Innocence (18 page)

“Not quite the quality of the gown I’d intended for you to wear tonight, but I imagine you’ll feel more comfortable in something familiar.”
 

Lisa took it from him and dressed, dismayed when he pulled on his shirt and began doing up the buttons.

“You’re leaving?”
 

He looked down at her, his eyes flashing a midnight blue.

“You think I’d leave you alone after we’d made love for the first time?”

“You’re getting dressed.”

To her relief, he doused the lights and joined her beneath the covers.

“In the hopes an extra layer between us will help me maintain my resolve not to make love to you again tonight. I am
attempting
to behave in a gentlemanly manner, since that was
your first time.”

“Oh.” A smile curved her lips as she cuddled into his side. “I’m very glad you’re staying.”

Nathaniel’s lips brush her forehead before he whispered, “I’m very glad you’re mine.”

Chapter 14

Implications

Lisa awoke during the night and watched Nathaniel sleep. He was so dear to her, even more so after what they had shared, but she couldn’t help feeling conflicted. If a lady’s reputation could be damaged by spending time alone with a man, she could only imagine the
ton’s
reaction if what they had done became known.

A surge of bitterness rose within her when she considered society’s double standard. While she had been warned, repeatedly, that even a
hint
of scandal could ruin a girl’s marital prospects, at no time had she received the impression a gentleman’s reputation was so easily tarnished. Though it pained her to acknowledge, it was obvious from Nathaniel’s words he had prior experience when it came to lovemaking.
 

Desire tightened her belly at the memory of what they had shared. She wanted him still and would love him always. What she wasn’t certain was how he felt about her or what, in heaven’s name, her future now held.
 

Lisa woke to the delicious aroma of a cooked breakfast. Her first thought, as she stretched in her warm, cosy bed, was that Mrs Waters must have decided to let her sleep in. But an odd tenderness between her thighs caught her attention, and she sat up with a start. Memories of the night before came flooding back, driving away the fantasy of her being back home, and
safe
, at Barlow Manor.
 

“I’ve brought yer breakfast.” Ruth stood just inside the door, a silver domed tray in her hands.

The bed clothes were rumpled on
both
sides of the bed, Lisa’s clothes scattered in a trail on the floor, and her hair a tangled cloud around her face. There was no denying what had occurred here.

“Ruth?” she asked. “Why won’t you look at me?”

“I just thought ye were different, that’s all. Not the sort to . . .”

“It wasn’t like I had much of a choice,” Lisa muttered, and Ruth’s eyes widened.

“Oh, Lisa. I’m so sorry. Did he hurt ye very badly?”

“What? No!” Lisa threw back the covers. “It wasn’t like that. I
did
have a choice, Nathaniel gave me several, actually. I’m just embarrassed to admit I didn’t take them. He would never force me to do something I didn’t want to do.”
 

Ruth placed the breakfast tray down on the bedside table and hugged herself around her waist. Lisa had seen her friend like this before—pale and trembling—and with a sense of dread, she came to an awful conclusion.

“That’s what happened to you, isn’t it? You were forced.”
 

She reached out to comfort her but the younger girl stepped away.
 

“I’m so sorry, Ruth,” she whispered.

“It’s not your fault.” Ruth shrugged, but her voice shook.

Lisa’s mind raced, considering and discarding possible culprits. Nathaniel would never do such a thing, of that she was certain. If she had interpreted Sally’s comments correctly, then Lord Cahill’s marriage wasn’t
happy
, but surely that wouldn’t give him cause to take advantage of a terrified serving girl. Lord McGivern seemed like an honourable gentleman, and she gathered Lord Edgeley had no shortage of admirers amongst the girls from the neighbouring villages. Would he find sport in forcing an unwilling partner? Shuddering, she remembered Mr Trilby’s interest in her the day she had served in the breakfast room and wondered if Ruth had been assaulted by a visitor to Worthington Hall.

“I thought His Grace prevented such things from occurring, that his staff were safe?” Lisa said.

“It wasn’t here,” Ruth whispered. “It was when I first went into service. Lord Haversham, Her Grace’s first husband—may he rot in hell—had a liking for young girls.”

Lisa’s stomach turned. Lord Haversham had been much older than his wife, old enough to be Ruth’s grandfather.

“It went on for a very long time,” Ruth continued. “But when ’er Grace found out she ’elped me. I wasn’t the first girl she rescued. Plenty of others in ’er situation would have turned a blind eye, grateful the old bugger’s attention was focused elsewhere. But Her Grace is a
true
lady,” she said with feeling. “I’m so glad she’s found ’appiness with His Grace.”

“But I thought you’d lived here for some time?”

“Oh aye, nearly three years now. The best years of my life. I was only ten when I went into service,” she added softly.

Lisa’s blood ran cold.
 

“Oh, Ruth. It’s a wonder you survived.”

“Aye, and that’s the truth. The bastard got me with child in the end, but I was too young to carry and the wee thing came early. Nearly died, I did, I lost so much blood. That’s when Her Grace found me and got me out. I wasn’t good for much for the longest time, but His Grace told Mrs Donaldson to give me light duties ’til I could carry me weight. He’s a saint, that man.”

