Innocence (40 page)

The two girls had already discussed the instructions given to young ladies in preparation for marriage and how young gentlemen were clearly not held to the same standard. Rebecca’s conversations with Sally had increased her understanding of what the vague and contradictory phrases referenced. But there was so much more to lovemaking than either a crude accounting or ambiguous moral directives could reveal.

“I knew it was wrong not to protest, since we were not married,” Lisa said. “But it felt so wonderful. I tried to resist, but I believed all hope for my future was lost. Nathaniel said he cared for me and offered to protect me in exchange for my surrender.”
 

“Don’t be ashamed. You had no choice.”
 

“But I did,” Lisa whispered. “Nathaniel said he would find me another place of employment, but I didn’t want to leave him and, truth be told, I didn’t want him to stop.”

“Even when he did what Sally says men do to women to make them with child and for the man’s pleasure?” Rebecca grimaced.

“Especially then.” The memory of the first time Nathaniel had joined his body with Lisa’s caused her pulse to race.

“I still can’t believe people do such bizarre things to each other. It sounds so unseemly and
painful
.”
 

“It was a little uncomfortable at first, but when there is love, gentleness, and desire, it’s truly amazing and not
only
for the man’s pleasure.”
 

“It feels nice?” Rebecca’s gaze flitted away then returned to meet Lisa’s, her curiosity greater than her embarrassment.

“Oh, much better than nice.”
 

“Do you think it would still be nice if you had to pretend you didn’t feel anything, lying still and silent like they say a young bride is supposed to?”

“Maybe.” Lisa shrugged. “But I think it would be very difficult having to hide one’s natural responses. It would surely lead to terrible heartache and despondency.”

“Resentment, too,” Rebecca said.

Lisa nodded sadly.

“Nathaniel took great care when we made love. He was patient and determined for me to reach the pinnacle of my pleasure before he took his own.”

“Pinnacle of pleasure?” Rebecca’s eyes widened.

“It’s the most amazing feeling,” Lisa whispered, an undeniable tinge of awe in her voice. “A type of
ecstasy
that transports you to a special place of rapture inside your own body. An intimate place you somehow share with your beloved.”

“Do you think anyone can feel it?”
 

“I imagine so,” Lisa said uncertainly. “Though I think many ladies must never experience it, their senses stifled by the repressive instructions they receive before going to their marriage beds. If they did, they wouldn’t be so disdainful or afraid, and they would not perpetuate such an awful state of affairs as currently exists.”

Rebecca looked doubtful but urged her to continue.

“Nathaniel was very gentle in the beginning until my fears and shyness abated, passionate and even forceful when I was experienced enough to appreciate his actions. But always, he was loving.”

“And you don’t think a husband of our class would be like that with his bride?”
 

“Not if he was following the same instructions we were given.” Lisa sighed. “Nathaniel said married couples don’t remove their night gowns so as to conserve their dignity. The act is performed as perfunctorily as possible to cause the least distress to the dutiful but reluctant wife.”

“That sounds awful in comparison to what you described.”

Nodding soberly, Lisa couldn’t help but agree.

“Could you imagine having to
lie
with someone you didn’t love or even know very well?” Rebecca asked, no doubt imagining the marriages many young ladies of their class had arranged for them.

Shuddering, Lisa was unable to think of appropriate words with which to reply. From the bleakness in Rebecca’s eyes, she saw her reaction had been response enough.

“I care for Hugh a great deal,” Rebecca whispered. “And I wouldn’t want to marry anyone else . . .”

“But?”
 

“But I can’t bear the thought of him being unfaithful or of having to hide my feelings from him.”

Lisa felt exactly the same way about Nathaniel, and she reached to clasp Rebecca’s hand in hers.
 

“Then we must convince our foolish lords to ignore society’s ridiculous expectations and live happily ever after with the ladies of their dreams . . . us.”

“Somehow, I don’t think Nathaniel will be difficult to convince.” Rebecca giggled.

“Oh, I hope not, Rebecca, I truly hope not,” Lisa murmured.

Chapter 36

Audience

London was every bit as crowded and polluted as Lisa had been warned to expect, but enthralling nonetheless. By the time they reached the exclusive area of the city where Stanton House was located, the closely packed buildings and teeming streets had given way to wide, tree-lined roads and impressive homes overlooking manicured parks. Even so, Thomas’s London home stood head and shoulders above its neighbours. Like Worthington Hall, it could have easily passed for a royal residence, and Lisa was plagued by feelings of unworthiness.
 

She feared she wouldn’t be able to live up to the standards of behaviour required of a marchioness, that was if Nathaniel was still the Marquis of Marsden. For all Lisa knew, he may have already been stripped of his titles.

Guiltily, she recognised a small part of her would be relieved if it was too late to stop that from occurring. A quiet life in the country spent far from the
ton’s
rigorous expectations sounded awfully tempting, though the thought of being forced to flee abroad was not. They had enough problems to face without adding his catastrophic fall from grace and banishment to the Antipodes to the mix.

“Lady Rebecca, please wait,” Sir George called, stepping down from the vehicle, but the girl ignored his directive and rushed up to the front door of the imposing mansion.

Lisa gave her father a rueful smile, and he shrugged. It was Rebecca’s family home, after all, and she seemed used to getting her own way.

They reached the entrance located beneath a massive portico just as the door was opened by a butler who could have passed for Mr Henson’s sibling.

“Lady Rebecca.” The servant startled. “Aren’t you supposed to be at Worthington Hall awaiting your new governess’s arrival?”

