just as much as I did Tegan but in a very different
way.