Lisa stared at her young friend in shock. While horrified by what she must have suffered, it was the implications inherent in Ruth’s words that stunned her to silence.
 

One must be married to bear a child. That was the order of things. Once married, one did one’s duty, and in due time one was rewarded with a baby.

Sitting heavily on the side of the bed, Lisa dropped her head into her hands.
 

Yes, and one is supposed to be a virgin when one bloody well weds!
she thought, adding profanity to the list of her sins.

A hysterical laugh burst from her lips, quickly transforming into a sob.

“There, there. Try not to worry.” Ruth patted her shoulder, intuiting the cause of Lisa’s distress. “It’d be uncommon bad luck to become with child yer first time.”

Lisa wanted to retort that her luck had been truly spectacular, of late, but Ruth didn’t deserve to be the brunt of her anger or fear. She could only imagine what the other girl had suffered, her situation far from the same. Although, she did allow that it was even more perilous than she had perceived.
 

Chapter 15

Reassurance

Ruth kept Lisa company while she ate breakfast and then helped her to bathe and dress for the day. She had been ordered to act as Lisa’s lady’s maid, at least for the start of each day, and Lisa was grateful for the company. She undoubtedly owed Nathaniel for the kindness and would have to thank him—if she could refrain from choking him to death for putting her in this completely untenable situation in the first place.

Angry thoughts spurred Lisa’s brush as she tugged it through her tangled locks, her stomach lurching every time she considered the shocking possibility she could be with child. Letting the brush fall listlessly, she sighed. While the temptation to lay the entire blame for this debacle on Nathaniel’s broad shoulders was strong, she could not deny she’d done little to discourage his interest.
 

How different her circumstances would be if the previous night had been her wedding night and today the first day of her honeymoon. She might have felt embarrassed when she had understood what the teasing comments and knowing looks of her staff had been about. But their actions would have been well-meaning, the possibility of a child a cause for celebration for the entire household. In stark contrast, Lisa was faced with an uncertain future and the mortification of having to face the people who had known what Nathaniel expected of her all along, even if she hadn’t.

 
When Stephens collected her from her room, she kept her eyes down and offered a mumbled greeting. They walked in silence the short distance down the hallway to Nathaniel’s study before pausing at his door.

“Ye be all right, Miss Lisa?” the footman asked.

All she could manage in reply was a nod, her embarrassment acute. Yet even now, faced with the consequences of her actions—
their
actions—Lisa yearned to see Nathaniel again. Her belly curled with familiar warmth as anticipation heightened her senses. He would want to make love to her in his study, desire surging within her when she considered his outrageous comments about all the ways he wanted to
have
her.
 

Well, he could jolly well wait until she had received some sort of reassurance about the fearful future she faced, if any was forthcoming.

After Stephens announced her, Nathaniel’s response sounded clearly through the door. The footman ushered her into the room, and she looked up to see Nathaniel leaning against his startlingly clear desk. His smile lit his too handsome face, melting her insides despite her ire.

“My lord. I mean, Nathaniel.” Lisa greeted him uncertainly, as he strode towards her.
 

She had every intention of demanding answers, but found herself pressed against the wall, his kisses stealing her breath
.
 

“Darling, Lisa.” He pulled back long enough to look into her eyes. “Are you well?”

“Yes, thank you, but . . .”
 

He recaptured her mouth before she could say more, invading it with his tongue. One hand covered her breast while the other pulled her against him. Parting her thighs, he pressed a leg between them and rocked against her.

“I hated leaving you this morning, but you needed your rest,” he whispered against her lips. “I’ve been counting the minutes until I could see you again.”

Overwhelmed by his touch, her good intentions to gain answers
before
things went too far were momentarily forgotten. No protest left her lips as he lifted her in his arms and carried her to his desk. Setting her on the edge, he spread her knees and stood between them all the while devouring her mouth with his kisses. It was only when he tugged her skirt high enough to expose her stocking-clad thighs and began rapidly undoing the buttons down the front of her blouse that she regained enough sense to react.

“Nathaniel, wait. I need to talk to you.”
 

“We’ll talk later,” he said.
 

With her blouse undone, he quickly undid the ties on her chemise, parting the material to expose her breasts. At the same time, he kissed his way down her neck and across her collarbone in a tantalising slide of lips and tongue and heat.

Lisa’s recently awakened senses swam under the onslaught of Nathaniel’s caresses. The rocking of his hips against her body was an insistent reminder of what they had done the night before and of what he intended to do again in short order if the speed of his actions was anything to go by. Despite her misgivings, she could not deny she wanted it, too, but her desire could not silence her fears. Willing her hands to obey, she placed them against his chest, the patterned material of his elegant vest rough beneath her fingers.

“Stop.” Her voice barely rose above a whisper. Pushing against the wall of his chest, she spoke more firmly. “Please, Nathaniel. I need to ask you something before we . . . before you . . .”

He lifted his head. “Can it not wait?”

“It’s very important.”
 

“Are you worried it will be painful again?” His expression softened. “I’ll be gentle, Lisa, take it slowly.”

“No, that’s not it.” She blushed. At least she didn’t
think
that would be a problem. The hot bath she had luxuriated in that morning had gone a long way towards easing any residual tenderness.