“Yes, yes.” Rebecca demurred with a wave of her hand. “Something of an urgent nature came up, and I couldn’t wait for Miss Tompkins’s arrival. I made the journey with Father’s very dear friend, Sir George Barlow, and his daughter, the heroic Miss Anneliese Barlow. I’m sure you’ve read all about them in the papers.” She gave the half-truth by way of explanation and introduction.
 

The butler’s momentary discomposure was replaced with the impeccable reserve expected of one of his position in the household. With a bow in their directions, he calmly ushered Lisa and her father into the grand entrance before leading them through to a large drawing room.

“Are the Duke and Duchess at home?” Rebecca asked once they’d taken their seats and refreshments had been called for.

“I’m afraid not, my lady. His Grace was meeting some colleagues at his club before going on to Parliament for the afternoon sitting, and Her Grace had an invitation to luncheon with Lady Bunton.”

“What of my brother, Lord Marsden?”
 

With the air of one imparting news of considerable importance, the butler intoned, “The Marquis is at the palace. An audience with the King, I believe.”

Lisa gasped, and her father patted her arm.
 

“Don’t fret. A decision like this won’t be made in haste,” he said before addressing the butler. “Is this the first time Lord Marsden has gone to the palace?”

“No, sir. He has visited daily since arriving a little over two weeks ago. However, His Grace was heard saying to Her Grace just this morning that he thought today was the day the King would make his wishes known.”

“Then we’re too late,” Lisa whispered.

“Not necessarily.” Her father rose to his feet. “The King is a social fellow. I doubt he’ll be in too
much of a hurry to get down to business, though I do believe
some
haste is required.”

“You’ve met King William?” she asked as they rushed for the door.

“Briefly, back when he was a rear-admiral. A reasonable fellow, if I recall, certainly easier to deal with than his predecessor, King George. I met
him
when I received my knighthood, but that was many years ago when he was still Prince Regent.”
 

He shuddered, and Lisa struggled to imagine her serious-minded father, with his love of bucolic pastimes, being honoured at the court of the flamboyant if deeply unpopular sovereign. It was almost as difficult to conceive she was related to royalty.

“Did Mama ever meet King George?” she asked as they climbed back into the carriage.
 

“Her parents intended for her to visit the English Court, but the Terror began before she was old enough to do so. She remained behind in Henbury when I received my knighthood, as she was indisposed at the time.”
 

Lisa imagined her father was alluding to one of the failed confinements her mother had endured before Lisa’s birth.
 

“Besides,” he added dryly, “I had no desire to see her exposed to the goings on of the Prince Regent’s court. I had a quiet word with one of the head courtiers at the time, informing him she was alive and explaining our decision to retire quietly to the country.”

“And she never met the current King?”
 

Her father shook his head, and Lisa’s fingers rose to the pearl necklace around her neck, wondering if the sovereign would believe their tale.
 

“For luck,” she’d told her father that morning when his eyes had widened at the sight of her wearing them.
 

“You won’t need it,” her father had said. “You look every bit as beautiful as your mother did the last time she wore those pearls.”

Lisa had been touched by the compliment. She had chosen her most fetching outfit, a pale blue gown and darker blue pelisse, and Ruth had worked wonders with her hair. If only she felt more confident about meeting her distant and elderly cousin, King William. Having Nathaniel by her side—as was her hope—would make all the difference.

Ben took their instructions to make all haste seriously, and Lisa grabbed for a hanging strap as the carriage careened around a corner.

“We’re here.” Her father declared after a blessedly short time.

Lisa stared out the window at the majestic palace that seemed to stretch for miles behind a high, wrought-iron fence.

“They will let us in, won’t they?”
 

Her father sent her a reassuringly look before addressing the guard who approached the carriage window.

“Lady Rebecca Stanton, daughter of the Duke of Worthington, Sir George Barlow, and Miss Anneliese Barlow. We’ve urgent business within the palace.”

The guard studied them all closely, and Lisa gripped her shaking hands. They had come too far to be turned away now.

“Of course, sir, ladies. You’re expected.” The fierce-looking soldier signalled the huge gates to be opened.

“We are?” Lisa murmured in surprise as they drove inside the royal compound.

“I believe we are about to discover what the King thinks of my brother’s choice of bride,” Rebecca said excitedly.

“Oh, dear.” Lisa felt faint, wondering how much Nathaniel might have told her illustrious cousin.
 

“Don’t worry.” Rebecca smiled. “Once his Majesty meets you, he couldn’t possibly find you lacking. I’m sure he’ll give his blessing to Nathaniel’s and your nuptials immediately.”

“That would be preferable to your father’s plan to sacrifice my daughter’s future to political expediency.” Sir George’s expression was grim, reminding Lisa how very cross he still was with Thomas for not insisting his son do the right thing and marry her immediately.
 

“It’s a very important political cause.” Lisa defended his old friend’s actions even though they were to her personal detriment. As much as she wanted a future with Nathaniel, her conscience would not allow it to be at the expense of the abolishment of slavery throughout the Empire. If the King didn’t approve of her, she’d be back to square one, having to convince Nathaniel, once again, that they must sacrifice their personal happiness for the greater good.

A sudden thought crossed Lisa’s mind, and she turned to her father in dismay.

“The King will never approve when he discovers I’m both Lord Copeland’s ‘runaway bride’ and was forced to masquerade as a servant. I’m ruined on either count.”

“Not at all, my dear. Lord Copeland is the villain of the piece, not you.”

“I agree,” Rebecca said. “Once the King sees how lovely you are, he’ll deem Nathaniel fortunate to have won your heart.”

“
Or
he may decide to disinherit your brother to teach him a lesson for taking advantage of a gentle lady who was under extreme duress. The blighter deserves far worse, if you ask me.”